Did I really do it?

[Maggie O'neal]

Saturday afternoon my wife and I were out and about. While driving we started discussing a TG/CD gurl that came to the church we attend . She was well dressed though she had her hair in a man's style.
We attend a very liberal Lutheran Church so her being there wasn't a shock. We were just wondering if she would be returning as she was welcomed by many to include my wife.
The conversation moved forward discussing the difference's between TS,TG,CD,Drag Queen etc. One of my wife's good friends from a few years back is a drag queen. So the whole topic was not foreign to either of us.
As we parked at a women's consignment shop I blurted out "How would you feel about me cross dressing?" "I really would like to."
She responded with" At home or out?" I answered "Just at home."
Nothing more was said about it the rest of the weekend except my apologizing for blurting it out as I did.
all week end it was like I hadn't said anything all was normal.
So I sit here confused ,so confused.

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

Maggie, It might take her awhile to process this revalation from you. Be patient and when she has done her thinking she might bring it up or... she might not. It is one thing to know crossdressers and others but entirely different to be married to one. Give her time is all I can say
And Good Luck to you

[teri g]

I think there are 3 possibilities. 1. She doesn't want to give it any more thought and she deleted the file. 2. She's processing the information now and will either respond or delete the file. 3. She put the topic on ice and will return to 1 or 2 above. Give her some time. If the gurl returns to church, the topic will be opened up again.

[Jenniferathome]

such a conversation need more than a "blurt out."

Sit down tonight and talk to her. Tell her it wasn't a joke and it was poor timing, but you like to discuss it.

[PaulaQ]

Oh honey, that is about as bad of a way to introduce this subject as you could possibly come up with.

She's probably in shock right now, unsure how to deal with this. Just because she's open minded about gender variance in others in no way predicts how she'll deal with this in her marriage.

You do need to come clean to her, and soon, and you need to really think about what you'll say. There are a bunch of threads on how to tell your wife, Jennifer's is good for a start. I'd advise honesty though - you can't unring a bell and she could be imagining stuff way worse than your situation.

[Barbie Anne]

I think there are 3 possibilities. 1. She doesn't want to give it any more thought and she deleted the file. 2. She's processing the information now and will either respond or delete the file. 3. She put the topic on ice and will return to 1 or 2 above. Give her some time. If the gurl returns to church, the topic will be opened up again.

4: She's noticed how nervous you were in your confession and is trying to give you time to relax so she CAN talk to you

And yes if you blurted it out like that it imho probably came out like a confession more than a curious question.
She did ask "In home or out?", and did not immediately go off on you. She did welcome the cd/trans at church. She has a DQ friend. In your own words she's not unfamilliar with the subject.
Relax, you may be reading too much into her silence as most of us do....Paranoia and crossdressing go hand in hand hon. My point is she did NOT immediately freak out and yes she needs time to process this, and Jennifer hit on something as well. Ask her if she'd like to talk about it and if she has any questions.

[Annaliese]

It is one think to accept someone else, but when it your So that is different, less acceptance.

[Stephanie47]

I see from your bio that you're 59 years old. I don't know how long you've been married. I do not think wives are stupid, not observant, etc. There are always hints in a marriage that should raise the consciousness of the wife. To blurt out your interest was not the way to introduce her to a conversation on cross dressing. The manner in which she answered would suggest to me she knows you're a cross dresser. She may be mulling over the issue now, but, somewhere along the way the "discussion" needs to happen. If you and your wife attend church next Sunday and the cross dresser is there that may be the stimulus to start the conversation.

[TessInJxn]

I agree with PaulaQ. And, at this point, I'd venture to say that the worst thing you could do is let it sit for too long. You don't want the awkwardness of the delivery to affect other aspects of your marriage. It needs to be discussed in more detail.

That said, the advice previously given about her needing time to process this new bit of information about you is totally valid. She may be in the throws of processing it even as you read this. But -- and this is the problem now -- you have no idea if she is processing this new revelation, or she is ignoring it in the hopes that it will just go away. If I were you, I'd figure out a time, with nothing else pressing (yeah, right, when is that?), and revisit your revelation. Then, offer her time to process some more if she needs to. If she is ready to discuss it, then you're off to the races. If she needs time, try, without being too pushy, to figure out when she thinks she might be ready, and offer to help her through that time by telling her you are happy to answer any questions she might have while she processes this new information. Then check in with her. Don't nag. But don't let it drop, either.

[Annaliese2010]

...all week end it was like I hadn't said anything all was normal. So I sit here confused ,so confused.

Well honey I bet your wife is like, too?

