Obviously, this might not apply to many of you, but for those that this does apply to:
At what point in your life did you realize your "trans" status? What was your experience around that realization?
Thanks!
Obviously, this might not apply to many of you, but for those that this does apply to:
At what point in your life did you realize your "trans" status? What was your experience around that realization?
Thanks!
I was totally blind to my "nature" for 45 years...even though my crossdressing and thinking about crossdressing was overwhelming my life, I was highly functioning...
I never allowed myself for one moment to consider the possibility that transitioning to live as a woman was remotely possible and this thought guided and protected me. I was deeply repressed, but a better word for it may be compartmentalized...
I was just able to put it out of mind..
For many years there were signs and behavior I ignored... I obsessively surfed Lynn Conway's website and read the same articles over and over...
One day I stumbled over this article http://avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm
That one article put a knife in my brain...it was my life...it was agony... around the same time I was divorced and my boss of 20 years announced his retirement... and that as they say was that... from the moment I read that article I knew what was going to happen...it took 2 years to get to a point where I started HRT and my transition in earnest...
I hope that helps...
Wow, I can not believe how "On the Mark" that article has been and identified me as a G-3. Thank you for posting the study.
Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele
Last edited by Rianna Humble; 02-09-2014 at 12:24 PM. Reason: Quote trimmed
I couldn't even watch a show of any kind that had anything to do with transition if someone else was in the room, i.e. wife, for fear that my interest would show and she would know, and I knew I just couldn't be one of those. When I was alone however I watched every one I could and took comfort in knowing I wasn't the only one. This was about age 50. This was the very start of my transition, information gathering. While I don't agree with the OP's language it does have some merit. I started CD'ing in my early teens, did the whole buy clothes purge, buy clothes purge many, many times just knowing I could never be a woman. Then at about 52 I started CD'ing more, the more I dressed the better I felt, the better I felt the more I dressed. When I took stock of my life as I looked back all I saw was a lie, one big fat lie which caused anxiety, depression, loneliness, most of us have been there. I was then about 56 and decided it was time to live MY LIFE or die trying which beat the alternative of dying by my own hand from not trying. So it was not so much a transition from CD'er to TG'er but just acknowledging what I already knew. Then at 57 I started hormones and bingo, bango, bongo, I was ME and that was OK.
I don't know how many here remember the series of I'm OK, You're OK books from the 1970's but I was in the You're OK, I'm not OK group now I am in the I'm OK and if you don't like it tough s**t one.
My parents should have known something wasn't quite right when I kept putting Kens' head on Barbies' bodyRachel Smith May 2017
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC][SIZE="3"]Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. Dan Stanford[/SIZE][/SIZE]
I used to feel like one in a million now with this forum I feel like one OF a million
“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ― Joseph Campbell
My involvement was mostly in my mind until age 50. Then with my wife's help I practiced until we could go out in public together. Up until that moment I thought it was just a quirk of mine, nothing major. My wife says she knew it was serious when I started crying on the ride home that first day. At that point I started examining my feelings and thoughts I had while growing up. I soon realized that I was somewhere further along the trans spectrum then I had expected. From that period on I have spent as much time "out and about" as I can. Sometimes dressed down, sometimes dressed up. At least for the near future that seems to be enough for me. I help run a trans social group a couple times a month and it seems lately like we have at least one friend a year transition to full time. That is a big change over what was typical just 5 years ago.
Sally
The OP says trans, but not trans-what. I have stated I am transgender for at least a dozen years. I am now working through my transsexual feelings. So to me, it isn't a transition as much as a realization or step in self awareness.
For Vanessa, I don't know that I pushed it aside. Either I did subconsciously or my feelings just deepened over the years. Addressing the family is probably different for everyone. I have long let some family know and there are some others I would tell even without transition. Others I was holding back on as they would be more difficult to educate. They may just be getting it anyway at this point. My wife is highly supportive to the point of saying "just do it, the back and forth is more stressful". She says she loves me no matter how I look. I suspect she is sticking around.
Vanessa if your self analysis is accurate run away from here as fast as you can!! LOL
Reading your post, i'd urge you to get to the therapist and work this stuff out...
