Inquiring Minds want to know

[FAB Forum Mods]

Years back we did an Inquiring Minds want to know thread where our GGs could ask questions especially our new GGs could get answers or input from others besides their partners. It was a big hit then and hope you will offer insight to their questions.
If a question does not apply please just put n/a

So here goes our first round of questions and thank you in advance for your input.

1) What is the number one reason you wear feminine clothing?

2) Are you open and honest with your SO about your dressing? If not, how does the deception affect your relationship?

3) Are you attracted to your partner as much as your girl-side?

4) When you and your SO are alone together, would you prefer she used female words in referring to you ("we girls"), or would you prefer she rely on your clothes to determine how to refer to you? (So refer to you as a man when you're in drab.) Assuming she knows the situation, of course.

5)What do you do for your SO to show how you feel about her acceptance?

6)Let's say that when you were in the closet, you liked your SO to be very stereotypically feminine (manicure, sexy outfits, high heels).

Once you come out to her, do you still prefer her to dress ultra-sexy, or have you stopped caring as much what she wears?


7)What have you done in the relationship to improve it, so your SO also feels the benefit of supporting you?

8)For those CDers who have undergone more permanent changes, such as ear piercing, waxing, laser or electrolysis (not HRT--I'm gearing the changes to physical, not chemical)--do you feel more at peace with yourself even on the occasions when you have to present as male?

9) Whats the blue eye shadow all about ????

10) Would you go into a relationship with the only reason the GG is accepting?

[Kim_Bitzflick]

1) What is the number one reason you wear feminine clothing? I like to be as female as I can & the clothing helps to get me there.

2) Are you open and honest with your SO about your dressing? If not, how does the deception affect your relationship? Yes

3) Are you attracted to your partner as much as your girl-side? I like me as I am, but I am not sexually attracted to my female side. I am totally attracted to my wife no matter how I'm dressed.

4) When you and your SO are alone together, would you prefer she used female words in referring to you ("we girls"), or would you prefer she rely on your clothes to determine how to refer to you? (So refer to you as a man when you're in drab.) Assuming she knows the situation, of course. I prefer she refer to me as I am presenting.

5)What do you do for your SO to show how you feel about her acceptance? Tell her I love her and I thank her for her acceptance.

6)Let's say that when you were in the closet, you liked your SO to be very stereotypically feminine (manicure, sexy outfits, high heels).

Once you come out to her, do you still prefer her to dress ultra-sexy, or have you stopped caring as much what she wears? Since she's known I've helped her dress more feminine. I help her pick out clothes more now and she helps me.


7)What have you done in the relationship to improve it, so your SO also feels the benefit of supporting you? Everything I can to make her feel pretty and show her I love her.

8)For those CDers who have undergone more permanent changes, such as ear piercing, waxing, laser or electrolysis (not HRT--I'm gearing the changes to physical, not chemical)--do you feel more at peace with yourself even on the occasions when you have to present as male? NA

9) Whats the blue eye shadow all about ???? I don't do it.

10) Would you go into a relationship with the only reason the GG is accepting? NO

[Barbie Anne]

1: Because it feels more natural...to me male close actually feel like the wrong garments for my gender.
2: Yes
3: More so. she's my goddess
4: I prefer to be referred to as feminine no matter how I'm dressed. She's just fine with this
5: I tell her. Communication is key.
6: n/a
7: I also support her in whatever way I can.
8: Yes
9: Puhleeeez.......blue? seriously? if it ain't pink, peach, rose or something similar, it don't go on this face
10: n/a because extremely happily married but no........it's not just about me ya know

[Katey888]

I'm assuming your asking this of all CD types - and will answer on that basis...

1) I wish I could properly answer this.. I feel driven to emulate the feminine gender... some of it is fantasy (reflecting how I would want a GG partner to look); some of it is that it simply feels right -although I spend more time in male attire that also doesn't feel wrong, for me; some of it has developed as a way to reflect a part of my persona that seems to be more feminine; also I'd admit to some narcissistic aspect as I like the way I can look - and I can look younger than I am.. (now I have a headache )
2) I'm not open - I've never been open with anyone who has known me, although I wish I could be. I don't believe it affects my relationship badly - it's a secret that is my responsibility to keep, and I choose to have it that way for now. I don't honestly believe anyone who says they have no secrets from their SO... they may be non-deliberate, but there are still things that go unsaid.
3) If that means do I like my partner as much as my girl-persona, much more - the persona is part of me - it's not in competition with what I feel for my wife - that's above everything.
4)n/a
5)n/a
6)I am in the closet - and I want my wife to be her own person (she would anyway - very independently minded!) - that wouldn't change
7)n/a
8)n/a
9) See attached - good for brown eyes, and try to ignore the wrinkles and poorly positioned lashes (but probably a throwback to our developmental years - the 70s and 80s for me)
10) No - that's so shallow...

[Rachelakld]

1) it's part of who I am
2) Yes
3) Yes
4) No, I like to be the man when we are alone
5) Nothing in particularly special, just love her for the person she is.
6) umm, I like a can do attitude, so if she needs a low cut pair of overalls - fine
7) same as in 5
8) love waxing, feels like I'm more me.
9) HATE blue eye shadow, brown works my blue eyes better
10) nah, I like my GG hot and fully equipped in the brains and attitude dept.

[MsVal]

1) What is the number one reason you wear feminine clothing?

I'd like to begin with saying "Thank You" for asking these questions. Frank, honest, and open communications are necessary for understanding everyone's feelings.