[lovetobedani]

She probably thinking about it. What I've noticed about GG's in general is even if they say nothing they bank it for another time. Be patient and she's likely to bring up the subject to you. Just try not to make her angry for awhile.

[GenieGirl]

Maggie, It might take her awhile to process this revalation from you. Be patient and when she has done her thinking she might bring it up or... she might not. It is one thing to know crossdressers and others but entirely different to be married to one. Give her time is all I can say
And Good Luck to you

I agree with you here. My gf is also accepting of gays, and my cross dressing. She would just prefer it if I were just her friend though. She wishes that I wasn't one and is still trying hard to accept it and isn't sure if she can fully accept being with someone special like me. But if she chooses not to stay because of that I wouldn't fault her or thing bad of her. I'd just want her to find someone to be happy and the same for me, I want a girl that can be happy with me and happy of who I am but we all know that its rare to find true 100% acceptance

[Beverley Sims]

Maggie,
Just sit on the fence for a while, curiosity will soon get the better of your wife.
If you bring it up it may kill the moment.
I know it is tempting...

[Eryn]

This is important to you and it is bothering you. You want to talk to your wife about it and I'll bet that she would like to have some of her questions answered as well.

This isn't a game. This is your life and hers. You are in this together and now that the subject is broached you need to talk about it. If you don't, her imagination will come up with far worse situations that you really have.

Say "Look, this is bothering me, I don't have all the answers, but I would like to have your help and advice." Then talk, and listen.

[Teresa]

Hi Maggie,
Have you done anything or slipped up that might have given your wife a clue ? Where do you keep your stuff any chance she may know ? If the answer is yes to any of those I think I would apologise again and gently say " I think you already know don't you ?" If you are going to do that be ready with some reasonable answers, I still don't think it washes to say I like wearing panties or I can't help it, if you know why at least you're ready for are you gay or want to be a woman questions. Don't forget you are still the same person so tell her it doesn't alter that. Most of us live with what does the silence mean ?

[Marcelle]

Hi Maggie,

The 300 pound elephant is now sitting squarely in your home and encompasses every room. When you say "she hasn't said anything and all is normal" do you mean it is like she did not believe you and just let it drop? Or do you believe she actually believes you? It is hard to judge by her response "At home or out?" as you did not discuss how it was said . . . jokingly with a smile which might lead one to believe she thought you were joking . . . seriously with a "huh are you serious" tone. If it was a serious tone, yes by all means allow here a few days to process but you need to discuss the elephant sooner than later. Besides, given the delivery method (blurting it out), she is owed a good conversation and this will help you get some understanding on where she sits. On the other hand if you believe she was thought you were joking . . . tread lightly as you may inadvertently out yourself when she truly believed you were joking (unless you want to out yourself).

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

Why do you feel confused? Is it because you don't know why you chose to speak out now? Given the context it's understandable. Now that's over. What comes next is more important. Be prepared to be honest but thoughtful in your replies to the inevitable questions that will come. Good luck!

[Tina_gm]

I agree with the others that further discussion is needed, but a weekend afterword and as you said, nothing else was said and it was otherwise a normal weekend was probably a very good thing. She did need the time to digest this info. And an otherwise normal weekend was good as it allowed life to go on. Also good in that your wife is able to continue on with life normally, so while there may have been some breaking news to her, it hasn't made her to a complete panic situation.

Another thing I think may bode well for you is that her very 1st question was at home or out. That is typically a question, but not typically the 1st. I do believe that if you can have the patience to allow her the time to digest and process this, and continue to live life as you always have, you have a good chance at this working out for you..... in some manner.

IMO, too many of us begin to have an expectation that our S/O's should like and participate in our CDing. Because we see and read that there are GG's that do doesn't mean that that should be the case. I think it is important not to add that type of pressure to the marriage. If it happens, great, but even though your wife has shown herself to be an open minded accepting person of CDing, does not equate to liking or wanting it.

We CD's may be more feminine than the "average guy" and we are in touch with more femininity, but we are still not women. We still have certain thought processes and emotions that are different than that of women, in general. I see this all the time on here, and I have been and can be guilty of the same. We CD's are always concerned about the actual CDing that we do, and we think and maybe agonize over the how to and what to do with it. GG's on the other hand, are more concerned about the broken trust, the lies, and that now they feel they have to get to know something they were never told about. They rightly feel they were denied all of the information when making the choice to be with us. And they need to regain the feeling, the security and trust that they now do know all of us. While we agonize about how far to dress, what to wear, how often... to get or continue her acceptance etc etc.... what we should be focusing more on is how to regain the broken trust, and how to get our lives back to a normal stable state.