I'm not sure if it is the culture we live in, but I still wake up with a nagging feeling that the fact that I wear woman's clothing is indicative of the fact that there is something "wrong" with me.
No matter how deep we choose to analyze the situation, with the current studies and the DSM and the "evolving categories"...
there still seems to be a cloud over me. Yes, I wear women's clothing. Why is it still so taboo, both by the public and ultimately by myself?
There is nothing wrong with you. I believe the reason why many cross-dressers don't fess up to their spouses is because they think there is something wrong with them. I know I did. Purges are often the result of guilt overcoming the euphoria of wearing the clothes in the first place. Just my opinion.
May you live long and prosper.
Infinite diversity in infinite combinations.
"Smiling makes my face ache." F. N. Furter
That can be a very intricate question to answer because it is extremely complex.
Essentially, we live in a society with very rigidly defined gender norms and although it is not ideal, our society is also built up on masculine being seen as superior and ideal. While our society tends to look at any form of gender transgression as taboo, it is even more so when a male does it because to many he is perceived as not wanting to "be a man" and weak. Even more disturbing is how a man dressing in a noticeably feminine way is perceived as gay. While there certainly are gay men who crossdress or are big time gender non-conformists, the overwhelming majority of them are very gender conforming. Also, far more straight guys like to crossdress or have some other way of expressing a noticeable level of femininity, but they more often than not keep that part well out of sight.
Ultimately, two things have to happen for crossdressing not to be considered taboo. First, it must be seen as a completely separate issue from sexual orientation (which it is). Unfortunately, far to many straight guys who transgress gender norms will never come forward about this. It's unfortunate since they have a lot more power than they realize. Second and most important, society must start valuing femininity as much as masculinity.
Mistyjo
There is nothing wrong with you. The error is in society. The psychology of "us" is indicative that gender is not fully anatomical. So why should gender be defined by clothing if our anatomical so gender cannot even accurately portray who we are? The fault lay firmly on the shoulders of society for adhering to what we know to be an antiquated system, even a confusing system for those of us who are gender dysphoric, or multiple gendered, or gender ambiguous. No, society clings to its gender paradigms, clinging on for dear life, afraid of what blurred gender lines might mean for them.
As a young adult I was unsure of and questioned everything. I'm older now, much more confident, and I don't spend any time questioning myself. Now I'm much more interested in others. I already know about me!
Lynn Marie
Click here to see me on Flickr
I don't think there's anything wrong with you, Taylor. I know there's nothing wrong with me; I know both who and what I am, and I'm at peace with it, and I'm continuing towards my goal of being able to function well in the world as either a man or a woman.
- Amy
Amy Gale Ruth Bowersox (nee Tapie) - "Be who you are, and be it in style!"
Member, Board of Trustees, Gender Identity Center of Colorado
aka Amelia Storm - Ms. Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2018-2019, Miss Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2015-2016
You bring up some very meaningful ideas, Mistyjo. Even though I am very confidant in my own little world, there is still that part of me that wants to express myself fully in my community. For the past few years most of my neighbors and acquaintances have come up to me at some time or another and asked me if I was gay. Part of me envies my gay friends for being able to make such a clear cut answer. I'm not sure what my answer is. I just recently told a female neighbor of mine that I was "bi" in response to her probing. She said she thought I was gay and wanted to hook me up with one of her friends.Originally Posted by Mistyjo
I can't imagine telling her that I am a bisexual crossdresser. OMG too many negative stereotypes!
The answer, as is so well articulated by some of these answers, seems to be our collective, small minded social conditioning with regard to gender. Don't be afraid to swim against the current! Most anyone who's ever contributed much that's worthwhile to our world has done the same.
Hi Taylor,
I have the same question sometimes. And it doesn't make any sense
for me. I've always been OK with what I do. Never purged. My wife's
as fine as one can be possibly with it. I don't go out, so i haven't
been attacked/accused/ridiculed. I don't even have any guilt
problems with myself....no reason to.
So it doesn't make any sense for me to wonder. But I still have
those times where I just wonder what the heck I'm doing.
I cannot put it together in any sort of way that could ever
make any logical sense. It's as contradictive of a thing as I
can imagine.
But then again, there can't be anything wrong with me. I'm as
harmless and well intentioned as someone could get...(i think)
I'm inclined to think it has something to do with genetics...
(which i read some interesting stuff on another post just today)
I'm purely logical with most things. Things that make sense.
True or false, binary type Q&A's...but what i do makes no sense
at all.
There is an answer though. Medically/phychologically resolved
or not...it cannot be my fault. I didn't choose it...heck, nobody
would i wouldn't think....so it's here, and I'll live with it and
be happy about it.
And...truth be told, I think it may be lucky to be this way.
It's so easy to be happy, for at least a while, in a pretty
serious and tough world. It does make me verifiability Very
Happy so I'm taking that as a Good thing.
Crazy world ain't it!
~Kate~ ♥
I can't tell you why any of us get these feelings, however I can tell you that there is nothing wrong with you for wearing women's clothing.
Hi Taylor.
There is nothing wrong with you. Not. One. Thing.
You are a male with a gender variance. You have a feminine side you express. It causes you to -- wait for it -- wear women's clothing sometimes. This causes no problems in the real world whatsoever - EXCEPT that some people freak out about it.
You aren't hurting anyone. You aren't hurting anything. But other people freak out as if you are.
The problem is clearly with them. It's very hard to believe that most of the people in the world around you are simply wrong. But it's the case. Or maybe it isn't so hard to believe. Look at how people treat each other, and then tell me it's impossible that many people could be cruel to you for absolutely no reason.
