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Thread: Came out and lost a 'good' friend.

  1. #1
    70's Supermodel RiverdanceGirl's Avatar
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    Came out and lost a 'good' friend.

    I bet you're all going to read this and think 'If only I had a dollar...' but I tried coming out online and someone who I would have thought was a good friend just assumed that it was a joke and when I said no he said he doesn't want to know me anymore. All my female friends have been totally supportive. I can't imagine nobody has suspected with the number of times I've dropped strong hints. It just seems odd that in today's world it's okay to be proud to be gay (as it absolutely should be) and yet being trans or a crossdresser is too much for people to accept. I would have thought by now that it was no big deal to wear whatever clothing I want to and identify with the female part of me. It seems not everyone views gender as a spectrum without polar extremes.

    There has been a bit of a catalyst. My mum passed away on new year's day after a very long illness so I have been reassessing my priorities in life.

  2. #2
    Member Maggie O'neal's Avatar
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    First ,I am so sorry for the loss of your mother, please accept my heart felt sympathy.
    As for coming out to your friend , that is sad but it was and is his loss. it does surprise me as I had always thought of the people of Toronto were more open minded . Take care of yourself first and foremost . Be happy
    Love
    Maggie O'neal

  3. #3
    Valley Girl Michelle789's Avatar
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    I'm really sorry to hear that you lost your friend. Sadly, coming out as being trans or a cross-dresser sometimes comes with the price of losing friends, families, or jobs.

    We're sadly not at a place where people accept transgender and cross-dressers. We have a long way to go until everyone is accepting.

    I'm also sorry to hear about the loss of your mother.

    The bright side is all your female friends are totally supportive. You now know who you're true friends are, and you'll have plenty of women to hang out with when you're in female mode. I wish you the best of everything.

    Quote Originally Posted by Maggie O'neal View Post
    it does surprise me as I had always thought of the people of Toronto were more open minded .
    In general, there are more open-minded people in big cities like Toronto, L.A., San Francisco, but there are still closed-minded people even in big cities. I used to consult a psychic for advice, and when I talked with her about my gender issues her response was that "gender confusion comes from the devil" - and she lives on Venice Beach, one of the most liberal places on the planet where just about every possible variety of human life lives there - and yet in spite of being daily exposed to the diversity out there she thinks the devil is responsible for gender variance.
    Last edited by Michelle789; 01-18-2014 at 09:14 PM.
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  4. #4
    Silver Member stephNE's Avatar
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    Hi RDG, sorry to hear about the loss of you mom and your friend. You never really know others.
    Stephanie

  5. #5
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    Be assured that you will find new friends. After your friend adjusts to the news he may come back. I've had it happen when I was much younger. Some people can not adjust to new startling information. Sometimes it may be that they are not secure in their life and can't cope with how the two of you will relate in the future. Good luck

  6. #6
    Girl from the Eagles Nest reb.femme's Avatar
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    Hi RiverdanceGirl,

    So sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. I lost my younger sister coming up to New Year's Eve, two years ago, so really feel your pain.

    You never can tell who will be supportive or who will bale on you, when the going gets tough. Or should that be femme? I haven't spoken with my eldest son for a couple of weeks (post big reveal) so it comes as no surprise that friends can and do disappear.

    Oh well, at least you don't have to believe that he was a friend anymore. There you go...a positive from a negative. From this old pessimist, that's a major achievement. .

    Rebecca
    Last edited by reb.femme; 01-18-2014 at 09:26 PM. Reason: grammar
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  7. #7
    Banned Spammer
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    Soo sorry about your Mom and the loss of a friend.

  8. #8
    Kim L of S. Texas Kimberly Long's Avatar
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    Dear RDG: I am sorry for your loss of a friend. I went through the same thing when I went full time about four years ago. I have be accepted my everyone except one friend. I live my live as I want to, it is her loss not mine. I hope you find as much joy as I have found living as a woman.
    Love Kimberly

  9. #9
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    As said before, sorry for the loss of your mother. Now, is this a real life 3d friend, or an 'on line acquaintance? It only matters by mattr of degree. I'd put an online friend into a more tentative category.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

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  10. #10
    Full Geek Status Adriana Moretti's Avatar
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    this is why I only tell girls........thats a line i just wont cross......guys are....well...guys

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by RiverdanceGirl View Post
    ?.. It just seems odd that in today's world it's okay to be proud to be gay (as it absolutely should be) and yet being trans or a crossdresser is too much for people to accept. ...
    Not "people" River. Person

