Do you say your gay if people ask just to make it easier?
Given that a lot of the public think CDs are gay do you just say yes if they ask you? I mean for people your probably not going to meet again. Up to now ive told them no most CDs are not gay but that causes more Qs explanations etc and the next time its tempting to just say YES and move on...
No, no, no... No... Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, I think it is a disservice to the gay and lesbian community to claim to be when your not.
Little Miss. Reason
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When you come out to someone, you are always going to get asked questions. If you don't feel like giving the appropriate responses - stay in the damn closet. As Candice said, you are doing a disservice.
Talisker,
No, because I'm not.
No, doing so would continue the stereotype that is not true. Especially if I'll never see them again. Doing my part to educate the public.
No, I'm glad to answer the questions. If anything, it helps start a discussion that I enjoy having.
Hugs, Connie Marie
Definitely no! Same as Candice-Mae.
If you are gay, fine, but I'd rather field the extra questions than confess to something which I am not. You'll be asking me to say I'm normal next.
Rebecca
The fact that saying no opens up a whole bunch more questions is a good thing. It means that you have the chance to cure people of their ignorance, and potentially make people just a little more accepting of crossdressing, and possibly homosexuality as well.
I am what most people would consider heterosexual, even though I identify as lesbian. However, going through school, everyone thought I was gay. I have no idea why, because I was only interested in girls and I never acted like the stereotypical gay male. Going through all the prejudice and stigma just from people's assumptions was really tough. That's why I feel its important to be honest with people. When they make assumptions about you, erroneous ones especially, and you make no effort to correct it, you're only encouraging further ignorance and mistreatment. However, I can understand the appeal of just saying yes and being done with it.
I got slammed by a TS (on the CD forum) for saying "I'm not gay" instead of "I'm straight". I got labeled a "homophobe" for saying I wouldn't participate in a gay pride march because I'm not gay (sorry...I'm straight) and don't want to anyone to think I am gay.
A popular GG on the forum whose SO is dual gender said she doesn't hold hands in public when her SO is en femme becsue she doesn't want anyone to think she is a lesbian, which she is not. Not a peep from anyone.
Why the inconsistency?
Saying you are when you aren't just perpetuates the stereotype, doesn't it?
LGB is about sexual preference. T is about gender identity/presentation. It's a strange association we could do without, in my opinion.
Not this Gal I love the interaction and if I can educate someone as to the reasons why all the better IMHO!
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You cannot change me, though I can change the way I dress.
Most people who don't know I am transgendered probably think I am gay. No problem, as long as they like and respect me.
Claire x
If asked, I'm also of the opinion it's not a great idea to just say you're gay if you're not. There's too much confusion on that question already.
Nooooooo. Noooo noooo. We need to educate, not make it "easier" the uneducated. We should not be absorbed, we need to fight and stand on out own.
The phoenix has risen the old life is gone
A new life to live has finally begun
There is fun to be had and work to be done
My beauty is radiant my freedom is won
Why say you are something if you're not it doesn't make sense.
...and those explanations is hopefully how people will learn more about the community and not have false ideas.Originally Posted by Talisker
Sandra
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I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs
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Why would I do that? Just to reinforce heir misconceptions or social stereotypes?
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Those are both kind of harsh. You aren't anti-gay just because you aren't an ally. Also, saying what you aren't isn't exactly hate speech...
Because she's a GG, and if you want to end GG participation on these forums, start using the "L" word a lot in reference to them. I'm not trying to stir anything up - it is an emotionally charged and incredibly difficult issue for many women with gender variant spouses to deal with. They deserve tenderness and understanding. You, on the other hand, are just supposed to suck it up. That is unfair, but it is what it is.Why the inconsistency?
Nicole, you know I respect you and I appreciate your point of view, and like you a lot. However, you are just as wrong as you can be on this issue, and I'll tell you why.LGB is about sexual preference. T is about gender identity/presentation. It's a strange association we could do without, in my opinion.
