Once I started going out fully dressed about 16 years ago, the desire to dress up at home almost completely disappeared. Now, all my activities are completely focused on going out and being seen in public. This required, among other things, an all new wardrobe. Darn!
- Diane
I'm out & about in the public eye, and I love it!
This is a part of me that I will never give up. It is me.
To me going out in public is now very important.
When I first started CDing I was content with dressing at home. It took me a few years before I went out in public. When I first started going out it was to cd/gay bars. Then I expanded my going out to movie theaters. Eventually I eliminated the bar scene. Movie theaters seemed a great place since I could be dressed yet would be in a dark theater so I would not be terribly noticeable. Then eventually I started going clothes shopping en femme. At first it was in the evening and over time I would go shopping earlier and earlier. Then I started to go to restaurants. After that I started to spend whole days dressed en femee and expanding to consecutive whole days. Now I even do more ordinary things like grocery shopping en femme. The major limiting factor for me now being dressed en femme is my job.
One of things that has helped me gain more confidence was getting makeup lessons from a professional make up artist.
Diane, I have found also that my desire to dress at home all made up en femme has gone down since I am now going out in public more. When at home now I wear a night gown or a female night shirt. Acutally at home it is becoming rarer and rarer to wear male clothing around the apartment.
I am fortunate in having been there and done that.
My desire for public outings is just another way of getting out and I place less importance on it now than I did in the past.
For me it is a leisure time activity when I am on holidays or away from my residential area.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Hi Leigh,
I go out not so much for need of going out but in order to interact with the world around me as me. Sometimes that is male and sometimes that is female. It is both exciting and scary at the same time but once I am out and relax, it is very enjoyable. I interact with those around me and everyone knows I am a guy but most are gracious and to be honest I am at the point that I do not care. I have come out to so many colleagues and friends now that most people know. However, those who don't know would probably never recognize me as boy me.
Going out is a personal decision and when you are ready, you will know it. When I first showed up here last year, I had no thought of dressing "en femme" past the confines of our house. However as I got better with make-up and presentation I realized very quickly that the "light of day" was calling Isha forward. So I equate my first outing to my first military parachute jump, I had all my kit on, I was hooked up standing in a line of others, the door was open and the green light was lit, the line moved forward, the door got closer and before I knew it . . . nothingness. The standard fears of the chute not opening, tangled risers and the like dissipated when I looked up and saw that big canopy of safety overhead . . . landing different story.
Going out is similar, once you throw yourself through the door into nothingness (the world), you take a deep breath and look around, and you realize the fears you had are not that scary. Besides the view is great from 1000 feet.
Don't worry sweetie, you will know when and if you are ready. Don't rush to the green light until you are truly are ready. I also agree with others, going out and not telling your SO, not a good idea.
Hugs
Isha
its not IMPORTANT to me.....but it sure is fun......I have always enjoyed going out
Leigh,
Having read the replies here it made me think as to what was the driving factor in taking the first steps out and then it struck me. It was being able to take more "steps". At home the furthest I can walk without turning around to go back is a matter of a few yards. What I wanted to experience was "walking a mile in her shoes" so to speak. Additionally, the way a dress or skirt feels outdoors as opposed to indoors is vastly different. Certainly in the beginning I deliberately avoided contact with others (fear) but this has subsided somewhat as I gain more experience and confidence.
My guess is if there's that little voice in your head saying "Go" then it's a matter of when and not if you'll venture out. Read the threads, seek advice but above all take each small step one at a time.
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
For me, going out is very important. When I dress, I want others to see me, whether on webcam or going out in public.
I would add something to this thread. But Kendra gurl already said every thing I would have said better than I would have said it. Lol
I feel like going out. Come on, let's go!
Fairly important.
I'm tired of hiding the expression of my true self and personailty.I don't judge others unless they judge me.And they better know better not to start judging a gay man now!! lol
It's more fun too and i'm a nice person most of the time!
Going out into the public eye dressed as a girl was the most exciting but scary moments of my then young life. The more I did it, the more I wanted to go about my world as a girl. Although many years have now passed, spending most of my time as Gina and going where ever I please provides a strange sense of completeness. There have been some painful times to be sure but I can't imagine not being able to be Gina. I'm very fond of the old broad!
I love experiencing the world as a woman. Most of our gendered activity comes through our interactions with other people. Playing with hair and makeup at home can be fun, but stepping out is where the rubber meets the road for me.