To answer the unasked question: in my case, it is not sexual. I derive no sexual gratification from crossdressing.

I enjoy the textures, colors, and feeling of feminine clothing. Masculine clothing seems much too dull and predictable. If I walk into a room wearing a suit, there will be a dozen other guys wearing essentially the same suit, albeit with a different tie.

I like to express myself in ways that seem out of place, dissonant, coming from a man. Gentler, softer more empathetic, more ... uh ... feminine. In my mind, the dissonance is less coming from a man dressed as a woman, acting in a feminine manner as it does from a man acting in a feminine manner. It doesn't make sense, I know.


2) Are you open and honest with your SO about your dressing? If not, how does the deception affect your relationship?

We're new to this. After I realized what they were, I spent a couple months reading a bunch of things about my desires and disclosed them to my wife a couple months after that. It's been a couple months since then.

My wife has been under a great deal of stress at work, stress that will certainly end in the spring. I will initiate discussions at that time when the stress is gone. At this time, there is an awareness but no acceptance.


3) Are you attracted to your partner as much as your girl-side?

Much more! My wife is wonderful; she always has been. She is the one I want to go with on vacations, play board games, talk about things, hug and cuddle. If I could, I would walk away from MsVal in a heartbeat.


4) When you and your SO are alone together, would you prefer she used female words in referring to you ("we girls"), or would you prefer she rely on your clothes to determine how to refer to you? (So refer to you as a man when you're in drab.) Assuming she knows the situation, of course.

I can't yet answer that question from first hand experience, but I believe I would like to be addressed in a fashion that is consistent with my presentation.


5)What do you do for your SO to show how you feel about her acceptance?

Each day I to be a better husband than I was the day before. I am the homemaker and I make sure her needs are met before any others. I tell her at least once per day how grateful I am that she puts up with me.


6)Let's say that when you were in the closet, you liked your SO to be very stereotypically feminine (manicure, sexy outfits, high heels).

Once you come out to her, do you still prefer her to dress ultra-sexy, or have you stopped caring as much what she wears?

N/A


7)What have you done in the relationship to improve it, so your SO also feels the benefit of supporting you?

(see #5)


8)For those CDers who have undergone more permanent changes, such as ear piercing, waxing, laser or electrolysis (not HRT--I'm gearing the changes to physical, not chemical)--do you feel more at peace with yourself even on the occasions when you have to present as male?

N/A


9) Whats the blue eye shadow all about ????

????

10) Would you go into a relationship with the only reason the GG is accepting?

I don't envision a situation where I would be looking for another relationship.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Eryn]

1) What is the number one reason you wear feminine clothing?

Feminine clothing and makeup have fascinated me all my life. Wearing them allows me to express myself in ways I find impossible in male mode. It also allows me to interact with people in a way different than normal male interaction.

2) Are you open and honest with your SO about your dressing? If not, how does the deception affect your relationship?

I am currently very open with my SO. Before I started to act on my "interests" I considered them somewhat perverse and therefore naturally did not share those with Mimi. When my CDing came to the fore I shared my feelings with her pretty soon after I started dressing actively.

3) Are you attracted to your partner as much as your girl-side?

My male side is very attracted to my wife as it always has been. When I'm in girl mode we're attracted to each other in the mode of best friends. I'm not attracted to my own girl-side at all as I don't consider my male and female sides to be separate entities.

4) When you and your SO are alone together, would you prefer she used female words in referring to you ("we girls"), or would you prefer she rely on your clothes to determine how to refer to you? (So refer to you as a man when you're in drab.) Assuming she knows the situation, of course.

If she is referring to my female side then she should use feminine terminology. For my male side, male pronouns will suffice.

5)What do you do for your SO to show how you feel about her acceptance?

I try to be the best husband that I can be. I try to make the upsides of being married to a CDer exceed the downsides.

6)Let's say that when you were in the closet, you liked your SO to be very stereotypically feminine (manicure, sexy outfits, high heels).
Once you come out to her, do you still prefer her to dress ultra-sexy, or have you stopped caring as much what she wears?

Before my CDing came to the fore, I would have really liked it if she took advantage of those feminine prerogatives so that I could experience my desires through her. Now that I'm actively CDing I can live many of them for myself so some of that pressure is off.

7)What have you done in the relationship to improve it, so your SO also feels the benefit of supporting you?

As I said above, I try to be the best husband I can. Also, my CDing has brought with it a new group of friends and things to do with them. I think that this has greatly improved our quality of life. I'm also a calmer, less frustrated person now that I can actually do some of the things that I only dreamed of before.

8)For those CDers who have undergone more permanent changes, such as ear piercing, waxing, laser or electrolysis (not HRT--I'm gearing the changes to physical, not chemical)--do you feel more at peace with yourself even on the occasions when you have to present as male?

I have pierced ears and quite a lot of facial laser and electrolysis. These are things that I can feel all of the time and they do help me when I must present as male. Selecting earrings, even if it is just to match a male shirt, is important to me in a way that a GG might not fully appreciate To me, it is a special gift to be able to do this. The electrolysis makes things convenient in male mode and in switching modes as I can use regular GG makeup, but beyond that I love the feeling of having smooth skin and not worrying about scratching Mimi with 5-o'clock shadow.

9) Whats the blue eye shadow all about ????