Trust me, you don't want to be anything more than 85% woman because that man part of you can live a full life even if you have to live with a dual nature...many many people do this successfully without giving up their jobs, families and money..some do it privately and some very publicly...there are many options..
That being said, I would echo April's comments that transition was the most "Worth it" thing I've ever done.. .. the reason i say that is because its the first thing i did in my life that actually felt like i was doing it for me...that sounds selfish but its different than the idea of selfish... the key words are "felt like"... i did lots of things for me and for others, but over the years my transsexuality robbed me of the ability to get any meaningful pleasure or fulfillment out of anything i did...that's because i was doing everything for this pretend person.. for me that was the core aspect of all this... i had never allowed myself to live a life that actually felt like a life....
Lol...Vanessa you are far better off not being TS!
I have many feelings, and thoughts and conflicts but not an "avalanche" as I interpret many TS have. I just hope I am not stuck in the middle, somewhere, nowhere.. just there. Regardless where I am stuck, i either need to lose weight or must decidedly plan on taking a long time to get there... I do plan on losing weight...
I met my SO and we talked about everything, especially my gender confusion.. she didn't care a bit in her own words.. but I think she does. If I was her, how would i fight this silent calling....that for me is fighting to express outwardly. Can you elucidate on how this has been tough on the marriage, without getting too private...meaning.. discussions before and after and changes to these.... I have told her that if I did transition, or did decide afterall that I needed to do this, what would that mean...she said I will love you but also said, lets not deal in hypotheticals.. we could do that all day... kind of gave me the creeps.. there is then, an open door exit for her. But we are incredibly bonded...so strong, so similar and so direct in our communication, that we are virtually identical except for this one gender piece. I hope this makes sense.... the truth be told, she is beautiful and no matter what id did or how far i would come, I could never be more feminine than her...my baby....
Regarding family Sue, I don't intend on sharing anything without making some very hard decisions. I am far from that.. I like your thoughts about moving from TG to another place over the years to where you are now. I would have to give additional thought to that honestly... I just, if this makes sense, have not had the option to think of this for raising a family, a failed relationship and all. I have soo much going on in my life, I want to make sure I go slow, and take deliberate steps, purposeful steps that give me time to find out exactly what I am, who I am and then if a plan needs to be made or not, execute on whatever I need to... Surely this is not to be taken lightly... from all the postings... the challenge is significant... so much to learn and think about.. so thank you for your thoughts here..
Yes that is how i interpret this.. for me, with no reasonable therapy or informed input to help me find me.. I am not lost, don't get me wrong, but To be asked the right questions, read the right articles and take in and digest the right knowledge is key for me.. a therapist will be at the center... I am wondering if my SO should attend as well as she has said that she would... thoughts...
Thanks also for your thoughts about transitioning and if it was worth it. The force that drives this need, is more than I have now, however the scary thing, is the force that is driving me is changing and becoming more powerful and vocal and expressive. I am not effeminate...hardly, but the female side is not a force that I understand or know how to communicate with... I try to understand and listen, but if I don't know what I need to hear to understand... all the listening and trying is largely unproductive.. hope that makes sense..
I have not been overwhelmed but I also have not been out regularly.. I have a SO that could care less if we went out in public...she wants to help but I keep pushing it aside.. this thing, these feelings are very personal... so I know something is defensive and the walls are up... I do have her support though, but am treading lightly.. slowly.. I want to understand before I say stuff, do stuff... act... People think I am nuts on this board for my hesitation... with a supportive SO.. but we have been together for over a year and are strong. I don't know if strong is what gets couples through this and there is no need to scare or alarm unnecessarily... make sense?
I am in my 50's and I am going into the I don't care what others think part of my life. However I am not there, and I would think, but don't know if at this time of my life if the transition is easier or harder. Likely does not matter but I will have definitely have missed my youthful years... I never saw that series. I would have melted as a kid, because of my family's reaction... Times have changed..but have they changed enough...
thanks for your thoughts...
Last edited by Rianna Humble; 02-09-2014 at 05:44 PM. Reason: There is no need to quote the entire preceding post, also other quoting trimmed
^^^Vanessa Rose.
