Inquiring Minds want to know / number 2

[FAB Forum Mods]

Thank you everyone that gave input in our first post.We really appreciate your help.

We have some more questions and as always if it does not apply just put N/A

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

[STACY B]

I think youth has the most to do with it an hormones ,, When your levels get down from age or whatever the reason your thoughts change .

[RADER]

Well the first thing is I am 66 and Widower; My wife was very OK with my dressing.
I dress at home only, and as much as I possibly can.
I was in a skirt, top all day yesterday, and have my form & bra on with womans jeans,
and fem top. I have to go meeting later on today, so I will have to lose the bra and top.
My wife would say to me when I got grumpy..."Go an put your bra on"
It always calmed me down.
Rader

[Katey888]

Members...! Please answer the questions or I'll be getting the deleting stick out some more....

[SarahBJackson]

Ooh, fun questions! Here's my answers.

"1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO?"

I am 40 years old. I dress under my clothes almost every day. If I'm performing, which I haven't since before Thanksgiving, I'm dressed about twice a week. I also go to a once a month support group meeting. I resigned from my job a couple weeks ago and now, while I'm working around the house and job hunting, I dress thirty to sixty minutes every day while my wife is at work. I love playing with myself while dressed, but I don't have any sexy with my wife.

"2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads?"

I don't get this question.

"3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead."

Never. She and I have different styles. I'm a much bigger girl than her.

"4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time?"

Sometimes, yes. I like to experiment and look good, but sometimes professional life gets in the way.

"5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?"

Whatever.

"6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?"

Not at all. I'm very happy when I dress. I get a little sad sometimes when I can't dress, but depression, well, that was from other issues in my life.

[Mistyjo]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.
Once or twice a month age 48


2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

N/A

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.
Five or six times

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

No

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

It would depend on what it was so i can not really answer this question

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

No i have a very supporting family

[Lorileah]

well once again, I have to answer in past tense

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

N/a

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads?

well I want to be with someone I really like and would spend my life with, gender unimportant. My opinion as to why this comes up all the time is that many are conflicted when they dress. They either do HAVE desires for the same sex (latent homosexual or latent Bisexual) and they need to get reinforcement (in either direction) from others. OR they believe that since they dress they MUST have that desire. That because they like women's clothing it is logical they should like men. Maybe some just like to brag

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

Um..N/A now. When I had women in my life, I didn't compliment them enough. I rarely wanted what they were wearing

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time?

yes I did

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

OMG rip that scab off again. I have discussed this many times here but for the edification of newbies. My GF kept two major secrets from me that I found out after she died. It felt like someone punched me in the gut for months. It hurt, truly hurt. That is why I say that you should ALWAYS tell your SO. If you keep anything from them you are being deceitful and selfish. You are making a decision for them and not allowing them to decide on their own. It is not fair and it shows a true lack of trust. You married an adult, let them make adult decisions.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

I did. I did because I thought I was strange. I did because I was convinced there was something wrong with me.

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

Thank you everyone that gave input in our first post.We really appreciate your help.

We have some more questions and as always if it does not apply just put N/A

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

I'm 57 and I under-dress about 50% of the time and hardly think about sex (self or spousal)

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

When younger was very sexually curious male or female but monogamous now

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

not very often, she is a beautiful woman and while we share some fashion likes, I know she will always look much better in anything than I will. I can look at something and look at it and tell if it would look good. usually if i see something and point it out to her, it is for her

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

No, not now. I used to tho

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

same as she would if i lied... angry We are very open and talk about everything

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

When I was younger (up to 30's) saw several therapists for depression, but over the years i came to realize that life is a test and nothing is put on your shoulders that can not be handled

[sandra-leigh]

#1) Any given month my partner would reject me even asking about sex, so if I "self-pleasured" even once, the comparative frequency to sex with my SO would have been "infinite". If you happen to be thinking that perhaps I asked too often, then you should understand that to gauge the relationship, I would leave it 6 months or more before asking once and the answer would still be "Sex is all you think about!" "Birthday sex" was the hug as she was on the way to the airport to go shopping 800 miles away.

#3) I was fairly clear in my mind about there being a difference between what would look good on my partner and what would look good on me. Complimenting my partner on something she was wearing need not be exclusive of thinking that it would also look good on me. There is no clothing equivalent of "soul-mates", each skirt or dress "destined" for only one person in the world.

