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Thread: What if the shoe was on the other foot?

  1. #1
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    Smile What if the shoe was on the other foot?

    As one of many (I think) who wishes for a more open relationship with my wife, I sometimes find myself frustrated by our long-standing DADT agreement (although she does allow me to wear panties and sometimes (especially if she's had a few glasses of wine) stockings in bed for love-making. Last night I was thinking about getting much more aggressive in asking her to participate with me, when I stumbled on the following notion:

    What if I had never discovered the Pink Fog and had absolutely no inclination to don female attire? And one day my wife came to me and said the following:

    "Honey, there's something I want to share with you, and I know you'll find it weird, but I think it could actually make our relationship stronger if I didn't withhold it from you. You see, I enjoy wearing male clothing. I don't know why, and I certainly don't want to be a man or have sex with women, but I just find that when I wear male clothes, it's both relaxing and stimulating for me."

    "So here's what I'm asking you to do: Help me get fully dressed as a man. I'll wash off all my makeup, except for maybe some blackening to simulate a 5 o'clock shadow. I'll paste a big handlebar mustache under my nose, because I think that symbolizes masculinity better than anything else. I want you to bind my breasts tightly with elastic bandages. Then help me get into some boxer shorts, a T shirt, a nice business suit, and a starched white shirt with big cufflinks and a tie. Then you dress the same way and make passionate love to me. Afterward, take me out shopping while I'm still dressed in drab to a nice men's store, and buy me some sexy men's pajamas. Will you do it?"

    After thinking about it I decided maybe DADT isn't so bad after all. How would you have reacted?

  2. #2
    Pretty in Pink Barbie Anne's Avatar
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    I'd like to think I'd have accepted her as readily as she HAS accepted me. I do find the idea quite interesting though.
    Barbie

  3. #3
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    I wouldn't have a problem with it as I accept folks for who they are but just bear in mind that that scenario is kind of a fantasy in itself. The reason I say that is because in this society a woman wearing men's clothes is considered stylish and cool to most while a man wearing women's clothes is considered abnormal and not so cool to the majority. That is just the way things are. Whatever we do around that is our own personal form of expression.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  4. #4
    Senior Member Princess Grandpa's Avatar
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    A reasonable question. One each of us should probably examine in light of what we want in the way of support. It could go beyond that. Maybe she wants to quit shaving her legs and arm pits. Probably would wear her hair really short. Not being in that position it's hard to say. I sure hope I would respond with all the love and support she has shown me.

    Hug
    Rita
    A person should wear what he likes to. And not just what other folks say. A person should be who she likes to. A person's a person that way!
    ~Marlo Thomas~

  5. #5
    Silver Member Tina B.'s Avatar
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    I would like to think I could support her with as much love and compassion as she has treated me, I like to think of myself as gender fluid enough to play that game.
    But then I am a cross dresser, if I weren't I can't say that I would be so understanding, how can you know for sure. But I know if I'm have the person my wife is, I could adjust, and play along.
    Magic is the art of changing consciousness at will.

  6. #6
    Junior Member Kim81's Avatar
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    This is an interesting thread. I mean, how would we like to see a hairy woman with something in the boxershorts she is wearing simulating a bulge.

  7. #7
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    Kate, I've seen some women dressed entirely in male clothing and appear extremely feminine and dropped dead gorgeous. I remembering a recent sighting of a young (mid 20's) blond sans makeup wearing steel toed work boots, jeans, flannel shirt and construction helmet who was disembarking from a cement mixer's cab. Wow! There was no obvious intent to appear as a male. No false facial hair. No binding of the breasts. In my past professional life I encountered many attorneys and CPA's who work pants. There was no attempt to be masculine.

    Mystery woman is throwing in the proviso the woman wants to appear and act as a man. That is totally different than wearing the clothing of a man. It appears most of the CD-ers on this sight wish to appear as a woman and cast of any appearances of being masculine. Yes, there are some who just wear the clothing of a woman, but, they seem to be few and far between.

    If my wife were to come to me and make this request, I'd probably entertain it. However, if she were to request that she appear 100% of the time in that mode I'd probably say no. That's the reason why I'm in a DADT marriage. I will not push, force or otherwise pressure my wife to accept something that makes her uncomfortable. Yes, in the early years of our marriage I did on occasion wear a nightie and stockings in bed. That was before we realized what cross dressing was about. It's not just the act of wearing the clothing of the opposite sex. It's the mind games that are involved that make the equation come out differently.

  8. #8
    Senior Member MsVal's Avatar
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    Let's tone that down and break it into its components:
    She wants to change her hair style to something quite short. Okay, it's her hair, and shorter is easier to manage.
    She wants help selecting non-traditional clothing with which you have experience. Okay, we enjoy helping our mates (don't we?)
    She wants to change her makeup style. Okay, providing it's not that Goth stuff.

    In bed? Well, maybe not okay. The suit will get wrinkled.

    I am of the belief that it is quite selfish and wrong for a CD to expect his mate to go beyond her comfort zone to participate in, or even accept his behavior. Request, maybe; expect, no.

    That is not limited to CD, but any activity that makes the mate uncomfortable.

    Best wishes
    MsVal
    Last edited by MsVal; 02-20-2014 at 12:11 PM. Reason: additional thoughts

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    This is an often asked question here. I'll answer as I always do: I would not have been as readily understanding as my wife. I WOULD HAVE accepted her. I think women have a greater capacity for empathy, sympathy, relationships in general.

    Now, that aside, I would never and have never asked my wife to take my cross dressing into the bedroom. I would never take a CD wife into the bedroom. That's totally different territory. I highly recommend you leave cross dressing out of the bedroom unless SHE initiates the request.

