Gay,TV,CD bar

[~leanne~]

I visit the city regularly and venture out for short walks in the evening, I know of a CD accepting bar and would love to go in but I'm too chicken,,, how do you get in over the door? I imagine all sorts, I'm very tall which is my downfall, I feel I stand out too much, so, any advice on what to do to get in over the door?

[rachaelsloane]

You don't go in OVER the door, THRU the door. You're already out walking, so as the song goes "Walk Right In, Sit Right Down...."
Really, if you have a friend that can go with you, so much the better for support, if not, and the bar is CD accepting, they have seen it all and
will treat you like any other patron.
Let us know how it went when you decide to go?

[KristyE]

Sweetie if your dressed nice, already out and walking by your good to go. Just pop in, have a drink and leave. I'm sure it won't hurt too much. I shouldn't talk, I've only been as far as my own back deck, sooo. Go for it for us and then tell us about your adventure.
Good Luck
Love KristyE

[PaulaQ]

Leanne - it's possible you'll find out that in a place like that, standing out can have advantages, depending on the sort of company you might like to keep. At the very least, you might perhaps get a free round or two from an admirer.

[~leanne~]

Lol it's a Scottish term over the door Rachael like when a bride is carried over the thresh hold, I have no one to go in with, it would be me on my own, I don't suppose the music would suddenly stop and everyone would turn round and look at me, maybe I'll go in in drab some time to suss the place out.

[Lorileah]

walk in, look around, grab a seat at the bar and say "I'll have a ____________"

[NicoleScott]

Leanne, it's easy to say "just do it" but many of us understand the fears. Yet the pull to go in is there. Here's what I did:
The place I went into was known as a tg-friendly place, primarily a lesbian club but visited by all kinds. They had drag queen shows and drag king shows, so I figured CDers would be welcome. I went in guy mode in the afternoon and talked to a bartender, asking questions like which bathroom to use (either) and if it was appropriate to come back later en femme (yes). So I did, didn't have any problems, and had a good time.
You could visit in guy mode to observe how other CDers are treated. The thing about going to a tg-friendly club is that you don't have to pass as a female. I was seen as an obvious CDer, and that was fine with me.

[Adriana Moretti]

First time I tried this....I chickened out...I drove there...got out the car and stood at the front door and looked in the window...the place was dead except for 2 people...they waved trying to get me to come in but I decided to leave...maybe it being so dead helped my decision but either way I def was nervous. The SECOND time I went out was to a cd event...which I drove past probably 3 times, then parked and paniced for another 5 , and finally just went for it. Once inside I recognized a friend right away and was put at ease. Never had a problem since then ..it is just that first leap...get over that hump and you are fine...easier said than done though. ...grab some of those bottles from the mini bar in your hotel...down a few shots of liquid courage just before you walk in the door...that may help LOL....

[PamelaMiller]

I never go to a place without checking first that it is CD-friendly. And even then, it is still terrifying to me to have to walk through the door. And oy, if I have to first walk from the parking lot or even worse a spot on the street! Sometimes it takes every bit of courage that I have, and then it is still hard to look up from my plate. And the funny thing is, in 2014, more and more people simply don't care. But they aren't the fear are they? It's the one person whose mind is closed.

There is no easy answer. Just be sensible and stay safe.

[dana digs sweaters]

Afraid of What?
Your height making you "stand out" as a crossdresser?
Perish the thought dear.
You already bought the clothes, the shoes, the wig, the makeup & practiced with it.
Go in and say "Ello" to the barkeep with a smile and enjoy yourself.
Other crossdressers will be there, some in drab.

[Stephanie Sometimes]

Hi Leanne,
Welcome to the forum. A lot of us have had the same fear that you describe at some time in the past. A lot of gay bars look intimidating from the outside as a relic of the old days when they did not want the general public to wander in and be offended. It turns out that a gay/cd friendly bar is about the easiest place to go that there is for us CD’ers so once you just walk through that door it will seem easy. I think the best time for your first visit is to go when they are busy (Thurs/Fri/Sat evenings typically) and as Lori says just walk up to the bar and order your favorite drink, then you will be surprised how easy it is to blend in. Most gay guys will not be interested in CD’ers but are usually friendly. If you are lucky you will find some people to meet and talk with, maybe other CD’ers (that’s a treat). The few times I have been able to go into gay bars I wound up talking with GG’s mostly which was fun. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Hugs,
Stephanie

[kimdl93]

Nothing would stop you besides your own insecurities. Conquer those and have fun!

[GeminaRenee]

It's like skydiving for the first time. You just jump out of the plane. Sure, there's all the what ifs and the uncertainty when you're on this side of the door. But focusing on those things doesn't make anything any easier. So you grit your teeth and click your heels and take a leap.