#4) My dressing time is "real life". Dressing is in no way a "fake life", and it is insulting to imply otherwise. Are we to understand that women never get "sulky or moody" for missing their favorite TV show, or are TV shows somehow more "real life" then dressing is? I would suggest to you that it is quite common for people to get sulky or moody when their comforting routines get disturbed; not many people thrive on chaos.

When my grandmother was dying, I took some of my clothes with me when I flew to visit her, and I went out at night dressed. It was the first time in literally years that I had been able to overcome my depression and agoraphobia (yes, both officially diagnosed) to travel, and I was going to a stressful situation. I took my comforts, just the same way that someone else might have taken their teddy bear (don't laugh, a lot of adults still have and sleep with stuffed creatures.)

#5) 15 years ago, my partner was living and working about 150 miles away and disliking there quite a bit. She started actively looking for new employment. She was applying for jobs in Canada, in USA, in Europe, even one in Asia if I recall correctly. And she wasn't asking me where I would like living, or whether I would be willing to go with her, and her search criteria did not include thinking about whether I would be able to get a job there. I was rather distraught at seemingly not being part of her plans, but I didn't challenge her on it, as she is a free person. She eventually found a job in the city I live in, and she moved in with me.

You might not happened to have read my other threads, so you might not know that presently (14 1/2 years after she moved in with me) she is actively working on moving out, and that the emotional relationship has been declared to be over.

Yesterday morning, she was saying that she regretted that she hadn't acted to end the relationship earlier. That maybe she shouldn't have moved in with me at all.

So that was 14 1/2 years of me stressing about the relationship, stressing about her never appearing to commit to me, stressing about how she refused to go to any kind of counseling or therapy with me to try to get our communications working better and trying to get us to be able to open our feelings and find better connection. Thousands of dollars in therapy for me. Official medical reports saying that my health was being profoundly affected by the stress and uncertainty in the relationship and by her distancing. 14 1/2 years (longer, really) is an awfully long time to wait to say, "I'm just not that into you and never really was."

There is a model relationship that gets floated around here, unspoken, in which the crossdresser is the one slacking in the relationship and is the one doing the more fundamental "hiding", with the wife / partner / SO being the long-suffering emotionally-open person who would appreciate the crossdresser being completely open, and that while the wife / partner / SO might have difficulty accepting that she would at least research the situation and try to come to grips with it. There is a "self-selection bias" in this forum, in that the GG SO's who are not interested in trying are unlikely to be here at all.

But the truth is more complicated. For some relationships, it is the cross-dresser who has been holding the relationship together and struggling hard for openness and bi-directional commitment in the relationship, the one volunteering to go to therapy, almost in hopes of being told, "Ah, here's where you are being unreasonable and what you are doing wrong" -- because if there is something they are doing wrong then they have hopes of "fixing" the relationship. 'Cuz if the relationship isn't working, the cross-dresser knows that he "isn't trying hard enough".

[Vanessa5]

1) I spend maybe an hour or two dressed every week. Once every three months I'll get fully dressed (make-up and all). I don't have sex with my wife and haven't in about 10 years.
2) N/A
3) I compliment my wife everyday on what she wears and no I don't think about wearing what she wears. We have very different taste in clothing.
4) I do get moody when I am unable to dress. That is why I try to dress when I can. I feel it balances my personality.
5) This depends on what exactly the lie was- "Honey I haven't been paying the mortgage" will get a different reaction to "I didn't use a coupon for those"-for obvious reasons.
6) I do get depressed and sad when I am unable to dress. What I do is just find some time to get some femine things on. Usually I just underdress at work and that seems to help. As far as anything you can do I think you already have. This forum for me has been a tremendous help. Just knowing I am not alone and can come here for support is really all I need.

[Katey888]

1) I'll PM you with answer to that, if you don't mind - I realise it's an emotive subject and important to try to understand but I'd rather that wasn't on the public part of the forum...
2) I've asked a question about this to try and understand more about the differences between CDers and specifically sexuality. I don't feel any attraction to other CDers (but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate someone who presents as being attractive to me..) but I know that other CDers do feel a genuine attraction when the gender that is being presented is feminine, even if the individual is anatomically male. I don't think that makes them gay or bi, btw, I think it is an example of a more fluid gender attraction in those CDers. The question gets asked a lot probably because it is very confusing to both those who suffer the feelings directly and for those who sit on the outside looking in.
3) Never - in terms of clothing. I think we're quite different in our tastes and body shape. I do admit to complimenting her a lot on her nail varnish over time, and after my recent treat (nails red for a day! ) I do hanker for luscious nails again...
4) Not really.. no more than if something impacts other social events.
5) My wife has admitted to hiding/ lying about things to me... there may be other things I still don't know about - but I'm not one who believes that it's necessary to be completely open. Great if you can do it, but not necessary if you love someone. I do love her - and have forgiven and forgotten.
6) Probably in the past, yes. And probably this was over the bad feelings and confusion over whether it was wrong, perverse, bad - since I have been more accepting of myself and this thing; and that this thing is shared with many other folk - I don't feel so bad. The best way for an SO to help is to be understanding - perhaps obviously - if not accepting. I really believe we can't help what we feel and what drives us... I can't believe so many of us would go through the torment of potential stigma, humiliation and pain just to do what we do, without there being something completely irrepressible.

