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Thread: Masculine vs feminine: finding the balance

  1. #1
    Member Billiejosehine's Avatar
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    Masculine vs feminine: finding the balance

    Looking back at my life up to this point, I beginning to realize that deep down there is an internal between my masculine and feminine part of myself. I was never in balance, and in fact I tried to deny my feminine side over masculine side, just to fit in. This only caused me emotional pain and distress in my life and ultimately the end of my marriage. Having made the decision to stop denying each part of my self and begin the transition towards my true self; I have begun to look into and learn how I can bring balance in who I am. I have come across a lot of information and wanted to share with you what I found and learned.

    This is a long post, so I apologize.

    In our universe there exist to polarities as seen by many symbols and expressions of consciousness. In eastern philosophy, they are referred to as Yin and Yang. Yin being the feminine or feeling part of self. Yang the masculine aspect, thinking, the mind, and act of doing. These polarities have nothing to do with the sex of individual, but rather how an individuals consciousness expresses itself, whether its more towards the thinking or feeling.

    Ultimately, we all want to be in balance with both aspects within ourselves. Regardless if you're male or female, when balanced you experience your whole complete healthy self as a human being; that is loving, caring, kind, strong, wise, and many more. Even though it is important to embody both the masculine and feminine, throughout history, in culture, and in most cases, today; we have witnessed an over-emphasis in the male polarity.

    For example; this male polarity, or thinker in us, has judged the feminine nature as embarrassing or shameful, bad or evil, and is represented mythically by the shame hidden by the Fig leaf. Negatively judging the feminine of the self, creates denial of the feeling center and it has become forbidden for men to show feminine qualities or feelings. If a guy is seen as sensitive and introspective, he is laughed at and labeled as a wimp. For men, it has become dangerous to show feelings or let people in, for fear of ridicule and rejection. It's no wonder why a lot of men keep their desires to express their feminine side hidden from the world, such as CD'ing.

    Fear and judgment against the feminine is the primary reason our society worldwide is so out of balance. The structure of our society is backwards, stuck in reverse, then the natural order of things. We have a society today that has a thinking, male force, without feelings or advice from the inner feminine or heart. A heartless mess is the end result. For example; if you have powerful strength and little goodness, you are harmful to others. If you are good, yet weak, you can harm yourself by allowing others to take advantage of you. Even through our own emotional experiences, we may become off balance and develop a stronger masculine or feminine polarity. For example, an adult who was abused as a child, may develop a stronger masculine polarity to protect the injured child within.

    Another example of the masculine and feminine imbalance in our society is the Burka that woman where in the middle eastern, male polarity cultures. The broker literally covers the female in order to keep her in denial and control. This is a clear physical manifestation of the internal conflict between the masculine and feminine.

    When we are off-balance, we sometimes see the opposite sex partner to feel more whole. But if your imbalance between the masculine and feminine, the more you're able to be in a healthy relationship that is balanced, motivated by authentic not "needy" love for feeling complete. The key thing to remember is that even if you're balanced, if the other is not, conflict such as non-acceptance, will arise in the relationship.

    As a society, some believe we are truly in need of rebalancing. When we take a closer look, we notice how to start bringing more balance to the world around us; one person at time. So despite what society may say about gender expression, it is a healthy to do. And there is pleasant shift on the planet lately with the increase of feminine energy over the masculine, that has been dominant for so long. As we continue to grow and evolve in consciousness as a collective; bring balance to our feminine and masculine; we also bring balance to our planet and the universe.

    Do you resonate more with the feminine or masculine aspect of yourself? Notice if you feel balanced or preferring one over the other.

    Masculine qualities
    Action oriented
    Focused
    Assertive
    Passionate
    Transforming
    Stability
    Protect
    Support
    Logic
    Reason
    Commonsense
    Survival

    Feminine qualities
    Receptive
    Creation
    Instinctual wisdom
    Relating
    Nurturing
    Compassion
    Intuition
    Empathy
    Calm
    Healing
    Emotional awareness
    Expression and communication of emotions

    How balanced are you between the masculine and feminine energies?
    What do you do to keep yourself balanced and feel more whole?
    Last edited by Billiejosehine; 02-22-2014 at 02:36 AM. Reason: Typo

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member Christen's Avatar
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    Hi BillieJo,

    You know I think I'm pretty balanced between the two, not sure about Steve ability though.
    But you know, I feel plenty of pressure to accentuate the masculine.

