I have time for a day off work, so I'm planning to book a hotel room again for some private Camille time later this month. I thought I might even venture out a bit, perhaps past the lobby this time. Just dressing in my room seems less thrilling since last time when I finally got out a bit and actually felt like people thought I was a "just another girl" walking around.
Being Spring, I'm trying to put together an appropriate but passable outfit. The process, though, has left me discouraged. My wife doesn't wan't me to shave my chest, and I need to cover most of my arms and legs, which has been making it hard for me to find an outfit. I tried ordering this sweater, which I thought I could wear over a boatneck shirt. But trying it on just led to the shirt sagging and showing my chest (hair), and also the tightness of the sweater really revealed how broad my shoulders are. I also realized that wearing jeans just isn't a "go" for me. I need something more feminine looking (dress, skirt) to feel feminine and thus build my confidence. But my usual sweater dress & boots will be a no-no in April.
All this got me to thinking of what's the point in me going out at all. I don't want to be "that guy in drag", and I wonder who I'm really fooling besides myself. I'm putting so much effort and money into this, and the past day or so I'm wondering if it's all worth it. I don't plan to purge, but I do wonder if I should just stick to my hotel room and give up on the idea that I could go out and actually pass in public.
Anyone else ever feel this way?
Thanks,
Camille