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Thread: how worried are you about being caught?

  1. #51
    Aspiring Member grace7777's Avatar
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    Some people in my apartment complex have seen me in both girl and boy mode, so if the people I live around know it is not a big deal. Since I am out in public en femme I am not concerned about the general public.

    As to people I work with and know well I would say about a 5. A few years ago I would have said 10. I still do not want these people to find out and there could be problems if they did, but I think I could manage the situation.

  2. #52
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    I remember right after I started dressing in public I walked into the supermarket and saw my mom who did not know at the time. She did not recognize me but that scared me worse than anything! Now that all of my friends and family know I don't really get scared but I do sometimes feel a bit awkward going back to my home town and seeing people I went to school with. None of them have ever recognized me though.

  3. #53
    Member Roli F's Avatar
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    Absolutely Zero Love getting out and about
    as my femme self don't give a hoot about what other peeps think say or do
    Northern Monkeys versus Southern Softies My avatar is used by me with the permission of it's creator, Jason Thompson a wonderful American artist You cannot change me, though I can change the way I dress.

  4. #54
    Member JessMe's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone for all of the great answers! ...it's certainly a pretty wide variation! Lol I appreciate the answers, especially the more thought provoking ones.

  5. #55
    Super Moderator Raychel's Avatar
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    For me, I used to be up around a 23, more then scared s-less.
    but the more I go out the less concerned I am, somewhere down around a 2 now.


    If someone sees me, that is life, I am not hurting anyone,
    my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress

    "Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"

  6. #56
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    Almost every day is a "0" in the fact that I just don't care who finds out. Often wishing someone would just start the conversation and ask me what I thought of CD's, giving me the chance to come clean with them.

    Then on other days I skip dressing completely because someone mentioned they may drop by if their schedule allows.

    Geeeezzz I'm a mixed up gal <grin>

    Gin

  7. #57
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    I'm not worried at all about being caught. Since my wife is fully supportive and we go out all the time together it's not an issue for me.
    I don't put myself in situations where friends/coworkers/family would find out, but I don't go out of my way to hide. If we are out and one of us spots someone we know we tip the other off and separate so as not to be obvious. I think that unless we are together it would not register with anyone who I might be. I doubt they would recognize me unless I spoke.
    If they should find out...oh, well...the cat's out of the bag.


    As far as the neighbors...well, we've taken walks around the neighborhood together on nice summer days and we don't wait till sundown to leave the house. If they see or have seen well no one has commented and they are all still friendly and chatty so all is well.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  8. #58
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    This very thread makes me scared to make a comment cause im too new to this and my family, co-workers, local populous, and even wife would all be very hurtful if any found my secret, at least not until i figure out a way to ease into the conversation.

  9. #59
    Member Valarie's Avatar
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    I'm out to my wife so no big deal there. However I am worried that my mom would find out.
    "Understanding is the first step toward acceptance." Albus Dumbledore

  10. #60
    Member Bonnie Chan's Avatar
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    Since no one knows about me CDing yet, and I'm not ready to come out yet, I would be scared to dead if someone related to me found out. But if it's people who I don't know, I don't care very much.

  11. #61
    New Member shawnablack77's Avatar
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    I live in a bigger town, pop 160,000, and I haven't been out yet. I'm nervous people will stare or point. And I'm also worried seeing me from a different angle will give me away. Its scary to me right now.

  12. #62
    Member rocval2001's Avatar
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    Hmmm 8 or 9 - If the wife found out - marriage is over. But funny - I have accidentally left my secret out one day that was found - then I left some make up out that was not found. I had a therapist told me that I want to get caught.

  13. #63
    Member Patty-Fay's Avatar
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    Getting found out is huge. I'll first mention that, like rocval2001 - my marriage would be over if my wife found out. So I limit my dressing to days she's out of town,

    Besides my wife, I'm also terrified of being outed in public -largely because I actually WAS outted once, and it was the most humilating experience of my life. I had gotten absurdly overconfident, thinking I was passible - though I'm not. I went to a Wal-Mart, en femme, tried on clothes without any hassle. I felt so good I decided to go pee, and went to the ladies room. After being in there awhile, the place became deserted*. I left the restroom and a policeman stopped me and asked me if I was a male or a female. I told him I was male. I thought I was going to be arrested, but he let me go. He followed me most of the way home to be sure I didn't go somewhere else that I shouldn't. I stopped dressing for several years after this incident. I still love the thrill of going out, but I avoid getting too close to anyone - I'm passable from a distance.

    *(it turns out that the management saw me enter and they stopped everyone from going into the restroom while there was a pervert in there.

  14. #64
    Member ME2.0's Avatar
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    JessMe, this may sound weird, but I would almost welcome being "caught". I sometimes feel like there's a better, beautiful part of me inside that's being crushed by a clumsy, awkard oaf, but that beautiful person can't be accepted by the people of my life. I sometimes wonder, if I show my true colors and everyone did abandon me, would I still end up happier in the long run. My wife already knows and approves of whatever I want. And really, she's the only true opinion that I really care about. I sometimes feel like I live a lie for other peoples comfort. I guess it's a strange identity thing that I'm going to have to deal with sometime.