  10. #10
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    It sounds like a fair question to me. Yes, women can wear just about anything they want to without raising eyebrows but some of the respondents seem unwilling to accept your premise of your wife wanting to PRESENT as male. To qualify my response, I'll first say that I'm also in a dadt. I'm strictly hetero, wishing I could present completely a few times a month and although I'd like it to be a part of our bedroom life, I know that's never going to happen. I'd like to believe that outside of the bedroom I would be open to most of her wishes to present as male and would even go so far as to help her achieve that goal. But there would be absolutely zero acceptance in the bedroom.

  11. #11
    Member devida's Avatar
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    Oh come on, I love, love butch women. Some of my dearest friends are proudly bull dyke women. Why would I have any problems with my wife, who is really more masculine than me anyway wanting to cross dress? And if a wife or girlfriend wanted to carry that into the bedroom that sounds hot to me! Gender play is fun for everyone!

  12. #12
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    The problem is, you're preaching to the choir. Every one of us knows that the behavior isn't really a big deal, that dressing up for fun is not what defines us overall. If you want real reactions, you're going to have to do a survey among the general male population, and I'm sure you know what kind of response you'll get, say, if you go door to door during football season and interview the guys in front of the tv watching the game how they'd feel if their wife all of a sudden wanted to dress as what they would see as a butch lesbian.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  13. #13
    The Girl Next Door windycissy's Avatar
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    Fascinating. To me, your fantasy is incredibly hot, but I wonder how I'd react if she wanted to take her masculinization as far as I take my feminization: growing out her leg hair, for example, would be a definite turnoff. Call me a hypocrite, but I know what makes me tick. In fact, one of the things that turn me on about being with a woman is the same thing that turns me on as a crossdresser: seeing her in sexy feminine clothes. So although it would be fun to swap roles with her as the guy and me as the girl on a date, I'd be much more turned on if she underdressed with sexy lingerie. Am I screwed up or what?

  14. #14
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    If my wife had told me she wanted to transition to a male role, I'd have supported her in it, and stayed in the relationship. I loved her - not her plumbing.

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member kendra_gurl's Avatar
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    regardless of how I felt I would still be there supporting her.

    MysteryWoman I can certainly see why you might not be happy about your scenario as I would not be either but love conquers all.
    Last edited by Lorileah; 02-20-2014 at 06:52 PM. Reason: you are comparing apples to oranges. Everything you listed happens to men too, yes even the decrease in hormones.

  16. #16
    Senior Member Bev06 GG's Avatar
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    LOL, good answer Windycissy. To be honest I wear male clothes especially shirts and I'm always nicking my eldest sons sweat shirts and hoodies. I'm not so sure I'd be thrilled if my legs started to get really hairy and I'd never dream of purposely making myself look masculine. I think women can still look really fem in men's stuff but then if you are feminine anyhow it would take more than clothes to make you look masculine don't you think.

  17. #17
    Junior Member kiwidownunder's Avatar
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    I would support her 100% along as she is happy!
    Thats the gift my wife gave me


    Kiwi

  18. #18
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    OMG! We of any peoples should be able to accept and embrace anything short of abuse that a loved one could come up with. IMHO .
    Love KristyE

  19. #19
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    This is the type of question that makes me glad I've got all my CD paraphernalia and baggage stuffed firmly and resolutely into a iron-clad closet!

    My first thought on reading this - to be bluntly honest - is: "Why darling, that's a ridiculous notion.." And so it is...

    What we're missing (I think..) is the apparent inequality in our gender bias that drives a significantly larger number of men to dress like women, than women to dress like men (disregarding that they can do that and still look feminine... since after all, it is possible, for any one of us to just dress like a woman and still look masculine if we chose to.. )

    Perhaps we just need to give more credit to the SOs that are willing to accept just a DADT relationship, since that is still asking a huge amount of most folk who are brought up with all the stereotypes and expectations of normality?

    And as always - it's best not to think too deeply about what we do, just do it...! (But my goodness, isn't that the trademark of the unreasonable alpha male: " It's easier to seek forgiveness than ask permission...")

    Thought provoking... And getting more girly in my attitude by the day... Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  20. #20
    Member melissakozak's Avatar
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    I would stick by my wife if she wanted to transition...guys are cute...

  21. #21
    Silver Member darla_g's Avatar
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    Am i the only one who finds the premise of this thread a bit of a turn on? I have no desire to be with a guy but having my wife dress in a suit, white shirt and tie and of course underneath in set of tidy whiteys along with Y front crotch sounds appealing. and of course i would be dressed appropriately as well!

    I wouldn't want this all the time, probably the same as my wife not wanting me to dress all the time either.

    End of rant/// this thread is hot!

  22. #22
    Senior Member Deedee Skyblue's Avatar
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    The facial hair part isn't very interesting to me. The rest of it - I would love to someday go out with my wife and the two of us both cross-dressed!

    Deedee
    It's not wrong... but it is forbidden!

  23. #23
    Silver Member franlee's Avatar
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    It would not be any problem for me within the limits you described. Matter of fact it would be a blast. My previous wives and I have done just this and it was a blast. My current wife is to small to indulge this but I wouldn't have any problem with it, she wears the same stuff I do anyway. Jeans, oxfords, tees, sweats and on and on. I would have fun with it and support her.

    Oh and what Darla-G said too!!!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Fran
    It's worth something just being around to Fuss!

  24. #24
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I think you are correct, not many here would be brave enough to admit it and others would go for it for sure.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  25. #25
    its important mykell's Avatar
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    total hypocrite here, im down with the DADT thing,
    i dont shave-but the hairy wife not gonna happen,
    she doesnt wear makeup
    GGs are sexy in male clothes, i like shopping,
    like i said hypocrite x2...
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

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