Guilty no more..

[Caden Lane]

Today my GF and I were talking about some family issues of mine, and how my mom seems to think i need to get my validation from her. That and her incessant need to give me guilt trips.

I told my GF that I didn't need to get my validation from my mom because she is trying to validate all the wrong things. If I've learned nothing else from my crossdressing, is that carrying guilt for no reason accomplishes nothing.

My GF was wowed by me saying that. I used to carry around a LOT of guilt. I went on to explain to her that telling her about ALL my dressing, was a huge start in erasing my guilt. Then I had more guilt for just...being a cross dresser. After i unloaded the guilt of not telling her,I was able to be validated by her as a cross dresser through her Love for me.

Once I was guilt free, i could see how much guilt I used to slog around with. She commented that it must be an amazing feeling. And it is. I was able to let her know that the amount of Love, acceptance, and understanding i get from her makes me feel complete and validated.

Being free of the guilt has allowed me to grow as a person, as a boyfriend, as a father, and just asimportantly , as Caden.

So how many of you have managed to work past your guilt, and how did you manage it?

[MsVal]

Guilt will kill you ... really, the stress from guilt will cause all manner of things that shorten a person's life.
"Don't worry, be happy." - Sound medical advice from Bob Marley

Best wishes
MsVal

[Vanessa Rose]

CD,

I don't know if I had guilt. But I suppose some may say I did.

I struggled to become me and be real. Much more, if not entirely more than I did with guilt being a cd.

Thanks for sharing though. I am so happy for you really. What a huge step.

Awesome

Vanny

[Alice Torn]

I wish i had the guilt gone as you do now. I have struggles with tons of guilt over almost everything, including being born. Sadly, i carry a ton of guilt for a lot of reasons, and i have tried everything to get rid of it. A brain transplant may be needed here. You ar eway ahead of some of us, then.

[Barbie Anne]

I don't know if this makes sense, or if it does make sense that others ever felt quite the same about it but I actually felt guilty that I did not feel guilty for dressing en-femme.......does that make sense? the social mores of the my generation were way out of whack and I was a head case for a long time, had problems with alcoholism and was just generally a mess, till one day I had an epiphany...............the only reasons things bothered me was because I let them. yeah it's very cliche and has been said uncounted times through the years but I finally got it.

[samantha rogers]

I am pretty good about recognizing useless or misapplied unhealthy guilt. But sometimes guilt is an honest reaction to actions one does know to be ethically wrong. I do not refer to crossdressing or anything out of our control. Those feelings may be dispensed with through self acceptance, and self validation, as the OP suggests. Rather I refer to actions which, no matter how efficiently we rationalize, we still know in our heart to be wrong in the sense of being unethical. Guilt of that kind is a useful natural mechanism which, if we are honest and if we listen, guides our moral compass. The trick is being clearheaded enough to recognize the two different kinds. Buy into the wrong kind and we have unearned low self esteem and depression. But get too good at ignoring the other and we become monsters. It can be a tough distinction to make.

[Princess Grandpa]

I am really happy for you Caden. Yes dropping that guilt brings a peace you never thought possible!

Hug
Rita

[ArleneRaquel]

Great post darlin. Thank you for posting and starting a very interesting thread.

[CynthiaD]

There's no reason to feel guilty if you're no doing anything wrong. And there's nothing wrong with dressing!

[Beverley Sims]

I was lucky, my girlfriends threw all my guilt away when they dressed me up.
A mothers love is always there, but who do you go to for guidance.
It should be the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with.
You spend only a short time with your parents.
Possibly you never get to know them as well as a spouse.

[Anna H]

I didn't have any guilt about dressing. It was just there and whether or
not it was a good thing or a bad thing....I knew I didn't pick it from a
list of things to grow up to be. If I'm a certain way, that's the way things
are intended to be.

If I'd lied, cheated, neglected, stolen, abused my way into it, then maybe
I'd have had reason to feel bad. But I didn't. It was always there as far back
as I remember. I wasn't equipped to do those sorts of things....i was a little
kid.

So, if it were my fault, maybe I could feel bad. I don't believe it was.

With other things...I try not to do them. If I do, I correct them as soon as
I feel bad. A person knows when they've done something wrong.

(Kate's No angel. She just doesn't drag others into her trials & errors)

[carrie2014]

When i wonder if what i do is wrong, i just go in to the bedroom look in the mirror, see carrie looking back at me and everything is ok. We look at each other and smile.

[Stacy M.]

Guilt will kill you ... really, the stress from guilt will cause all manner of things that shorten a person's life.
"Don't worry, be happy." - Sound medical advice from Bob Marley

Best wishes
MsVal

That was Bobby McFerrin, actually.

[kimdl93]

That's the story of so many lives here, including much of my own. I managed a pretty good life, despite carrying that burden of guilt and self loathing. But once I freed myself for it, my life got much better in every dimension.

[Katey888]

Caden - that's a great post - and a valid goal for all of us.

I too feel guilty about all sorts of things, and CD is only part of that. But I don't let the guilt overcome the right that I have to feel comfortable about expressing who I am - where it causes problems is when I think it will impact someone else, specifically my wife and family, and then things get tricky!

I suppose I've managed to work through that because my guilt only makes me unhappy - and while I appreciate for some folk that might be a terrible burden, I can trade that relatively small burden off against what I believe are my positive aspects. But I can understand and feel the need to lose the guilt completely - it has to be the right long term thing to do...

And I think Bob Marley's medical advice was: "Don't worry, about a thing - 'cos every little thing's gonna be alright..."

Katey x

[Tracii G]

Guilt can be a monster and have dealt with my share.
CDing and being trans is not any thing that caused me guilt tho'.
Validation or understanding from friends and family is always a good thing.