Teased about dressing.

[sonialexis]

Anyone here where a friend or sibling mentioned something casually about your dressing, without knowing about your cding. Ok let me be clearer I've had two or three occasions where one good guy friend of mine has said 'hey why don't you wear that' pointing to a bra or a mannequin in lingerie. He's done this quite a few times. Ok also he said it in a mocking way not 'hey you'll look good in that' but more teasing me. The other time was when a friend came to pick me up and he said this twice after I met him. 'So what were you doing, dressing up in women's clothes'. The irony baffled me as they have no clue of my dressing, I did feel a chill when he said that.
It's kinda a strange the one friend who keeps teasing me is kinda homophobic, alpha male, very masculine and we've known each other since kids, I don't talk to him anymore because he was always putting me down. He always teased me, called me sissy, pretty boy among other things. the other friend i was meeting him after 8 or so years and before that I had just been friends with him for about 2 months. I'm a cd i've never gotten signals from my friends, i'm sure I know somebody who dresses. Were they just shooting in the dark, I'm not overtly effeminate or androgynous. Beats me.

[devida]

Perhaps they were just hopeful? Particularly the childhood friend who you no longer see...you do know that homophobes are very often just self hating homosexuals, right? He sounds like the kind of guy who can only express affection by teasing. I bet that not too far from the surface he really wanted to bust a move but his self image as a macho male would not let him. So he teased you instead.

[Shari]

When we are who we are, any comments like the ones you received are amplified.
If you didn't dress at all, those statements would just roll off your back. Try not to make something out of nothing unless the comments become blatant.

[Marcelle]

Nothing along that lines exactly. However, a few months ago I was in a community theatre production where I played one of two guys who dressed up as women in order to inherit a fortune. My colleagues at work knew about the play and came to see it. One of these colleagues was a really good friend and I was at his work place (he works in a separate location from me) looking for a person with whom I had a meeting. We (my friend and I) got talking about the play and he said there is no way you could pay him enough money to dress up like a woman in front of people (he was not being mean . . . just joshing). I asked him if he knew the person I was suppose to meet and he said he would take me to their work space . . . as we got closer he announced in a loud voice " Hey (name of person), there is a cross dresser here to see you". It was a bit surreal but I don't think he knew.

Hugs

Isha

[sonialexis]

When we are who we are, any comments like the ones you received are amplified.
If you didn't dress at all, those statements would just roll off your back. Try not to make something out of nothing unless the comments become blatant.

I completely agree and trust me shari I've thought it through, but you know when its casual and sometimes you just can't help but question the motive. It's like they're pushing something, i've had quite a few comments made about my slightly feminine side and that well I guess i had it coming but to specifically talk about dressing had me thinking then.

[mykell]

some folks are taught that way and make comments to find sexual things that embarrasses people,
then use it, dwell on it, to get an advantage, manipulate, (think about folks in pubic office) !!
me ive been teased most of my life, rumors from childhood always caught up, (it really is a small world)
and as shari states,
"any comments like the ones you received are amplified.
If you didn't dress at all, those statements would just roll off your back."
but because i dressed i felt embarrassed.....

[Kate Simmons]

I dunno. to me being teased about dressing when the person doing the teasing doesn't know you do it is kind of meaningless, isn't it?

[Jenny Doolittle]

Perhaps he himself is a CD and just does not know how to just come out and ask? Many a CD had locked themselves in a very macho type career to try and hide and deny their feminine leanings, perhaps that is the case with him?

[Vanessa Rose]

Half if our lives it would seem are acting as we think we must. Some don't bother and are lucky because they don't care so much because there is another driving force in them to do what they want regardless. Wish that was me

My point is that I think all of us when asked questions or hear harsh comments about
Sensitive topics will defend people and their uniqueness especially if they are making comments about what we are or do or dress as.

I think this drive for us to hint, defend, represent is strong (at least for me) and thusly over time and in the proper circumstances outs us over and over until our friend would want to let us know that they know.

I do this for someone that I know. Two exactly.

Is this a possibility as to why / How our friends know?

Honestly I don't know if mine do however I have said many things to very
Vocal people about gay, TG and even hetero people that stopped the conversation cold with blank stares. More than once. And tell my children to always defend the underdog etc.
to be mean to a troubled person/bullied is not acceptable.

I have said so much more but to not defend or say things when challenged by others who are spewing hateful or harmful words is like not standing up for me. That would be unthinkable. Sorry if a bit off topic but this triggered these thoughts

Vanny

[PaulaQ]

They are just yanking your chain, trying to get a rise out of you. Best way to deflect this is to turn it back on them and make them uncomfortable.

"What were you doing in there, dressing in women's clothes?"
"Well no, but I appreciate that valuable insight into your personal life, I had no idea you were into that!"