I'm going to side with Taylor, I feel there is something "wrong" with me - but I seem to be having more fun than anyone who is normal, so I prefer it this way.
A lot of teens at my kids school have clinical depression, personally I would rather they wore womens clothes and not have the depression, if that was a choice.
See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz
There's something "wrong" with you the minute it starts to become a problem for you. We can assume that a large majority of men do not have the urge towear women's clothingpresent as a woman occasionally and that makes us a little different, but it's pretty harmless on itself. However, the status quo is still based on the existence of a (clear) gender binary and whether or not you're a 'real' gender variant, your behaviour is perceived as something that goes against it.
There's nothing wrong with you Taylor... no more than any 'normal' male anyway. As others have said, it's perceived as 'wrong' largely because of our culture (other cultures, eg. India and the far East, don't have exactly the same stigma attached); partly also because we're perceived as rebels (difference to Mr Average between crossdresser and punk with a 12" purple Mohican? Very little, I suggest...) and probably one other taboo reason...
This is where Wildaboutheels (currently banned) would chime in - correctly, I think - "It's all about 'O's...!"
While we may not like to talk about it too much, CDing at least starts as a bit of a turn on for most of us and while it may progress to something that actually is more about contentment, feeling comfortable, and satisfying a feminine expression, who would happily say: 'Yeah - I think womens clothing feels so great I can hardly contain myself for 10 minutes before...' (OK - I know there are those amongst us who would admit that here - but it's not likely to be the thing you use to try to give our passion any air of any respectability in public, is it?
Dig deep Taylor - I have these feelings too, and wish it wasn't so, but it is what it is, and like my impacted wisdom teeth and my now greying hair, I just have to live with it and enjoy it if I can.
Katey x
"Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear" Stefani Germanotta
I feel that I am just different and I have learned to live with that.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
We are all exactly who we are supposed to be. How we manage that is the challenge and a lovely challenge it can be sometimes.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
Why is there a social taboo? ...well, you could extend that particular question to many other innocuous human behaviors. Sometimes ideas infect the social consciousness like a pathogen. Westwrn cultures developed a number of them, such as demeaning women and justifying slavery. For some reason humans will cling to clearly mistaken beliefs, even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
As for your personal feelings, of course you have absorbed and internalized messages from the larger society. At some point you must challenge your own beliefs in this matter. These inner beliefs you've accepted about CDing are wrong. Tear them down and believe in your own goodness.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Taylor, you feel something is wrong with you because society has told you, you are practicing something weird that we don't understand, and we think that's bad.
We have always allowed people that do not understand what goes on inside of one of us to define what is wrong about what we do.
But I know with out a doubt, I'm a better person because I wear women's clothes.
Dressing makes me happier, calmer, friendlier, than most people I know, not dressing makes me surly, resentful, argumentative, depressed, and all around sad.
How could not dressing be good for me, and how could dressing be bad, when it does all of that.
Don't let the world define you, you have to figure out if it's bad or good for you, I guess that depends on what you get out of it.
Magic is the art of changing consciousness at will.
Another case of over thinking yourself and what you like to do.
Some can drive themselves crazy trying to figure it all out.I suggest embrace your female side have fun with it enjoy life in whichever mode you want to dress.
"Free your mind and your ass will follow".
I used to feel the same way.... then they discovered a couple brain tumors.... now I know there is something wrong with me... Its truly life changing....... and it over shadows anything I wear...
I do not base "wrong" on other people beliefs....
Taylor there's nothing wrong with you at all , the social indoctrination and control puts the thought that if anyone does anything out of the perceived norm then they are not ' normal' , find yourself accept it from within .
I'll draw the straw for the dissenting opinion.
Of course I feel something is wrong, and I have a good reason to feel that way:
My childhood heros and role models (and those of many others on this forum) were "Real Men". Real men were rugged as cowboys, herioc as soldiers, and smart as detectives. Their features were rough and weathered from years of hard living. Their voices were deep. They were suave and sophisticated, dressed in tuxedos, romancing pretty women in beautiful gowns that covered their flawless, smooth, sweet smelling skin. They were "Real Women", and everything the Real Man was not.
Most (all) men never met the criteria to be a "Real Man" but settled for manly enough.
Except for the few that would rather be wearing the beautiful gown over tender smooth skin, speaking softly, and smelling sweet.
It is easier to instill ideas than it is to delete them. You have "learned" how you feel. You have to un-learn it which takes a lot of time and effort. When the feeling hits that you are somehow "wrong" just tell yourself you are who you are and that you aren't harming anyone and the world will continue to turn no matter how you act.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Give up the guilt and accept yourself for being special. You have qualities that transcend a single identity and this is how you choose to express them. There is nothing "abnormal" about being who you are.
Don't let societies hangups affect you. As someone told me long ago..."Pressure is self-induced, no one can place it on you". Stop pressuring yourself to be something other than who you are and be happy you are unique.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
MsVal, I would submit that the "real men" paradigm is false, based on false bravado and ideals, and is based solely on a set of ideals that society deemed "the norm" long ago.I wonder how a male child, brought up in a controlled environment, with no set of female or male role models meeting the paradigms as we know them...I wonder how that child would fare. With no overly macho or masculine overtones, or female ones for that matter, what would that child become? I postulate that child would be just as bland as their surroundings. Any ideal we have of masculinity is forced upon us from a young age, regardless of our feelings or how we might identify. Like any brainwashing, if there is a conflict with what the person already knows or feels, a schism occur.
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