Most of us are in our 40s and up. Our first exposure to feminine things was in an era where the GGs around us wore, you guessed it, blue eye shadow. That apparently made a big impression on us. Personally, I prefer pinks, smoky, and metallics depending upon the event.

10) Would you go into a relationship with the only reason the GG is accepting?

No. I don't think that any one-dimensional relationship would be successful.

[Raychel]

1) What is the number one reason you wear feminine clothing?
I prefer the feel of womens clothes, I have been the same work clothes for 40 years
and I just like to get pretty

2) Are you open and honest with your SO about your dressing? If not, how does the deception affect your relationship?
Yes, Totally honest and open.

3) Are you attracted to your partner as much as your girl-side?
Yes

4) When you and your SO are alone together, would you prefer she used female words in referring to you ("we girls"), or would you prefer she rely on your clothes to determine how to refer to you? (So refer to you as a man when you're in drab.) Assuming she knows the situation, of course.
I cant remember when the last time we were alone together, but
really there is no reason to change the way we discuss things, I am still the same guy

5)What do you do for your SO to show how you feel about her acceptance?
I have to admit that I don't show her as often as I should, I am not the best that way and definitely could use some improvement in that area. Although very often I do tell her just how much I appreciate her accepting me for who I am.

6)Let's say that when you were in the closet, you liked your SO to be very stereotypically feminine (manicure, sexy outfits, high heels).

Once you come out to her, do you still prefer her to dress ultra-sexy, or have you stopped caring as much what she wears?
Absolutely, I would love for he to be dressed all pretty, Now she dresses the way she feels comfortable. So I am good with that as well.

7)What have you done in the relationship to improve it, so your SO also feels the benefit of supporting you?
Again, I should be sitting on the naughty step for this, Our communication has greatly
improved, but I a not the best that way, I really should work harder for her.

8)For those CDers who have undergone more permanent changes, such as ear piercing, waxing, laser or electrolysis (not HRT--I'm gearing the changes to physical, not chemical)--do you feel more at peace with yourself even on the occasions when you have to present as male?
Only thing that I do is shave, and yes there is times that it does make me feel more at
peace with myself, Times when I feel my shaved legs and think, I would rather be home all dressed pretty

9) Whats the blue eye shadow all about ????
No makeup, no eye shadow here.

10) Would you go into a relationship with the only reason the GG is accepting?
No, there is a lot more to a relationship then accepting of crossdressing.
Accepting would be a huge factor, but not the only factor

[LovelyGeek]

1) What is the number one reason you wear feminine clothing?

To express my feminine side

2) Are you open and honest with your SO about your dressing? If not, how does the deception affect your relationship?

Yes I am

3) Are you attracted to your partner as much as your girl-side?

Yes!

4) When you and your SO are alone together, would you prefer she used female words in referring to you ("we girls"), or would you prefer she rely on your clothes to determine how to refer to you? (So refer to you as a man when you're in drab.) Assuming she knows the situation, of course.

I always prefer to be the man around her so that she feels like I am still the man she married. Although, she does help me with shopping and is supportive. But, it just makes me feel more comfortable being the man.

5)What do you do for your SO to show how you feel about her acceptance?

I talk with her and let her know I appreciate it, and try to make her feel loved by showing it though her love languages: acts of service, and gifts. Dates, dishes, cleaning, etc.

6)Let's say that when you were in the closet, you liked your SO to be very stereotypically feminine (manicure, sexy outfits, high heels).
Once you come out to her, do you still prefer her to dress ultra-sexy, or have you stopped caring as much what she wears?

I love my ultra feminine wife. She just is a girly girl and I love that about her.


7)What have you done in the relationship to improve it, so your SO also feels the benefit of supporting you?

I think the most important think I have done is come out to her about my CDing because she deserves the real me and we can grow together and be stronger if we are both complete in ourselves.

8)For those CDers who have undergone more permanent changes, such as ear piercing, waxing, laser or electrolysis (not HRT--I'm gearing the changes to physical, not chemical)--do you feel more at peace with yourself even on the occasions when you have to present as male?

I guess it may be easier because I am 26, but I have had my ears pierced since 19 and it has always been a style for me, and my wife never knew me before my ears being pierced. They are stretched to size 0 (10mm), and I think with the right ear rings it can look both really masculine or feminine. But, It does make me feel more at peace and I love having my ears pierced.

9) Whats the blue eye shadow all about ????

I dunno. I have only worn eye shadow once and it was silver so...not quite sure.

10) Would you go into a relationship with the only reason the GG is accepting?
Nope. There is more about a person than the way they dress. Just accepting someone who accepts you for that alone is not enough. Find a SO that is accepting, fun, you connect with, and who has a personality and values that mesh with yours.

- Much Love!
-CJ

[Marcelle]

Hello and in response to the inquiring minds at FAB4:

1. What is the number one reason you wear feminine clothing?

Good question. If you are asking why or what drives me to so . . . sorry I can't answer that. However, I do so because if feels as right as it does when I am dressed in boy clothes.

2. Are you open and honest with your SO about your dressing? If not, how does the deception affect your relationship?

Yes, my SO knows and is very supportive.

3. Are you attracted to your partner as much as your girl-side?

Not sure what you are asking here? If you are asking me if I am attracted to myself when en femme . . . nope . . . seems a bit narcissistic to me and a tad creepy. However, I very attracted to my SO.

4. When you and your SO are alone together, would you prefer she used female words in referring to you ("we girls"), or would you prefer she rely on your clothes to determine how to refer to you? (So refer to you as a man when you're in drab.) Assuming she knows the situation, of course.

