Just a phase?

[Penny M]

I am just curious, but does the urge to crossdress ever really go away? I have read a lot about the purging phases, but that it always comes back. (I guess the really smart thing to do is to save your stuff huh? ) Is CD a part of who one is, even when the other parts are so vastly different? What about someone who discovers CD late in the game?
PS. Thank you all for making me feel so welcome yesterday when I made my initial post! It seems there are truly some wonderful folk on here.

[PaulaQ]

As best we can tell, this is a part of you. The desire to CD is frequently episodic, and it also can vary in intensity over time. There is no known treatment, either ethical or unethical, that can eliminate these desires. This argues strongly that it is a part of you. I have other opinions as to why that's so, but let's just leave it here, for now.

[Marcelle]

Hi Penny,

Is CDing part you? I am going to say "yes". Like you noticed many have tried to purge and walkaway only to return . . . some may go months even years but they tend to return. Nobody is sure why we do what we do but one constant in our universe is . . . you always come back. So you are right . . . save your stuff in a storage bin should you decide to purge. You asked about those who come to it late in the game . . . I think I qualify there. I dabbled with CDing when I was very young (17) and then fought the urge down (although I never truly put it away). Fast forward 32 years and here I sit in a dress, make-up and wig typing this response after having come out to my wife and openly dressing since last August. Will the feeling every go away? I don't think so as Isha is here to stay.

Hugs

Isha

[PaulaQ]

I dabbled with CDing when I was very young (17) and then fought the urge down (although I never truly put it away).

<3 Isha - 17 isn't very young, honey. I started at 10. I have a very good friend who started at 5. A lot of us start around 12-13.

[Wildaboutheels]

All CDers, no matter which label they might select to use for themselves are HUMAN and all humans are unique just as all men and women are unique. Even identical twins have more differences than likenesses.

If you take the time to do enough reading here, it can help you discover your own path, the one that makes YOU happy. That is the important thing, not how others do it or if they approve or not.

BTW, I think with very few exceptions, most here who purged, regretted it.

[marsha leanne]

i can only agree to whats already been posted. I tried to make it go away, i know now thats not going to happen. So now, i accept, i dress, i enjoy.

[Marcelle]

<3 Isha - 17 isn't very young, honey. I started at 10. I have a very good friend who started at 5. A lot of us start around 12-13.

Hi Paula,

First time being dressed fully as a girl was 17 (going out on a date with a girl I hooked up with in Germany). I knew there was something different about me when I was about 8 and wondered why I could not wear the pretty yellow dress . . . so one day, I did

Hugs

Isha

[Karren H]

I heard that the "phase" does subside after you die.. but I have no first hand knowledge....

Personally except for a 10 year period caused by a brain tumor.... mine has been going strong for 55 years.....

[Beverley Sims]

Penny,
The phase of crossdressing that you are going through will last for many years....
I would say look forward to the rest of your lifetime.

On a more serious note phases such as purging usully happen when a girlfriend comes along and you feel all virile again.
You are a man and you want to impress the lovely lady in your life.

You are right in saying just store it away with a few mothballs.
The urge will return when your relationship levels out.
Discovering dressing late in the game is much the same, all excitement first off and then a period of boredom and deep thinking, "why".

It is difficult to analyse it yourself and I say just go with the flow, it is as normal as speeding, looking at pornography, and a myriad of other activities that males engage in.

Do not despair just enjoy what you do, in private and later you may go public.

Read others experiences here and you will find that you are not an oddity at all.

Just part of the furniture.

[Chari]

Where ever we are on the gender scale, it is recognized that there are many degrees of CDing, which can arrive at any moment in your life. Some enjoy just wearing certain feminine items once in a while, (but that need can grow), while others need to emulate the entire feminine body, look, and actions. Do not try to suppress your feminine side, but rather embrace it, learn from it, as it is a natural part of you, and will never go away completely. Thus purging is only a "Band-Aid" solution. IMO, we all need acceptance, understanding, and still be allowed to be an individual, no matter how we choose to present. Enjoy.