    Probably not the answer you were expecting, but trying to be honest.

    Hugs,
    Staci

  15. #65
    Member JessMe's Avatar
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    Me2.0, that's actually a great answer! I was looking for answers from the entire spectrum, and I've gotten some really good ones! Just my curiosity I guess.
    ...Patty-Fay, HOLY CRAP! Really?! ...seems a pretty crazy response to someone trying to use the bathroom. .. but it goes to show you that people are inexplicably afraid of us. I'm glad you weren't arrested!

  16. #66
    New Member Bifrost's Avatar
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    I like the scale!

    0 - Anyone who's a friend (they already know)
    1 - The general public (I hate not passing)
    2 - Anyone from work (If they don't know already, they should)
    3 - Remaining Family (There are probably 2 or 3 members of my family who I haven't told & who haven't worked it out yet...Not sure how they'll cope)

  17. #67
    New Member Bifrost's Avatar
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    That sucks, Patty-Fay. Terrible reaction by Walmart in my opinion. If you are presenting as a female, you should be allowed to enter the female toilet. What if you went in the male toilet and were attacked in there?

    Sure, if someone IS being a perv in the female toilet, call the cops, but if they are peeing, washing their hands and leaving - who cares?

  18. #68
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    i'm not worried about being caught, I like peoples smiles and shock when they see me and realise

  19. #69
    Member Patty-Fay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bifrost View Post
    That sucks, Patty-Fay. Terrible reaction by Walmart in my opinion. If you are presenting as a female, you should be allowed to enter the female toilet. What if you went in the male toilet and were attacked in there?

    Sure, if someone IS being a perv in the female toilet, call the cops, but if they are peeing, washing their hands and leaving - who cares?
    Texas is one of the least progressive states in all respects, including issues such as this. Here's another example (link).

    Here's another infuriating perspective from a Fox News blogger: He said it poses a safety hazard – especially for families with young daughters.

  20. #70
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    Definitely up there... 8-10.

    My parents (plus a couple others) already know (I... was sort of forced to out myself to them. That's another story). My dad took the "I don't see it, I don't care" stance. My mom... as understanding of a person as she is, she disapproves. I had to get a new mailbox in another town to avoid hearing lectures from her. No, she's not a postal worker, but she works close enough to the post office in our town that I gave her the key to my PO box at one point so she could grab out my mail for me seems I never get back through in time from work.

    She is, however, well known in our town and by extension, so am I. Scariest part about it to me? Everyone knows me... but I don't know any of them! But I know if I was to truly get outed around here, I would not be able to participate in what I do. And to me, it is extremely important (and not for the people I'm with in doing it).

  21. #71
    Jackie njcddresser's Avatar
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    The only group that I'm worried about is my coworkers. Don't want them to know.
    Not worried about my family, as my wife knows and I expect to tell my grown children I. Due time.

    Friends, if they don't except me then maybe they aren't my friends.

    General public? I could care less!!

  22. #72
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    My wife and I have weathered that "talk" decades ago. It's DADT. I do get ample time to be Stephanie since my wife works and I'm retired. I know it would upset her if any other than she knew of my cross dressing. I respect her concerns. I've said it before on this forum. I believe women are deathly afraid of public opinion, not only as it relates to me. It also relates to "What is wrong with her to live with a man that wear women's clothing!" It is difficult to explain something that you do when you do not understand why you do it yourself.

    The only thing I really have a concern about is my wife coming home early and meeting Stephanie. Worse than that is having my wife predecease me. What will the kids think when they clean out the house?????

  23. #73
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    This got me to thinking about what I do now and what I used to do. I vary back and forth across the scale. I want to be zero with everybody. I used to be very scared of being caught and indeed it's remarkable I never was even though I grew up in a big family in a small house. On a recent outing dressing but far from passable I was quite nervous at first but I thought 'What does it matter if some stranger sees me' So I relaxed. The next time I was far more concerned about the clothes I should wear than the outing itself.

    When I was younger I wanted to be caught by my family and accepted but could never bring myself to do it. I remember dressing upstairs and walking down to the living room where my sisters were watching TV. All they had to do was turn around but they never did. I sometimes suspect they knew and wouldn't look. Later I got drunk and walked in on them and fully outed myself. Their reaction was not positive. I told my brother, he was relaxed about it and I used to dress around him but I got embarrassed and stopped.

    I've had several dreams where I was dressed as a woman with everybody around not making an issue of it. In the end it's me who panics. Which I suppose tells you something.

    My dream is to get up in the morning and not even think twice about it.

  24. #74
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    I'm a ten. So deep in the closet, that I'm in between the beams in the walls. I suppose it's a result of being teased (and beaten) mercilessly as a kid for another reason, I don't ever want to go through that again, for any reason. I'm absolutely paranoid about being thought of as a sissy, crossdresser, gay, TS, anything other than a normal guy. The first 18 years of my life were a nightmare, I think I'd rather die than go through that again.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  25. #75
    Aspiring Member Christen's Avatar
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    Hey, just remember, you are normal. Just a bit different normal.

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