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Thread: Question and Answer Period with a Guy Friend

  1. #1
    Gone to live my life
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    Question and Answer Period with a Guy Friend

    Hi all,

    So, I was approached by a male friend of mine at work today who said he wanted to talk to me. Now I didn't think anything of this because I figured he wanted to talk work things as we do that a lot. So I say "sure let's get a coffee" and off we go.

    Now I have known this guy for years and can tell when he doesn't want to say something because he gets all fidgety and he was very fidgety. So I sit drinking my coffee and waiting for him to speak, getting worried he is going to tell me his dying or getting a divorce. Then he say takes a deep breath and says "Dude, I have been hearing a few things about you and just wanted to verify if they were real or not". He takes another deep breath and then blurts out "Are you a cross dresser?

    For all intents and purposes, I am out to quite a few work colleagues who happen to be friends so I was not really shocked that others would hear about it. I chose some time back that if someone was to ask I would tell them the truth as I have nothing to hide. So I said "Yes". Figuring this could go either way as this guy is a typical Alpha Male, I was prepared for the worst . . . Didn't get it. He looked at me and said "That's cool man, I just wanted to hear it from you"

    So we talked for a good hour after that and I invited him to ask me whatever questions he wished to ask and I would answer them if I could. We went through the old standards (Gay? No, SRS? No), we talked about what I do when I go out, why I go out and so forth. When we finished he said "makes no difference to me brother, you are the same guy I have always known and respected. Then he cracks a bit of a smile and says "so should I buy you perfume for your next birthday?" He meant it in good fun.

    It was a nice conversation and gives me hope that most people can understand and accept.

    Hugs

    Isha

  2. #2
    Senior Member Princess Grandpa's Avatar
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    That's a great story! Thank you for sharing it.

    Hug
    Rita
    A person should wear what he likes to. And not just what other folks say. A person should be who she likes to. A person's a person that way!
    ~Marlo Thomas~

  3. #3
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    Tell him yes to the perfume!

  4. #4
    Member cdmorganashley's Avatar
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    thats great Isha, you should have said panties would be better as a present and given him a wink--haha

  5. #5
    Senior Member mikiSJ's Avatar
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    Only good friends feel uncomfortable enough to ask tough questions - anticipating the answer he already knows. I am glad he is a good friend - even if only in a work environment.
    When writing the next chapter in your life, start with a pencil and eraser - my first page as Miki is full of eraser marks.

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member Christen's Avatar
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    Wow, Isha, that is a great story to hear. You must be regarded very highly by all your friends, and rightly so.

    Christen x
    “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
    and rightdoing there is a field.
    I'll meet you there.” - Rumi.

  7. #7
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    Great story Isha. Good for you for willing to be so upfront about yourself. It takes courage.

  8. #8
    Bad Influence mechamoose's Avatar
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    That's really cool! Thank you for sharing that!

    - MM
    - Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
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    "I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
    "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder

  9. #9
    Junior Member Kristina_nolagirl's Avatar
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    That is such a great story Isha! I think most people are much more open minded then we give them credit for.

    So far, everyone that has found out about me has been the same way -hopefully that continues.
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    Better get busy living, or you get busy dying.

  10. #10
    Senior Member MsVal's Avatar
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    Isha, you have a great deal of humor, humility, and honesty. I look forward to reading whatever you write, and if I were to ever have the opportunity to meet you in person I would feel privileged.

    If you come across at work as you do here, it's no surprise that you have his acceptance.

    Best wishes
    MsVal

  11. #11
    Senior Member Abbey11's Avatar
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    Thanks for sharing your experience with us Isha.
    Hugs
    Abbey xx
    OMG!! Owning my femininity .... and I LOVE it!

  12. #12
    Member Bima's Avatar
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    Really Cool! I'm happy for you.

    /Bima

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member dana digs sweaters's Avatar
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    Glad that you got that type of reaction Isha. Also glad that he is secure enough to still be friends and respect you.

