Just say your gay?

[Rebecca Star]

I do like men, but I do try and explain that I don't consider myself gay as I feel I should have been born a woman. Don't know if all understand or believe it. Doesn't matter as it is how I feel. I also explain that most cd women are heterosexual.

It matters enough that you have the belief, to stand up for your choices. That's a cool attitude right there. You also take the time to add, most men who CD are heterosexual. Doing that, shows you hold empathy towards our plight, regardless of anyone sexual orientations. Kudos to you Jenna, you deserve it

You dont crossdress?

Maybe in your case, this thread, is a product of "Pink Fog" but in any other forum, I'd see this as a trollish post...just saying.

[Cheryl T]

No! Why should I lie to them just to make the situation pass easier?


Actually a friend of a friend once asked me "Are you gay?" I responded, "Gay? I'm not even happy right now". That made her laugh and the subject was dropped.

[Zylia]

Maybe in your case, this thread, is a product of "Pink Fog" but in any other forum, I'd see this as a trollish post...just saying.

In that case I'm just saying I fully agree with Talisker. Stephanie's post is extremely 'ironical' (the internet kind of irony anyway) on a forum about cross-dressing. Many cross-dressers try to pass themselves off as woman, none of them are, otherwise they're not cross-dressers. It might not be that clear-cut for everyone, but that's how it is by definition.

Anyway, my sexuality generally is none of anyone's business.

[NathalieX66]

I'm transgender. What difference does it make which gender I'm attracted to? Can I dress like a woman and sill be attracted to women?

[Tracii G]

I would say no if you aren't gay.
Seems overly simple to me.

[LaraPeterson]

Talisker, how about this. . .tell them you are multi-sexual. Play with their brains. All this talk about yes and no, in light of a bunch of guys dressing in female clothing, doesn't mean much to most people (in America, anyway) because they don't have a clue about why we do what we do. The average onlooker is going to believe we are all gay no matter what we say. We're not going to convince most of them otherwise no matter how much we try to educatethem.

I, frankly, don't give a fat rat's ass what anyone thinks about my sexuality. I'm not reporting in to get anyone's approval. I live my life with my chin up and try to help everyone I can in any way I can. What I do in my bedroom is my business. If I meet you once or spend the rest of my life with you, I'm going to be the same person.

I've learned very recently, after years of hiding from my own self, that putting on is a colossal waste of time. Your concern should be more about being the very best person you can be rather than being concerned about how you are viewed.

Life is way too short to allow anyone's agenda to rule your life, be it social, political, religious, or sexual.

[Majella St Gerard]

Why in the world would you say you are something you are not, it does not make any sense, by saying you are gay when you are not only adds to that mind set. How do you expect to educate people if you tell them lies.

[Alexis.j]

Anyway, my sexuality generally is none of anyone's business.

I tend to agree here!
In general, I don't like being called what I am not, and would like to set that straight, but, it my sexual preference has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. Unless they might be interested in me.

[NicoleScott]

Paula, your explanation about associating the T's with the LGB's makes perfect sense from your point of view. There is a lot of difference between a out-and-about trans-woman and a straight closeted transvestite (CDer). Since the topic was about saying you're gay when you're not, what I said about the association was an attempt at an explanation why many people assume trans=gay and whether or not we should patronize them. I recognize the benefits transwomen have received by the association with the gay movement.
Not wanting to say you are gay when you're not should not be construed as lack of support for the LGB's. But because of the T association, we shouldn't be surprised when people make the assumptions they do.

[Marleena]

If somebody has enough interest to ask you if you're gay or not just tell them the truth. It's the perfect time to educate them and let them know you're transgender (since all MTF's fall under that umbrella).

*runs*

[CarlaWestin]

I haven't really had that many conversations about crossdressing with other people, excluding online, of course. I've had a few people ask if my breast were real. Truthful answer, "Yes, they're real silicone." I've decided that if inquired, all I need is the truth. I do this because I like it and it's exciting. Probably way more exciting than your life. Am I gay? I really have to say no on that one. Did I just lose a bet? I hate that one. "no" Maybe society would be relieved if all them there women out there wearin' man pants would hang a sign around their neck saying, "Nope, I ain't gay just 'cause I'm wearing these here pants!"

*runs*

Hey, come back here! Nibiru? Really?

