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Thread: Caught crossdressing?

  1. #1
    Danielle Danicd1's Avatar
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    Caught crossdressing?

    Hi all, I currently live at home with my parents so dressing up doesn't happen as often as I would want. Last year I had to get it off my chest so I sat down with my mum and explained how I liked to crossdress. To my amazement she was fine about it, all she said was, that's ok, lots of people like different things. She even offered to sign me up to an online womens clothes store.
    More recently I have left bits in my washing basket like dresses, skirts and jeans. Even a pair of pink French knickers to try my luck. She washed them all and left them in my drawers.
    So now I'm seriously deciding weather or not to be caught on purpose, in hope I can dress when it's just me and my mum home. My dad doesn't no, or at least as long as my mum didn't break her promise.
    What do you think? I would love comments and opinions.

    Thanks Danielle x

  2. #2
    Pretty in Pink Barbie Anne's Avatar
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    Sounds to me as if your dear mother has already said it's ok for you to be yourself.

    And if you think your father doesn't know, you're kidding yourself. I could be wrong but most parents communicate these things with each other hon.

    Maybe you should sit down with both of them and have a heart to heart talk. Set boundaries. Yes it's good to be yourself but don't get all "in your face" about it.

    Above all communicate
    Barbie

  3. #3
    Senior Member mikiSJ's Avatar
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    It would be a lot safer to plan a day as Dani with your mom than to pop out of the kitchen one day when she comes home saying: "Hi, got you, didn't I!".
    When writing the next chapter in your life, start with a pencil and eraser - my first page as Miki is full of eraser marks.

  4. #4
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Danielle,

    Setting up yourself to be caught could have all sorts of unexpected outcomes... It's one thing to sit down with your parents - as boy you - to discuss something soberly, carefully, and with a bit of a plan and a more managed situation.

    But try to out yourself by being caught... You won't necessarily know the mood of folk when that happens, what else is on their minds, and what their reaction will be to something that is possibly totally unexpected. At least if you manage the time and place, they'll be prepared for something that is a serious discussion and not just surprised by something that might prove shocking.

    Talk to them - give them a chance to ask questions and let them set the pace. There is lots of good advice on here about revealing to ones SO - I think most of that advice also applies here so go away and have a good trawl through the forum...

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member kendra_gurl's Avatar
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    Hey mom! I really appreciate you doing my laundry and especially those girly things we don't really talk about. I was wondering if you would mind teaching me some of your makeup tricks some day soon as I could really use the help.

    If this happens you could use the opportunity to speak with her about letting you dad know or not.

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member Abbey11's Avatar
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    Hi Dani, I agree with what the other ladies have said, best to sit down and discuss with your mom and see if she'd mind seeing you dressed, if she's fine with it then you can progress from there, good luck and hope it goes well. hugs Abbey xx
    OMG!! I can look like a Women....and I LOVE it!

  7. #7
    Lisa Allisa's Avatar
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    Hello Dani sounds like a very big step in the right direction but I have to agree with the others, please sit down at a determined date and time and have a sober meeting of the minds. Be prepared for some big questions, be truthful and respectful. Maybe you can offer to do your own wash to help your mother. I know I sound like an old father but it's been a long time since I was 22.Good luck in your endeavor to be the true you.

    Bye-Bye Lisa
    "you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
    It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member Christen's Avatar
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    Hi Dani,

    I'd also suggest the sit down with Mum and see if she'd like to see you dressed. And if she does, dress nicely, so she can be proud of you. Dad's are usually a different kettle of fish, I'd be discussing that with your Mum, before surprising him. My Mum knew that I dressed up in my sisters clothes when I was about fifteen, But I know she never told my Dad about it. We both knew he'd never have handled it.

    Take care,
    Christen x
    “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
    and rightdoing there is a field.
    I'll meet you there.” - Rumi.

  9. #9
    stone free
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    Danielle,
    so great that you are comfortable in your home like that,
    but as everyone seems to concur its planned, not a whoops, you caught me.
    as we dont know your dad, and sometimes moms do keep promises, but dont assume he knows or will take it well,
    thought my wife knew somewhat when i revealed to her recently, she was shocked,
    i wish you well whatever you decide....
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that
    NOBODY gets a pass to blow out someone else's candle in order to make theyre's shine brighter meetup.com/jerseyshoretransgenderSURF

  10. #10
    Danielle Danicd1's Avatar
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    Hi, thanks for all your comments, I do agree that sitting down with my mum would be the best thing (not dad). To be honest I wouldn't no what to say. Disbite she does no I crossdress, I couldn't see myself asking her if its ok for me to dress when she is around. I just can't help thinking that as she has been so amazingly ok about it, that the best thing is to be caught in the act and hear her response. Maybe I'm just seeing this through my heart and not my head. Really appreciate your responses, I won't be jumping in the deep end anytime soon.

