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Thread: Inquiring Minds want to know / number 2

  1. #26
    Member Chrissy52's Avatar
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    1. Once a week with my SO one -two times a week For me 62

    2. I don't know I am not looking to play with any one other than my SO.

    3. Never have

    4. Sure when I have time to think about it.

    5. Not well but I could be for giveing

    6. Yes from time to time

  2. #27
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Jen.... you yourself were not always in a good place, and took many years to be ok with yourself, similar to so many other members. So the GG's are seeing this. Some maybe getting it more than others, but it is a reoccurring theme amongst most of us, myself included
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  3. #28
    New Member VeronicaBea's Avatar
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    1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

    I'll be 40 in a couple of months, and I dress up and pleasure myself about twice a month, and have sex with my wife 2 or 3 times a week

    2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

    N/A

    3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

    All the time

    4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

    Not for me. I just enjoy the time whenever I get a chance.

    5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

    I wouldn't like it at all.

    6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

    I haven't been depressed because of CDing for almost ten years. CDing helps pull me out of depression.
    I don't know why I like it, but I'm glad I do!

  4. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    Yes, this! It's pure denial. Just working to justify something they can't admit is more.
    This is just flat wrong. People can have same sex fantasies without being gay, and sexual fantasies are a perfectly plausible explanation for some of the participants in the threads.

    BTW, if they are in denial, why do they bring it up? Denial would be simply denying the feelings existed at all. Of course some people on these threads deny such feelings with great vehemence. I mostly assume these guys are really the ones in the closet. In any case, denial doesn't mean simply disagreeing with your definition for a certain type of idea or behavior.

  5. #30
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

    I dress all the time when I'm not at work. I'm uncomfortable talking about masturbation....I know that's silly...everyone has done it and sexually active people do it. I don't dress to stimulate self pleasure, if that's what you're getting at. As for my age, let's just say extremely late 40s and leave it at that!

    2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

    NA. - personally speaking. I'm not interested in those threads. I suspect that many of these are as you say, expressions of adolescent sexual fantasy.

    3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

    Never. If I compliment her, I'm thinking she looks great. My thought might be more along the lines of ' I wish I looked half that good '.

    4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect).

    No, i am a grown up. I do feel a bit restive but I don't take that out on others.

    5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

    I would feel doubts about our relationship.

    6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

    I had problems before I came to accept that CDing wasn't a crime, wasn't shameful and wasn't something I had to deny or hide. The GGs can do is help a person come to terms with themselves, learn to accept and embrace this part of themselves.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  6. #31
    Senior Member Jacqueline Winona's Avatar
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    1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

    Rarely. This was something that I wish I had been better about this when I was younger, I realize I was terrible about it when I was younger. 45

    2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

    N?A. Just a guess, but most of these are fantasy posts and I don't know how seriously some should be taken. But I get why a GG would be worried about them.
    3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

    Sometimes. But the compliments are sincere and I'm not planning on borrowing. I really do mean what I say, and I could have answered this question "Never" as I'm never just thinking about how I would look in it.
    4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

    Sure, sometimes. But I get over it.

    5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

    It depends. If I specifically asked a question and she told me the opposite? Sure I would be upset. I know she doesn't tell me what will be the absolute, undisputed truth about a lot of the things that are going to happen in the future. I also know she probably intends to do exactly what she tells me she will do, but knowing her means I know what she will do and what she can't say no to. (This isn't anything terrible, so please don't read too much into it. ) As far as hiding things, I've only known of a few things that are harmless, and I look at those things as something I can't judge.

    6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

    N/A.

  7. #32
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    Thought I answered this one, but I don't see my post, so here I go again.
    1)What is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO?
    I'm 50.When I was in a relationship, I didn't crossdress much, if at all. And if the 'pleasuring myself' is meant to mean masturbation, the answer is very rarely. The clothes don't inspire horniness, though they don't suppress it either; while watching a scene of two girls making out together in 'Cruel Intentions', I got very turned on at the idea of being dressed as a girl, treated as one, and intimate with another girl. Other than that type of scenario, sexual feelings don't usually enter the picture when I was dressed as a girl