Katey x

[MsVal]

Thank you everyone that gave input in our first post.We really appreciate your help.

We have some more questions and as always if it does not apply just put N/A

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

Zero - 64 - Crossdressing is not sexual for me. I get no sexual stimulation or gratification while crossdressing.

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

I am not among those posters. I want to be with my wife, traveling to places we've never seen, enjoying each other's company.

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

Although I often compliment my wife on the way she looks, it is not a look I wish to duplicate.

[QUOTE=FAB Forum Mods;3444137]
4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)[\QUOTE]

Not at all. At this point in life I've had plenty of "Real" disappointments. A temporary loss of dressing time doesn't rate very high in comparison.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

I would feel badly that she thought she couldn't tell me. I would first tell her that whatever it might be, it is nothing we can't handle together. We both have shortcomings and have leaned on each other for support many times.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

Oh, boy, do I.

I recently came to the realization that I want to wear women's clothes. I disclosed that to my wife and it made her very sad. That in turn saddens me to be the source of her unhappiness. I am caught between two compelling and incompatible desires, to dress, and to please my wife.

Speaking for myself only, I would be helped by a generous dose of "unconditional love". If not because of who I am, then at least in spite of who I am.

Thank you for asking.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Barbie Anne]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

Very little alone time, not needed, accepting loving wife Allthough there's no need to pleasure myself,(highly receptive wife), I do occasionally but not like a single teenager. once a month or so......49 years old.

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

n/a happily married but my preference doesn't change based on what I'm wearing.

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

We have our own wardrobes but yes, occasionally I am jealous of what she's wearing, but that does not water down the sincerity of the compliment

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

Yes.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

Hypothetical. Our marriage has lasted this long because we DON'T hide things from each other. But, it has happened to me in past relationships and it hurt terribly.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

No longer but I used to, due to my confusion about my gender identity. Now it only bothers me when I have to suppress my femme self, to go out shopping or in public, but I compensate by underdressing, doing toenails and the works, even to wearing the same perfume as my wife so it's cammouflaged lol. I'm femme full time at home now, with my wife's encouragement and support, and if we lived in a larger, less conservative town I'd portray as more femme in public. The only people in the world that matter to me all know, and accept me for who/what I am with no reservations.

[Tina_gm]

[QUOTE]1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.I would say I typically have 2 to 3 times per week of alone time to dress. It can be sensual, but it does not get sexual for me.

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .This one is mostly an N/A for me I do not seek out other CD's or have sexual desires related specifically for CDing. I am able and have the same sexual desire for my wife regardless of how I am dressed or how I am feeling.

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.There are times when I see what my wife is wearing and think that I would like to wear something the same or similar.... but when I compliment my wife it is specifically for her

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)Yes, there have been times when RL has come 1st, and I suppose some moodiness has occurred because of this. I do try very hard to role with the flow when it comes to this.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?It would be very difficult to deal with.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do? Bouts of depression merely for feeling like I am a round peg trying to fit in a square hole.... sure. Serious bouts, no, but it can be quite frustrating at times. What helps me is just time being me, whatever that is. How you/she can help?? just letting me be me I guess, although that can be difficult no doubt. Give and take, compromise, working it out. 49[/quotes]

[Adriana Moretti]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.


By pleasuring yourself do you mean what I think?? If so...dressing does not arouse me in that way ...I get it..but ewww...besides Im not staining up my favorite skirt...

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why

People who feel that way have a more submissive side they wish to express, yet only comes out when they dress not matter what age they are.
3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.


