Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 39

Thread: Reality Check . . . Kind of.

  1. #1
    Gone to live my life
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    6,552

    Reality Check . . . Kind of.

    Hi all,

    I have been out and about now for about four months and have come to the conclusion that heck I am not fooling anyone so I don't try to pass . . . blend yes . . . pass . . . never in a million years.

    The interesting thing is I have never really given my facial presentation any real thought. When I finish my make-up, don my wig and look in the mirror I think . . . "not bad" still a guy but no biggie" When I am out and about, I don't normally think about my face and how it appears to others and if I do happen to catch a glimpse of myself in a store window I see the whole package and think . . . you blend.

    The other day, I had a consult to have one of my wigs styled so I spent an inordinate amount of time in a chair facing myself "en femme" in a mirror with harsh lighting all around me. As the time ticked away and continued to gaze at my reflection the thought came to me "Goodness you make one homely woman"

    The interesting thing is when I told the GG friend I was with about my revelation while sitting there she said "you think you are the first person to sit in a hairdressers chair picking out all the things that are bad with you . . . welcome to being a woman."

    So it was a bit of a reality check in that I had to finally face that demon . . . my god I am guy wearing make-up and it is one scary sight. I truly know now I am not fooling anyone (okay I admit previously part of me secretly wished I was ). But it is me and I continue to accept that.

    Just curious if any of you girls out there have had a similar experience.

    Hugs

    Isha

  2. #2
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    The Poconos PA
    Posts
    18,971
    Your friend is right Isha. When a woman goes to get her hair washed and styled after the washing, she says "What's that?" After the drying and the styling and the makeup, she feels much better and as I've heard some say feeling "human again". We are no different, so I join your friend in saying "welcome to womanhood",
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  3. #3
    its important mykell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    jer-sea shore
    Posts
    4,097
    ive been to a studio in "guy mode" the owner had privacy shades set up and tried on wigs and picked out some makeup.
    i was amazed how comfortable i was with this, was before the reveal with my wife,
    as far as harsh lighting... the camera has been that nemesis, i can have a great day dressed up take what amounts to a hundred photos,
    thinking ill never be able to pick just 5 to post, download and tweak some, same results, im hideous, sooo facing that "demon" but i had a good time and the folks here are kind when i post the few pics. that i liked,
    women or man i think its human nature looking at your reflection that long you'll see the good and the bad,
    hard to accept what you cant improve, fun seeing the results that you can....
    Last edited by mykell; 02-15-2014 at 08:59 AM.
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

  4. #4
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Old Hampshire, UK
    Posts
    5,271
    Isha,

    Of course... and one doesn't need to go out to have that experience...

    Every time I have the opportunity to indulge Katey for just a few hours, reality comes at the end and more and more I don't want to wash away what I've spent so long applying - creating - and my recurring thoughts are always: "Why shouldn't I go out and make the most of this.." And there are always those moments when the façade slips and boy me peeks through - a mannerism, a look - and that's often a little jarring.
    And at the end reality bites again and the makeup remover comes out - but before that there does seem to be a switch, for me. Katey recedes - gracefully, most of the time - and my other facet comes to the fore...

    I suppose here is the benefit of being an unconflicted, 24/7 CDer... No need for that uncomfortable crossover and a larger opportunity for the entire personality to be comfortable in a different gender place...

    Be interesting to hear what others say about that..

    But if you're happy and comfortable doing what you're doing - then why not keep doing it...?

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  5. #5
    *~Plain-Vanilla TG Girl~*
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    S.E. Georgia
    Posts
    1,075
    Me, I'm very bad about nearly constant reality checks....so that's kept me
    from getting out in the first place.

    I ask my wife often, as she's the only one who see's me. She wants to be kind
    to me and not hurt my feelings, but does tell me I'm clearly a guy dressed up.
    Too tall, move like a man, my arms, hands.

    I ask, if I had to just walk through a mall in the middle of the day..."would you be
    able to fix me well enough to not be noticed". Well, maybe she says. That assumes
    nobody pays much attention, though.

    I'm thinking I'm better to stay in myself. What I don't want more than anyone
    laughing and pointing, is someone thinking I'm some kind of pathetic character.
    That would reflect worse on my family...in my mind. I can take it, but I don't
    want to cause problems for anyone else.

    If I go out, it'll be with a group of us likely at a convention or something.
    Then it'll be a case of it being expected and just a fun thing a crowd of
    guys in dresses does when they're in town. Odd, but hey, they're not
    hurting anything.

    Reality is the thing I probably like the least about what we do. I'm fine
    with being a 'guy-dressed-up', but I have to be careful of what that
    does to anyone I care about. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for them.