    2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this.
    The 'attracted to males but only when en femme' is almost certainly a response to homosexual desires that go so against what we are brought up to believe are acceptable, that his mind simply cannot accept it in any form. Same reason so many here profess to having two sides to their personality, or even two personalities. As children, little boys are taught from day one, and reinforced almost daily, that being feminine or girly is the absolute worst possible thing a boy can be. Even in this 2014, the armed forces uses the terms girls and ladies to humiliate new male recruits, and surprisingly, a lot of women use feminine terms to insult men as well (p*ssy, girl, tinkerbell, sissy, etc.). That also makes me wonder about how women see themselves, if they feel demonstrating female behavior is a demeaning thing.
    3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.
    I no longer have a wife. N/A. But I have learned that all women appreciate compliments, so I hand them out freely, especially knowing how much work most women go through to look good. OTOH, I won't lie and tell someone she looks good if she really doesn't. Too many women tell lies to make their friends feel good about bad beauty choices, then the poor girl winds up embracing a bad 'look' forever.
    4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)
    I used to. I stopped dressing a while ago, but my need for female affection has risen quite a bit, so I'm spending a lot more $$$ at the bars just for the hugs and caresses I need. Eventually I'll run out of money.
    5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?
    No one tells their SO everything. We simply cannot go over out entire lives before we met each other, so we leave out things we feel are unimportant, hurtful, or things we are embarrassed about. I base most of my feelings about a woman by how she treats other people in general, not by how she treats me. Many women are goal oriented, and will behave differently when they are trying to impress someone. Watching them when they have no one they want to impress gives you a much better idea of what they're really like. Women who are nice to animals, children, service staff, etc. are the ones who I've always dated, with one exception: My ex wife. I made a big mistake there. Solved, but with tremendous cost.
    6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?
    I get depressed because I know that the likelyhood of finding a woman who accepts and really likes me, including all the feminine feelings and behavior, is so remote that I don't feel that being honest about it all doesn't seem like an option, and I can't stand the idea of being alone for the next 40 years. So I've got a dilemma; Don't tell them, and hope they never find out, or be up front and be alone all the time (except when I literally pay for a woman's time to be with me, and I'm not referring to sex). I keep the depression at bay by paying for 'girls for hire': Lapdancers seem to accept that I'm not there for the sexual kick, just want to hold them close, play with their hair, etc., but I still have to pay them for their time, and $20 for 4 minutes adds up quickly. But often, they're my only option.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  8. #33
    New Member rbluecd's Avatar
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    It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this........Not judging. Really?

  9. #34
    Senior Member Princess Grandpa's Avatar
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    1) I will turn 50 this year. Julie and I are like a couple of teenagers. We have mostly been very active sexually over the years and I don't think the introduction of cross dressing has in anyway impeded that. If anything it has enhanced things.

    2) before realizing I wanted to dress up, I was questioning my heterosexuality. I found myself fantasizing about being with another man. I wasn't attracted to men. I just found myself imaging I was performing certain acts. I really think it was Rita trying to bust out. I wanted to feel feminine/girly/sexy. Now that I am spending time as a woman I found those fantasies have decreased drastically.

    3) when we go out we dress as twins as often as we can. If I'm not presenting and I complement her outfit, I'm complementing her. If I am wishing I could wear it I would say so.

    4). If enough time passes without Rita getting out I find myself feeling moody yes.

    5) if my wife were in the habit of lying and hiding things from me we would probably not have just celebrated our 30th anniversary. That being said if she came to me and disclosed that she had this secret, I would appreciate the difficulty she might have had coming forward and I would love and support her through it. (Highly speculative. One never knows how they will react in a given situation until it comes up)

    6) I have struggled with depression for many years. The introduction of crossdressing has extinguished these feelings almost completely.

    Hug
    Rita
    A person should wear what he likes to. And not just what other folks say. A person should be who she likes to. A person's a person that way!
    ~Marlo Thomas~

  10. #35
    Senior Member MissTee's Avatar
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    1) Because my wife supports and understands, there's rarely a need to go solo. If I do it's only because I'm traveling and she's not with me. Age mid-50's

    2) N/A for me since I can't relate to this issue either.

    3) Never (that I know of.) We always shop together and I usually pick out what I'd like to see on her because . . . well, it turns me on to see her wearing it. Also, aside from the same fashion sense in shoes and maybe skirts, we have different tastes.

    4) Moody, yes, when it's been a while since I've dressed. Rarely is there a particular "thing" that sparks it other than the amount of time it's been since last I dressed, which can vary. It's like being a werewolf, you see. When the moon is full . . . .

    BTW: In the case of a family emergency I'm all guy.

    5) Ahem, do you r-e-a-l-l-y need to ask?

    6) No. I accept myself. Also, I know that wearing a dress on occasion does not make me a woman anymore than swimming in a pool on occasion makes me a fish. Ahh, but to pretend!

  11. #36
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    1 - None, not now, not ever. Seems odd to me. Oh and yeah I am 42.