[Teresa]

Hi Talisker, I think you have to be honest to what you are and don't be unfair to other groups. Gay people have enough problems of their own to deal with, it's not fair to pass any unusual behaviour off on the wrong sections of the community. Some people may want to get into a sensible conversation with you, you could be talking to a repressed Cder or a wife who may need some help.

[AKADonna]

I just tell them "I am bisexual!! If I want sex, I have to buy it" Sometimes a litle humor goes a long way to diffuse situations!

[Beverley Sims]

I tell others what they want to hear.
I will tell you all now....
I am happy and gay and have been all my life.
No I do not have homosexual tendencies.
Nice boys don't turn me on at all.

A nice girl, that's different.

[Tina_gm]

Obviously one of the problems hetero CDers have is the perception we are gay. A problem with attracting women as they would not want to have a gay man and always fear losing him to another guy. And I am sure a whole bunch of other insecurities. Of course, much of the general public will think we are gay. Let's face it, typically gay men are more feminine than straight men. I know there are exceptions, and straight CDers are definitely one of those exceptions, along with sometimes just feminine men who are neither gay bi or CDers. masculine men who are gay and have no desire to CD or to be with a CD or other fem acting guy. Typically though, gay men are more feminine and while there are differences, typically to how a gay man shows femininity than women or CDers, the general public will not see those subtle differences. I would say if you want someone to know what you are or are not, then telling them what you are or are not would be wisest.

[TxCassie]

I agree Kim. I am gay, always was, which was one of the reasons I suppressed my feminine feelings for so long. Many gay men view crossdressing males, drag queens, and anything feminine in a very negative light. Most gay men want to be view, thought of, respected as men. Their feelings come from a history of the mainstream society pegging gay men, girly, sissies, pansies, perverts who want to be women, weak, emotional, silly, outrageous. In response, you get the hyper masculine stereotype gay male that is either a bodybuilder, super jock, leatherman, etc... Eventually, RuPaul's comment is so on target, "We are all born naked, the rest is drag!"

No need to lie. If you're str8, not gay, say so. If you're gay, not str8, say so. In any event, you're a male who is wearing women's clothing and presenting as a female, and that in itself is enough to bust stereotypes.

Cassie

[KayleeTaylor]

Obviously one of the problems hetero CDers have is the perception we are gay. A problem with attracting women as they would not want to have a gay man and always fear losing him to another guy. And I am sure a whole bunch of other insecurities. Of course, much of the general public will think we are gay. Let's face it, typically gay men are more feminine than straight men. I know there are exceptions, and straight CDers are definitely one of those exceptions, along with sometimes just feminine men who are neither gay bi or CDers. masculine men who are gay and have no desire to CD or to be with a CD or other fem acting guy. Typically though, gay men are more feminine and while there are differences, typically to how a gay man shows femininity than women or CDers, the general public will not see those subtle differences. I would say if you want someone to know what you are or are not, then telling them what you are or are not would be wisest.

Your stereotypical views of gay men is completely asinine. Don't you understand why gay men like other men? Gay men like men because they are men. 99.999% of all gay men want absolutely nothing to do with femininity, they just simply like men.

[Tina_gm]

Sorry Kaylee but there is this thing called reality. Go ahead and give me examples of masculine gay men, actually don't bother cause I can do that too. Rock Hudson, Rob Halford of Judas Priest, Robert Reed from the brady bunch. I could go on if you would like. I am not saying that gay men want specifically more feminine men. But typically, gay men are more feminine than straight men. And I of course fall outside the lines of typical. tell me my views of gay people are stereotypical and assnine all you want, but there is a reason why just about everyone who learns of someone who is a CDer and the 1st thing they think is are they gay? That reason is not because gay men are typically as masculine as straight men.

[KayleeTaylor]

Most gay men do not act fem or "flaming" To the outsider, they would never be able to tell somebody is gay by the way they act. Also, 99.999% of crossdressers are heterosexual, people's stereotypical views of CD's are asinine, just as your view of the gay community.

[Tina_gm]

Yeah, gay men who are in the closet.... just as CDers who are in the closet, and what a surprise, people do not assume they are CD or gay, hmmmm.... and sorry again for your 99.9 something stats, but have you seen the amount of hits any thread gets that has talk of men in it? I am not saying that a majority of CDers are gay, but I find it funny how there is so much talk about how CDers are almost always straight men, yet when a thread about attraction to men comes up, its always among the highest post counts.... hmmmmm.....

