how worried are you about being caught?

[JessMe]

So I've been looking at this forum for a while now; and I am curious as to how many of us are petrified of being caught/noticed/recognized. I myself am scared "s-less" of being found out by someone in the general public, but others seem unconcerned, and still others seem to like to tempt fate with a captive audience (e.g. "panties at the doctor's office" etc.) ...so, I guess what I'm asking is: on a one to ten scale (one being least concerned, ten being most) where would you put yourself as far as being worried about it?

[marsha leanne]

i would have to say 7-8. I don't go out, that would put it at 11!. at home we are dadt, but it still ranks up there at 8. Been caught by now exwife, wasnt pretty, but i lived. she moved on. alls good now. but i know where you are coming from!

[erica12b]

I am too, could loose alot ,but also think i might gain some too

[Eryn]

The key qualifier is "by who?"

If I am read by a random person far from home it is of no consequence. When I first started going out I would have been mortified, but experience has taught me that it is a non-event.

Now, being discovered by someone from my work life would be a bit more of a problem. I'm not concerned about my job as we have reasonably good TG protection laws here, but it would make things unnecessarily awkward.

[Alice Torn]

I have not been caught in person yet, but once,. a senior citizen woman i was temporarily staying with, found my wrist bangles in the bathroom, while i was out, and left them on my bed. On FACEBOOK, I have outed myself to some people, and none of them liked it. I have been lectured to, about quitting this, the way someone would quit smoking or drinking. I left high heel dents in a newer kitchen floor, and used a heat gun, and lots of floor finish, to hide them. Some are still quite noticable, but so far, nothing said. I am terrified about being caught by my older brother, or sister, or someone who know them. I am trying to dress less often, and not let it take over my whole life.

[JessMe]

I'm referring to someone in your community. ...for me, in a small, tightknit community of ardent Christians (don't bother trying to find something to do on a Sunday...) it would mean something terrible for me... not that I'm a pillar or fixture of the community, but alienation and hushed whispers would be certain.

[nvlady]

I am terrified at the thought of getting caught although I believe my ex wife outed me to the people I used to work with (I'm retired now), but being my friends as well as my co-workers, nobody even dropped a hint about it.

[Rachel_B]

I worry about getting 'read' or caught every time I go out dressed, granted I go 45 minutes from where I live but there is still the chance of running into somebody you know or of just being read.

I remember one day where I was dressed and went to Victoria's Secret to browse the new items the store got. I also went there to see if I could fit in a long line bra that I wanted to get and when I left the fitting room, I thought I had seen somebody from work and I felt like my face went white then beet red. I didn't want her to notice me so I put the item back and left. I don't use make up so I didn't want to stay in the store and get recognized. It turned out alright because had the been somebody from my workplace, she might have said something to me or to another employee and it would have come back to
me anyway.

I mean if I can go out wearing a strapless dress that hits at the knees with no make-up on and be read as a female, I'm doing ok

[Kate Simmons]

Zero most likely Hon.

[KaceyR]

For the most part, getting caught here where I live by anyone isn't much of an issue anymore. I'd rather not that workplace people and possibly 1 friend not know (he's _very_ much against the "unusual" as far as LBGT openness). Work people "shouldn't" have an issue...that's all basically as long as I'm not dressing at work..except for next Halloween...they're gonna get it bigtime then . Pretty much the others I don't think would have an issue. They might question, but would be tolerant enough.

Now for the small town where mom's at..(Plymouth-NW IN) that's a different thing. Lots of conservativeness. Lots of recognition.. and even my car with MI plates (and a big Detroit Tigers "D" on the window ) would make people look closer. I still thought it would be nice to get to a get-together sometime on the West side of MI or to the SB/Mishawaka area on a trip to mom's. But I'd definitely need to make sure Kacey's gone around mom's city.

[Rachael Leigh]

I would give it a 6 if I ever go out. I'm becoming more confidant that I could face someone I know and while at first I might be a little embarrassed I think I could handle the rejection of some people.
Just not all sure yet and I'm sure that's what keeps be from going out.
I actually think my level would be a 10 plus if it were my wife who caught me going out enfem

[heatherdress]

As Eryn said "By Whom?"

Most of us would not really care about being noticed by people we do not know. Most likely 1 on a scale of 1-10.

People around us at a mall or restaurant or park who might make us feel uncomfortable - maybe a 2 or 3.

Acquaintances or someone who knows us to some extent - maybe 6 or 7.

Work colleagues/neighbors/family - 9 or 10.

[Rogina B]

I am caught ! Because I live a gender fluid life and only present as a guy while working for myself,everyone knows...And that doesn't make a bit of difference to me at all..

[Persephone]

I used to be totally terrorized of being caught en femme by someone I knew. Had a couple very close calls over time.

But freedom comes with being out. Pretty much everyone in my extensive social network knows, so what's to worry about?

Well, for me there is something to worry about. There are now a lot of folks I know and interact with who assume I am either a genetic female or who assume that I have transitioned, so now I'm scared stiff of goine out in male attire. There are reasons I feel required to be "a guy," and when I am I become fearful, constantly scanning for people who might know me.