    2 - I don't know, I don't participate in those threads. Again, seems odd to me.

    3 - I don't think ever. But I think this question is odd; can't I complement and think what I would look like in it, without it being offensive?

    4 - Used to, but I have a fairly happy mix with my dressing so I am generally not solely dressed as one gender or the other. I think this helps to balance my moods.

    5 - I would feel bad. Thus I don't and haven't done that to her. It is disrespectful.

    6 - Used to. I think because I have always felt like a weirdo or a freak. More recently I have come to accept myself more fully for being a somewhere in the middle of the gender spectrum, and that is okay. I think the best thing anyone outside of me could do is to educate themselves and understand that some people don't fit into the binary gender definitions.

    Thanks ladies, fun questions. I love inquisitive minds!

  12. #37
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    1) I'm 63. Intimate time with my wife is quite sufficient for all my needs and desires.

    2) I'm in a monogamous relationship with my wife, so N/A.

    3) Instead? It could possibly be "also", but never "instead". My wife and I often discuss sharing items, but our body types are very different so there are very few items that would fall into this category. My compliments to my wife are heartfelt.

    4) If my dressing time is minimized that means our life has been affected (like right now) and that means all manner of time with my wife has been affected, both genders, but when I get moody about it I feel terrible because nothing positive can come from such actions. One slip and I get my act together, or at least try to.

    5) We have a very close relationship so if any of the things you mentioned happened we'd be talking about it as soon as it came to light, and try to figure out what the source of the problem is.

    6) Nope! Tina is just a wonderful part of who I am and my wife tells me Tina is sweet! My gendered life is terrific!

  13. #38
    Member Jennifer S's Avatar
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    1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.
    I'm 40. When I was in my 20's and younger dressing up was more about getting that sexual thrill. Not so much anymore. My wife is very accepting and supportive and we both enjoy being intimate while I'm dresed.

    2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .
    I don't think my preferences change at all based on what I'm wearing. We all have fantasies but I'm quite happy with my wife.

    3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.
    Sometime but we keep our clothes pretty much separate.

    4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)
    Not so much. You have to dress appropriately for the situation. I'm almost always wearing at least something that makes me feel feminine anyway.

    5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?
    Not good!

    6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?
    Major depression. I'm on meds and seeing a therapist and we're working on my self esteem etc. and learning to embrace the fact that I'm not just a CD but transgender (I've always known but it was hard to admit). It's a work in progress.
    My blog www.transcriptsblog.wordpress.com
    Twitter: @transgirl_Jenn

  14. #39
    Member Valarie's Avatar
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    1. Right now if I am lucky like 2-4 hours a week, but never alone, since my wife is home too. She is never bothered by me dressing. Pleasuring my self...not that much we have a pretty healthy sex life and my wife enjoys sex with Valarie.

    2. I really do not understand this question, or can not find a question in this statement.

    3. Many times, but my wife is more of a jeans and harry potter t-shirt kind of girl so it was only when she dressed up for special things.

    4. I do, I try not to as much since I have been going to counseling for my anger and depression so I just try to go with the flow more.

    5. I would hope it was for a good reason, and if not hopefully it is something we could work out.

    6. Yes sometimes I see myself and I am so so happy, and then I wish I could go out like this all the time. There are sometimes when I have to take my makeup off and I just want to cry because I feel like Valarie (me) is being locked up again, there are times I want to transition, but I know in my situation I can not.
    "Understanding is the first step toward acceptance." Albus Dumbledore

  15. #40
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    1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer. Frequency is a lot less since agreeing to go back in to the work place after being retired early. Before August I was dressing daily and pleasuring myself almost each day while dressed fem. These days maybe once or twice a month at home when I work from home. I travel a lot more now and I get some time in the hotel room but usually I get back late at night from meetings and after work events, it's a nightgown, thigh highs and a pair of clean panties followed by sleep. Maybe a couple of times a week in the room.

    2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why . I love dressing for the simple feeling of being dressed fem BUT I would love the encounter with another cd/man as I'm a very sexual person and my wife is not fond of the dressing. A few things hold me back from making that move. I'm very happily married and very much in love with my wife after 18 years. I would feel very guilty cheating on my current wife but when I was with another man 20 years ago, it was fantastic. Number two - I don't go out of the house dressed although I do drive home in one of my skirts and heels most days. It's tough to meet another if you never leave dressed. The third reason is I'm not sure I would trust anyone. It's scary out there with people that want to do bad things to gurls like us. Craig's List is not the way to meet someone.

