I have been full time for almost half a year now. I go where I want to go, do what I want to do and so far it hasn't been an issue.

However I know that people stare and have their own ideas about who or what I am. I am not that naive. It is just that most keep their opinions to themselves or at least out of earshot.

You know (in your are a US Football fan) that the Broncos are going to the Superbowl. I may be what most consider a fair weather fan. I watch bits and pieces of the early games and keep track of where they are on the ladder, but I don't live and breathe football. This is a big deal here (although not as big as it was when we last went to the SB). People are rabid. This Sunday there will be parties all over town, private and public. I am not one to want to interact with a bunch of loud, often obnoxious, drunks. So I plan to stay home. The seat is better, the snacks are easy to get and I can pee when I want.

My Veteran's club is having one of those parties. Now I go where I want to go and since this club's mission is equality and equal rights, I figure that includes me. I know better. The majority of the members are older than I am, stuck in their ways both from when they grew up and their heritage. I go to see my friends and I don't really care to interact with those who won't accept me as I am. But last week was volunteer appreciation dinner and I was invited (because I volunteered a little this year). But I was shunned by the majority of the members there. My friends all talked to me but the larger number of people didn't. I could see the furtive looks, I could see the whispers to table mates. I am not blind. I know I won't be accepted by everyone. It was like there was a force field around me when some came near (6 foot space).

Anyway back to the football thing. It was decided that the club would have a party. Food, booze, televised game. They sent out an email asking for RSVP. I declined but when Io did another page popped up asking why. First it isn't any of their business. But since you asked I put [X] other and wrote "It isn't my thing. I will stay home". Last night the person who is responsible for the webpage came to me and asked. "We would like you to come even if it isn't your thing". I declined again and he asked why. I said "most the people here don't like me around and I don't want to interfere with the big party." He sort of looked shocked. Usually the reply to that is "No one cares how you look, they all accept you here". But he said "Um, I have not heard anyone say...well I did hear one person say they didn't want you here." He was like one person isn't a big deal and it isn't generally but we know that 99% of people won't complain. So in my mind let's just say 100 people in the club don't like it. If I wanted to make my point (which I have given up on at this club over time...they are not for equality except when it effects them personally. They don't care about other races, women, religions, and especially gender) I would go just to put it in their face. I have a lot of friends who do accept me there but I don't want even that ONE person to not enjoy the game because the "Tranny" is there. (We won't even get into the fact that I played corner-back in the Army and had 4 interceptions and one touchdown return in a season...I know football).

Would I be selfish if I go, just because I am who I am and they should not bother me? OR am I selfish for NOT going so that everyone can have fun? And I am amazed one person even said something out loud.

(actually I am selfish because I don't want to be out on the streets with a bunch of inebriated people)