I'd be way better off, and a lot more comfortable out in the world, if I just never left the house in "guy mode." But there are certain situations in which I am required to do so.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[lingerieLiz]

I could say 1 or 2. Since I wear all women's clothes 90% of the time but don't wear skirts or dresses very much. Almost never try pass as a woman, just not my thing anymore. However, I do have a few extended relatives that might not be able to handle the revelation. I've had knowing neighbors everywhere I lived for over 50 years without any bad incidents. Many have seen my nightgown blowing in the wind when I go to get the paper etc. I shop with a lot of women that know I buy all my clothes in the same departments they do including lingerie.

Most people don't care. Probably the biggest concern is having some idiot decide to teach me not to dress. I'm not worried about him, but just the hassle and paperwork.

[Jackie7]

I'm socially out, I'm retired so I don't care about colleagues or career, I don't much care who casually finds out.

But here's the thing, quite often someone quietly asks me good questions, and some of those people come out to me as CD or trans, hiding it, wanting to talk. Feels pretty good.

[Madeline80]

20!
It could mean the end of my employment. Or maybe I'm overly concerned and speculating.
In a perfect world I would go out male or female as I wished. But I hardly go anywhere in town in guy mode without running into someone who knows me.

[Amanda_P]

I'd have to say 0. Because I have been out to my inlaws after a night of drinking. Came home put on so fem clothes and make up and went to a house party. So they know just don't talk about it. And if I get caught by someone else I just won't have to hide it anymore

[laciewhite]

when i was younger, i was terrified of anyone knowing or even suspecting. now i feel a lot more relaxed about it and probably wouldn't give a damn who knew *BUT* i have this massive issue about telling my SO, who i've been married to for 20 years. and until such time as i can have the courage to tell her, i don't feel i can reveal to anyone else. i've been through the scenario of how i would tell her on endless occasions but i just can't bring myself to do it. in some ways i almost wish she would discover it and confront me and then i'll have to admit it. but i've been doing this all my life since puberty and i'm very good at covering my tracks. i hate having this secret from her but i'm so terrified she will change her feelings towards me if she knew.

[Teresa]

Hello JessMe, My wife has seen me twice so I think her seeing me again would rate 5, I'm not sure if my son has seen me or not on one occasion I managed to get covered up but didn't have time to put socks on so you could see stocking feet, My daughter knows because I told her but she hasn't seen me dressed. I'm sure the post girl has seen me. The stupid part is when I go shopping in drab I just say I'd like some shoes and try them on, OK I don't ask to try on underwear and I always say the clothes are for my wife or daughter. I love driving out at night, drove right through my next town even had to stop at a pedestrian crossing, people looked straight at me and waved!

[Zylia]

We do things that are bordering on self-sabotage, you got that one right. It's almost like at least some of us are busy trying to get caught while trying not to get caught.

Getting read in public is a given, that much is clear for me and I can't worry too much about that (1-3'ish on a scale from one to ten). If I spend an hour and a half on getting ready and I get read in a second it's somewhat irritating Getting harassed because of it however is a whole other thing and I'm somewhat worried about that, so I try not to visit the wrong places at wrong times (4-7) if I go out in the first place.

Getting caught by someone who knows me might suck, but it wholly depends on the context. I'm not one who goes out in public just to go out in public. I like to keep my dressing to myself and the ones who share the passion. I hardly try to pass myself off as someone or something I'm not. I'm a guy who tries to look like a woman (in pictures). The joke is on those who are fooled. That's the dressing part of life for me. It's almost performance art. That's my dirty little secret.

[Marcelle]

I am not overly concerned about being recognized by anyone. In fact I had an encounter with a work colleague who knows me very well and he did not recognize me and even returned a glove to me when I dropped it trying to avoid direct contact (I posted a thread on this). Now this is not to say it is because I pass but more likely an artefact of the long hair (I have none - shaved head at work), make-up and clothes as well as given my occupation, not many people are looking for me "en femme". However, to be honest while I am out to my social network some who are work colleagues, there are those who I would prefer not to run into as it would be awkward. However on a scale of 1 - 10 most likely a 4 as to be honest I am not concerned who knows.

Hugs

Isha

[Aprilrain]

I was once a 10 on your scale, especially when I was a teenager, though I often did things like dressing in my room with my dad watching TV in the next room! I was never caught by my parents. I ended up telling all my long term GFs none of them really seemed all that concerned. By my mid to late 20s I would out myself in spectacular fashion with friends and acquaintences while I was intoxicated. Thrilling at the time but really embarrassing afterward. My 30s found me married with kids and even though my wife knew I still hid it from her most of the time because I was ashamed. We sepperated (not because of CDing) and I almost imidiately started to transition. So now I'm a 0

These things can evolve over time.

[Jordan-NH]

10 - Anyone at work
9 - Family
8 - Friends
6 - General public. And that would probably be a 2 if it wasn't for the three categories above. My concern is who will you bump into that will communicate back.

[Beverley Sims]

Probably a five or six.
I am not into silly exhibitionism either.