[PaulaQ]

Most gay men do not act fem or "flaming" To the outsider, they would never be able to tell somebody is gay by the way they act.

Yes, but within the community, it does seem to me that I observe some gender variance amongst gay men, ranging from super-masculine body-builder types to somewhat effeminate gay men, to guys who I'd never realize were gay until they talk about their partners. (I'm not gay - I'm a queer woman, but I live in a predominantly gay community, and attend a predominantly gay AA club, and have many friends now.)

BTW, the behavior isn't really all that feminine, at least compared to behavior here - I don't know any of them who EVER present as female outside of a couple who do drag shows. Anyway, they aren't interested in someone who presents as a female, even if she was born with a penis - or at least nobody hits on me... (That could be a personal problem on my part though, lol!)

My opinion is that straight people have no problem recognizing gender variance in gay men when they have opportunity to observe it (and stereotype this behavior quite a bit), but DO NOT tend to recognize it at all in straight men. So if you show some gender variance, you get lumped in with gay men.

I've tried to talk to some of my straight friends about gender variant straight men. They didn't get it - they just went to "they must be gay." I gave up after a while, it was more frustrating than trying to teach a dog how to do a card trick...

[carhill2mn]

Heavens NO! That would be unfair to gays as well as to CDs and T-girls!

[Lorileah]

I got slammed by a TS (on the CD forum) for saying "I'm not gay" instead of "I'm straight". I got labeled a "homophobe" for saying I wouldn't participate in a gay pride march because I'm not gay (sorry...I'm straight) and don't want to anyone to think I am gay.
.

We don't have a "CD forum" we have an MtF forum where ANYONE can post.


Don't say you are gay unless you are gay. What would happen if the person who asked was gay and then wanted you to think about dating them???

[Michelle789]

BTW, the behavior isn't really all that feminine, at least compared to behavior here - I don't know any of them who EVER present as female outside of a couple who do drag shows. Anyway, they aren't interested in someone who presents as a female, even if she was born with a penis - or at least nobody hits on me...

Most gay men do not act fem or "flaming" To the outsider, they would never be able to tell somebody is gay by the way they act. Also, 99.999% of crossdressers are heterosexual, people's stereotypical views of CD's are asinine, just as your view of the gay community.

Go ahead and give me examples of masculine gay men, actually don't bother cause I can do that too.

I know gay men in real life who act no different than any other man. There are gay men who act more masculine than other men. Many feminine gay men act feminine in certain ways, but masculine in others. I now this one gay man who has exxagerated feminine behaviors, along with exxagerated masculine behaviors. This is something I've observed in some of the gay people I've met over the years. Cross-dressers typically act masculine, except they like to dress as a woman to express their feminine side. Sometimes CDers can express feminine traits in other subtle ways.

So yes, some gay men may be more effeminate than other men, but they are still men. Not all gay men act effeminately.

Many CDers and TSes may act no different from, or even more macho than other straight men. Many TSes and some CDers may act more feminine than most men. In some cases, a TSes behavior may be more feminine or at least less masculine than a gay man.

I'd venture to say that amongst feminine gay men vs feminine TSes, that the feminine gay man acts more exxageratedly feminine and exxageratedly masculine than a regular gay, while a feminine TS may act more subtly feminine and overall less masculine than a regular guy.

There are also feminine men who are straight, not gay, not CD, not TS. Just they're feminine straight men, who may still show some stereotypically masculine behavior.

The real point is that all sorts of variances in masculine and feminine behavior exist amongst gays, CDers, TSes, and straight men. I would say there are definitely differences in how femininity is expressed amongst gay men, CDers, TSes, and straight men. The problem is not many people really know those subtle differences. I can say one thing. I've been read as gay (and called a girl on a few occasions too), and I think my behavior is distinctly different from feminine gay men. To the straight, cis-world, these subtle differences don't exist - they don't see the differences.

Let's think about it this way. If we see a pack of German Shepherds, to us they all look the same. To them, there are subtle differences amongst the dogs that we humans don't detect.

[Emma48]

I am with the vast majority here and urge you not to simply say you are gay to avoid further discussion. People need to put a face on cross-dressers, who are the least understood of the LGBT's. But it begs the question about what gay is to a transsexual. Is a M2F transsexual gay if they like women...or men?