Venting,unloading and seeking advice

[Gocaps14]

For me, where I am now...CD'ing is a part of a fantasy, a role playing game I play by myself. The fantasy of being with a man intimately, either as a woman or in the role of a woman. I never plan on it becoming a reality, mostly because I know the reality will never match up with my fantasy. I truely believe that healthy fantasy is a great thing, but now it seems that it has taken over. I feel like I cant stop, even when I am not in the mood, there I am...."fantasizing"....often more than once a day. I have considered trying to live out my fantasy, almost a type of aversion therapy, but I think it would do more harm than good. I dont like how I have been feeling about myself lately, and I believe I have turned something good into something bad. It seems like everyday I say to myself, "This is the last time"' or "Never again"!, because I feel I need to end this fantasy. I feel I need to end the fantasy, and start to feel good again. I just re-read my post I want to say that my point is that the fantasy is the problem, not CD'ing itself. I have CD'ed for decades, happily(but not without problems). Ok, that was more unloading than venting.....

[Katey888]

I think what you're describing is not confined to CDing and I doubt you are alone in the apparent strength of those feelings...

Any obsession - particularly those with a sexual element - can be very compelling but also potentially extremely damaging. Bluntly, you should be able to partition fantasy from reality, and focus again on what is important in the real world - you have a wife and family, no? You work or run a business? And presumably you have a lot going on in 'ordinary' life that could be more of a priority - or perhaps there's something there that you feel you need to escape from and the fantasy and obsession is an avoidance technique?

What is important to you at the moment? Can anybody else help you with that? Can you unload to your SO- even a small amount? Or is there something else you would benefit from speaking to somebody else about?

Or do you just need a good rant and perhaps it will all go away...? I think that's unlikely...

I can empathise with things other than CD - but also how this feeling grabs you sometimes... Perhaps you feel better for just unloading...?

Hope you do...

Katey x

[Beverley Sims]

I have similar suggestions to Katey here.
We all indulge in fantasy and it does go away to a certain extent.It keeps coming back with a different severity each time and can be confusibg.
One thing that helps is sharing it with someone and also some venting like you have done here.
You find that some fantasies are downright disgusting when you gather your thoughts later but as long as they pass it is a normal reaction.
If they persist or appear to get out of hand you ma need to seek some advice.
Others will come along with suggestions much better than mine I am sure.

[anaissa]

I'm glad you felt safe venting here. This a wonderfully supportive place to unload. I so clearly understand the things you are going through. Katey had some wonderful words. I totally agree with everything she said.

The one thing I would strongly suggest is to seek out some type of support--if not your SO, then a formal, confidential support group. It is so important to sort out the conflicting issues you may be dealing with. I, for example, had to sort through a lot, including gender identity, gender role dysphoria, primary sexuality, etc.

I just want to commend you on your courage to begin confronting your ambivalent feelings. You have my full support if you ever want to PM me.

Hugs.

[Kate Simmons]

The deep feelings that drive it are persistent. You have to address them, process them and take ownership of them and then you will have control. You do have to be honest with yourself, however. Take care.

[Gocaps14]

Thanks for your candid support. I do have a wife and daughter, whom I love very much. My wife has rejected this side of me, through her actions and attitudes, not her words. I am not ready to share this with my daughter, maybe one day.....maybe never. I chose to share on this forum because I feel this is a place of like minds. I do feel better, opening up and letting my feelings out for the world see. While I have had my share of problems, CD'ing and normal life, I am loved, mostly healthy, and able to hold a job. I just believe I have crossed the line of healthy fun/self expression/fantasy to something else that doesn't feel good but I insist in participating. Am I a sex addict? Starting to think so, which is why I am leaning toward abstinence from self love, at least for awhile, try to get a handle on myself......no pun intended.....but that is hilarious!!!!

[sonialexis]

i think we all have fantasies, varying only in degree and preference. Don't be too hard on yourself, if your fantasies have become overwhelming only in the recent past, chances are it will subside, happens to me. I can only suggest picking up a hobby, doing something to clear your head, a good workout or a run can be an amazing antidote but easier said that done, I do wish you the best hon.

[kimdl93]

90% of sex is in the mind! and 90% of hetero males have had homosexual fantasies???don't feel so guilty about it.

[Lorileah]

I never plan on it becoming a reality, mostly because I know the reality will never match up with my fantasy.

You got that right, it isn't EVEN close

I have considered trying to live out my fantasy, almost a type of aversion therapy, but I think it would do more harm than good.

Don't even think about it. It won't be good. Just enjoy what you have right now

[devida]

Sometimes, when obsessive thinking gets me by the throat, it isn't about what I think it is. It's a way of avoiding something else in my life that is causing me stress. You say your wife has rejected this part of you in her actions and attitudes but not in words. Maybe you need some more of those words. Try discussing this more with your wife. Or maybe it's something else in your life. Fixing on the obsession only makes it grow. Try accepting the fantasy with compassion and equanimity. I mean, nobody is forcing you to have it. So just say to yourself, OK I have this fantasy. It's just a fantasy. It's no big deal because it's just in my mind. Am I trying to hide from something else?

[samantha rogers]

I don't think that fantasy is unique to you, but actually rather common. The key seems to be whether or not the "fantasy" male is identifiable or rather faceless and ambiguous. If the latter, I would bet it is wrapped up in the need to express femininity rather than in actual homosexuality.
Sexuality is a continuum like gender. Each of us is somewhere between point A and point Z. Where you are is unique to you in both areas.
I used to have similar fantasies before I killed my libido totally with hormones. But the desire to dress is still there, such is my own dysphoria.
The two are not necessarily related.
What matters is that you find whatever you need to make peace with yourself. The guilt is just crap imposed on your mind by a society hung up on placing us all in neat little boxes for convenience... theirs, not ours.
Best wishes. You are not alone.
Hugs