..where to start.
I've been reading on this forum for some months now, ever since I bought my first girly clothes and wondered what the hell is wrong with me. Needless to say, that thought isn't in my mind any longer as the words you girls have written has opened my mind a bit. As a kid I used to love having my step sister dress me up and put makeup on me. My dad (a pastor) quickly taught me it was wrong and against god. Doing this made me unlovable to both him and god. As a teen, I'd buy girls jackets and cute unisex things. My mother was supportive and even let me paint my nails and do makeup(parents were divorced since I was a baby). As I got older, I thought dressing up was for gays and people who were screwed in the head. I repressed it, and was ashamed whenever I felt the need to dress up. I've always been very feminine in my gestures, stances, etc. I worked hard and became a man, changed every last thing that could make me appear womanly. I became very depressed and started with drugs, things got worse. I ended up getting straight and have been for years. Now back to a couple months ago: I see some cute socks in the girls section and really really want them. In the cart they go.. "Ohhh!" (I think to myself upon seeing a couple of pretty shirts) "these too!" After all these years of denying this part of me I just couldn't take it. I really missed it, hated putting on this man front all the time. It left my heart so weighed down. It made me so angry and cynical. Ever since that day I've slowly been going back to me. Everyone at work sees a difference and don't know what it is. I just want to thank each one of you girls so much for simply talking to each other. Reading your words helps me everyday not to be scared or try to repress it more than I already have.
-Isa