Actually, she refers to me by my "boy name" even if I am dressed and does not use gender appropriate references (girl, she, her). I have no issue with this as it is her thing and I won't ask her to change.

5. What do you do for your SO to show how you feel about her acceptance?

The same thing I have always done even before she knew. Love, accept and respect her unconditionally.

6. Let's say that when you were in the closet, you liked your SO to be very stereotypically feminine (manicure, sexy outfits, high heels). Once you come out to her, do you still prefer her to dress ultra-sexy, or have you stopped caring as much what she wears?

Not sure if this is a hypothetical question or not. I would be lying if I did not say I like it when my SO dresses sexy but it is not what does it for me. Do I still like here to dress sexy now that I am out . . . yup. Is it the beat all to end all . . . nope.

7. What have you done in the relationship to improve it, so your SO also feels the benefit of supporting you?

I let her know I appreciate the support but I have always loved and respected my SO and that has never changed.

8. For those CDers who have undergone more permanent changes, such as ear piercing, waxing, laser or electrolysis (not HRT--I'm gearing the changes to physical, not chemical)--do you feel more at peace with yourself even on the occasions when you have to present as male?

I have had laser on my face and chest and it has helped with application of make-up. Do I feel more at peace . . . yes I do.

9. Whats the blue eye shadow all about ????

Not sure

10. Would you go into a relationship with the only reason the GG is accepting?

Another hypothetical I assume? I suppose if I was starting a new relationship then acceptance would be a good thing. Would it be the only reason . . . no.

Hugs

Isha

[Annaliese2010]

Oh goody goody this'll be fun!

1) Because it seems the natural thing to do.

2) Yes, open & honest but welllll...she's not a SO just a GG friend. The GG I really like and in love with knows and doesn't approve, and if we got together again and married (which is what I want to do) I would drop suppress deny myself i.e. no more Annaliese. Believe me I would because she's Worth it!

3) She's not my 'partner' right Now, but I am attracted waaaay more so and turned on by Her than I am to myself. God!

4) My GG friend (not a true SO, nonetheless) strongly tends to relate to encourage and refer to me, my girly self whether dressed as such or in drab, irregardless. She's really easy to be with.

5) I love her to death, would do anything for her.

6) Yes I prefer her to dress ultra-sexy but she's not that type. Is sweet but not a girly girl. I think she's bisexual or lezzy, actually. Maybe that's why she likes me so much? IDK...I think she's attracted to me, Annaliese.

7) I give her my full attention when she talks or texts. Buy her nice things now and then for no obvious reason.

8) Guarded and careful not to reveal what's underneath but more more at peace I guess.

9) Don't use it even though I have blue eyes. I look better in earthy tones, so I'm told. So far I'm happy with it, looks good on me.

10) No. The GG I really want wouldn't accept my transgender thing - or maybe only now and then. Not sure. But whatever she wants, it would be perfectly ok by me. I love her.

[PaulaQ]

Is my input desired on this, or is it not useful, since I am trans?

[Christina Kay]

1) It helps expressing who I am

2) Now I am about my dressing,, regret hiding it for so long( not only did I deceive her , I deceived myself)

3) more attracted to my wife. My girl side is just who I am.

4) it depends on the conversation or moment to how she refers to me , I don't need to be dressed to be referred to with my feminine name.

5) Same amount of love and respect that I have always shown her. She doesn't want fusses made over this , but I still try to think out of the box and do more for her.

6) Have always admired her style and still do,,,though now I am realizing the seriousness of women and there perception of there body issues.

7) Just try to be more aware of the pink fog , but also try to communicate more so there is no misunderstandings .

8) Without a doubt I am so much more at peace with myself , and this makes my wife happier. As there is a calm to the house now, not the walking on eggshell feeling, she has commented on.

9) never tried it prefer natural tones myself.

10) no ,but it would be helpful, to the success of a long term relationship

Hugs Aretha

[Jenniferathome]

1) need. Something innate. The result is a kind of stress relief.

2) I am. Since Mar'11. Prior to that my deception to her was causing me to gradually push her away. High stress and life dissatisfaction.

3) I am attracted only to my wife. I am not attracted to my girl self.

4) when out, for convention, I think it better to refer to me as she or Jennifer. If just my wife and I at home, she uses my male name and male pronouns.

5) I thank her

6) I did not have that opinion. My wife is who she is.

7) I talk to her more. But our foundation was really solid. Since coming out, it's just been better.

8) N/A

9) I can not understand this. I see no reason why cross dressers think blue might be ok.

10) no

[Miriam-J]

1) What is the number one reason you wear feminine clothing?
It helps me to express a part of me that can't stay hidden.

2) Are you open and honest with your SO about your dressing? If not, how does the deception affect your relationship?
Yes, I've been open and honest with my wife about this since early on in our relationship.

3) Are you attracted to your partner as much as your girl-side?
I like to be in gal mode, but I'm not attracted to myself. On the other hand, I'm always attracted to my wife.

4) When you and your SO are alone together, would you prefer she used female words in referring to you ("we girls"), or would you prefer she rely on your clothes to determine how to refer to you? (So refer to you as a man when you're in drab.) Assuming she knows the situation, of course.
We've worked through this, and tried for a while with her referring to me as 'she', etc. and by my name Miriam. But that seems to detract from the reality that it's the same me either way. In private I'm always me - a guy - no matter how I'm dressed. In public expression it's Miriam, a gal, just to keep from attracting unwanted attention.