1. Yes.
2. I could and did push it aside, but there was no wham. It was a grinding grudging acquiescence of my self that took me 3 decades to accomplish.
3. IMHO, yes, you are still in a lack of self acceptance phase. See my #2.
4. Yes, marriage survived. But . . . I landed in gender outlaw land. And my wife and I are aware we are like two overlapping circles in a Venn diagram - we exist in a narrow area of overlap. Further transition by me takes me out of the overlap, less acceptance and tolerance by her takes her out of the overlap. I remain in awe of the power of love's role in letting us find this island. Aprilrain had a snarky comment upthread about wives being the reason for middle path - I can't say shes wrong, but I'd add a lot of love is needed.
5. Yes, it is no fun learning your heart wants you to fly in the face of everything society taught you about gender. Sweetie we have a staggering suicide attempt/success rate among us. New study this month reaffirmed prior studies. Just remember "Do whatever it takes to make your life worth living."
Last edited by melissaK; 02-09-2014 at 01:17 PM.
Hugs,
'lissa
"The second life isn't like the first one, is it?"
"Sometimes, it's even better."
~ Elektra Natchios & Stick, Elektra (Movie) 2005, R. Metzner, S. Zicherman, Z. Penn
I am right in the middle of this process. I know that I am transgendered. I go out fully dressed on a regular basis. I know that I am a girl inside. However I have a wife and son and I desperately do not want to lose them. The conflict rages inside of me a of the time. The more I dress and interact with the world as a woman the more I want. It feels so right to be Suzanne. I keep looking for the magic answer that will allow me to have my cake and eat it too. I don't think there is a magic answer. I will have to face either suppressing me or losing my wife. I hate that choice !
Suzanne
This is so spot on. My therapist also remarks about how well I am able to compartmentalize things, including my gender confusion. I do not yet know if I'm on the path to a full transition. But, I think, like many on this board have expressed, that it is not a decision as much as a realization. I'm smack dab in the middle of all of it right now, too!
Last edited by Rianna Humble; 02-17-2014 at 11:33 AM. Reason: Quote trimmed
Tess
Can I just be a girl already?! Please!
I can remember tess that I would see a crossdressed or transgender person walking down the street and I LITERALLY didn't think about how that person may be like me in some way. I was fascinated and to be honest ashamed for them (projected from me)...
In my mind what they were doing was impossible!!! They went outside!! People saw them!!! OMG!!... It's bizarre how deeply I buried these thoughts (even though I was thinking them ALL THE TIME!!!).... I realize it makes no sense, but if you are going thru it you would understand..
In any case, I hope some of the posts help you know you are not alone.
That's a tough one for me been dressing all my life off and on but in the last few years the urge is more then ever before and I have thoughts of wanting to have breast and wonder if I could do full time. However I know I couldn't look like the woman I would want to be and because of that I don't think I would ever go full time. I also worry about my family and the change in life am I willing to give all that up probaly not. That said u never know were this road is going to take you. If you aske me a few years ago that I would dress fully as often as I can keep my self shaved all year rounding would have said no. Time will tell I guess.
My earliest memories were wanting to be a girl. I thought it impossible for a long time, then I thought I could never do it, then....I did it.
There is not a single day of my life I didn't want to be a girl.
All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?
What the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual?
About 3 years! Ha ha ha!
Just joking. Not always the case. but it's funny because there's a kernel of truth there.
Mary
What, no one? Really? This is neither funny, nor is there any truth to this kernel or otherwise. This is a tired old meme used by white middle aged m** to justify a breakout into fantasy land.
Oh and by the way OP, there is no such thing as "transitioning from crossdresser to trans...." It is an insult to those who actually transition. I would call it rolling from one fantasy into another.
Last edited by Kathryn Martin; 02-06-2014 at 08:37 PM.
"Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)
I'm actually pretty sure a few members here started out in the CD section and ended up transitioning.
It's not guaranteed but I can see people opening up more with lots of soul searching to come to terms with what they've always known.
Last edited by whowhatwhen; 02-06-2014 at 08:26 PM. Reason: Spelling
I thought that joke was kind of funny.
Also, in my humble opinion, kudos to the OP for asking an interesting question that shows how all our journeys are different and there many paths to take in discovering yourself. Perhaps there are an infinite number of paths as there are an infinite number of gender expressions.