[Katie7]

Thinking of saving my stuff bring back bad memories. After my last close call (which I mentioned in a recent post) I went through that phase and got rid of EVERYTHING! Sometimes I wish I didn't do that. So, yea been there a few times it comes back no matter how hard I tried to get over it.

Katie x

[Barbra P]

There have been times when I didn’t dress for one reason or another. A tour in the Marines put a real damper on dressing – but then there was a Halloween party thrown by the wives of some of my fellow Marines and the wives thought it would be fun to dress up their husbands en femme. My best buddy’s wife took it upon herself to adopt me for the occasion. Another time I got disgusted and purged, for several years. In the end I was sorry when the urge came back stronger than ever, meaning I had to buy everything needed. Now I’m seventy, my Wife knows, many of my neighbors know, my Doctor knows, and I’m seeing a Therapist. My Therapist stressed that the urge would never go away completely and I should accept and embrace my cross dressing and enjoy being Barbra. Kelly, my Therapist, encouraged me to come to see her as Barbra; the first few times it was rather scary walking into a crowded medical center as Barbra, but now I enjoy going en femme. I’d dress more and go out more but my Wife has limits to her acceptance.

[Rachell Carter]

Hi all . I don't bother getting rid of my things now iv done it in the past now I just keep everything that way I don't regret anymore . We sould live and enjoy living our lives as we want no one bats an eye if a woman is in pants but a guy in a dress maybe one day things will be ok for every one xx

[kimdl93]

I'm sure that if you look hard enough long enough you can find someone who really did quit. If this is a phase, it's been an awfully long one!

[bimini1]

There has been alot of talk lately on the boards about purging, quitting. Which is ironic because for the first time in a long time I am starting to feel some genuine guilt. My daughter is starting to get older, I need to be a good father, a good example. Professionally I need to be respected by peers. All of this causes alot of stress. Afterall, one has to live in the "real" world.
I was able to simply rise and walk away from beaucoup years of heavy pot usage. Walked away form excessive drinking. Walked away and haven't looked back since. Things outside of me that I put into me. But I just don't feel I can ever walk away from this. This must be somehow different. It's inside of me and wants to come out.

[Darla Jean]

I think PaulaQ's comments are perfect...this urge we have will ebb and flow like the tide, but never go away. Sometimes it is stronger and sometimes not so strong. Sometimes we want to "pass" as women and feel absolutely female inside...sometimes just a pair of soft silky panties seems to meet our needs. But I started wearing panties at 10 and am now in my mid-sixties and I still am a CD and love to dress from time to time in various different ways. You'll be fine once you recognize it is part of your being...nothing wrong, just who you are. Good luck!

[Jenniferathome]

Penny, I know cross dressing is IN me. I was born this way. I think of it like a seed. For some weird reason it germinates later for some. For me, it germinated at 7 or 8. The urge does wane from time to time but it's always there.

Now, don't confuse "purge" with properly thinning your wardrobe. My wife is adamant that some things should get tossed every season and some every year. Few things last years, the LBD being one of those exceptions. Move with the general trends, not the crazy ones. You can't keep everything.

I think that is where men and women really differ. I have t-shirts from a decade ago that barely have the property of solid but I wear them. Shorts too! Just seems like a waste to throw them out as they still work (although my wife conspires to pitch them, I know). Now in girl mode, new is always good. Funny how that works.

[kimdl93]

....where men and women really differ. I have t-shirts from a decade ago that barely have the property of solid but I wear them. Shorts too! Just seems like a waste to throw them out as they still work (although my wife conspires to pitch them, I know). Now in girl mode, new is always good. Funny how that works.

I have shoes that are 40 years old.

[natcrys]

Each CD-er's story is and will be different.. but during the last 10 years I've spoken many CD-ers (100+) personally IRL and read and followed many many more stories over the internet of CD-ers whom I consider to be friends.

And out of all of them.. less than one hand full of fingers more or less managed to stop CD-ing. And this was always because of an SO threatening to divorce, babies being born or moving back with family.

And if I were a betting person, then I'd be more than confident that all of them will be dressing within 5 years.