    Christen x
    “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
    and rightdoing there is a field.
    I'll meet you there.” - Rumi.

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    What is a Steve ability?

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    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Tracii,
    Like you, we are both missing 'Steve Ability'.
    I am assuming it means your male self's ability to cope.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  5. #5
    Breakin' social taboos TGMarla's Avatar
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    Daniel-san....go out and find the balance!
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    Any money found in the laundry is MINE!


    "This is no social crisis....this is me having fun!"

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  6. #6
    Member Billiejosehine's Avatar
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    Since I have no computer I use my IPhone to browse and post on this site. I really hate how the iPhone corrects what I write. But after rereading my post I found where it put Steve ability...it's supposed to be stability.

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    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    In my multi-cultural neighbourhood, I can't think of anyone (male or female) with more than 40% of either listing.
    Either they are all closet CDers, bipolar, mentally disturbed or perhaps the list comes from a womans magazine.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
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  8. #8
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Masculine qualities
    Action oriented
    Focused
    Assertive
    Passionate
    Transforming
    Stability
    Protect
    Support
    Logic
    Reason
    Commonsense
    Survival

    Feminine qualities
    Receptive
    Creation
    Instinctual wisdom
    Relating
    Nurturing
    Compassion
    Intuition
    Empathy
    Calm
    Healing
    Emotional awareness
    Expression and communication of emotions


    I think this is over thinking and over generalizing. Men and women have elements of both of these categories. In fact I would say that both cis gendered men and women possess all of these. It may be done or shown a little differently, but this is a list of a well rounded and balanced person, and has little to do with masculine and feminine IMO.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  9. #9
    Gone to live my life
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    Hi Billie Jo,

    Very thought provoking and well laid out thread. However, I believe that what you are truly talking about is societal views/opinions on what constitutes "masculine" and "feminine". It puts me in mind of the Robert Southey poem "What are little boys made of"

    What are little boys made of
    Snips & snails & puppy dogs tails
    And such are little boys made of.
    What are little girls made of
    Sugar & spice & all things nice


    This was society's view of the differences between boys and girls and to a large degree it has not changed. Boys are rough and tumble ready for action whereas girls are sweet, innocent, nurturing and demure. Is that the absolute truth . . . nope. Just look around at girls and boys today and that poem doesn't seem to fit. Likewise look around at women and men today and society's view of masculine and feminine seems antiquated.

    Those qualities as you rightly state make someone whole and a good person. That is what we all should strive for. So in response to your question, I like to think I have struck a good balance. Is it a perfect balance "nope" but it is still balanced.

    Hugs

    Isha

  10. #10
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Isha View Post
    What are little boys made of
    Snips & snails & puppy dogs tails
    And such are little boys made of.
    What are little girls made of
    Sugar & spice & all things nice

    Isha
    And I can't help but wonder how much that, stuck into so many of our minds at such a young age, influenced what we became (boy=bad, girl=good). I know it had an influence on me.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  11. #11
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billiejosehine View Post
    Since I have no computer I use my IPhone to browse and post on this site. I really hate how the iPhone corrects what I write. But after rereading my post I found where it put Steve ability...it's supposed to be stability.
    I think Siri might be a transman.

    No seriously. BJ, I checked your age on your profile. I too experienced that overcharged angst of being torn between M and F with the overbearing pressure of having to find out WHY. Believe me, age cures all of that. You won't get exact answers, you'll just decide it's easier to just accept your exceptional self. Really. Look around you at all of the linear beings that have no existence on the other side of the looking glass. The privacy of crossdressing has to be managed and, yes, it is like the burden of an extra job but most of us here take it in stride because of the high pleasure reward.

