How necessary is crossdressing?

[Kate Simmons]

Just how necessary and practical is CDing in your life? Is it something you can't live without or is it a "nice to have"? Is it a critical function in your everyday life or do you just relegate it to convenient times? Does it control you or do you control it? I was on the emotional roller coaster for many many years before getting a handle on the process of CDing. Like any process if left uncontrolled ,it can be pretty damaging. I finally decided to control it. I used it as a vehicle to help me get in touch with my deep feelings, which in my case were driving it. It's a powerful process indeed and I found the only real way to "beat" it was to make it a total choice rather than let it remain a random compulsion. So, my CDing time is planned and structured and doesn't get "primed" by any outside triggers. The result is, I thoroughly enjoy my time en femme and never have any regrets. The end result is that I can live without it if necessary but it's a "nice to have". How necessary is it in your life?

[laciewhite]

kate i have to tread carefully here because i'm am a fetish dresser and its always been linked to sexual urges since puberty. i find that i need the CDing less or not at all when i have a steady sexual relationship with a GG. the CDing is like an emergency back-up, i guess the same way that pornography or prostitutes might be for a 'regular guy'.
but i'm in uncharted territory right now. i'.m in a very longterm loving relationship with a GG and we have 3 kids but the sex life has dried up. so now the emergency back-up CDing method has become my main source of sexual relief. i've come to terms with that and i handle it discreetly. i have some other issues related to urges for more extreme sexual behaviour (which i think you know about, having responded to my thread on the subject recently) but i am doing my best to keep that under control.

[Beverley Sims]

I feel it is necessary in my life and I still cant get the lid on it properly.

[stephNE]

When I need to, I can put it away - for a while. But if I had to give it up permanently I probably wouldn't be able to go on, as it would drive me crazy. I underdress every day, and get to fully dress and go out once every week or two. I sort of feel like that is enough escape from my normal life to let me "recharge" my batteries.

[Anna H]

I'd say pretty necessary for me. I am what I am, and I can't shake off
this odd thing I just need to do.

So, I guess over a long period of time, I've learned to incorporate
little details that matter (to me) into everyday life. I can go out
completely dressed (no makeup), and nobody notices. They probably
just assume I'm some easy-going rocker/biker type...if they
even pay any attention. I don't stand out, but I do keep a part
of what I need to do with me at all times.

I don't go out "dolled up", though. That's sorta personal still with me,
so I save that for "in time". And, as I don't know any other CD's
personally at this time, I only share that with my internet friends.
(Who I Love Very much!! ♥)

As for being necessary....it is for me. But it's certainly controlled
and contained. Which comes easy because I have responsibilities
that have to be met if I want to continue doing as I need to.

I am very lucky, though. My wife is fine with it and I live in a place
where I can do as I need, when I need to do it....aside from going
out shopping/etc while "dolled".

It all comes down to my having this "condition" and accepting that
I do. It's not going away after this long. I Love it and feel lucky
that I am this way. Always have Liked it. So it's the way I am,
and suppressing or trying to avoid it won't ever work for me....

When the new CD certification center finally opens, I'll get my
papers & ID with no problems...(I do assume!)

♥ ~Kate!~ CD™

[Ellie52]

I agree with Bev..Its something I do in different degrees depending on the situation. If my son is out or how I am feeling.
Mostly I dress minimally - a sarong or skirt but occasionally I dress up for picture taking then get undressed again...Ellie

[Katey888]

Kate - good question.

I think I'd echo what you say as a situation that I'm moving towards. I've never suffered from an uncontrollable 'pink fog' in the way that others have described (although I think I can understand that - I've just been able to control it.) but I agree and believe that the urge is a powerful force.

I am having some success accepting that I (and probably we) are genuinely different from the norm, that we probably can't successfully neutralise this need to reflect both masculine and feminine internal and societal gender types, and that accommodating these desires in a controlled way is the best way forward. That acceptance of this variance from the norm is opening up all sorts of understanding for me, and who I am, and how I am - and I know deep down that this isn't just a nice to have - but that I deeply, emotionally and irrepressibly need Katey for me to be a whole.

This has been a pivotal part of my understanding myself... I think this may all go further...

Katey x

[Gypsy Sam]

1. Necessary and practical?; Nice to have.
2. Critical function of everyday life?; Relegated to convenient times.
3. Control you or not control you?; Tendency to come back to it throughout adulthood.
4. Getting in touch with deep feelings?; Mentally the acceptance of previous behavior was reconciled with postings by others at this site.

Total choice over random compulsion is a thought I never considered. Planned and structured and not getting primed by outside triggers is something to act on. Thanks for your posting.

[Lynn Marie]

I have no interest in trying to control others, but I do exert complete control over myself and my activities. If I'm not in control then who is?

[Princess Chantal]

So, my CDing time is planned and structured and doesn't get "primed" by any outside triggers. The result is, I thoroughly enjoy my time en femme and never have any regrets. The end result is that I can live without it if necessary but it's a "nice to have".

Bam! There is my answer to your question right to a perfect T

[Marcelle]

Hi Kate,

Being very new to this, I have reached a place of acceptance and understanding of who I am in relation to CDing and I would have to say Isha is an integral part of my life so we share our existence. Does it control me, at times I think she may but as I gain greater insight into how she fits into my life I gain greater control. I am going to hold response on this until I have a year under my belt.