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
I don't normally dress to do an activity. I dress because it is a new day. So it may be to go out or it may be to sit around the house. Whatever I planned for the day is fine. I don't have a problem interacting with anyone and only a few in-laws don't know at this point. I haven't run into one dressed in a couple of years. It is pretty easy to react to if you are aware of your surroundings.
Now we have seen your pictures Suzy. Inadequate was never in any of them. The happy bunny says it all!Originally Posted by suzy1
Sometimes I feel like I am inadequate or missing something when I read all these replies…… but most of the time I just breeze through life a happy bunny.
At some point you will feel the need to be out in public. When this happens my suggestion is to take it slow and go away from the town you live in. One of the best areas I found to get going in is areas where you have collages. You can also look at LGBT freindly places for the area you choose and go to those places to get started.
I know for me I drive 50 miles away from home and pretty much dress for the time of day which is also important. Over time I find I am addressed as a woman now 99.9% of the time and I am 6'8" and wear 2.5 inch heels.
It is possible for you to be happy and once you start going out you will never want to stay in again for a long period.
I live for it!
I have an SO that is completely supportive, but the validation from going public (especially passing) is huge for me.
Allow me to rephrase this for you if I may be so bold.
At some point some of you will feel the need to be out in public. I don’t!
[I do get a bit tetchy on this point sometimes don’t I girls]
Last edited by suzy1; 01-24-2014 at 03:56 PM.
Honestly, even if I could, I don't think I'd want to go full fem. It would be nice if I could go outside and not have to worry about what I'm wearing, so I could mix and match my styles. I guess for me, I want it, but I don't want it, if that makes sense. Maybe that's just the stage I'm at.
I never thought I wanted to. Then I came out to my wife and I've been wanting to more and more. She is fine with it. Just worried people will make fun of me and hurt me. I can see that as I feel the same way. I'm also worried about what to do with her while out. She and I are very touchy feely. Would we still do that? Tell people we're lesbians? Would she call me my real name or Gwendolyn? I go back and forth so much. I have yet to go out as I don't have a wig or any even realistic looking breasts. I want to go out to a mall to go shopping. Get a mani/pedi with my wife. Have lunch somewhere. I want to walk around with our dresses swishing in the breeze together. Maybe someday. Maybe not. I can't decide.
Gwendolyn
Last edited by Gwinnie; 01-24-2014 at 04:13 PM.
Well, since I'm 24/7, going out in public is pretty important to me - I mean, I'll run out of groceries if I don't! Oops, sorry /trans.
On a more serious note - the first few times I went out in public were the most exhilarating and liberating experiences I'd ever had. It was as if I'd gotten a day pass out of prison, and was free to roam around the world for a few hours. I loved it. It was scary at first, but I didn't let it stop me, although I changed in a restroom at the local LGBT center the first couple of times I was out of my house. Eventually, I started leaving the house en femme, although not visiting the tiny rural town near where I lived - I drove to Tulsa. My friends actually saw me once - my car is really distinctive - but by then, my wife had outed me to, well, everyone, anyway.
Again though - trans.
The urge to get out of the house while dressed hit me early on in my time as a CD. I realized that I was wearing clothes that I liked (and makeup and wig) for hours in the house and when it was time to go to lunch or take the dog for a walk (or even take out the trash-- the boy chore that even a skirt won't make go away), I felt the need to change into guy clothes. Since I wasn't ready to show up as a woman in my neighborhood (and still am not ready) I figured that there had to be places where I really could go as a woman. Afterall, clothes are meant to be worn. So, I leave the house in stealth mode (no wig, maybe sweatpants over the skirt) and drive to places where I can feel comfortable (malls, gay bars, etc.). That just completes the male to female transformation for me, and the benefit is that I can be perfectly comfortable buying clothes and makeup. (Having the courage to show my female side to the neighbors would be nice, but the time isn't right).
Not nessasarily the most important thing for me but I do enjoy the few times I get to go out. The more I go out the more I want to. Now I would like to meet others and form some friendships locally.
Dont want to at all..though I have and that went well enough...and I prolly will again even though I still dont want to
Important but not often possible. I'm like those that lead a busy life and it's just as much a matter of "taking care of business" as it is going out while dressed. In other words I would like to be able to just do whatever I'm doing while wearing whatever I want. But this is in the context of dadt, not wanting to be read in my community etc.
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