    Thank you all x

    Danielle x

  11. #11
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    How about telling your father as you did your mother? Your father deserves the same respect

  12. #12
    Danielle Danicd1's Avatar
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    He does deserve the same respect however I'm not sure he would be as understanding as my mum.

  13. #13
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    Dani, he may not be as understanding. But that does not change the course you have set. Imagine one day when your mom comes clean and tells your dad. He will be shocked, sad, disrespected, nothing good for sure. By telling him, you take control of your story.
    Last edited by Jenniferathome; 02-21-2014 at 11:29 PM.

  14. #14
    Gone to live my life
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    Hi Dani,

    I agree with all here . . . talk to your mom and arrange a time to meet Dani . . . perhaps a mom and daughter day. Regarding your dad, talk to your mom about it. She is most likely in a good position to know how he would take it.

    Hugs

    Isha

  15. #15
    Silver Member Jilmac's Avatar
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    Dani, a bit of advice from an old girl who has done her share of dressing in private, but came out only after my non accepting spouse passed away. Even though your mum told you that it was ok to be yourself, you should proceed with caution so as not to force Dani on her all at once. There are so many different levels of acceptance among loved ones that your prudent choice would be to take baby steps and see where it goes.
    Luv and Jill


    Straight, into Fantasy Land

  16. #16
    Curmudgeon Member donnalee's Avatar
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    Only thing I can add is this quote "Make haste slowly." -Benjamin Franklin (Poor Richard's Almanac).
    Talk to your mom about the best way to introduce Danielle to her and your Dad. Surprises are a bad idea as they make it far too easy to lose control of the situation.
    ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!

    "The important thing about the bear is not how well she dances, but that she dances at all." - Old Russian Proverb (with a gender change)

  17. #17
    Full Geek Status Adriana Moretti's Avatar
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    she probably kept her promise....you know Moms...they are good like that...

  18. #18
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    It is selfish to "be caught on purpose". Talk to your mom and tell her you would like her input on how you dress and some help with makeup. Let her tell you how she feels. Leaving clothes out to be seen is disrespectful. It tells her that you expect her to clean up after you. She has your back, but you have to carry your share of the journey.

  19. #19
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Danielle,
    I would confide in your mum a little more.
    She already knows and does wash your clothes without hassle.
    I see little trouble with seeking further advice from her.
    She would probably welcome it.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  20. #20
    Junior Member Aeslyn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danicd1 View Post
    Hi, thanks for all your comments, I do agree that sitting down with my mum would be the best thing (not dad). To be honest I wouldn't no what to say. Disbite she does no I crossdress, I couldn't see myself asking her if its ok for me to dress when she is around. I just can't help thinking that as she has been so amazingly ok about it, that the best thing is to be caught in the act and hear her response. Maybe I'm just seeing this through my heart and not my head. Really appreciate your responses, I won't be jumping in the deep end anytime soon.

    Thank you all x

    Danielle x
    I agree that you should talk to her first. As Katee pointed out you might not know what is on your mom's mind at the time you surprise her and that could cause it to not be received well.

    As for what to say, I'd suggest just expressing a desire to be more you and ask for her help with it. Maybe talking to her to see if she is willing to help you with make-up, hair, dressing tips and so on. Mom's tend to love helping their kids. And it is also an activity that you can enjoy together. Plus, if she does have any issues with seeing her son dressed as a female this will give the two of you a chance to find a look, style, or whatever which she may find easier to deal with.
    There really is a girl in all of us.

  21. #21
    Danielle Danicd1's Avatar
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    Well I have taken all of your comments onboard and Im going to sit down and have a chat with her. I hadn't even considered some things that have been brought up. Thanks all, very much appreciated. Fingers crossed I will try and have that chat this weekend.

    Thanks

    Danielle x

  22. #22
    Gold Member Maria in heels's Avatar
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    Dani...I think that you should give your mom a big hug, and introduce her to Dani. Nothing too extravagant, just something like the jeans and light color top that you have posted recently, and of course, in those heels. She may want to ask you questions, so please be ready. I'm sure that the awkwardness will soon disappear, and she may in fact like having a daughter too who comes to visit
    A new link to a sample of my shoe collection

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