Never...no wife here.. but there have been girls whos makeup skills impress me..
4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

All the time...my nickname is "Moody"

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

5. Single and loving it here...see...i dont have these issues..some of you married folk have more issues than vogue...

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

6. No...Depression ,overthinking and self loathing is not healthy...you live on this earth for a short time, enjoy it, accept yourself and have fun. That stuff will eat your soul.When it came to dressing for some reason it never bothered me.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer. Age 46. My wife and I have sex 3 to 5 times per month on average. There are weekends where we will have sex 3 or 4 times over 2-3 days (especially if we are out of town without the kids) but sometimes we will go 2, 3 or 4 weeks without it, mainly because of my travel, illness, demands of the kids, etc. I stop dressing completely from early April to Mid Oct, to allow my leg hair to grow out in order to spend time with the kids at the pool, enjoy shorts in Summer as a man while biking, running etc. Mid Oct-Apr I probably shave my legs and wear thigh highs and women's satin PJs to bed 3 nights out of 7, and maybe put on a dress/skirt and heels one night in 10. My wife has stated she doesn't want to see me in makeup or a wig, and I have respected that--in fact, I don't own those items and have never tried them. If we don't have sex on a night where I have shaved and am wearing hose, I will admit that I will frequently wake aroused and I estimate I masturbate 2-3 times per week. In the Summer months, I masturbate less, so I suppose on average it's about a 50/50 ratio. When I do "pleasure myself", you may be interested to know that my wife is a central part of my fantasy, though what excites me is the thought of being with her/making love to her while being dressed as a woman...often we are wearing the same clothing, hose and shoes.

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? I don't want to be with anyone but my wife (and have not been, since meeting her). I do think it would be kinky to have a threesome with my wife and a completely feminine, passable, classy transsexual call girl.

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead. Never. She is the epitome of feminine beauty and I am an ape. Have I ever been jealous or envious of her looks? Sure. But when I compliment her, it's sincere. In our relationship, what's interesting is that occasionally I will purchase a pair of heels or a skirt, and she will think it looks good, and want it for her, as well. I'm more than happy to oblige because this is part of my fantasy made real.

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies act) No, because my dressing is a small part of my life, albeit enjoyable. And it normally occurs after everything important, like the kids' homework, household tasks, etc, are done. CD is the icing on the cake, not the main course.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it? She does this with stuff she buys, money sent to her family overseas, etc. I don't mind. White lies are just that. I would never cross the line with infidelity or serious problems, and expect the same from her. Minor stuff isn't worth the drama. I think she feels the same way. Money isn't a big problem for us, so if I buy a $50 pair of heels, she is more worried about me running out of storage space than what I spent.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do? I don't get depressed because of anything my awesome wife has done or said about CD. I get depressed because at 230 lbs, I have a long way to go to look remotely feminine. My legs are decent but that's all I have.

Hope you find the feedback valuable.

Shibumi

[Caden Lane]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.zero- 39( but you shouldn't ask a lady her age...lol

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .n/a

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.only occasionally. But I surmise women do the same thing, and are even conversational about it. But compliments directed at my GF are sincere and heartfelt.

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect) dressing IS real life. It's a part of me, and I'm real. Therefore by default it's real. But yes, I do get grumpy and moody when I can't dress. It's a facet of me and my personality. And if I cannot express it, I feel pent up and frustrated.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?thats why I told her when I knew I had a relationship worth being completely open and honest in.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?i get depressed about not thinking I'll be passable or not being able to wear prettier stuff. Or not being able to dress as oft as I'd truly like. If an SO truly wants to help, set aside time to let your SO dress. Set aside time to help them, or be with them when they are dressed. Don't make them feel set aside or cast out. Or out of sight out of mind. Pick out something pretty or sexy for your SO. Buy them flowers or do something girly for them. Take them out for a couples mani pedi, even if your SO isn't dressed. If it might help you, it might help them. Just saying.

[PaulaQ]

These are fun questions. OK, as before, I'll answer this from my perspective as a trans woman, but I'll answer based on when I identified as "just a crossdresser."

As always, ladies, please view my responses as those of "the worst case scenario" - the transitioning transsexual who selfishly wrecks her marriage and inflicts misery on her family! Fortunately, your CDer is unlikely to end up here, so it's all good.

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

I always had a fairly active "alone" sex life. My sex life with my wife was never awesome from my perspective. She loved it - I am a very considerate lover. Unfortunately, I was never very satisfied after we made love. Some of it was because my wife has some hang ups about sex, and some of it is because I'm trans, as it turns out. So let's lay all the blame on the latter - realistically, there probably wasn't really anything she could've done to make me happy. I have the wrong parts for that. But I tried anyway, and had a fairly extensive toy collection and a really huge amount of pornography. Alone time was usually no more than a couple of times a month.