5)What do you do for your SO to show how you feel about her acceptance?
I tell her frequently how much I appreciate her acceptance and her assistance.

6)Let's say that when you were in the closet, you liked your SO to be very stereotypically feminine (manicure, sexy outfits, high heels).
Once you come out to her, do you still prefer her to dress ultra-sexy, or have you stopped caring as much what she wears?
A wife that dresses stereotypically feminine? Not with wife #1 or this one. There are more important things. Not that I mind on those rare occasions when she does get femmed up though ;-)

7)What have you done in the relationship to improve it, so your SO also feels the benefit of supporting you?
She has her own special interests, and I've been more than supportive for those. But that just goes with loving her and caring about what she cares about, just as she does for me.

8)For those CDers who have undergone more permanent changes, such as ear piercing, waxing, laser or electrolysis (not HRT--I'm gearing the changes to physical, not chemical)--do you feel more at peace with yourself even on the occasions when you have to present as male?
I have pierced ears - was very nervous at first since very few engineers in their fifties seem to have them, but it turned out to be a non-event. I also had laser hair removal for my face, but that's not really noticeable since I haven't had a beard or moustache for years anyway. I definitely feel at peace with them in guy mode and enjoy the options when I'm in gal mode.

9) Whats the blue eye shadow all about ????
Not sure. I experimented with it early on, but since passed that along to my wife so she could use it. I use a much more subtle pallet that fits in to everyday life - my usual milieu for crossdressing.

10) Would you go into a relationship with the only reason the GG is accepting?
No way. There are so many things that are important to a relationship. But, after my divorce six years ago I made up my mind that I would never have another relationship where I had to hide something so important to me. It's not enough to make the relationship, but lack of acceptance would probably have been a deal breaker.

Miriam

[scarletcd]

1) What is the number one reason you wear feminine clothing?
Because I don't identify myself as Male and wearing feminine clothing lets me express me real persona

2) Are you open and honest with your SO about your dressing? If not, how does the deception affect your relationship?
Yes: Told her before we started dating as I'd done the whole telling the person half way through the relationship and it just didn't work. So was upfront and honest and it worked

3) Are you attracted to your partner as much as your girl-side?
She is everything to me and I attempt to make myself look as attractive as I can for both of us.

4) When you and your SO are alone together, would you prefer she used female words in referring to you ("we girls"), or would you prefer she rely on your clothes to determine how to refer to you? (So refer to you as a man when you're in drab.) Assuming she knows the situation, of course.
I prefer her to use female words as much as possible but I don't get annoyed if she uses male ones.

5)What do you do for your SO to show how you feel about her acceptance?
Be honest and true to her

6)Let's say that when you were in the closet, you liked your SO to be very stereotypically feminine (manicure, sexy outfits, high heels).
We try to let each other be who we want to. She could wear anything and she would still be everything to me

7)What have you done in the relationship to improve it, so your SO also feels the benefit of supporting you?
I do what I can, She works incredibly hard job wise so I just try and make things as stress free as possible. And as we lived far away from all her girl friends I would always be on call if she ever needed that girly time.

8)For those CDers who have undergone more permanent changes, such as ear piercing, waxing, laser or electrolysis (not HRT--I'm gearing the changes to physical, not chemical)--do you feel more at peace with yourself even on the occasions when you have to present as male?
Definitely. Since being more open and making some of these changes its almost like the more repressed boy personality has been replaced by the more outgoing friendlier and happy femme me.

9) Whats the blue eye shadow all about ????
Urgh

10) Would you go into a relationship with the only reason the GG is accepting?
Nah

[Eryn]

Is my input desired on this, or is it not useful, since I am trans?

I see nothing limiting responses to CDers, and I'm interested in your insights. Jump on in!

[MissTee]

1) Something in me compels me to do so, and I feel at peace with myself when I oblige the calling.

2) Yes, and she is very supportive.

3) No. I'm simply attracted to my wife.

4) Hmmm. She see's me as the same person, only in different clothes. Therefore, nothing is different and I really don't have a preference.

5) We spend a lot of time together enjoy shopping, going to spas, getting manis and pedis, cooking, crafting. She tells me I'm like the gay friend she never had, except without the gay parts.

6) She's always known about my CD-ing, so nothing changed.


7) In many ways I demonstrate that I value her. She reciprocates.

8) N/A

9) Beats me. Never wore it.

10) Absolutely not. Acceptance would have to be a part of a package, but alack of acceptance would be a deal breaker.

[Jacqueline Winona]

1) What is the number one reason you wear feminine clothing? I wish I knew, I've always enjoyed doing so. No clue why the clothing feels so good.

2) Are you open and honest with your SO about your dressing? If not, how does the deception affect your relationship? Yes, to the extent she wants to know. She has literally told me "I don't want to know," and I respect that. Having said that, she knows I have panties and hose in my drawers, borrows my pantyhose when she wants, and I have skirts, dresses and blouses hanging in our closet, and heels in plain site.

3) Are you attracted to your partner as much as your girl-side? Much, much, much more. I'm not really attracted to myself. Doesn't mean once in a blue moon I might think I look alright, but no physical or sexual attraction to myself.

4) When you and your SO are alone together, would you prefer she used female words in referring to you ("we girls"), or would you prefer she rely on your clothes to determine how to refer to you? (So refer to you as a man when you're in drab.) Assuming she knows the situation, of course. I honestly don't care that much, she doesn't refer to me as a girl except on very rare occasions, though.