Neither sexual preference or gender identity are choices, but they are widely viewed as such in society. The discrimination we receive in society as transgendered people (particular us trans women), is VERY similar to what gays and lesbians used to experience. There are differences of course, but ultimately, the relationship is that all of these groups have been BADLY treated by much of society for a VERY long time simply for trying to live the way God made them. This is a horrible situation to be in, and I'm genuinely grateful to the heroic men and women who've fought for gay rights, and who've included the transgendered in their fight. Believe me, the gay and lesbian folks have done ALL of the heavy lifting for us. Were it not for them, the improvements in social attitudes that made me even conceive of the notion that I could transition would likely not have happened, or not have happened as soon anyway.
Had they not, there is no question that I wouldn't be writing this to you. I'd be dead by my own hand.
As a historical footnote, the first person to throw a brick at the Stonewall riot was a trans woman.
I can only tell you that for myself, I've come to know many gays and lesbians over the few months, and that they are some of the finest people I've ever met. I am really proud to be counted amongst their number.
edit: On-topic part of the response - no, don't present as gay. You aren't, and it won't help you, and it'll just perpetuate confusion in a heteronormative cis-gendered world that is already confused enough. Ironically enough, when people ask me whether I'm straight or not, I tell them "I'm a queer woman."
Last edited by PaulaQ; 01-11-2014 at 04:39 PM.
Um... IF CDers don't educate the public - in their words and actions - just who do you think will?
Giving some other smart a$$ed answer is not a viable solution either because you are one of those "Mind Reading" CDers.
You can't KNOW what they are thinking or WHY they asked.
I say I am gay...... But that's because I am!
I do, however, also point out that I am very much in the minority of CDs as most are straight. Weirdly enough, due to the joys of outdated stereotyping, lots of people think gay people do wear womens clothes.... I have used my mallet of knowledge to correct this opinion wherever I find it!!
Calmly choose your words and help educate another person. They may very well pass what they learned from you on to others, so give it your best..
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
Never pass yourself off as something you are not! Period! End of story!
I disagree. You are what you are. If asked, it would give you the opportunity to correct a stereotype.
It sounds like you were in a discussion about CDing with a person who knew you were a CDer. If you got that deeply into your personal life with that person, I'd call it a teachable moment. And I hope that if the opportunity arises for you again, you'll take advantage of it to enlighten and broaden the mind of a person who doesn't understand the varieties of sexual identity and preference that are lumped together with the label "CD:" gay, straight, identifying as male, identifying as female, and whatever else you understand that he/she doesn't. And maybe you could help the person understand the fears and shame and personal struggle that most of us have had to deal with. More understanding means more healing and less pain for everyone.
Well that got a response!
Should clarify a few things
- on the "no, im not gay". To me that excludes a possibility it doesnt reveal anything about my opinions of gays. Same way as saying no, im not french doesnt say where im from but also doesnt reveal anything about what i think of the french. (Im actually a 'whatever floats you boat' kinda guy and had a few gay friends)
- The situations im thinking of are short interactions e.g. on bus, subway, waiting in line etc. Saying yes seems a good way to avoid having the same conversations all the time. Its not as if there arent gays pretending to be straight, or men pretending to be women!
- If i were going to interact for longer or likely see them again id tell them.
Guess im getting fed up of all the repetition.
Last edited by Talisker; 01-11-2014 at 05:54 PM. Reason: shitty spelling
Hi Talisker,
Nope . . .short conversation or not. If asked I would always say no I am not gay because that is who I am. Not sure what follow on questions the person may have but I would gladly answer them so long as they were not too personal.
Hugs
Isha
Giving out an irresponsible response like this, all on the premise you don't want to get into a Q&A with them... I'm glad not too many CD's hold this mindset!
~ it's not how the world sees you but how you see yourself that counts ~
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I do like men, but I do try and explain that I don't consider myself gay as I feel I should have been born a woman. Don't know if all understand or believe it. Doesn't matter as it is how I feel. I also explain that most cd women are heterosexual.
You dont crossdress?
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