So yes, while perhaps the desire and the urge to dress might increase and decrease over a period of time.... I'm totally convinced that it is an integral part of us.. and it will not go away. YMMV

[Lexi_83]

<3 Isha - 17 isn't very young, honey. I started at 10. I have a very good friend who started at 5. A lot of us start around 12-13.

I was 9 or 10 also. Got busted by my parents. The first time they considered it a "phase" and were fairly mellow. The next time they caught me I was older and they made much more of a deal about it and not in a good way.

I'm in a new place now but this is part of me, for sure.

[Christyheely]

It took me until I was 38 to accept that it wasn't going away and now it is a positive force in my life and my wife's. This is where for most people a good therapist and a lot of honesty can be essential.

[Katey888]

Penny - it's not just a phase, but it does have phases.

My first recollection of being fascinated by a girly thing was 6 or 7 years old, so couldn't have really been sexual - no siblings, so no sister's clothes. I probably started crossdressing properly when 11 or 12.

Like some others here I have been able to supress it for long periods - longest would be 7-8 years without a slip (pardon the pun..) but that is not for everyone... it seems clear to me now that there are many differing variations of this 'gift' - and yes, it's definitely a part of us, that we struggle to understand sometimes, and can be both frustrated and fascinated by...

I can't explain it, but I also know I don't want to supress it or lose the feelings that it gives me...

I think the ultimate 'management' of it (for those of us where it can be managed) is to find a balance and harmony in one's life, whatever that means for us as individuals... it's tricky though, where such stigma still exists for participants of this passion...

Katey x

[Caden Lane]

I started at age 3...Or some might say I imprinted at 3. I believe I was born this way with this need to experience feminine life. Anyhow, At that age I would run around on my wooden horse wearing my moms nighties. At age 7 I found some lingerie and secretly began wearing it. I May or may no have ben known to pilfer my best friends sisters and moms stuff from time to time when desperate. I also wore my moms square dancing crinolines and petti-panties. During my teen years from say 14 -19 I didn't do much, which i regret. But around 21, I got married for the first time, and came out to my first wife. And its been a steady factor in my life from that time onward. There were several purges during all these different times, and even several purges both voluntary and forced after the age of 21. Please do not try and con yourself into thinking that it will simply go way. It does not. No matter how hard we all try to make it. Heartbreak will surely follow as you loose your fought for and treasured items, and heartbreak will come when you realize it did not go away. The absolute best course of action, is to simply embrace it, seek a gender therapist to learn to accept it, accept yourself, love yourself as you are, and help you understand what you are. And when someone special comes into your life, have your therapist find the best way to let them know about this aspect of your life. Or choose a partner who'd accept it without special ovations being made to help them understand. Because heartbreak only follows if you hold the secret in and do not tell your significant other. This is a quick and dirty set of advice, but over time, you will probably see similar or better advice similar to mine while you are here. I wish you well, and hope to only see you flourish. Good luck!

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Penny, good questions. I am in my late 50's & a very recent cd practitioner. When I finally accepted that I was a cder, sometime in the fall of last year, I was overcome with the incessant thought & need to dress. I was immersed in what appeared to be " terminal pink fog " . Now 6 months later, I am confronted with little , if any , thought or need to dress. Yes, as many have said, my cd retreat is probably temporary, but since I have no experience from which to gauge, I don't know how long this "transitory state " will exist.
There is no cd rule book . You will be enveloped in the fog & then retreat from it. It's the many unknowns that help keep therapists in business. I would recommend that you give your cding intense scrutiny , and then wait some time , before making any life changing decisions such as revealing yourself to family & friends. What seems realistic & logical now may only be a transitory emotional cloud . I truly wish you much peace in your journey, melissa

[Deedee Skyblue]

Penny, you will find that the idea that a crossdresser absolutely cannot stop, no matter what, is very common here. It is very politically incorrect to suggest otherwise. And it does seem to be true for most of the people here. My feeling is that there are people who can, and have given up dressing, and they don't come here any more to tell us. So our viewpoint is heavily biased.

You are the only one who can decide your path.

Deedee