It's hard to conceive that they "understand." Because how many of us understand? I feel that the understanding is exceptance. The willingness to take you for what and who you are. If the spouce loves you and cares for your needs it makes all the understanding begin. Then you have a lifetime to reason it out, if you or they need a reason. Personally I am simply a CD'er and that is reason enough and my wife and the 2 before had no problems with it as long as we kept it within the realm of reason for us. Everyone is different and may have vastly different perimeters. I have to say I never held it against them for wearing male oriented clothes in or out of the house. But I except that is socially more exceptable, but still the same in the fact it is what they wanted to do, same as me. So in short my spouce understands equality and reason with respect for me. The rest is a non-issue if we are going to have a marriage. Life is to short to live with all the drama and rules that don't affect or restrict who we are.