Finally, I was discriminated against, and in San Francisco

[Alison Lewis]

I've been crossdressing for two years now. I don't pass.

Last night I was dressed and went into the Hilton Union Square in San Francisco to use the ladies room. On a Saturday night, it gets crowded between the guests and the restaurant. On my way to the ladies room, a security guard stopped me and asked for my name and where I was going. I said Alison and I'm going to the ladies room. She asked if I had everything taken care of down there. I wish I had come up with something witty, but I was in shock and just said I don't understand. She said a man used the ladies room before and she received a complaint. I said California law allows me to use the ladies room, and she said she had a complaint. I took her name and told her it's discrimination, and I wish her luck finding a new job.

She offered to get the security head, but since I'm not out, I'm already treading thin water, and just decided to leave. This morning, I left a message for their general manager. I'll let you know if I hear back.

As I mentioned, I'm not out, so there really isn't much I can do, besides share my story, as I don't want to attract attention.

My only regret was not saying, "If a bigot complained about blacks in the lobby, would you ask them to leave?" (The security guard was black, so it would likely strike a chord).

However, I do feel proud that I reached a milestone in my crossdressing adventures. For the first time, I was the victim of discrimination.

I also created a Twitter account with my fem email address and posted this: https://twitter.com/LewisLadyalison

[Barbie Anne]

Shame you're not out hon. If it were me I'd fry their donkeys for this.

[Persephone]

Really sorry to hear that it happened. So wrong!

But did you finally make it to the ladies room? Or did you just pee on his leg?

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Marcelle]

Sorry to hear this . . . did she at least have a suggestion where you could go to the bathroom? I mean going in the men's room would probably be worse.

Hugs

Isha

[Eryn]

I've never run into this situation but I think that a good approach would be to assert that you _are_ a woman and how dare the guard question that. That's what a GG would do in the same situation and a security guard would be very foolish to force a GG to use the mens' room simply because of her appearance.

[Alison Lewis]

No, she didn't have any suggestions. I should have taken her up on her offer to check with her boss. Either it would have made her look foolish, or I'd be able to say the head of security doesn't abide by the law.

It's just too bad there's nothing I can do. I don't want to give them my real name.

Maybe when she asked about my genitals I should have asked about hers.

I've never run into this situation but I think that a good approach would be to assert that you _are_ a woman and how dare the guard question that. That's what a GG would do in the same situation and a security guard would be very foolish to force a GG to use the mens' room simply because of her appearance.

That is a good approach. I'll remember that next time.

[Jenniferathome]

The hotel manager will be mortified. He/she will apologize profusely and make training a new focus.

[Barbie Anne]

In all reality Jennifer is probably right. I predict a free hotel stay in your future.

[windycissy]

You are 100% right about California law. Sounds like you were not a guest of the hotel, just came in off the street to use the restrooms, but they still should have permitted it. If the security guard was polite in her ignorance, I'd think twice about trying to get her fired - she did offer to talk to her supervisor, and jobs are hard to come by out there, she may have a family to support. Anyway since you're unwilling to give them your name and contact information, they'll probably get a grievance if they try to fire her. Jennifer is right, some basic training is definitely in order there.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I'm not very quick on my feet. But, I'm a great Monday morning quarterback.

Some good responses:

Thanks for asking honey. Would you like to join me in the ladie's room and check it out for yourself?

Do you ask every woman that queston or only those who don't meet your personal definition of femininity?

Normally I would bitch slap anyone who insulted me like that, but if you let me go, I'll give you a break.

Oooh, I like this game. Can we call a real officer of the law to mediate this misunderstanding?

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Alison,

Here's what the Transgender Law Center in California told our TG support group, the River City Gems, when we asked about bathroom rights for TGs in California.

Quote: California law prohibits discrimination in public accommodations based upon gender identity. A “public accommodation” is a private entity that owns, operates, leases, or leases to someone, a place of public accommodation. Places of public accommodation include a wide range of entities, such as restaurants, hotels, theaters, doctors' offices, retail stores, and other establishments that open their doors to the public.

Under California law, sex includes gender identity and gender expression (Cal. Gov't. Code § 12696) so a person who is a cross dresser would also be protected by the law. Although there is no case on point, Transgender Law Center believes that "full and equal accommodations" means that all women, regardless of their transgender status (CD or TS), are entitled to access the women's restroom in accordance with their gender identity.

There is, however, a "gray area" with regard to this law in that some public accommodations may try to require a person to have ID that matches the gender of the restroom they are using. Transgender Law Center does not believe this is a lawful policy, but if a public accommodation did implement such a policy, it would need to check all individuals' IDs, not just those women it "suspects" are transgender.Unquote

IMHO the only potential caveat I can see is that this law (the California Non-Discrimination Law Cal Gov Code § 12926 specifically, as defined in Section 422.56 (subsection C) of the Penal Code) is that I'm thinking that this law applies to people who are identified as "Transgender".

How does the law identify who is and isn't "transgender?" Does it require you to have a therapist and be diagnosed as having GID? or is being transgender defined by self identification based upon a person's internal feelings of their gender identity? ... I don't think anyone knows how that would hold up in court.

All that I have written doesn't change what happened to you but depending on what kind of reply you get back from the manager, I thought I'd share what information I have on this. Good luck.
Hugs
Rachel

[Alison Lewis]

Thanks for all your replies, informative and humorous alike.