  6. #6
    Senior Member MissTee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Deep South
    Posts
    1,504
    You nailed it, Isha. I don't do make-up other than lipstick on occasion, but it's not my face that gives me away. Physically there's no mistaking I'm a dude. Good thing I'm content staying in and being a fashion legend in my own mind

  7. #7
    Super Moderator GretchenJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Northeast US
    Posts
    1,425
    Hi Isha,

    First off, I have a valid passport, so I am thinking of taking a trip up north and smacking you around a little bit.

    Second, you were nose to nose to an angry man in a truck that had no problem yelling at a woman who was taking his parking spot until you spoke in guy mode.

    Third, very few of us are going to win any beauty contests anytime soon. But guess what, the same would be true if we were GG at our age.

    But you know what, you are pretty when I see you as Isha. And Gretchen would much rather hang out with Isha than someone who was drop dead gorgeous.

    I HATE looking at myself in the mirror, and that goes for me in guy mode as well. I lack self confidence and hopelessly shy, but is like presenting as Gretchen, and as long as no one is snickering behind my back, all is very good in the world.

    And yes, here comes that inner beauty BS bit, but this virtual village as I like to call it has been blessed in the past 4 months with a beautiful woman who has the personality to match, who I can tell would give her left arm to help a fellow girl here. You have nothing to worry about (aboot) sorry for another Canadian jab - but I am form NJ so accents are not something I should be talking smack about . It is all part of the package of being a woman my friend, our wife's are always complaining on their appearance.

    Think of it as a home improvement project or a car restoration that will never be complete, but is a work of love, that you will always work on in your spare time. Now let go out and get a drink

    Your friend
    Gretch

  8. #8
    Seasoned Member Rhonda Darling's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Near Winston-Salem, N.C.
    Posts
    1,146
    Quote Originally Posted by Kate Simmons View Post
    Your friend is right Isha. When a woman goes to get her hair washed and styled after the washing, she says "What's that?" After the drying and the styling and the makeup, she feels much better and as I've heard some say feeling "human again". We are no different, so I join your friend in saying "welcome to womanhood",
    So I finish reading Isha's post and move down to Kate's comments and har new avatar. Great juxtaposition - first a post about our reality that looking lire a real woman is difficult, and for some neigh onto impossible, and then on to Kate's new avatar of a georgeous GG - epitomizing our desire to look and be other than what we are.

    Love it.

    Bottom line for this aging girl is that I do the best I can, and then go about my business when out and about. Not really caring what others think, so long as they don't hassle me, I'm being all the woman can be and loving it. Mirrors be damned.

    Rhonda
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Be all the woman that you can be!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    . . . and now, On With The Show!

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member Ms. Laura's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Southern NH
    Posts
    535
    My wife will often say, "Well, you look good for a guy in women's clothes."

    Makes me feel great, really. And isn't it even more mortifying in front of the mirror when they take the wig off to adjust it or something? Yeesh, makeup and no wig.

    Oh well, you feel good, right? I think we're just asking the world to open up this third category of trans for us rather than hoping to fool everyone completely. Maybe with enough surgical intervention.....
    "I want you all to call me Loretta." - The Life of Brian

  10. #10
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Northeast Pa near NJ and NY
    Posts
    10,444
    I was just thinking about that same thing this morning.
    As I was dressing I thought about all the pressure society places on women to look good, to be the right shape, to wear the right clothes. I thought about how men in general don't have all that pressure and can't understand how a woman feels under it's weight and yet here I am feeling that same pressure and more. Not only feeling the desire to look good, but understanding and feeling it from the feminine view point. I've always wished I could "pass", go undetected in the world as a woman and deep inside I know that no matter how hard I may try, no matter how good I look it just won't happen. I'm not the size the world expects a woman to be, I'm not the weight, I don't have the high cheekbones and soft skin.
    The reality is that I am me. I am not that ideal image and neither are perhaps 95% of the women in the world. That and the fact that I have accepted myself allow me to "blend" and not be concerned with "passing". I am happy being me! I do my best to present myself in all my feminine glory and I also accept that probably no one truly sees me as a woman and many may "read me".


    I just don't care anymore. It's more important for me to be me than to be concerned with what everyone else thinks.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  11. #11
    Senior Member Bria's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Kansas City
    Posts
    1,237
    Yesterday my wife bought a new makeup mirror, one of those two faced ones with a light on both sides. I checked it out when I got home last night as was making dinner for her. When I tried the concave side that magnifies I saw more than I ever wanted to know about my face/skin/saggy chin/etc.

    Damn, guess I need new rose colored glasses or something.