When my CDing restarted 2-3 years ago, that was typically once every few months, then once a month, and ultimately once a week or more. At that point, I started to realize that I no longer had the discipline to keep this hidden reliably - I was doing it too much and was almost certainly going to slip up and get caught.

Our regular sex life was typically 3-4 times per month, sometimes more, sometimes less over the years. My wife would've liked it a little more often, but by the end, geeze, I was so bored with it, and so tired of disappointment that I begged off a lot.

I'd tried communicating with her about my needs over the years - that never really went anywhere though. I finally just even stopped trying - my alone time increased at that point.

Oh, all this happened between the ages of 30 and 50.

If it makes you feel better though, ironically enough, now that I'm separated from my wife - I don't do *anything* alone. I have zero interest in it, and in fact deleted my entire porn stash months and months ago. I'm also basically incapable of climaxing right now - so there isn't much point in doing anything. Hopefully SRS will help with this, but if not, well, I guess this is not that uncommon of a problem for a woman to have, is it?

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

Warning: You won't like this answer.

You aren't judging, but it seems adolescent? That's kind of judgmental, don't you think?

I don't find it adolescent at all. Is it adolescent to never feel sexually attracted to your mate after seeing him in women's clothes? I mean, this is commonly reported, and they are JUST CLOTHES, right? Oh? What's that? It isn't adolescent at all? Well I agree with you, and neither is this!

I volunteer at an LGBT resource center that offers counseling for people who have difficulty accepting their sexual orientation. There is nothing adolescent about this - if your sexual orientation varies *at all* from "100% hetero", society can be really judgmental, and for many of the girls on the forum, this is the ONLY place they've EVER felt safe to discuss these feelings - even if many of them are just fantasies.

OK, so why all the threads. I think there are several things going on here:
1. Fantasy. Amazingly enough, many straight people have fantasies from time to time about an encounter with someone of the same sex. This doesn't make you gay or lesbian, despite society's opinion on the matter. (Asking a guy friend "hey, have you ever imagined doing it with another guy" is an almost guaranteed way to end a friendship.)

2. Bisexuality - some of the folks here are bisexual, and this is not an especially easy sexual orientation to deal with. It really isn't.

3. If you accept that some of the girls here are men expressing a feminine side, then why shouldn't their feminine side be attracted to men sometimes - you are after all?

4. In the case of being attracted to another CD / TG / TS, it is very possible that the person has a sexual preference for TG girls. As best I can tell, this is a very real thing - there are men who PREFER TG girls (CD or TS) over genetic women. It is not uncommon for these men to be gender variant themselves - some of them will CD or even be TS.

Turns out, this is what I am, much to my surprise. I DID NOT WANT to be with a TG girl. I really didn't. At least that's what I thought. After realizing how bad my relationship prospects really were, I sort of backed off of this. Then I met my girlfriend, and realized I'd never been so attracted to another person, ever. It turns out, I'm incredibly attracted to transgender women, so much so that I'm not sure that I'm very attracted to anyone else, either genetic man or woman. It is the most overwhelming thing I've ever experienced.

It also turns out that my girlfriend is the same way - and had dated CDs before being with me.

A preference for trans people is a reality, and your man may have that.

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

Basically never, but once I came out to her, she assumed this was the case every time. It drove her nuts, and caused her great anxiety. I'd advise you to not have these thoughts - this way lies unhappiness and madness. I watched this increase my wife's misery. I finally stopped complimenting her - it just seemed to make things worse. (Usually a compliment is the most innocuous thing you can say to someone, and by this point in our relationship, I needed innocuous stuff to talk to her about!)

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

I was really depressed, anxious, and suicidal when I wasn't dressed, by the end. But then I'm trans. I'd really advise GG's to watch for signs of negative emotional issues with their spouses when their spouses aren't getting to dress. The worse that stuff is, the more serious their gender issues are, in my opinion. That was certainly the case for me, and it's been the case for many other TS girls that I know personally.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

Oh. Well that happened several times in our relationship. I forgave her, and got over it. It hurt at the time, but I got over it, and I tried to work through whatever issue between us (if it was between us - it wasn't always) that caused the problem.

I mean, I felt bad about it what other answer could one give? That it was my favorite part of the relationship? LOL! I 'm not sure what the point of this question is, except to flog us for lying about something that society gives us a damned good reason to lie about.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

I had bouts of depression and sadness because of CDing, and especially because of being trans. When I realized "oh shit, I'm a girl", my second though was "I am going to lose EVERYTHING and EVERYONE in my life".