Hugs

Isha

[Adriana Moretti]

To me it is not necessary..but it sure is fun...especially when you learn to control it. It is a creative outlet for me, and I have noticed that once I was able to control it my creativity levels went through the roof...in all avenues and in both forms male & female .

[Tina B.]

Over the years there have been changes back and forth over which side is in control, but I did learn to control things after many years of feeling out of control, now it's become a take it of leave it on a day to day bases, but control just goes so far, I couldn't and won't even consider trying to quit permanently, but I can go months without even thinking about it, if it's not convenient at the time.

[MarisaRose.]

It's a necessary element, I'm who I am because of it. Yet, it's a compartmentalized aspect of my life. Like you Kate, I keep it very structured, life has it's priorities, and as a result the time I spend as Marisa is more meaningful. It's private and it's public, just depends on how I feel at that moment, sometimes I stay home, once in a while I get dolled up and go out but it's always planned. I could never give it up, already tried, besides every once in a while a guy's just gotta be a girl!!!

[Vanessa Rose]

Just to mix it up a bit and for the sake of discourse. I believe that those who say CDing is a "nice to have" are mistaken.


By the mere fact that we come here to chat and breath life into our female persona, we are not, (many, many of us) in the "nice to have" category. I think this brings us into the need to have category. I think by definition, those people are also mistaken because, although you can set your female character aside, even out of your life for periods, extended periods, you would likely (highly) get pulled very hard back into CDing. If you did not visit boards and seek outside input and such and just wore her sock's or whatever, then perhaps you would fit into the "nice to have" category.


1. Necessary and practical?; Necessary
2. Critical function of everyday life?; Lives all the time, dresses whenever possible..going to 1/2 time
3. Control you or not control you?; not control, but part of me... could be in control if I deny or act like Vanessa is of no importance or is only a "nice to have" Vanessa Rose would not have it..not at this time at least
4. Getting in touch with deep feelings?; Mentally I am at peace with whom I am, where I am and what I want. Vanessa is 50% of this...maybe a shade less if needed but in reality, she is always with me...part of me..


Vanny

[celeste26]

It is very necessary since without them I would remain nude. I have so few 'drab' clothes I could not get entirely dressed. I have no interest in male clothes anyway, there are rare times when it is necessary to at least look like a male, but that is only an appearance and hardly who I am.

[njcddresser]

Is it necessary for me? No

With that said, it has become a very important part of the person that I am

Could I live without it? I believe I could though I would not wanto.

I came out to myself and my wife just a few months ago. I've gone through an in depth period of self discovery and believe I have been suppressing this my entire life. Now that I know that this is who I really am, I want to allow my feminine me to grow and let it lead me wherever it may go.

[Jennifer in CO]

is it necessary?...Yes

could I live without it?...Yes

would I be a happy camper?...No

[biggirlsarah]

I personally cannot live without it, it is an emotional need if I don't dress for a period of time all be it even a few days I get irritated, and withdrawn, sometimes if I have not dressed for a few days and I am starting work at say 11 am I will get up and get dressed even just a skirt and top, until I have to go to work, so for me I cannot do without it, I am unable to rationalise it but that's the way it is and I have come to live with it.

[MsVal]

I am new to the realization and personal discovery process so my input will mean very little.

At this stage I am still trying to understand it (me?). There are times when the compulsion is so strong that it interferes with other necessary or enjoyable things. Other times it is quite weak, but like a minor ache, it is still in the back of my mind.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Brandi Lesalle]

is it necessary?...Yes

could I live without it?...Yes

would I be a happy camper?...No

Agreed! I have fought many months of depression over the years feeling like there was something wrong with me for wanting to crossdress.Now that Ihave accepted it I would find it hard to go back without regressing into periods of depression

[Annaliese]

It is part of me always has been, but it has only been the last year that I have realized that. To stop dressing it would have to be cut it out of me, it would be painful not to have this.

[samantha rogers]

It has taken me a lifetime to reach a point where I accept, forgive and embrace my feminine side. After years of cycling through stages of abandonment followed by recrimination, I now allow Samantha free rein within my mind. As a result, as I discover the many aspects of myself I can learn from her, such as compassion, empathy and love, I find, ironically, much less compulsion to dress now than before. And yet the times when I do, carefully planned for and with full support, are that much more special. My goal, as Samantha grows into a mental role more equal to that of the male side, is to find ways to integrate the two. Does that answer your questions. LOL Probably not...sorry...best I can do today.

[Christen]

Hi All,
I'm not sure it's totally necessary in my life, and it's certainly not practical! But it's been in my life as long as my memory goes back. Control is the thing, and at the moment that's lacking somewhat. Trouble is dressing gives me pleasure and no matter how long I manage not to, I always end up back there.
I say I'd stop doing it if I had to, but that's a lie. I'm really pretty sure I'll crossdress forever.
But having control over it is definitely the best situation.

Christen X

[Rachael Leigh]

Kate love your perspective on this as I too have been trying to get a handle on mine as well. I need to control it as well and not let it control me, my pink fog over the last month was bad but now much more under control and being able to have more conversation with my non accepting wife has helped as well. I feel I need this at times but I won't let it overwhelm me as I have in the past