In some ways, I still beleive that there is something "wrong" with me

[Annaliese2010]

I'm not sure if it is the culture we live in, but I still wake up with a nagging feeling that that...there is something "wrong" with me...a cloud over me. Yes, I wear women's clothing. Why is it still so taboo, both by the public and ultimately by myself?

I think you answered your own question. When the vast majority of people in a community think it's wrong you're bound to feel pressure, worry and wonder if they're maybe right. It's difficult when you have to suppress your nature to conform. You can never fully relax. But in point of fact there is nothing wrong with you. Cultural rights and wrongs are relative not absolute. And there's tons of examples where cultural norms do a complete 180.

It's obvious you're a sensitive caring girl Taylor. That's nice but try not to let what others think get to you too much. Only you know what's right or wrong for you. Be true to your inner self - how God made you. It may not be possible to publicly express it, but at least acknowledge who you are to yourself and embrace it as good. Doing so may dissipate that dark cloud or at least let a ray of light shine in.

[Peta-Downunder]

It doesn't help when loved ones actually tell you too your face, that can be hard to get over. But then as time goes by you sometimes learn those people have a twisted view on reality anyway.

[traci_k]

I can understand how you feel. The fact is we are different. Different DOES NOT EQUAL wrong. People like to throw the Bible at us and say its wrong because the Bible says so, but gender variance is now recognized for what it is – a difference. I don’t know if you identify as a CD or TG looking to transition. Either position is just a gradient on the gender spectrum.
Bottom line, it hurts no one unless they let it hurt them. So Enjoy being yourself. It’s okay to be different.

Hugs,

[Nadine Spirit]

One time early on when I was dressed as a girl from head to toe I caught my reflection in the mirror and in the back of my head I heard a small voice scream out "freak." I almost stopped and cried when I realized that I was my own worst enemy. From that point on I decided to never be concerned with what others thought of me, because all I really need to do is to be okay with myself and I had lots of work to do in that department. I have grown quite a bit since that day and I see myself and others far differently now.

[Kaz]

Being who we are is a gift and what defines us. Sadly we also are a societal animal and live in groups where norms and conditions abound. It is primeval in nature and is an in-built mechanism to protect the group. It the basis of warfare and religious and racial intolerance. In many ways, the groups that we do not belong/conform to confirm our beliefs in being with the group we choose to be. We are a result of social conditioning and sadly, the more you accept your CD life, the more you will join a new group with associated norms and beliefs. The challenge is to rise above the silliness and accept that you are who you are are... some 'groups' will accept... most will not. That I am afraid is life.

There is nothing wrong with you per se, what is wrong is our conditioning and the way that society condones, emphasises and exploits that conditioning.

xx

[kelly10]

As Kim so succinctly said, '...of course you have absorbed and internalized messages from the larger society. At some point you must challenge your own beliefs in this matter. These inner beliefs you've accepted about CDing are wrong. Tear them down and believe in your own goodness.'

We each must choose between ourselves and the rest of the world. The dilemma isn't the choosing of one or the other. The dilemma is the impossible task of trying to choose both.

[Vanessa Rose]

Taylor,


You are different. We all are different. We meet here to give one another support, lend advice, listen to stories and learn. But this is a crossdressers site and by definition, each person posting here is different. I can assure you we are significantly different in our means to pass time than the average person, perhaps who has not thought about wearing women's clothes once in their life. No matter how many people there on this site, there is likely to be millions who don't seek a lifestyle in gender discussions for the purpose of this site.


It is good in my opinion, that you seek answers. It is what helps you work towards reaching some sort of peace with yourself, hopefully and over time actions that complete you and your life that you will lead.


Everyday, I look at life a bit differently. I learn something, get taught a lesson and or put information together to help me comprehend things that I could not before.


I believe, this cloud as you say, is part of that process. But answer me this... are you feeling better at all about you than a year ago? 5 years ago? 10?


Maybe, maybe not, however, I would think that if you have challenges that you just can't get over, perhaps therapy would work. I think the first huge step for me as a person, was when I just blurted it out in a counseling session. Granted the therapist took a second or two to pick up their jaw and regain a grip on their pen, but that one moment, when I told someone about the hidden secret inside of me.. gave my CD personality a life, validation, existence.


that made all the difference in the world. It was the first time I stuck up for me!


Good luck, let us know how things progress.


Vanny

[Stephanie47]

As Lynn Marie indicated so many of us in our youth questioned ourselves because we were engaging in some activity that is so far outside the cultural norm. Society establishes the norms. Society establishes the penalties for stepping outside the boundaries. There is always great pressure to be part of the "group." I don't think there is one participant on the forum who does not believe that a man wearing the clothing of a woman is outside societal norms. In my youth there was no Internet and there were no books readily available at the public library on cross dressing. Heck, the "Kinsey report" was kept behind the librarian's desk. How were we to discover who or what we were? I questioned my sexuality for a long time. In the 1960's to wear a dress clearly meant you had to be a homosexual, although the term of the day was a little more demeaning. It brought conflict between the urges of a full blooded raging hormones young guy and the desire to wear a dress. Of course I had to be weird. I still think it is weird, although I fully accept it. And, yep, life would have been a lot less stressful if I was not a cross dresser. I no longer feel any conflict in wearing a dress and being manly when it counts.

One of my lingering questions in my mind is the progression from wearing a nylon slip to fully en femme. What caused that? Sometimes I wonder if at that early age of denial and feeling of weirdness of wearing a dress that I had to visually become someone other than my boy self. I will not say a guy wearing a dress looks weird, but .... So, if I put on a dress but still see my male self will adding makeup and a wig change the visual image in the mirror to someone or something less weird? So, if I "play" the role of a girl I am "still" the guy and not a girl "inside" forced to play the role of a guy? Too much to think about!

[Stephanie Julianna]

Sometimes I'm glad I got older. I thought just like you and it tore me up for years. I can't make people around me not think that there is something "wrong" either. however, as I got older I realized that it was more important what I thought and felt about myself. If I could not accept myself how could I expect anyone else to accept me. I still only tell people who I can predict with some certainty are open minded enough to love me for who I am as opposed to what I am. I dress when I can. Love who I am and that's enough for me.

[Adriana Moretti]

the only thing wrong is you "THINK" something is wrong. LOL !!!.....there is no wrong...only whats right for you. No matter what anyone else may do or say.

[Jennifer S]

I ask my therapist the same question every week and she tells me the same thing every time: There's nothing wrong with you. We are who we are. If you want to dress a certain way because it makes you happy then do that. You have to do whatever you can to be comfortable in your own skin. As for society... people might comment or tell you it's wrong but those are the kind of people who if you weren't wearing a dress would find something else wrong with you to comment on. We need to live our lives for ourselves and forget about the haters.

[bimini1]

For me I have to accept not only me. But accept the world as it is. Not as I want it to be. And there is not a dammed thing I can do to change it or the people in it. I have to let them alone and let them be. You're not gonna change any mass attitudes about this. You're just not its beyond your control. But I've found it is possible to control your attitude about you. It's been a struggle for me but I feel to be finally making some headway.

[Taylor Ray]

t's obvious you're a sensitive caring girl Taylor. That's nice but try not to let what others think get to you too much. Only you know what's right or wrong for you. Be true to your inner self - how God made you. It may not be possible to publicly express it, but at least acknowledge who you are to yourself and embrace it as good. Doing so may dissipate that dark cloud or at least let a ray of light shine in.

Thanks, Annaliese. What you say is really pertinent to my situation. At some point we all might have let go of what others think, and just be ourselves. This sounds true to me and I thank you for sharing it..