    And, WOW! You typed all that on an iPhone? Get a cheap laptop and use your phone as a wifi hotspot.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  12. #12
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    My feeling is that one can get through this life easier by simply being...without trying to categorize yourself, or any part of yourself, as male or female. A behavior, an inclination may be commonly associated with a gender, but the behavior tisel has no gender. I have abandoned any effort to find a balance and instead focus on being myself in the moment.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  13. #13
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    I'll echo Kim on this. But I like to call it pragmatism. Things are. If you can accept that, life just rolls forward.

  14. #14
    Member Billiejosehine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gendermutt View Post
    I think this is over thinking and over generalizing. Men and women have elements of both of these categories. In fact I would say that both cis gendered men and women possess all of these. It may be done or shown a little differently, but this is a list of a well rounded and balanced person, and has little to do with masculine and feminine IMO.
    Yes in general, the qualities listed, either belong to the masculine or feminine. For example, assertiveness is a masculine trait ;while feelings and emotions are a feminine trait. But even in the symbol Yin and Yang, it's not all black and white, there a dot of white within the black and a black dot within the white. We may possess more qualities of one side over another, or it may be mixed between the two, but in reality there is so many variations in between, hence gender expression. You could look at the list and say, "well I have these qualities more over here and less qualities here". You could look at the list and say I'm 10% feminine and 90% masculine based on the qualities listed. And it helps to see what we could work on to be a more balance individual. Also we are always changing, so the percentage is always fluctuating depending what's going on in your life.

    You have masculine male and feminine male then you have masculine female and feminine female.

    Carla: yeah I typed most of the thread, but also used the mic too on my iPhone. During my marriage we bought a laptop and desktop together; the desktop being mine and the laptop being hers. I still have to get stuff from the house that is mine, as well as stuff I want, but it's community property. And we haven't gotten to the stage of you take this and I'll take this. I would like to get a laptop, but with being on my own and getting back on my feet, I'm going to have to wait.
    Last edited by Billiejosehine; 02-22-2014 at 05:02 PM.

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    I tried to decide which qualities were mine and which were Ineke's, yin and yang, and all I can come up with is

    Me, a mix of all of the above

    Ineke

  16. #16
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    I think the difference is in how it is projected. emotions, assertiveness, caring, nurturing.... all might be done a little differently and are perhaps commonly similar with most males and females, but I believe both genders have all of these traits. Oddly enough, I have seen that those of us who are in the middle tend to make more of a difference of male and female than the cis gender people do.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

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    Valley Girl Michelle789's Avatar
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    I think these qualities are stereotypical male/female qualities. A male can have female qualities, and a female can have male qualities. It depends on personality. How it's expressed may differ among men and women on average, but there are exceptions too.

    Some behaviors and qualities are hardwired into the male and female brains. Others are learned and shaped by society. Why do you think a transwomen and cross-dressers, and other gender variants, can hide gender variance so well? Ah, because much of it is learned, society-dictated behavior.
    Last edited by Michelle789; 02-22-2014 at 06:00 PM.
    I've finally mastered the art of making salads. My favorite is a delicious Mediterranean salad.

  18. #18
    Member Billiejosehine's Avatar
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    Have you heard of the term alpha male or alpha female, they are the extreme polar opposites in what an atypical male or female looks like; if you look at a scale that defined each gender role and the qualities each role has. Even growing up we are taught at a very young age this is how a male is supposed to be and this is how a female is supposed to be. Anything in between is not okay; based on what has been defined. As a society we like to categorize and label everything we see and learn; which is a very masculine thing to do to try and create control. But it does help us to make sense of the world around us. On the other hand if we are living in the moment with love just being who you were intended to be, is very feminine thing to do. Both labeling/control and just being with love; are both important ways of viewing things.

    Consider this, we often put everything inside a box, again the labeling, categorizing, creating rules, and defining how things should be, but there's that area outside the box too. Hence the term "think outside the box"; by going beyond the box we go into the creative, feeling, feminine self. The problem is that we then create a new box to define everything outside the original box. This is ever expanding and helps us to grow and evolve as human beings. We must find balance in the middle and just be who we are. Once you start tipping things towards more the masculine and feminine; we see problems arise in society.

