For me, where I am now...CD'ing is a part of a fantasy, a role playing game I play by myself. The fantasy of being with a man intimately, either as a woman or in the role of a woman. I never plan on it becoming a reality, mostly because I know the reality will never match up with my fantasy. I truely believe that healthy fantasy is a great thing, but now it seems that it has taken over. I feel like I cant stop, even when I am not in the mood, there I am...."fantasizing"....often more than once a day. I have considered trying to live out my fantasy, almost a type of aversion therapy, but I think it would do more harm than good. I dont like how I have been feeling about myself lately, and I believe I have turned something good into something bad. It seems like everyday I say to myself, "This is the last time"' or "Never again"!, because I feel I need to end this fantasy. I feel I need to end the fantasy, and start to feel good again. I just re-read my post I want to say that my point is that the fantasy is the problem, not CD'ing itself. I have CD'ed for decades, happily(but not without problems). Ok, that was more unloading than venting.....