Being gender variant in a society that views it as perversion, and with a partner who doesn't accept it sucks, and gives one AMPLE reason for sadness and depression.

[Laura912]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

Age 72. Zero times but dress on average of once per week.

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

No clue

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

None

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

Used too a little but no more.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

Would need reason why she did but would try to understand.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

Not because of CDing but the dressing is a nice place to go when feeling a little down.

[franlee]

In order:
1- (until I became a physical wreck from my back and knees a bout 3 years ago) 20 to 25 days a month and sometimes more than once in a days time compared to with the wife at least once a day. From teens on, my age is in now 59.(with the exception of the short time I was divorced or widowed)
2-All I can tell you is I am a, and all I ever will be is a straight CDer with a vivid imagination and love for games and role-play. I have no need to question any thing else because I know who and what I am, I also believe unless you have a mental block or challenge anyone knows the same and is only looking for justifications to be or do what they want to, period.
3-I can't count that high, I mean like every time!
4-yes (this is true for anything I want to do though, time is to short for being deprived of one's on needs or desires unless there is a real need)
5-I would deal with it in an appropriate manner for the situation and then stand by that solution what ever the consequences. Since the question was for me in regards my wife I can say this with certainty, I can't say or hold others to our standards good or bad.
6-Yes, I have been doing it so long that I have turned it into a stress relief tool and have become addicted to it to some degree. But like anything else it can be over come if there is a reason I considered justifiable to go though the trouble for. In short it is not something that is life threatening should I lose the ability to do it any longer. It helps that I have had so many good times doing it and even learned from it. What we can do is simple enjoy it and cherish the memories, use it to make yourself a better or fuller person. By the way if at all possible take as many pictures as you can for your older years.LOL Just don't let it or anything else stand between you and what is right.

[Annaliese2010]

1. 95% alone 5% when with. 49
2. Male self has different personality than my self. So I could be with another M2F CD but he wouldn't be interested.
3. Maybe now and then but mostly it's just a true compliment to her.
4. No.
5. I would feel very very bad and distrusting if that happened.
6. Just the opposite. If I'm feeling bad it helps.

[Eryn]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

Zero. 56. Dressing for me is not a sexual thing.

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why.

I'm not attracted to other TG people sexually. I enjoy their company socially simply because we understand each other at a core level. When I'm dressed I have few if any sexual feelings at all.

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

When I compliment her, it is a compliment for how _she_ looks. I really don't think about how I would look in what she is wearing.

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

Yes, just as anyone might get annoyed when real life interferes with their golf game, yoga lesson, or other pleasant activity.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

I wouldn't like it. I try to be as honest with her as I can and I would like her to do the same. OTOH, if there were a good reason behind her actions I could find it in me to forgive.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

I had far more bouts of depression and sadness _before_ I started actively CDing. CDing has allowed me to do things that I only dreamed about before and it allows me to express myself more freely.

[Marcelle]

Hello,

In response to your questions:

1. Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

Dressing is not sexual for me so there is no "pleasuring" going on. When I have relations with my wife it is "en boy" and Isha is not part of the equation. Age: 49.

2. Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

Can't help you there as I am not attracted to other TG/CD. Friends yes but attraction "nope".

3. How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

Zero times. My wife and I have different tastes in style. When I compliment her it is for her.

4. Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

Nope. When life happens and I need to be "en boy" it is all business and to be honest I am too busy to get sulky or moody about not dressing.

5. If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

Sorry, this is a bit of a loaded question. It really depends on the situation. If my wife was a serial killer or having an affair then yes I would be upset. If my wife was a FtM cross dresser and never told me about it but wasn't hurting anyone well I would be fine with that. Her CDing has no effect on me as a person as it would be her being her . . . the person is still the same.

6. Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

Before I accepted who I was . . . yes. Now . . . could not be happier.

Hugs

Isha

[AmandaM]

See quotes

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

Very infrequent, kids at home. Maybe once a week or less. In my 50's.

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

We don't understand it, trying to come to terms with it, what it means, etc. It can be considered bi or gay feelings, yet it is not, because as soon as we aren't dressed, the desire goes away. It's a big mystery.

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

Never.

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

Sometimes.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

I wouldn't like it, but is it from fear, etc?

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

Yes, I have been depressed my whole life. I don't know why. Dressing helps. Or, more to the point, if I could dress when I wanted to, then the desire wouldn't grow so much.

[Jenniferathome]

2)Please help me understand WHY ...
these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, ...

Yes, this! It's pure denial. Just working to justify something they can't admit is more.