    I hope I don't offend anyone and it's okay to bring up this subject, but when we even look at any religion; we we are taught about having this balance between good and evil; feminine and masculine. And in any book, it talks about figures such as Adam and Eve in the Holy Bible. In this story we then can look at it as not "woman" who is symbolized by, but the inner feminine nature of Man, named symbolically, Adam, who required removal of that Yin aspect from his solar plexus region, the feeling center, in order to mirror his denial. His "female" was then placed into physical reality as Eve, a trek into duality for a time, to help learn more easily about all aspects of the self. The bottom rib of the chest is literally right next to that feeling center or Chakra (energy wheel) of the body. "Adam's Rib, as it's been called, has been used therefore to symbolize the act of manifesting Eve into form from the center of Adam's being.

    Therefore Man has gone into denial as symbolized by Eve, Adam's Yin, inner facet, who in the past, swallowed the red fruit of anger rather than release it out by expressing it to the Universe. The effect on a grand scale became a continual state of denial for all human spirits.

    We created a religion to build the bond or bridge between the two dualities. In general there's a higher being/the creator who wants us to love them, but we have free will to think and make choices. We are sinful (doing/acting) and seek forgiveness (Love/acceptance) with faith in who we are. In religion the cross is used, which is fitting, because it can also represent dualism, two forces going in conflicting directions yet uniting at a central point; the union of male of female.

    As I have briefly mentioned the Yin represents the feeling center or Will of the Universe, the inner movement, which includes the Heart Center. The Yang represents the mental aspect of Spirit or Mind. The Yang expresses itself by thinking and then doing. So it's interesting to note that it's the arrow out of the egg as symbolized by the common male sign that most of us know. This the arrow takes away from the whole as it exits, the "Prodigal Son" leaving the home, it is considered a limited, negative, electron type of satellite energy.

    The feminine however, sits at the center of "All That Is", which is a larger nucleus of unlimited, positive, proton energy, characteristic of the feminine. So basically, the true structure of the universe has the feminine at its center with the male element acting as an electron satellite to do for her what she feels should be created. With her intuitive feelings, the "Mother" therefore knows what needs to be manifested for the greatest good and asks the "Father of Manifestation," also called "Heart," to form it.

    In other words, the Universe, when it creates, feels something move within itself, thinks upon it and then acts to create it with the male force of loving Heart manifestation. The natural order therefore of the Universe is to have the female aspect sit, be, and feel. Once the feelings have been felt, sorted out and most importantly valued, the mind then determines how and what should be accomplished first. It then shoots out the male energy of doing to manifest what the female element has felt and desired to create for "All That Is".

    For an even deeper read check out this site http://www.sacred-texts.com/sro/sdr/sdr05.htm

  19. #19
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    I still say that all those qualities listed are neither masculine or feminine, but merely human qualities that both genders have. They just tend to show them a little different. Men and women are both affectionate. Men will show affection to each other by a firm handshake, back slap and other typical male affection behaviors, but they mean the same. Because men typically do not hold hands or hug each other does not mean they are less caring or affectionate. The same could be said for all of the qualities listed for both genders. Its all there and I believe in fairly equal amounts, just shown differently.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  20. #20
    Member melissakozak's Avatar
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    I simply don't buy into the rigid gender roles/expectations society has place upon me in either mode. I am a gender bending outlaw, and all labels of masculine vs. feminine are useless to me....)

  21. #21
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    I understand what you are saying but I look at things in terms of being male or female energy or character. I have been able to balance those energies under one aegis or authority which is myself as being a self directed and self managed entity in terms of shaping my own destiny. It's easy to go along with the majority and crowd. Much more difficult to be one's self. No one else can do it for us really. In order to do that we must take ownership of our own vessel and feelings and take responsibility for our own actions and that is really how we learn. Understanding how this feed back/feed forward process really works is the key and once that happens we can make the male and female energies complement each other rather than work against each other.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

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