Wife and I had a talk.

[Glenda58]

Yesterday my wife did her wash and got mine and wash it to(which she never does). Well I had a knit top in there to wash as she was folding the cloths she saw the top and came out and tossed it at me. Said she had thought I was done with CDing and was upset with me.

We sat at the table and talk. I told her that CDing is part of me and that I CD before we got married and that I've been doing this for over 50yrs. I told her I could stop it any more than she could give up her glasses of wine she has everyday. We talk about a hour about friends finding out. About our kids and grandkids. How she enjoys it when we go shopping. And the things we do together. I told it mostly in the winter when I can't get out to do other things. And that I stay in the house.

After that we just kept doing what we were doing. I made dinner for her. We bought tickets to go out to a show. Watch a movie she wanted to see the Dallas Buyers Club. Then the Oscars.

She hasn't said anything today. I'll just wait for her to bring it up again.

[Beverley Sims]

Glenda,
I think we have gone over this before.
The good thing is you are talking and not going into hysterics.
Yes carry on normally and wait for her to bring the subject up.
It is easier for her if she is ready to discuss things. Forcing the issue does not help.

[Caden Lane]

But you go to the Casino dressed yes? If so, I think you may be heading in the wrong direction by lying to her from the onset of a new "open" time in your relationship.

[Glenda58]

But you go to the Casino dressed yes?

She doesn't have to know everything just yet. Need to go slow.

[Jenniferathome]

... Said she had thought I was done with CDing and was upset with me.

We sat at the table and talk. ...

Glenda, the first part of the quoted topic is important for all readers of this post. And the second is the cure. As you know, if you are not talking, SHE may come to her own conclusions and be even more shocked when the truth comes out.

She doesn't have to like it nor participate in it, but a wrong assumption is worse than knowing. You did great.

I would recommend NOT waiting for her to bring it up. After all, when was the last time she brought up the subject? Maybe never? Certainly long enough ago to think you had "stopped." I think that a simple, "Honey, do you have any thoughts from our conversation about cross dressing on your mind?" would be a great opening.

[Bria]

You are right to take it slow, but beware that for things to come out later that she doesn't expect can be a problem. Hope all goes well for both of you!

Hugs Bria

[MsVal]

You're not alone. That sounds like a familiar situation. My wife is aware and unaccepting too. Every now and then something will come up that will spur a discussion. It is usually pretty brief. We love each other, do not want to hurt each other, but it's an understandably hard thing for her to comprehend.

<long sigh> I wish this crossdressing was a non-issue.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Caden Lane]

There may be things that she doesn't have to know, but you do not want to paint yourself into a corner either. An outright lie such as that will give her ammunition later on to not listen to anything you have to say about your dressing, and give her plenty of reason to not trust you with any aspect of it. Just beware, and select your words carefully with her.

[Stephanie47]

I checked your age (66). You and your wife have kids and grandkids. it appears you and your wife have a lot invested in the marriage. I can only assumed she has thought about your cross dressing and the qualities you have that allowed the marriage to last. I'm your age and have been married over forty years. Yep, my wife is conflicted. It's DADT. On occasion she has found a bra or panty that was not put away. No negative comments anymore. At least you and your wife talk about the cross dressing. I really think she has realized cross dressing is not going away. The only thing I would caution is to not broaden your activities to the extent it would make her uncomfortable. You may be able to sneak off somewhere en femme, but, what would happen if for some unknown reason your secret, which is your wife's secret also, were to become common knowledge. That may tip the scales totally in the wrong direction and put stress on the marriage.

[Katey888]

She doesn't have to know everything just yet. Need to go slow.

Glenda - I think Caden brought up a really good point and you seem to want to dismiss it. You have the opportunity to talk to your wife about this - which is good. You also think you need to go slow - which would be good, but your past outing to the casino is not going slow, so you're actually creating more activities that you are having to hide... I'm not saying you don't know what you're doing when you go out, but you do seem to be inconsistent with yourself.

You really need to be clear and consistent with your wife over what it is you think you need and want - if she thinks you're "done with CDing" I'm assuming she can only get that impression from one person...?

I wish you luck but please be clear and consistent or you will get caught out and that could be disastrous...

Katey x

[Glenda58]

I guess our talk went better than I thought. Yesterday she asked me to go to VS and buy her a sports bra since I was going to be close by there. She told me I could look but couldn't buy anything for me. Then she called me Glenda. I have never told her my CD name. This is the only place I use it. After I came home I gave her the bra and she hugged me and said thanks. So maybe the little talk is helping her understand what I'm about. I ask her if there was anything else she wanted to know. She said not now.

[Krisi]

First, you and your wife do seperate laundry? You don't just throw it al together and wash when you have a full load?

So your wife just found out about your crossdressing. If she's anything like my wife, her reactions will vary back and forth for a while. One day she's fine with it, another day there will be a snide remark. Take it slow with her and pay attention to her reactions to whatever she sees or hears. And tell her how much you love her every day.

[MsVal]

On the off chance that Glenda's wife is browsing this forum:

I want to say Thank You for taking the time and showing the interest in learning more about crossdressing. You may find that the folks that frequent this forum are fairly normal people; albeit they simply have a desire to present as a woman for reasons not completely understood.

I encourage you to learn more. Several other wives have set up their own anonymous accounts which they use to make comments and post questions. Yours would be welcome as well.

Best wishes
MsVal