    Hugs Bria

  12. #12
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Maine
    Posts
    40
    Hello Isha, You look great judging by your avatar & other posts. I wish I looked as good as you do whichever mode you present in. Don't be too hard on yourself!
    Gigi

  13. #13
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    just west of syracuse n.y.
    Posts
    22,887
    Whenever I look In a mirror hun.
    Angie

  14. #14
    Member melissakozak's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    254
    We all kinda get hung up on appearances as human beings don't we? As trans people, even more so to some degree...we are who we are, as long as we have self acceptance, all of the good things from this reality soon follow, and so we march on....genetic women are hard on themselves, each other, etc. How many GGs are happy about their bodies, their own self reflection...it is shockingly low.....so we have great company....and NO ONE IS PERFECT, YEAH!!!

  15. #15
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Lowestoft UK. Beverley was here.
    Posts
    30,955
    Isha,
    When you realise it as you have, you can get on with life and trim all the bad bits a little and you will pass with that air of confidence that you have built up.

    Never forget your limitations and stay between the lines.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  16. #16
    Junior Member Laura Collette's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    81
    Isha, for all your self-doubt, to me you look terrific judging by your avatars. And I love your beautiful smile, a warm breeze from north of the border.

  17. #17
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    1,207
    Well I think that you look great Isha. And I think that when it comes to ourselves we're probably our worst critics anyway.

  18. #18
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,257
    Sure I think we all feel that way.

  19. #19
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Virginia Beach, Va.
    Posts
    1,657
    Why not get a professional opinion on how to apply makeup to look your best feminine self, not necessarily from Macy's but maybe someone that works with actors and movies. Also get an opinion from a plastic surgeon that has experience in facial gender transformation and see what he might suggest, starting with the least expensive or the one procedure that would give a more feminine face or more bang for the buck. You might get "more for your money" doing this than a vacation or new car. Four hip pad panty, corset, low heels, clothes that would make your appearance more female, etc. could help. All or some of this could make a big and self rewarding difference. Look into it, this could be the next chapter in your CD journal.

  20. #20
    Gone to live my life
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    6,552
    Hi all,

    Thanks much for your kind replies and observations. The thread in no way lessens my resolve to go out in public or interact with those around me. To be honest I am still very happy with who I am and how I look. As I have always maintained I am fooling nobody and as such I am who I am to those around me. This was more an epiphany moment for me as I have never really given my look that much consideration until I faced with her for about 40 minutes. I still love being Isha and always will and changing her is not my intention . . . this was more of another growth period along the pathway to self acceptance. I might not be pretty to everyone I meet but I still like me.

    Hugs

    Isha

  21. #21
    Member sonialexis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    159
    Ah...Isha one of my favorite girls here. I say favorite because of that absolutely beautiful, disarming, infectious, confident smile. i wish I could smile in my pictures. one reason I probably can't do it naturally is because I haven't learnt to smile like a girl and I'm not talking about the aesthetics. I can't because, I fear I would smile like a guy and it would look goofy. so i try too hard smiling like a girl would, i nail it only when I'm not aware of it all. I wish i had your level of comfort and acceptance.

    Isha you are a beautiful woman, I for one love you.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Hell on Heels's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Monterey Ca.
    Posts
    1,991
    Every time Isha, After getting all dolled up and spending time as Kristyn, having so much fun, and then one quick look in a mirror and BAM, SMACK, POW! You've just got to fight back and smile a little bigger.
    You look fabulous dear, and your attitude carries that even further. Keep smilin"sweetie!
    Much Love,
    Kristyn
    I smile because you are my friend, and
    I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!!!

  23. #23
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    14,303
    As an in-home cross dresser, who infrequently ventures out into the real world, I know I do not pass. Blend? From a distance I guess a six foot, 190 pound guy blends from fifty feet on a dark night. I have six to seven hours a day that I can be fully attired. I do not use makeup in the home because the time consumed from those six hours is a waste. One look in the mirror and Shazam! It's a guy! So I chose to not get close to any mirrors in the house. I look very stylish. My dresses are age appropriate. I love emulating June Cleaver as I do domestic chores or using personal times to leisurely sit and read.

    Maybe part of the "problem" is many women my age have the same perceived faults I have. I remember not liking the kisses from my eighty year old grandmother because of the stubble above her lip.

  24. #24
    Full Geek Status Adriana Moretti's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    NY & CT
    Posts
    2,533
    i think you are very pretty

  25. #25
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    The Poconos PA
    Posts
    18,971
    Thinking out loud always raises a lot of questions. Just be yourself and have fun with it. I do and I never take myself that seriously. How many people these days can really say they are happy? We are some of the favored few my friend.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State