Eating disorders and crossdressing

[Sarah Marie]

Do any of my sisters here suffer from eating disorders? I am obsessed with weight. I am 5'9" and have taken myself to 124 lbs. Under Dr. orders, I have brought myself to 154 lbs, but am now feeling severely overweight. People say I look healthy, but I feel like crap. Seriously, I know that this is not rational, but it haunts me. It is easy for me to just stop eating to control weight, but I know it's not good. In my mind, I am striving for thinness and feminine shape. To the world, in DRAB, i look sick. Please, anyone else have similar experience?

Hugs,
Sarah

[whowhatwhen]

I do sort of.
When I was sick I dropped down to 107 pounds at my lowest and while it felt so good to be thin that's getting pretty close to the point where your body starts eating itself.

Now at 160 pounds I feel fat and it sucks despite being much healthier.
The only thing I can suggest is to find a therapist to talk to about it, going down that road again is most definitely not something I'd want anyone to do.

I think you know what I'm talking about as well.
You know where you collapse after getting up?
Tired all the time?
The constant comments about your weight, but in the reverse direction?

I wish you all the best

[Beverley Sims]

Sarah,
You do have to find your optimum weight and work on keeping it.

Corinne's experience is one example.
The constant nagging by others does not help either.

[Adriana Moretti]

I used to look like that too we are simillar in height...a healthy weight would be around 135-143...healthy for us...its still a bit under weight for a guy. I am trying to get back in that range now...almost there..Eat...just eat healthy. Easier said than done right!

[Sarah Marie]

Yes ladies! At 154 I feel gross. Planning an outing in April and am panicking. Corinne hit the nail on the head. Not rational but real, distorted body image. I think that it's particularly difficult for CDs because we strive to have body shape that is feminine. Ugh.

[Michelle789]

I'm 6'0 and weigh 184. Your BMI is smaller than mine. I'd like to lose 20 more pounds ideally (I've lost 50 pounds in the past 2 years) and still feel too fat haha.

[Marcia Blue]

Sarah, I have niece with bulimia. She is on the road to recovery, but it has been a up hill battle. Body image disorders are very serious. I hope you seek counseling.

[Erica Marie]

I know your feelings. I went from 170 over a matter of 3 years I made it down to 115. Most of that was all fat. After serious exercise and lifting weights I was up to 120 and felt great about how I looked. Winter and stress has been hard on me and Im up to 130. Most would say that is great, but in my mind I feel like a fat slob. Im hoping the change of seasons will get me back out and more active and away from the snacks so I can get back to my happy spot.

[Vanessa Rose]

i am glad you are seeing a doctor and taking their advice.

I think from what i can see, you don't look heavy... can we get a few shots. Are you seeng a therapist?

V

[Patty-Fay]

I have an anorexic aunt who doesn't think she has a problem. You're ahead of the game since you know you have a problem. Absolutely, if you haven't done so already, seek counseling.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I have jokingly been accused of having "Exercise bulimia" which I believe to be a silly pseudo-scientific disorder which is totally made up. It is completely normal to pointlessly try and exercise off all calories consumed during the day at the expense of other things in life be it sleep, having fun, house hold chores, etc. I can turn it back whenever I choose, I just choose not to at this point. Plus per my doctor I have to keep my blood pressure under control, along with other medical issues and exercise is the best way to do that. Enough of my rant it's 0500, I'm burning daylight, and assuming I can still move later today picture/dressing time!

[Marcelle]

Hi Sarah,

From what I have read eating disorders are quite common in the TG/CD (MtF) world much as they are in the GG world. We strive to attain a point of pure femininity based on what we perceive society expects to see. All you have to do is look around at fashion magazines, advertisements, television to see society's view of women (thin and model like). I am glad you are working with a doctor to get your weight back up. My question . . . does your doctor know about your CDing and have you made her/him aware that your quest for "thinness and feminine shape" is driving this severe weight loss? If she/he does not know then they are more likely to focus on the physiology (diet) than the behavioral component (the disorder). I find most doctors I know will refer patients in similar distress to a behaviorist who deals specifically with eating disorders. Specifically, telling someone to eat may not guarantee weight gain without examining the root cause (wanting to be thin and more feminine).

Hugs

Isha

[Sarah Marie]

Isha,
I didn't mention to doc about CDing. That is a good point. I have no idea if doc would be sympathetic to CDing??

[Sarah Marie]

Wow, ladies. Thank you all for great input and support. It seems like quite a few of us struggle with this same thing.

Peace
Sarah

[Katey888]

Sarah, no - you're not being rational!

But this isn't about being rational, is it? You know the answer is a simple balance of diet, exercise and how you want to look - but you can't get there without help.

You're an inch taller than me and 10 pounds lighter (Jealous..? Moi...?). You look way more feminine (but I'm not setting myself as a benchmark - not in that league...) and I'm sure what people are telling you is true. But all this rationale won't help...

You need someone who cares about you to say: "Look Sarah - you're absolutely fine the way you look - you look absolutely gorgeous and healthy with it - you don't need to be slimmer, you need to come here and have a hug and get yourself around this large glass of chardonnay and stop fretting..."

There. I said it.

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Isha,
I didn't mention to doc about CDing. That is a good point. I have no idea if doc would be sympathetic to CDing??

Hi Sarah,

It might be worth mentioning. Most medical folks should not have an issue with it but who knows. Irrespective, if he/she does then perhaps it is time to find a new doc. It could be that your current doctor thinks she/he is treating a physical symptom when the root cause to me is more behavioral.

Hugs

Isha

[devida]

I expect we all have some problems with our weight or body image. I have found the BBC's Global Fat Scale to be really useful in making me see reality when I whine at my reflection about the size of my stomach. I am 6'1", 175 and 63 years old. My bmi is, according to this chart, lower than 90% of all males in this country in my age group. In other words, according to the actual statistics I am slim, amazingly so. I would bet that you are exactly the same for your age group. It actually does help me to slap some sense into my silly head by paying attention to the world as it actually is rather than the world that a crazed economy that feeds off people's insecurities to make a buck says it is. Maybe it will help you. Check it out: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-18770328

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sarah, You have to take care of yourself and not let it ruin your life.

[Ineke Vashon]

Sarah, yes to telling the doctor about your cross dressing. He or she might see a non physical motivation, perhaps like you wanting to look like those skeletons modeling the latest.

Another way to look at it - I am 5'9", went from 180 to 147 in three years. Looked nice but my skin started to look all wrinkly (I am a senior). Now I am up to 153 and my figure is just a little bit rounder, softer, with smoother skin and even a suggestion of boobs. Not surprisingly, several skirts fit and look much better.

Ineke