    3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead. Many of her skirts and dresses I like quite a bit and I can wear many of her skirts although she is much smaller than me. She and I have very different fem wear tastes. She dresses very Colorado (flat or minimal heel shoes, pants, jeans, never any pantyhose etc) while I have 4" high heels, pantyhose and "flowy" dresses

    4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect) Not really because I know it will be great when I do get the chance. Although when I was retired last year, it was disappointing to not be able to dress while the kids were home for spring break and summer break because I was used to dressing fem all day from 7:30 am till 3:30 pm

    5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it? Of course I would be hurt it was damaging to our marriage but I don't see how dressing fem interferes with our marriage. She recently found my things again and I guess she thought I stopped. She called me while I was at the airport in Seattle and asked about the nude 4" heels in my office closet. I told her they were of course mine and it was a cold couple of weeks again. She's better again now, but not sure why we go thru this dance every once in awhile. If you know I do this and you are not that mad, just let me keep things out in my office closet that way they are out of the way for you

    6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do? Yes I do thus the few purges I've done. In the most recent one, instead of getting rid of the collection, I collected it up and placed it neatly under the stairs storage area. What helps me is time. Don't over react any longer. Pack it up and give it a few days to pass. Of course I just at mu smooth legs and arms and I quickly revert back because they look great to me and I'm happy with that look.

  16. #41
    Aspiring Member StarrOfDelite's Avatar
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    For the survey, I am a divorced late middle age white male who has been CD'ing for about twenty years, and who has been sexually active with men, as a M2F trans only, for about fifteen years. I have adult children who would be upset, so I am still closeted, although I do go out in public frequently in female presentation.

    1. I don't have a Significant Other of any gender, Male, Female or Trans, but assuming the question is a bit more complex than that, I would state that I masturbate less frequently when I'm dressed as a girl than I do when I'm wearing masculine clothes.

    2. I think that the "who do you want to be with" threads are proof that as a group crossdressers and transgenders are simply muddled about their sexuality, and those kinds of threads are sort of a group therapy substitute. We are trying to understand ourselves.

    3. I think that I wonder how I'd look in the clothes that my female companion is wearing fairly frequently, but have no idea on a percentage. I look at the clothes worn by women whose body shape is similar to mine all the time to get an idea of how I should dress to blend. I also look at the hairstyles and makeup looks of women whose features are similar to mine, or who have skin tones similar to mine. Again, mainly to get an idea of what sort of wigs and cosmetics on which I should be spending my money and time.

    4. Sulky and moody are more severe words than I'd use to describe my attitude when the world closes in and limits my femme time. I'd say disappointed and frustrated would be better, and not to the point where it interferes with my social interactions with other people.

    5. My experience is that wives lie to husbands, and vice versa, all the time about all sorts of things. You learn to accept it or you learn to be miserable and suspicious. I didn't tell my wife about my crossdressing, and I didn't engage in dating or sex with third parties while we were married.

    6. I used to get depressed when I first started crossdressing, because I didn't understand what impelled me to do it. When I started dating men it was like an acceptance of myself, and the feelings of depression tapered off to nothing. I don't offer that as any sort of a solution to anyone else's issues, merely stating that it helped me.

  17. #42
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    We have some more questions and as always if it does not apply just put N/A

    1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.
    divorce no significant other of any gender, don't really pleasure myself except might use a vibrating dildo on myself once a month. 59

    2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .
    Might have a fantasy of being with a man but haven't acted on it.



    3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.
    N/A
    4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)
    That would probably be when I would want to do it, to relive the stress.

    5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?
    Ex-wife did she hid an affair from me.

    6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?
    Have turned to whiskey but decide that crossdressing wasn't such a big deal.

  18. #43
    Aspiring Member Alberta_Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FAB Forum Mods View Post
    Thank you everyone that gave input in our first post.We really appreciate your help.

    We have some more questions and as always if it does not apply just put N/A

    1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

    Never, age 59. Crossdressing, for me, has nothing with sexual activity.

    2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

    N/A

    3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.
    Never. Our styles differ, but our colours are in the same palette

    4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

    Life gives us what it gives us. Why get upset, and take energy from the currently important bits. When the time is right, the time is right.

    5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

    WE ALL need some secrets. The values we put on ideas and concepts are our own values. I share with my Bride what is important to BOTH of us. She shares with me that which is important to BOTH of us. I am happy with that. There is no need to intentionally hide lie or cheat in our home.

    6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?
    Simple answer: No. I enjoy whatever I am doing. If I lose interest, or it becomes a chore, I will go on to something else. I can always return to the earlier situation when I can be most productive.
    Inside every good man, there is a good woman.

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