I did this a lot. Sometimes just going with the joke works too - they get the idea it doesn't bother you. I did this quite a lot, I'm not real proud of it, but hey, self defense.

[Rhonda Darling]

I have a close personal friend who is always telling me that I have too much Estrogen. This is usually in the context of conversation with others where I side with the ladies present, or appear too comfortable or too knowledgable talking about things women like or do. I've given up trying to be cute with a retort. Now I just ignore it and keep going. I found that playing into his lead, or voicing objections, only fed the beast.

There is a funny twist here. He's a macho Italian, but whereas I have to shave my body almost daily to keep the smooth skin I want, he is practically hairless on arms, legs, chest and back. AND, he has big moobs with large dark Areola. Could probably easily fill a B cup to overflowing.

Rhonda

[PaulaQ]

AND, he has big moobs with large dark Areola. Could probably easily fill a B cup to overflowing.

Yeah, that's the angle you respond with when he makes those jokes. Go for the kill. Many men are sensitive about this, and that is almost certainly why he's such a d*ck. You may lose a friend, and you'll almost certainly infuriate him. If he talks to you about it - point out that you wanted him to feel what it was like to be the recipient of such jokes, and to either "quit f*cking making them, or man the f*ck up about receiving them."

Like I said - I'm not real proud of some of my past behavior.

[CynthiaD]

My siblings and I sometimes kid each other about wearing gender inappropriate clothing, but as far as I know, I'm the only one who's serious about it.

[Beverley Sims]

Paula has got it here, without knowing they just yank your chain and it probably started a long time ago over some insignificant event.
It becomes an in joke and you just learn to live with it till something more refreshing comes along.

[dana digs sweaters]

Does teased on Halloween count?
Dressed in my next older sister's cheerleader uniform at 11. Her idea.
The skirt had a sewed in "panty liner'. So if the skirt flips up doing a routine, the liner was all the same color for every girl.
So a boy at school asked me in front of everybody if I was wearing a panty underneath the skirt and then lifted it up from behind.
I told him "Yes, it's from your mother. She thinks I look better in it then you do"
Everybody laughed but him as he turned red faced. Made me wonder if he knew what was in his mother's dresser.

[sonialexis]

well the things that you guys said were really eye openers, I've always wanted to fit in be accepted but I also could never be like everybody else, 1. i was different 2. i was made aware many a time of it. that way I in ways, I've always created a wall. I always felt I don't want to respond for fear of coming out defensive and thus proving right, what you say, you could also say I lacked aggression in confronting the situation head on, (and oh those replies..., how i wish I was blessed with quick, witty repartee) I'm passive at times and I hate that about it me. I do, though, chose not to be offended, embarrassed, hurt or angry.
Thanks a bunch honey buns I will be back with more issues lol, got loads. kisses

[Sallee]

I have had acquaintances mention comments like that. I know one may have seen me dressed once and I think the other one did too. They never said anything then, when they may have seen me. So I didn't worry about it and don't really care. I ignored the comments. If I was asked directly I may admit to it or not. If teased I may play it up Like "yea I might look good in that bra" or "the dress isn't my still" at any rate it isn't worth worrying about. They will like you or not like you for who you are. If they keep teasing tell them to stop that it really bothers you and you would rather not hear it. If keeps up say good bye.

[Annaliese2010]

Uh, I think they know. Sorta obvious by what you described. But don't feel bad. Just realize their not all that great of friends. It's not you it's them.

[Michelle789]

My belief on jokes is this. I will post specifically in the context of being teased about being gay, a cross-dresser, a girl, or a sissy.

1. If you've been teased once or twice in your life, it was probably just a fluke.

2. If you've been teased consistently by one person, then he's probably a closet gay projecting his homosexuality on you. In some cases he may just be plain crazy.

3. If it's a group of people teasing you, and they're all in the same group of friends, then they're just pulling your leg.

4. If you've been teased or joked at consistently, over your entire life, by many different people, who don't know each other, then there's probably something in your mannerisms or personality that sends a message about the girl inside of you.

I would just find different friends to hang out with, or follow Paula's advice and make the joke back at them.

There's a saying that there's a bit of truth in every joke. The caveat is that the truth may be that he's projecting himself on you. One more question, does he just do this to you or does he do this to everybody. I often find it strange that the closet gays/CDs may make jokes on other people they read as gay, CD, or feminine.

I mean why would anyone who is merely just pulling your leg, or being facetious or sarcastic, choose to call you gay, girl, cross-dresser, or sissy, when there are millions of things to pull your leg about. The can pull your leg about the kind of car you drive, or about your profession, or the football team you route for, or being too fat or too thin. Also, why would they pick on you only, and not tease everyone about being gay or CD? That's why I feel like if people make jokes like this then they probably see something in you that seems feminine.

