The right time to come out…? Maybe not…

[Caden Lane]

I agree with what was said earlier, see if you can quietly get a feel for her understanding of cross dresser and transvestite. Maybe watch an eddie izzard video, and casually ask her if she thinks he is gay. Don't infer you think he is because he is dressed up, just ask. Watch her mannerisms, listen to every word and pause in her response, and watch her face. Your answer may lay in there.

[Tina B.]

Well I don't know what you wife took away from it all, but as far as a start to coming out, well it's better than nothing, good luck, but keep your eyes open, the Gay or Transvestite remark could be hard to over come.
You might try a black or dark blue polish next time, and tell her you are going Goth?

[DonnaT]

Sadly they've all been acetoned now, and by gad isn't that stuff stubborn to get out of every nook and cranny? At least I have learned not to apply that and expect all traces to be gone very easily.

You can bring up this issue, as a point of conversation, next time your wife is doing her nails. See if she gives you pointers?

However, the tangled web could result in your desiring to bring up the dressing issues, before you are ready, so be careful.

[Jenny Elwood]

Hi Katey

I really hope that things will work out for you in the long run. An understanding GG is what we all want in the Christmas stocking. Wouldn't it be funny if after years of hesitancy you came out only to find that she's actually okay with it!

I always enjoy your insightful posts sprinkled with a bit of wit.

[teri g]

If you're not ready for disclosure then you need to slow yourself down and back off. Your own account of the story is full of indications that you're out on thin ice. Nothing in her responses to you suggest even a hint of acceptance or openness to crossdressing. That's not to say that it can't happen, only that it's not an open door. Proceed with caution at your own peril.

[mykell]

hi katey,

i have to agree with teri g.

but if and when you do it i suggest that you have a letter handy,
your talent for composing words and capturing feelings on paper will be at the ready for backup,
during my reveal i hit all the themes that wanted her to know and some i learned here, love only you, never been with anyone, since childhood ....ect.... ect,

what she heard was "im a transvestite", her only question was "where did you get the clothes"
she left the house to absorb it, when she returned she e-mailed me and asked all the questions which i stated to her during the reveal.
i wrote a letter to answer her questions with the last line stating some have a DADT arrangement, that what she chose, not perfect,
but she has become my wife again in a months time, i did want to tell sooner and thought better to wait after the holidays,
after you open the box it can not be put away.
were together 30 yrs just,
wanted to give some advise,
didnt mean to go on so.....

[Caden Lane]

Not to derail the thread; but letters and email scare me so. I've had several TG friends who've essentially been blackmailed and blackballed by a supposedly "loving" spouse or SO after their reveal. You have to have massive faith and trust in your spouse and what their actions will be if you consider a letter or e-mail.

[illusiongirl]

I agree there. U have to be careful who u tell sometimes

[Katey888]

I'm overwhelmed by everyone's consideration of this - I want you all to know how much I appreciate what you are saying, each from your own perspectives and experience - thank you again.

Things have settled back to normal now - as I think we all expected they would... I don't have any pressing need right now to push this further - I think I'll leave this all a few weekends before even just asking her what she thought of my day with nails. My guess is it will be only a minor thing for her - not of any real significance. We'll see...

I take all your advice to heart - thank you - Katey x

[MarisaRose.]

I think Jamie is correct when she says," our wives see only what they want to". And the pink fog can and does effect our judgement, so be careful what you wish for. It's a process, even with a spouse who knows. Trust, love, acceptance....

[illusiongirl]

Let us know her reaction, if u like

[Caden Lane]

Given a choice, I'd rather have revealed when the tidal pull of the pink fog wasn't a factor. I'd have rather ed told her when that desperate need for acceptance wasn't there. But then, I might not have been driven to tell her.