5)What do you do for your SO to show how you feel about her acceptance? Thank her- recently she gave me some of her panties that she didn't want and 4 pairs of trouser socks (nylon, of course!). And try not to remind her about the dressing as she prefers not to think about it.

6)Let's say that when you were in the closet, you liked your SO to be very stereotypically feminine (manicure, sexy outfits, high heels).

Once you come out to her, do you still prefer her to dress ultra-sexy, or have you stopped caring as much what she wears? I still get an incredible rush when she dresses like that! No, I don't expect it but when she does, it isn't necessarily in her comfort zone and I absolutely adore it.


7)What have you done in the relationship to improve it, so your SO also feels the benefit of supporting you? Hmm, try to give her my opinion on what looks great on her, encourage her to enjoy getting her nails done (one of her fave things), never criticize her retail therapy, support her in her endeavors (but remind her we're still a team and I can't do it all alone), try not to spend much on my girly side.

8)For those CDers who have undergone more permanent changes, such as ear piercing, waxing, laser or electrolysis (not HRT--I'm gearing the changes to physical, not chemical)--do you feel more at peace with yourself even on the occasions when you have to present as male? N/A

9) Whats the blue eye shadow all about ???? No idea! Not my thing.

10) Would you go into a relationship with the only reason the GG is accepting? Assuming of course that I wasn't already happily married? I don't think so, there has to be more than just that (compatibility isn't based only on dressing). Would it be a huge reason why? Well, it was, so yes.

[Mistyjo]

1. I feel alive
2. Yes
3.Yes
4.she already does
5.I tell her Thank you for letting me be me
6. still prefer her to dress ultra-sexy
7.I love her with all my heart and soul everyday
8.Yes
9.n/a
10.No

[PaulaQ]

I'll preface my answers with the note that I'm a MtF transgender woman, currently undergoing transition. I live as a woman fulltime now. I've been on HRT for six months. My ultimate plan is to have sexual reassignment surgery (SRS), aka "the surgery" as soon as is humanly possible after I've been on HRT for a year.

I'll answer the questions as I can, from the standpoint before transition, and after transition.

If any of my answers spur further questions on your part, please either PM me with your questions, or ask one of the moderator's to do so. I'm happy to be of service.

1) What is the number one reason you wear feminine clothing?

Because I'm a woman, so what else would I wear? Before I came out and started transition, the need to wear women's clothing was a deep, deep need I felt to express something inside of me.

2) Are you open and honest with your SO about your dressing? If not, how does the deception affect your relationship?

No, I was not initially. I hadn't cross dressed in years before we got together, and it wasn't until years after our marriage that this started again. When I finally came out to her, it essentially ended our marriage. We separated within 4 months, and I began my transition immediately.

3) Are you attracted to your partner as much as your girl-side?

I know there is a tendency to view "the girl-side" as "the other woman", but at least in my case, I have never viewed it that way. "the girl-side" of me was, I thought at first "just a sexual fetish", until I realized, to my horror, that it *IS* me. I am a woman, and always have been. They man my wife fell in love with is largely something I constructed to keep myself safe - I grew up in the 60's and 70's in a particularly hostile part of the country. Hiding was really my only option.

I have always been attracted to my partner. That our marriage has ended breaks my heart. I never wanted this.

4) When you and your SO are alone together, would you prefer she used female words in referring to you ("we girls"), or would you prefer she rely on your clothes to determine how to refer to you? (So refer to you as a man when you're in drab.) Assuming she knows the situation, of course.

Once I was out to her, I'd have preferred she refer to me as "Paula" or use feminine pronouns when referring to me. Sadly, my wife is unable to do that to this day, and indeed, at this point, hasn't seen me present as female in more than half a year. I *am* a woman - I *am* Paula.

5)What do you do for your SO to show how you feel about her acceptance?

Once I came out. I tried buying her gifts. I tried to make sure I presented as male all the time around her, only CDing when she was asleep or away from home. I tried to spend extra time with her, take her on date nights, things of that sort to try to find a way for her to accept my "feminine side" (I didn't really understand at the time how much "feminine side" there was.) I tried to not talk about it all the time.

It didn't matter ultimately - she never really accepted this about me.

6)Let's say that when you were in the closet, you liked your SO to be very stereotypically feminine (manicure, sexy outfits, high heels).

Once you come out to her, do you still prefer her to dress ultra-sexy, or have you stopped caring as much what she wears?

I never insisted that my wife dress ultra sexy, especially in public. My wife has a great sense of style, and wears clothing that looks GREAT on her body. I'd rather she wore stuff that looked great on her, and that she was comfortable wearing with her body than "ultra sexy" stuff that just didn't work. She has fantastic taste in shoes anyway, and that went a long way!

I did wish she would have worn lingerie more in private when we were together, but she was never really comfortable enough with her body to do that very often. Obviously *I* wanted to wear it too - but of course I never told her that, not until much, much later! (Telling her really helped kill our sex life, too - I regret ever doing that.)

7)What have you done in the relationship to improve it, so your SO also feels the benefit of supporting you?

This one isn't really applicable. After coming out, I went through some counseling with my wife as a couple, and encouraged her to seek individual counseling as I myself had already been doing.

I considered (with some futility as it turns out) steps less than full transition to possibly save SOME aspect of the relationship. I didn't want to lose our 20 years of relationship, and I really did want her support.