Last edited by Rianna Humble; 02-07-2014 at 09:03 AM. Reason: Insult removed
Pot, kettle, black. I've been around long enough to know that there's a lot of truth to it. What happens is a middle aged upper class transperson who has identified as CD for years, hits the certain age, begins soul searching and acknowledging the feelings they always had. And since they have the money/socioeconomic clout to pull it off, they bankroll a reasonably quick transition trying to maintain as much as their previous status as they can. Easier for academia than others, but lawyers and doctors pull it off too.
Perhaps you don't like the wording, but it does describe what happens. Perhaps saying "Crossdresser figuring out they're transsexual" is better? I know you're sensitive on this, for various reasons.Oh and by the way OP, there is no such thing as "transitioning from crossdresser to trans...." It is an insult to those who actually transition. I would call it rolling from one fantasy into another.
More than a few.
Indeed.It's not guaranteed but I can see people opening up more with lots of soul searching to come to terms with what they've always known.
Veronica
If you believe in it, makeup has a magic all it's own -- Sooner or Later (TV movie)
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?- Marianne Williamson
Have I also not said that "This Thing of Ours" makes some of us a bit "Barefoot in the Head"? Well, it does.
Being humorous is always dangerous on a topic like this. And being insulted and speaking for a very wide spectrum of the world population is also being on thin ice.
The point of this post is to try to bring happiness into the discussion. And to save it because it is so meaningful. If I post, I can find it. And I am trying to make this topic a joyous one for all of us.
I've lived an unhappy life and I don't want to do that anymore. But that's just me. One person, an older white (stereotyped) male trying to live a thoughtful life.
Namasterobbin
This is one of those threads about the implications of language. I have always been of the school that maintains that language matters.
In this case, where there are objections, the gist is that the language being used (particularly transition-related language) easily carries over into connotations on the nature of transsexuality. Veronica Moonlit hit on this in her response to Kathryn when she asked whether she would prefer alternative language. She did not, however, address Kathryn's actual point, which was conceptual.
I don't find the use of "transitioning from CD to TS" insulting, exactly. I do think it undermines the significance of transition. I haven't even transitioned yet. But I am in transition planning and I can tell you that it is hell to live already in many respects. By contrast, the brief period following my coming out to my spouse when I identified briefly as a cross-dresser (for lack of anything better at that point) was sunshine and daisies by comparison. So was the period following the realization and acceptance that I am TS. It started hitting the fan when I decided to transition.
Real, substantive differences between life-long cross-dressers, gender-variant people, and transsexuals have become obvious to me. This despite a few shared characteristics, too. They are different conditions with different management regimens and resolutions. I am aware that many who hold this views did not arrive at it until they realized they were TS themselves. But the fact is that those of us who do hold them, hold them honestly, the conviction coming of our own experiences, including when comparing them to others during our "CD" periods (so-called).
Moreover, this is not the view of a tiny minority among TS, though by no means universal. The differences go to the profound nature of transition itself, elements to which even pre-ops on HRT can relate to a degree. That's where the objections to the language start in a TS forum (not a TG forum) when someone talks about "transitioning" from CD to TG.
Language matters.
Lea
I grew up exactly the same way! Tried to do everything to "Man Up", but after dressing for a Halloween Party a couple years ago, it was like being hit with a bus. I had to dress as much as possible, and realized that I had to do something about it. Four months on HRT and roadmap has me starting RLE about the end of this year.
Leah
Be nice; It don't cost nothing.
In a lot of cases the difference is .....a wife.
All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?
Serious self exploration was key for me with a gender counselor to help me realize who I was and what I needed. I honestly believe GD exists on a spectrum of sorts, and where one might fall on the spectrum determines the needs of the individual and since it is an individual experience, each person must find on her own what she needs to do. For me, self acceptance that being 'transgender' is who I am, not what I do, has meant a lot for me as far as gaining an inner sense of peace. I have trans friends all along the transition spectrum...from just hormones to full SRS, and everyone of them is living life as she sees fit...regardless of what others think....each of us arrived where we are through self realization....peace, Melissa.
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