I've been teased all my life by different people that don't know each other, so it's not some mass conspiracy (#4 above). I've also had comments made that were obviously more serious and not just casual jokes. There was one guy I actually played the joke back on him, and he later responded with a "you have the strength of 10 men joke". I can guarantee you if you confront him by either playing the joke back on him, or by going along with it, that he will eventually respond by making an opposite joke, like about you being very manly.

[Christina Kay]

Had someone say something referencing Cd about 24 yrs ago at work and then one guy directed it at me,,and it stuck ...Guess I didn't handle it well , tried the humor thing , the ignore thing , the get in there face thing. This has followed me from job site to job site and tortured me for over 24 yrs , I am in the construction trades. From outright ostricsizing to verbal abuse.....For years I have dreaded going to new jobs and once it started I would just spiral Into depression,,,,What did I do wrong, who could of read me,,NO ONE knows that I Cd not even my wife at that time.(she does know now, but not the abuse) It would make me so sad if she knew of this, I don't ever want to disappoint her ...Sorry just needed to get this off my chest , this is the ultimate downsides if someone vindictively reads you..I hope it never happens to any of you, only 3 more years till I retire and this torturing ends , and my wife can't understand why for me retirement can't come soon enough. Sorry didn't mean to hijack the thread or depress anyone ,,,,

[Patty-Fay]

The guys who made these comments consider crossdressing perverted, and they were performing put-down "humor." Way back in the 70's, when I was in high school, there was a clique of boys who'd call everyone not in their group a derogatory name (qu**r, f***ot, etc). It's childish when a teen does it, and no less childish when an adult does it. It doesn't imply they know anything about you. If they DID know, they probably wouldn't say anything to you (although they'd probably talk to others about you).

In the future, be prepared with some quick comebacks. You could give it back in the spirit it was given: "this looks like the one you're wearing." But I prefer deflection: "it's not my style" or "I already have that one." "I took so long because I found I run in my pantyhose."

[Eryn]

I used to be worried about such comments, but I've grown a thicker skin over the years.

My comment now would likely be "Why don't be both try them on and see who's really the confident male here."

[scarlett]

Had someone say something referencing Cd about 24 yrs ago at work and then one guy directed it at me,,and it stuck ...Guess I didn't handle it well , tried the humor thing , the ignore thing , the get in there face thing. This has followed me from job site to job site and tortured me for over 24 yrs , I am in the construction trades. From outright ostricsizing to verbal abuse.....For years I have dreaded going to new jobs and once it started I would just spiral Into depression,,,,What did I do wrong, who could of read me,,NO ONE knows that I Cd not even my wife at that time.(she does know now, but not the abuse) It would make me so sad if she knew of this, I don't ever want to disappoint her ...Sorry just needed to get this off my chest , this is the ultimate downsides if someone vindictively reads you..I hope it never happens to any of you, only 3 more years till I retire and this torturing ends , and my wife can't understand why for me retirement can't come soon enough. Sorry didn't mean to hijack the thread or depress anyone ,,,,

You have touched a nerve. We live in fear and even the smallest scratch on our shell is a major alert. I too am in a building trade and know how savage co workers can be. Hang in there, 3 more years and you will have the last laugh.

[teri g]

Several years ago my wife (dadt) and I were planning an addition to the house and our architect friend was doing the project. During the planning stages, on one of his visits to inspect the existing structure, he was on a step ladder with his upper body in the attic crawl space looking at things and taking notes. After a few minutes my wife asks "What do you see up there?". He replies "Only (my name)'s women's clothing". We didn't have eye contact with him so our facial expressions were unhindered. I wish I could see them now. Both of our jaws must have hit the floor and our eyes popped out of our heads. I silently shook my head to my wife to let her know that he didn't know that about me. I don't remember how we responded to him but of course it was to just play along. But the truth is, Jeff not only has a great sense of humor but I know he wouldn't care if he were to ever learn about my hobby.

[Billiejosehine]

Growing up I had been teased for just anything that I did. The way I sneezed, the way I walked, or having long eye lashes. And just recently as I become more of who I am on the outside as I feel on the inside; and have started conning out to people, I have gotten a lot of support. But on the same token, I have met done resistance from a few family members. Take my ex for example: in the time I have been with her she has made comments about me shaving my face, what I wear, how I sit on the toilet when going pee, using conditioner, or how she will cut off my manhood, chop it into pieces, deep fry it, and feed it to the dog if I cheat. I can't believe how cruel people can be sometimes and how judgmental they are of others. After all our bodies are just a vessel our spirt inhabits while we are here on this earth. I have to be okay with my own skin and no can tell me how I should look or do with my own body.