It never really mattered, I don't think she saw much benefit to supporting me, or she never did really support me anyway. From her point of view, since I'm now transitioning, I understand why she'd see no such benefit, although it saddens me that she more or less left me to live or die on my own. (The latter was a real possibility for some time.)

8)For those CDers who have undergone more permanent changes, such as ear piercing, waxing, laser or electrolysis (not HRT--I'm gearing the changes to physical, not chemical)--do you feel more at peace with yourself even on the occasions when you have to present as male?

The first physical change - and really the only one that I went through while still with my wife, was waxing my body hair. My body hair bothered me ENORMOUSLY, and caused me quite significant gender dysphoria - I felt as if I had some horrible fungus growing all over my body. It was a nightmare. (BTW, this alone should have been proof enough that I wasn't "just a CD".) Anyway, this simple step - and keeping it gone via epilation - made me feel ENORMOUSLY better. It was way more significant for me than being "more at peace." I was definitely more at peace - but that really is only the tip of the iceberg. My body hair made me miserable.

My wife couldn't touch me after this step - she needed to drink in order for us to have sexual relations after I did this.

9) Whats the blue eye shadow all about ????

Well, OK, I have blue eyes, so blue eye shadow should really bring them out, right? So I played around with it like so many others here - but I never could find a way to do all blue without looking just awful. So I mostly use blue as an accent color in the corner of my lids, over a more neutral base, a gray, or a brown, or even a pale yellow / sand color. That actually works pretty well.

10) Would you go into a relationship with the only reason the GG is accepting?

No. Accepting in my case would involve a GG who was a lesbian - as I am a woman, and will eventually be one anatomically. I wouldn't be with someone just because they weren't repulsed by me, nor completely rejected me. There would need to be a connection.

I'm going to be really honest here, and I suspect some of you won't like this answer either - but I don't know that I'll ever go into a relationship with a GG again. I'm very attracted to other transgender women, and frankly we understand one another in a way that you simply NEVER will understand us. EVER. Even if you are the most loving, accepting, tender, empathetic GG on the earth - you'll simply NEVER understand what I've gone through. NEVER.

That's not to say I categorically would never date a GG again. It could happen, it just seems really unlikely. She'd need to be someone with an exceptional spirit. (I care a whole bunch more about what's on the inside of a person than what's on the outside.) The relationships in my life with GG's have been just all really painful, and have ended badly. I just don't think I want to do that again. It would take a really exceptional woman - someone with a really beautiful soul before I'd try again.

BTW, I have the good fortune, on this forum, to talk with a number of GG's who I considered to have such a spirit. They've been quite distant from me, and I haven't been in a position to have a relationship anyway (and they've been in other relationships with a CD already), but had they lived nearby to me, and been interested, I'd have dated them in a New York Minute. You genetic women on this forum who are accepting really are exceptional and rare women, and many of you truly do have beautiful spirits, in my opinion.

_______________________

Again, feel free to PM me if you have additional questions, even if they are of the form "You monster! How could you DO THAT to YOUR FAMILY!?!?!?" I answer all PMs, and you'd be surprised how sympathetic I am to your situation and feelings.

[Jesse Six]

1) What is the number one reason you wear feminine clothing?

It makes me feel happy and free. It's a form of feminine self-expression.

2) Are you open and honest with your SO about your dressing? If not, how does the deception affect your relationship?

Yes, my wife knows, but she only found out recently. We talk about it openly, and shop together, but I'm somewhat apprehensive in letting her see me dressed.

3) Are you attracted to your partner as much as your girl-side?

I'm very attracted to my wife. I'm not sexually attracted to my femme side (I don't consider her a 'separate' being - she's "just me". I don't know if it's possible to be sexually attracted to oneself).

4) When you and your SO are alone together, would you prefer she used female words in referring to you ("we girls"), or would you prefer she rely on your clothes to determine how to refer to you? (So refer to you as a man when you're in drab.) Assuming she knows the situation, of course.

Since I don't make a habit of displaying my femme side to my SO, I prefer that she calls me male names / pronouns.

5)What do you do for your SO to show how you feel about her acceptance?

I talk to her about it, trying to gauge her feelings, just to be sure some aspect of my CD doesn't freak her out. I tell her that I care about how this affects her, that I'm not just doing this on my own, and we're still a couple.

6)Let's say that when you were in the closet, you liked your SO to be very stereotypically feminine (manicure, sexy outfits, high heels).

Once you come out to her, do you still prefer her to dress ultra-sexy, or have you stopped caring as much what she wears?

I still very much like her to be sexy (always did). To my extreme satisfaction, my SO started taking better care of herself ever since I came out. Our sex / romantic life has actually been better since then, even though it doesn't specifically include my femme side.

7)What have you done in the relationship to improve it, so your SO also feels the benefit of supporting you?

I've been more attentive to her romantically ever since I came out, out of gratitude, and out of concern that she may be feeling 'replaced'. We're feeling honest and happy together lately, so I guess it's working.

8)For those CDers who have undergone more permanent changes, such as ear piercing, waxing, laser or electrolysis (not HRT--I'm gearing the changes to physical, not chemical)--do you feel more at peace with yourself even on the occasions when you have to present as male?

It's a mixed feeling. I do want to be able to present a masculine image at work, but I also feel a strong desire to include a few 'semi-secret' feminine touches (longer nails, pierced ears, shaved arms, etc.). The feminine elements bring me great personal satisfaction, but also some stress at the possibility of being outed.

