What to tell your kids??

[Ms. Jennifer]

hey gurls, i need some advise... obviously my wife is super awesome and lets me dress around her and my son ( no makeup or wigs around my son) however we are at a loss of ehat to tell my 3 year old son about my CD'ing . he still doesnt talk too much but im now getting the wierd looks and him pointing at my "boobs " lol . i always use my guy voice with him and still enforce the rules like a dad should. i dont want him to grow up confused about me or worse picking up my cd'ing as being acceptable behavior for little boys ( i want to save him the teasing and ridacule i am under) ...... uggggg my wife and i are so confused!!! do any of you all have any suggestions or experience with this

[Jenniferathome]

Three year olds do not have a foundation from which to understand anything you might say regarding this. The younger the child, the easier it is for them to grow with this and accept it but you can not "explain" it at this time. Know this: children cannot keep a secret. You WILL BE outed to every friend they have and as a result, to virtually everyone you know. Are you ready for that?

[Carroll]

My kids know and have seen me dressed since they have been little. Never tell a child it's a secret because they will tell. The thing that worked for me was telling them it is a private family thing. Seemed to work for me and my kids are now 12 and 14.

[Beverley Sims]

I side with Jennifer here.

Carroll, I think you are lucky if it has worked.

Me? I never confided in my children.
What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom.
No dressing around children.

[Maria in heels]

no matter what you tell your child, I think that the important thing is that you and your wife are in a GREAT place together ... this is the most important thing that you can show to your children believe it or not. Since your son knows, and is growing up around Ms Jennifer, then guess what? He's going to be just fine. I don't think that your dressing will license him into doing the same...it will just allow him to be himself, and think of the positive - he won't be stifled or in the closet if he chooses to.

I sometimes think about the same thing...my sons do not know, but my wife is happy with Maria. We understand each others boundaries, and try to stay together on all family issues. She does not want the boys to know (I can do this) and even jumps in when they comment about "moms shoe collection" by telling them to stay away from "her" shoes! We both do wonder about one of our sons, on his own, he has dressed at camp for "fun" twice now, so I think that its more than just a passing "fad". I have tried to talk to him about it, he just clams up and doesn't want to address it. Someday soon, I'm going to try and talk to him again, when alone, and if he does have feelings for truly dressing, I need to stress that its not abnormal and he should just be himself, which is what we have tried to teach all of them over the years...

[bimini1]

I can't get into telling my 3 year old daughter. Something about it just does not sit right with me. As she gets older i am at a loss of how in the hell I'm going to handle this. My greatest CD challenge this far.

[Brooklyn]

How much is CDing a part of who you are? Dressing around your kid makes it sound like your femme side is important and will be difficult to conceal in the future. Are you okay with your community knowing about you? I do not dress around my kids, but I do not hide the fact that I do from them. Sometimes they have questions for me, and I answer them honestly - but without more detail than is needed. You have to protect them to the extent you can, but also live your life with integrity and set an example that it is okay to be yourself.

[Rogina B]

Every household works differently. Daughters are a whole lot easier about it than boys can be. However,you really have to ask yourself if "it is a clothes thing" or an "identity thing" for you and make your plans from there. My daughter[only child] has been in the loop and out with me since age 5,but it was essential that she be a part of the changing household. Everyone's needs are different.

[BethCD]

I agree with m,ost of the posts, but I would like to share an experience from several years ago. My daughter was almost two years old. I figured she would not notice anything, so I dressed, no makeup or wig. I came downstairs where she was, and the first thing she said was "Oh Mommy's dress. The kid was too dang smart.So that ended it. She now knows after seeing some pics at a TG Weekend in Saugatuck, and is ok .

Bottom line is do not underestimate your child's awareness.

[bridget thronton]

Every family is different. I did not share the extent of my dressing till the kids were out of high school.

[trisha kobichenko]

I have never come out to my kids...won't do it either. Came out to my wife and she supports me in my CDing, but there is just too much cultural baggage in our society to burden children with these complex issues.

[noeleena]

Hi,

So do you tell your kids or just get dressed as a normal thing you do each day, why does the change of clothes have to do with any thing like its a taboo or oh no men dont wear dress's or skirts and tops. oh dont they, since when,

our 3 kids are long past it, and haveing 11 grand kids they too are well most are past it except for two new little ones yet i see one every week and the other has as well. .

to me its like now this is my wardrob and have a play with my clothes when you like, even help me get dressed, .allmost forgot quess who likes my shoes. oh yes, sorry no mens gear in this household,

now you feed wash dress and play with your children you touch them cuddle them and how are you dressed , so your seen in your clothes, are you not , so why the hassle of a skirt or what ever, whats the difference here, you, not the clothes or your child, so you go to work come home after and shower then get dressed no big deal oh hang on child needs a shower so in to shower get dryed then dressed get your child to pick your clothes out may need a bit of help .... so....

bring your child up as you wont them to be no dramers with clothes,

This is what i did, Dejarn is our grandchild and yes she picked my clothes and every thing else this was since her birth 12 years ago and the others will play and go out with me no dramer's, the younger the better from birth is better still..

dont treat your children as oh they wont understand,,,,, right,... children are very good at knowing,

...noeleena...