  14. #14
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Nice experience and a good response from an obviously cool guy... I'm sure your real friends are going to out themselves by following that same path...

    And like Paula says - defo yes to the parfum!! Can't go wrong with #5 and it will probably suit you...

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  15. #15
    A lady in the making..... Erica Marie's Avatar
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    Awesome story and a wonderful friend. Sometimes I wish a few friends would do that so I could maybe just be me one day. I think if they ask first they may be openminded enough to accept.
    Erica

  16. #16
    Member TxCassie's Avatar
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    I am happy for you Dear! Not many get to have co-workers and a place of employment so open and accepting.

  17. #17
    Happy to be me!! S. Lisa Smith's Avatar
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    Wonderful!! I'm not out to any of my male friends...

  18. #18
    Silver Member DebbieL's Avatar
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    I just had a very similar conversation with a co-worker. The difference was that I have been living as a woman full time, and he realized I wasn't always a woman (something I said). He started asking a few questions and before long he was asking dozens of great questions. I happened to be sitting at a table with another 5 co-workers. In about 20 minutes, all of my coworkers understood why I was doing what I had done, how I had done it, why I had done it, and that there was more to be done. I don't think I like people knowing what's still between my legs, especially when they don't know for sure.

    Since the breasts are real, I'm pretty much accepted as female, at work, at restaurants, and most other places where they don't know me. At church, I spent about 5 minutes doing the elevator speech version. Answers to general questions in short 30 second (or less) responses that make it clear without overloading their ability to process.

    I've written a book about my life, called "Debbie's Secret Life" (Amazon), which has helped me with sorting out my own feelings and choices, as well as being able to help others to understand them.
    Facebook - Debbie Lawrence
    Web - [URL="http://www.debbieballard.org"]DebbieBallard.org{/URL]
    See also:
    Open4Success

  19. #19
    Member Bootsiegalore's Avatar
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    That is a great story. On the other hand my honesty with someone has gotten me several very graphic death threat e-mails calling me a transgendered piece of sh*t and so on.... I all depends on who it is. It can go a bad way too..... I have reported to police and do not know what the final outcome will be. I am an engineering professional and this person did subcontracting work for me and has noticed things in my office and came out and asked. I was honest.

  20. #20
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    Fantastic approach and I would have answered yes, Coach please. Glad you had a positive experience and that this person was open minded enough to understand.

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member GenieGirl's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about your aweful experience Bootstie. I'm an engineer as well and am a little surprised that their are others in the same profession who are so small minded and hateful! So aweful!

    Congrats Isha, you are very lucky to have such understanding, professional and considerate co-workers/friends. Hope your coming out at work continues to be a positive experience for you. Maybe even one day, if you ever choose to you will be able to be yourself at work if/when you choose to, that would be awesome.

    Take care girls. Off to a concert for tonight
    You're a Daisy if you do! -Doc Holliday

  22. #22
    Senior Member Bria's Avatar
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    Isha, from the way he said "I just wanted to hear it from you" makes me think that he yhought that some people were spreading rumors about you and he needed to clairify it in his own mind. It says volumes about your relationship with him that he was not going to believe what he thought were rumors until he asked you.

    You have been and will continue to be a fine role model for those of us on this forum, Thanks Isha!!

    Hugs Bria

  23. #23
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    Isha, that's so cool! Real friends are hard to come by. I think about the guys that were in my team back when. Each of us would have taken a bullet for the others, without a thought for himself, but believe they would beat me to death if they knew about me now.

    Hugs,

    Leah
    Be nice; It don't cost nothing.

  24. #24
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    Isha;
    That is a cool story; But I would have asked him if he ever tried it.
    Or if he might try on a dress or a bra. You never know, the ones who
    ask the most questions are the ones most likely to be doing it themselves.
    Rader

  25. #25
    Member Tiffanyselkoe's Avatar
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    That is so awesome Isha! It is nice to see people who are accepting.

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