9) Whats the blue eye shadow all about ????

If you believe the makeup websites, blue eyeshadow supposedly compliments brown eyes (which are, I'm assuming, fairly common). Personally, I've had trouble making blue shadow look subtle enough to wear seriously.

10) Would you go into a relationship with the only reason the GG is accepting?

I'm not planning on ending my current marriage anytime soon.
Hypothetically, if I were single, I'd definitely be looking for the 'whole package'. It's tricky to make a marriage work successfully, so it's crucial to choose someone with whom you have a lot more in common.

[Anna H]

1) What is the number one reason you wear feminine clothing?

I wish I knew. It feels "right", but I have no idea of how to explain that.


2) Are you open and honest with your SO about your dressing? If not, how does the deception affect your relationship?

Yes, fully.


3) Are you attracted to your partner as much as your girl-side?

Her...Far more. I'm just myself, I don't change.


4) When you and your SO are alone together, would you prefer she used female words in referring to you ("we girls"), or would you prefer she rely on your clothes to determine how to refer to you? (So refer to you as a man when you're in drab.) Assuming she knows the situation, of course.

I'd feel odd if she used female words in referring to me. She may too...(?)


5)What do you do for your SO to show how you feel about her acceptance?

We're both used to it. We're just our usual selves.


6)Let's say that when you were in the closet, you liked your SO to be very stereotypically feminine (manicure, sexy outfits, high heels).

Once you come out to her, do you still prefer her to dress ultra-sexy, or have you stopped caring as much what she wears?

N/A...but she loves dressing up (girly/fancy) herself. We both do.


7)What have you done in the relationship to improve it, so your SO also feels the benefit of supporting you?

We've always communicated Very well....we just accept each other and get along Great.


8)For those CDers who have undergone more permanent changes, such as ear piercing, waxing, laser or electrolysis (not HRT--I'm gearing the changes to physical, not chemical)--do you feel more at peace with yourself even on the occasions when you have to present as male?

Pierced ears...yep, I like it that way. I'll get a little pink bow tattoo one of these days.


9) Whats the blue eye shadow all about ????

Grew up when it was 'normal'. I still like it, though I don't do it. I don't want to get kicked out of CDLand!


10) Would you go into a relationship with the only reason the GG is accepting?

She'd have to know up front. Else, the necessity to be myself may possibly cause future problems. N/A for me though...

♥

[Teresa]

Ok FAB4 here goes:-
1) Started as sexual, now just feels good.
2) She knows but DADT leads to deception, hurt and resentment.
3 )Sadly now my girl side gives me more pleasure.
4) This situation would probably never arise.
5) I try to keep the house in order and help with the children and grand children.
6) I would hate it if my wife let herself go because of my CDing, she is attractive but never dressed ultra-sexy, she dresses well for her age.
7) Not enough but DADT is all the support I get.
8) No changes but feel more at peace dressed.
9) I thought blue was out of date !
10) I would have to say yes, none acceptance is soul destroying.

[Zylia]

1) What is the number one reason you wear feminine clothing?
I have a transvestic disorder and I have decided to embrace it instead of trying to fight it.

2) Are you open and honest with your SO about your dressing? If not, how does the deception affect your relationship?
n/a

3) Are you attracted to your partner as much as your girl-side?
I was more attracted to my partner(s) at the time because they were real persons with emotions, humour, intelligence, etc. My girl side is me in a wig.

4) When you and your SO are alone together, would you prefer she used female words in referring to you ("we girls"), or would you prefer she rely on your clothes to determine how to refer to you? (So refer to you as a man when you're in drab.) Assuming she knows the situation, of course.
No. I have made the decision not to (permanently) change my gender. I'm a guy at heart and a thin layer of clothing and makeup does not change that one bit. If he or she is more comfortable with thinking of me as two different persons and refer to me accordingly (i.e. as a woman when I'm 'en femme') I'm OK with that, but it does weird me out a little, also on this board. I would never request it.

5)What do you do for your SO to show how you feel about her acceptance?
I'm not in a relationship right now, but I would just do the same things I always do to show how much I care for my partner in the first place. I don't think that acceptance should be subject to some kind of transaction. You obviously do need to agree on the amount of time (and money) spent on cross-dressing.

6)Let's say that when you were in the closet, you liked your SO to be very stereotypically feminine (manicure, sexy outfits, high heels).

Once you come out to her, do you still prefer her to dress ultra-sexy, or have you stopped caring as much what she wears?
I get what you're trying to ask here, but for me my cross-dressing habit would never be a replacement for anything in my relationship, only an augmentation.

7)What have you done in the relationship to improve it, so your SO also feels the benefit of supporting you?
n/a

8)For those CDers who have undergone more permanent changes, such as ear piercing, waxing, laser or electrolysis (not HRT--I'm gearing the changes to physical, not chemical)--do you feel more at peace with yourself even on the occasions when you have to present as male?
n/a

9) Whats the blue eye shadow all about ????
You tell me. Perhaps it's because all the female cartoon characters have this as a gender marker as well. I think it's part of the SO's job to prevent their cross-dressing partner from making these kind of mistakes

10) Would you go into a relationship with the only reason the GG partner is accepting?
No, but it certainly would be of some importance, not just because I want to have time for my little hobby, but because it tells me what kind of person he or she is and what they're looking for in a relationship. I'm always looking for a right balance between freedom and commitment, personal life and 'family' life. If those things turn out to be incompatible so be it.