Why do people choose to keep their crossdressing a secret?

[FemPossible]

The approval of, or lacking that, the acceptance of others is a very natural and very powerful motivator. It shapes nearly everything we do, from our kindergarten paintings to our choice of careers; from the house we live in to the clothing we wear.

With the fear of rejection being your primary motivation, you may be carrying a great burden of anxiety. If that is the case, I am quite sorry for you. I do hope that I am mistaken.

Best wishes
MsVal

Yeah, I'm a mess. I even have non-crossdressing related problems that I keep a secret. But I'm working on it.

[Glenda58]

I keep mine a secret because years ago it was taboo there was no internet no way to find other like me. So I hid it. Now the people I care about do like it or don't know so I keep it hid from them. If I was younger I know I would be out in the open with it. My life would be better.

[MsVal]

I believe you answered your own question in the OP... "Only you know your specific situation and it would be most foolish for someone else, particularly me to claim a higher ground"

What goes said or unsaid about this topic between two people, a CDr and their SO, is between them. It's not a topic of debate for the rest of us to judge or say you're wrong for doing "a" or "b". [...] For transparency sake... I told my wife before marriage that I really enjoyed being feminine at times. [...] My wife and I have a DADT policy. She does not accept and does not like it.

Thanks for the wake up DanielleLee. I intended this thread to be a place to talk about the topic, not to preach or judge. If I or anyone else has judged another, it was my failing, I accept responsibility, and I apologize to any who were offended.

Thank you for your candid response to the question. Like you and several others my wife does not accept or like it; we also have a DADT. I feel that DADT provides a framework where both parties can avoid the issue, but they also avoid dealing with it constructively. How about you?

Best wishes
MsVal

I keep mine a secret because years ago it was taboo there was no internet no way to find other like me. So I hid it. Now the people I care about do like it or don't know so I keep it hid from them. If I was younger I know I would be out in the open with it. My life would be better.

(Glenda, I assume you meant "do NOT like it".)

It's that old 20/20 hindsight thing. How I wish I could selectively turn the calendar back and have a few do-overs. I'd start by taking my high school education seriously and go to college when I was young.

As for early disclosure, it may have presented a new portfolio of challenges that are greater than those you have now. Some have lost families, careers, money, and friends through disclosure. Those are pretty tough nuts to crack.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Bev06 GG]

I guess Cross dressing is something very personal and the fear of someone reacting in a negative way puts people off sharing it with nearest and dearest. Shame really but then not all RGs are OK with it, some react very badly.

[Tina_gm]

Yes, they do Bev. Sometimes even worse than guys do. I know how hard it must be for GG's to get the news however they get it that their man is a CD. If for anything., just that they didn't know, and have real trust issues now, and were never prepared for it. While I think that many women, maybe a majority if given the time to adjust, learn and grow with it will be ok with it so long as it does not become their entire focus of their S/O and their S/O does still have male qualities and enjoys spending time as his birth gender, I have seen a healthy number of women who are vehemently opposed to any femininity inside or out when it comes to men, and they have no problems letting it be known.

[Danicd1]

I kept my secret from the age of 12 to 21, I was worried that telling someone in my family could have a horrible outcome. However, as I grew older and learnt more about how accepting my mum is of people (she has 4 or 5 lesbian friends) that I decided to out my crossdressing to her. She was amazing with it! When I'm home alone and dressed, she will always ring me to tell me she's leaving to come home etc. We have a great relationship and it felt like a massive weight was lifted off my shoulders.
I'm now 22 and still living at home.

[Joyce S.]

I did not crossdress when married to my exwife - but if I did, I would not have told her, could not have told her. I knew her quite well - and I knew how narrow-minded she was.

Wow... you must have been married to my ex-wife... narrow-minded describes her to the tee. If I had to pick one word to describe my first marriage it would have to be "Adversarial". She was never my friend and I never had any trust in her for my inner thoughts. I knew with a certainty she would use it against me.

Whether we like it or not CD'ing is outside of the social norm. Unless you grew up (literally) in a closet you cannot help but have these social norms ingrained in you. Heck, TV commercials instill these norms in you without you even knowing it. I admire all CD's (or anyone for that matter) who buck that social norm. It cannot be easy. I know I continually wonder where the pink fog that I feel sometimes comes from. I don't deny it. It does confuse me sometimes though.

I am married again and I have told my wife about my CD'ing. I also told her about my confusion. She told me to not deny myself. I dress when she isn't home and I don't know what my comfort level would be if she were home. It is me who is trying to defeat those social norms. I'm pretty sure my SO wouldn't care if I dressed when she was around. I don't think it attracts or interests her (and nor would I expect it to just because I like it). It doesn't help me that I work in a very masculine profession. I'm a Active Duty Marine... go figure. (Talk about ingrained social norms!) I'm also very different at work. I'm very hard and demanding to the Marines that work for me.