I won't try to get her fired. If a hotel in the center of San Francisco hasn't trained their employees on how to treat crossdressers or transgendered individuals, then something is wrong.

She was clearly basing her decision on a recent guest complaint, so maybe she incorrectly assumed preventing another complaint was worth turning me away.

Clearly I didn't handle it that well, but my priority when dressed is staying safe and low key.

I'll keep you ladies in the loop when I hear back. The Twitter account has apologized and asked for my contact info, which I gave.

[FemPossible]

Had you made the racial comment you would not have been any better than she was. I'm not siding with her exactly but you said yourself that she told you she's had complaints before. She's probably worried about getting too many complaints and being fired. If you do get in touch with a manager instead of just focusing on the guard you should ask them what their protocol on transgenders using the restroom is. Ask them if they've ever actually trained their employees to deal with those situations.

[Alison Lewis]

Agreed. I wasn't trying to be a racist, but just wanted to put things in perspective. You can't break the law to satisfy a complaint. What if a guest complains about a no smoking ordinance?

I don't see how a hotel can have a policy regarding TG individuals that violates the law or how they can fire a security guard for obeying the law. However, in the event they are not TG friendly, I'd encourage ladies who are out to go to the hotel with their lawyers and try to use the restrooms.

[Beverley Sims]

Just play confrontation from security staff by acceding to their requests.
You may not be weird but there are a lot out there that are.

If you feel you have been hard done by then complain through the proper channels.

[Ellie52]

Alison
It may not be fair but when we go out in the real world there are a lot of nasty, red neck people about. The law is broken daily by many people in many situations. Racism, discrimination at work, road rage, etc. Unfortunately we don't live in a fair world, and the law - though it should be equal certainly isn't.
I certainly don't agree with what happened to you but if you wish to go out dressed as a woman knowing you do not pass then you must expect problems to arise and I'm sure you will certainly meet people who are less than accepting. If this is the first time in two years of outings, I think you are doing exceptionally well.
One thing us CD's must have is a thick skin. I wish you all the best in the future and please don't let this stupid episode put you off enjoying yourself....

[mikiSJ]

Alison, I am assuming you were at the Hilton on O'Farrell and I am assuming nothing else about you.

The O'Farrell address is on the eastern edge of the Tenderloin and there are a lot of hookers in the neighborhood, and about half of the pros are CD/TG. I am making an assumption about the security guard that may not be true, but if she read you as a pro and not just CD/TG, then she was probably trying to protect the lobby from the pros. If she read you as just a CD/TG person, then she is acting contrary to San Francisco and California law and should be reported. You can do so anonymously and I wish you would as I use the appearance appropriate restroom to do my stuff and I would not want to be subject to the kind of harassment you experienced.

BTW, there are much better hotels in San Francisco than the Hiltons.

[devida]

Rachel, the California Transgender Law Center states that the law applies to gender non conforming people as well as other transgender folk in the process of transition mtf or ftm. You do not need to be transitioning to be protected. Gender identity assertion does not require a diagnosis of gender identity dysphoria, except, perhaps, if you are incarcerated, but even there the Federal Prison Authority seems to have changed their policy as a result of litigation. Pretty much Alison was protected in her right to use the ladies room simply because she was wearing women's clothes which were an expression of her gender identity at the time. Since all of this is pretty new law one can also understand the confusion of the security guard, but really, it is up to his company to train him to understand and not break the law. If Alison was litigious she could have sued Hilton or the security company or both and would have won. Or she could have filed a complaint with the police. I understand why she didn't but she would have been vindicated.

[Alison Lewis]

Hi everyone. I just spoke with their general manager who profusely apologized and offered me a voucher for a one night stay at any Hilton Hotel. I know I could probably negotiate for more and threaten a lawsuit, but given my situation, I just decided to take it.

He told me that they train their staff and did have some complaints recently, but that still does not give her the right to discriminate, and ask about my genitals.

I did request that the security guard NOT be let go because of this incident.

[mikiSJ]

Alison

You handled this like a lady and in a very practical and expedient manner. Good for you and good for the hotel.

[natcrys]

Just read this from the beginning to the end.. and I'm glad this has been resolved in such a civilised manner!

[alwayshave]

Hi everyone. I just spoke with their general manager who profusely apologized and offered me a voucher for a one night stay at any Hilton Hotel. I know I could probably negotiate for more and threaten a lawsuit, but given my situation, I just decided to take it.

Alison, good for you. I had trouble with Hilton in the past. I was staying at a Hilton in Northern Virginia and my fiancee who is black was staying with me. The bartender in the hotel bar would not serve us. As a interracial couple we run into this, but it is usually at smaller venues. I complained and the manger stated he would comp us dinner. My fiancee who more thick skinned about this type of thing ate, but I refused. I checked out the next morning and moved hotels. Sent back my Hilton rewards card telling them why, but never heard another thing from Hilton.

[Barbie Anne]

Glad to see it was resolved in such a timely manner, allthough the cynic in me says the manager was probably trying to placate you before the tweets went viral lol.

Either way I too feel you handled this in a very appropriate manner, and requesting that the security guard NOT be fired, showed a lot of class. Good on you