  12. #12
    Valley Girl Michelle789's Avatar
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    No, "people" is correct. River was talking about more than one person accepting CDing and TG, so we should use plural.
    Last edited by DAVIDA; 01-19-2014 at 06:23 AM. Reason: There is no need to quote the post right before your post.
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  13. #13
    Come and talk with me ;) Briana90802's Avatar
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    I'm sorry about the friend. I couldn't have been a very good friend if your friendship can't endure some like CDing. Something like transgenderism in all its forms is true way of knowing how fair weathered your friends really are. Always sad to loose a friend, but take comfort in those that surround you.
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  14. #14
    Gold Member Cynthia Anne's Avatar
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    It is sad about your mother, truly!
    About loosing ''a good friend'' let me remind you, there is only one way to loose ''a good friend''! And c-ding is not it! Wishing the best for you!
    If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:

  15. #15
    New Member jackielynn's Avatar
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    That sucks. I don't understand why some people think its such a big deal. My theory is that it is probably more of a deception thing than a crossdressing thing. It's not that your friend has such strong negative emotions to cd-ing or transgenderism but more of a problem with the discovery that you are not entirely what you showed yourself to be and perhaps that can reshape the meanings of past events you both shared.

  16. #16
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    My sympathies go with you all round.

    One thing, never place importance on text messages or email, for those things, personal contact is the best.
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  17. #17
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Bev is right. U have come out to quite a few long distance friends, on email, who blasted me.

  18. #18
    Silver Member Joanne f's Avatar
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    Hello RiverdanceGirl,
    my condolences for the loss of your Mother,
    I often wonder if it is not so much what a person thinks of you personally but more on what people will think of them for being friendly with you that is the main reason for doing things like this , they have less confidence within themselves to deal with that than they do to be able to support a friend who has the confidence to tell them who or what they are , maybe one day your friend will over ride their fears and accept you for who you are .
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne

  19. #19
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    River, Sorry for your losses.
    I do find it so strange that so many people can accept someone being gay far easier than xdressers. My SO new I was bi before we got married and yet after 34 years she fell apart at the thought of me dressing. Go figure. Well chin up girl and love all you have.
    Love KristyE

  20. #20
    Member Roli F's Avatar
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    Hi Riverdance girl
    I also came out after my Mother died last year I also came to the conclusion that life's too short
    It is a shame when people who you have known for so long can't accept CD yet assume you're Gay
    so mixed up are the straight general public .
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  21. #21
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    I often wonder if it is not so much what a person thinks of you personally but more on what people will think of them for being friendly with you that is the main reason for doing things like this
    I think this is a reason why wives and GF's have a hard time as well. What will their friends and family think of them for dating/marrying a crossdresser?
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  22. #22
    Gone to live my life
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    Hi RDG,

    It is unfortunate that not all people are accepting of the TG spectrum but it happens. I think some people can't get past a lot of long held negative stereotypes which haunt us as a community. However with time, I think even that chasm will be bridged (I keep my fingers crossed). Loosing a good friend is hard when we share this part of us. I feel your pain on this as while most of my friends I have come out to (male and female) are very supportive, I lost a very close friend to this. However, as time marches on he has begun to show signs of acceptance. I am still friends with his wife (he knows this) and she asked if he would agree to meet me for coffee in which he did so long as I promise to show up as boy me. I am good with this and hopefully we can make our way back over time. So hang in there as you never know.

    Hugs

    Isha

  23. #23
    Just a touch of class Lynn Marie's Avatar
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    Before getting out I had this deathly fear of being thought of as gay! How's a guy ever going to attract women if they think he's gay? I believe that this is a pretty common mind set with men. Not so much insecurity as losing standing and respect in the community. Sure, it's not very open minded but it's probably the best most guys can do.

    Fortunately I'm so much more enlightened now that just about all my friends are either gay or CDs and I still attract women! Pretty weird, huh!

  24. #24
    Happy to be me!! S. Lisa Smith's Avatar
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    So sorry to hear about your Mother. It is always a difficult loss...friends come and go, but not a Mom.

  25. #25
    Member adrienner99's Avatar
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    How difficult this all must be for you. If there is a positive, it is that your female friends were accepting...I hope you can dwell on that more than the loss of your "friend," who in time may even come back to talk....As for your mother, we only get one....there is no loss quite like it.

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