[Teresa]

Who said CDing was easy ? Most members would suggest steer on the side of caution and keep it away from the kids, you're responsible now to bring them up in a safe and caring environment see them through their education, they will have enough to deal with growing up without the addition of your problems. This is about your self control, under dressing and closet might have to be the way for a while.

[Ms. Jennifer]

thanks for the replies everyone! it is very hard for me to figure this out since it is such a unique subject. my son is very observent but still doesnt talk. as far as outing my self to friends and family .. well if it happens it happens and im ok with that. i think tolerence is a great thing to teach children too for other beliefs and cultures. of course when he eventually has friends over i wont dress around the . well at least ill under dress lol. like some one said before that if he grows up with it it will be the norm . however i dont want it to be the norm for him. i show him threw example that as girly as i can dress im still a guy . we split wood together , build mud trucks etc... all while having pink nails , leggins , bra and tank top on lol. i dress everyday around him this time of year because im home not working for 4 months. As far as keeping it a secret from him ; it is almost impossible in a 2 bedroom ranch house. hes gonna find out eventually and i dont want to deal with the gauntlet of questions and shock factor when hes older and discovers his dads sexy hobby lmfao.

[stephannietv]

oh hell,my kids would freak for sure,never accept it,my wife knows but doesn't like it,she keep hoping my urge to dress fem will go away,lol,not likely after doing it for over 40 years

[MsVal]

Kids' first few years are lived without a great deal of outside influence. Whatever they see/hear in the home defines "normal" for them. Parents that cuddle vs parents that fight; parents that have big parties vs those that are private; all these are normal for kids that grow up with them. A three year old will just accept that it's normal and won't care.

Now, as some have noted, when children old enough, and have enough outside influences to realize that things are different in others' homes, they may talk about the differences. Children that are deemed "odd" or come from families that are odd may face some pressure from other children. As an adult, you can probably handle teasing or discrimination better than a ten or twelve year old. That would be my biggest concern.

So... Do you protect your son from those potentially serious consequences or do you believe that some amount of negative pressure is necessary for him to develop?

(I'm reminded of Johnny Cash's song "A Boy Named Sue")

Best wishes
MsVal

[Eryn]

Every situation is unique. In mine, I didn't start dressing until my daughters were teens. There was no point in complicating their already stressful high school lives by making them the keepers of my secret. Even though it was less convenient for me it ensured our privacy.

We waited until they were away at college before we told them. At this point I am no longer close to the center of their lives and my CDing isn't as impactful. Telling them also makes our comings and goings easier when they are visiting and has satisfied their growing curiosity about our new friends and social life.

One daughter is OK with it, but doesn't want to participate directly. The other jumped right in and we've been out several times together.

[Sandra]

What ever any of you do tell or don't tell...children should not be told it's a secret so don't tell anyone, that is just putting a lot of pressure on them and they may need to talk to others about it. Ok our daughter was 14 so not really young, but one think she did ask was could she tell her best friend, she was told of course you can you can. If anyone is in the closet then telling the children IMHO is wrong as it just brings them into the closet with you and that is not fair on them

[Rogina B]

I agree with you Sandra and people should realize that times are changing and there are some posts in this thread that are describing the poster's situation years ago,not always the same as today. "Sage advice" often has to be up to the minute or it falls short of reality!

[Shari]

Sorry Jennifer, I don't agree with dressing around a 3 year old boy or any child for that matter.
There's plenty of other pressures he'll face without having to wonder why he's the only one with two "moms"

[Amanda M]

I suggest that you go with the flow for another six months or so, and you will notice quite a difference in his approach to you - and his need for answers. For me, not being "in his face" about it, but otherwise honest is good. There are no rules about this. Each family has its own dynamic, and most importantly, each chil;d has its own world view, and that is the most important issue. You and your wife know your little one best! What will NOT work is deceit. When he does find out - and he probably will, his trust in you and your wife will be damaged, and he may take the view the crossdressing must be really bad, or you would noy have deceived him. Is that what you want for him?

[Briana90802]

I've always maintained that if you dress around your kids at a young age it becomes normal for them. It's when you suddenly change from one to the other that people are shocked. Just remember that as they get older to explain it. It's kinda like money. It's not something that you really discuss with other people.

[Dianne S]

I recently told my 16-year-old daughter about my dressing. She was fine with it. She has not yet seen me dressed because I'm not ready for that yet. However, the other night I did ask her if she minded if I wore a dress around the house for a couple of hours and she said "No, no problem."

I have not yet told her older sister because she doesn't live at home, so there's no real reason to tell yet. And I have not yet told her younger sister because intuition tells me she would not take it as well. My middle daughter is a very special girl with great compassion and open-mindedness, which is why I felt safe telling her.