The first time I went to any sort of function, I was scared witless. It was a trans-themed party with some punk & rock bands at a local anarchist commune. I'm not even making that up! But I drove down there, found the building, and drove past it a few times. I didn't see any "gurls," just some hippie-looking guys standing around the gate. It was at a place called the Trumbullplex, in the middle of the 'hood, so I was a little nervous parking on the street and walking the hundred or so feet down the sidewalk to get there. But I took a deep breath, opened the door, and clicked my heels onto the street for the first time. The hippies said hello, the girl at the door smiled and told me the cover was waived, and I walked in. And you know what? No-one batted an eye. I made conversation, danced a little, and even got invited to a mainstream bar downtown by a couple I chatted with for a big part of the evening - which I declined because I had to work early the next day, and wasn't really ready for the general population besides. People complimented me on my shoes, my top, my arm warmers, and someone even told me I was "really awesome." My point is that it was a CD-friendly place, and people were friendly. It was great.

The truth is that, especially in a place where people like us are accepted, no-one is going to be nearly as focused on you as you are. It just feels that way because you're you. So remember that when you get in front of that door. Take a breath, smile, and walk in like you've done it a million times. When you give off that sense of confidence, no-one will doubt that you haven't.

Good luck!

[Annaliese2010]

I remember my 1st time. Entering. Walking across the tiled floor. Hearing the click of my heels. Trying to act all aloof and elegant then my ankle giving way and almost falling down. I recovered sat down and ordered a drink. LOL

[julia marie]

I think a lot of people do the same thing the first time; decide to go in and back out at the last second. The next time you decide to go, you just walk in, order something to drink, and realize that the crowd (or two people as someone else mentioned) is much more accepting than what you will find in a straight bar. That doesn't mean that the gays or lesbians want to hit on you. I think it's true that gay guys want other guys and lesbians want other women. We're somewhere in between, so don't go in looking for a date. I've been to four or five different places, and there's always someone who is friendly. That's all we can ask for.
Finally, recognize that there are gay bars that are dumps and gay bars that are really nice or hidden gems. Just like any other joint, so walk in, look around, and have fun.

[larry]

I remember my 1st time. Entering. Walking across the tiled floor. Hearing the click of my heels. Trying to act all aloof and elegant then my ankle giving way and almost falling down. I recovered sat down and ordered a drink. LOL

Now THAT was funny. I can just picture it.. hehehe

[Sallee]

the only danger is you will keep going and move on to big and better outings. Go have fun if you aren't having fun leave

[Launa]

I had the same problems my first time trying to go out.

Then one day on a hot August night at 7:30 pm I went to meet a group of girls at a local bar, it was on a real busy street with wide sidewalks, there was a lot of tables and chairs on the wide open patios facing the street. People were inside restaurants, people were outside eating, drinking, listening to music and shopping. I had cold feet and wanted to bail but at the last minute I went into my bar and met the CD girls for the 2nd time however this time it wasn't a private venue in a remote closet. I soon realized how easy it was to communicate with "everyone" at the bar including my group in public.
I had a designated driver lined up this night so I had a cold pint then before I knew it a couple more went down then I decided to leave the group and go on a walkabout. I left the bar and walked that busy street right at dusk and felt like I belonged there just as much as the next person. Looking back I know I was walking around like a man wearing a lousy pair of Pleaser Pumps but oh well. I went back to the bar and hung with the girls for a while longer.

That's how easy it can start!

[suspender]

If it is CD friendly place, you are on a winner already. Years ago I took the leap of faith and just walked right in. The place was packed, but they were good with me right from the front door man to when I left three-and-a-half hours later. The feeling was just so great to be accepted.. It was the experience that allowed me to move forward with going out CD...

[Megan Thomas]

Leanne. How about you phone up the bar and have a chat with the staff. Find out if they can recommend and put you in touch with a regular you can be met by and accompanied into the bar with. Just an idea...

[mikiSJ]

Uh, open the door and place one foot in front of each other in sequence (could be good practice if you drink to much!), find at a very prominent seat (get's you over the butterflies quickly) and order a girly drink. If someone invites you into a conversation - talk, talk, talk, talk!

I was at a girlfriends party Saturday night. In medium heels I am 6'1" and was not the tallest girl there - not by a long shot. One of the girls was easily 6'4" in heels and looked like she played on a football line somewhere and yet, if we both walked into a place together, they might be pointing at me before her. She was very attractive, even at plus 50! (I am 67)

[GeminaRenee]

Another idea is just to go in in guy clothes, your first time. If you're uncertain how people might act, just go in your street clothes, and see how they act when another t-person comes in. Then you'll know how people will react.

But I still say just jump.

[Avrial]

The first time I went to any sort of function... It was at a place called the Trumbullplex

This is the most gutsy "first time out" story I've ever heard. I wouldn't willingly go to that area in broad daylight. Glad everything went well.

[Beverley Sims]

Leanne,
They may be a welcoming lot and greet you with open arms.

Personally I would case the joint in drab first and get a feel of the surroundings.

[Lexi Moralas]

It's a gay tv bar , not a sports bar heavy metal bar or biker bar.
Go on In ! Lol but seriously I know it's intimidating, I chickened out my first few times too.
But once I finally didn't I was sorry I hadn't done it sooner.