My official opinion... John Q Public just doesn't care...

[ShelbyDawn]

I have referred to this in comments I have made on a few other threads tonight and wanted to just out and say it... people don't care how I dress or what I look like for that matter.

I had some Shelby time planned for this evening and having only ventured out once before fully dressed and seeing that my appointment with my Mary K rep fell through last week(no makeup aside from the mascara and lipstick I got at MAC when I had my makeover), I had no plans to go out.

After browsing a few threads on the forum, I got an incredible urge to go out. I wasted a good hour fretting over my lack of makeup and wondering "what would people think?" Until i finally said "To heck with it!" threw on some of the mascara and lipstick and headed out the door.

When I walked into the bar, nobody ran screaming; in fact, the bartenders greeted me very warmly. I sat down and ordered a glass of Merlot and started watching the basketball game. I did get a few looks, but nobody really seemed to care.

On the way home, I got the munchies and stopped at the Krispy Kreme drive through from some doughnuts. Again a huge non-event.

My whole point in this, is that we put way too much pressure on ourselves and worry way too much about what we perceive other people are thinking about us when in most cases they just flat out aren't thinking about us at all.

Now, I admit that I want to look good and I will have my makeup the next time Shelby ventures forth and it will be a good thing, trust me on this...

But I will be going out more often and doing more as Shelby because it is fun and I enjoy it and the fact is ladies, John Q. Public just flat out doesn't care what I look like or what I wear.


Get out there and own it...



Shelby

[Mistyjo]

Very true Shelby

[Eryn]

Shelby, what you are saying is very true. The typical "man on the street" hardly notices us, and even if he was aware of us he would have no opinion because we're strangers.

Now, the difficulty comes with people who already know you in boy mode, particularly those who are associated with your employment. They might have strong opinions based upon their own prejudices, the fact that you "weren't honest with them," and the fact that they have to see and deal with you often.

For this reason, I have no worries as long as I'm some distance away from my male world. Even if I were to run into someone I know from my male life they wouldn't recognize me out of context. Once I figured this out it definitely helped my confidence and therefore my presentation.

Of course, this leads to other issues. There are some places that I'm not comfortable being in boy mode since I don't want Eryn's friends to see her male self. Luckily, they are easy to avoid.

[njcddresser]

I agree with you completely on this. I've only been out once but thought I'd draw all ok ds of attention. Truth was that everyone that I encountered cod have cared less. Every SA that I encountered treated me with tot respect.

Outing number 2 is onTuesday. So looking forward to it!

[Talisker]

Been many posts on this. Glad you found out - in busy places most people don't notice and if they do notice they don't care.

[Chrissy52]

You are right the public does not care but if you are not out to friends and family do you care.

[Cheryl T]

That is the realization I came to my first time out.
We were at a busy mall and I was the 'deer in the headlights' avoiding eye contact and hoping no one would notice. After a while I began secretly watching people for their reaction...there was none! They were all so wrapped up in their world they didn't even see me. Yes, I did get the occasional odd stare and second look, but all in all they didn't care.
Just be confident and dress appropriately for the venue and be one of the masses. It's fun and so relieving to be out in the sun.

[Kate Simmons]

I always figured if I don't care, why should they?

[Caden Lane]

Most people are too self-absorbed to notice anyone other than those they are focusing on within their social circle, their cell phone, or whatever it is that they deem as important.

[Krisi]

People notice and some do care. First, there are people who know you through your employment or career. Seeing you dressed as a woman could seriously hurt your career or chances of advancement.

Second, there are people who now you from your neighborhood, social clubs or church. Seeing you dressed as a woman could hurt you in those areas.

Third, there are still people in this world who believe it is their duty to "correct" errant behavior in others. This could get you beat up or worse.

Now if you get yourself far enough from home and folks who know you, your presentation is good enough that people won't recognize you, and stay away from situations where you could be attacked (rowdy bars, dark streets at night, etc.), it doesn't really matter what people who don't know you think. Each of us has his (her) own comfort level. Just stay grounded and remember that what you say and do can hurt you.

[Beverley Sims]

Shelby,

My official opinion.......

John Q Relative really does care.

That is the crux of the problem.

[Gillian Gigs]

I basically agree, but there are a couple of things you have to watch out for. Teenage boys and girls can lack tact, hence they are prone to blurt out something inappropriate. The other being drunken rednecks, who are getting their bravado from the bottle. Some family members may notice small details, nothing gets past my daughter, as in trimmed and shaved body hair.
I love watching people, what usually draws my attention first is the extremes, or the out of the ordinary. If someone dresses like the rest of the crowd, then no one notices, and most don't care to notice either.

[Helen_Highwater]

In my very limited experience there are 3 main categories of folks. Those that just plain don't notice and just go on with what they're doing. Those that do notice but pretend not to (usually the I'll look everywhere but at you, perhaps because they feel slightly awkward or embarrassed. There is a subset that sorts of looks and smiles to themselves.) and the, hang on I'm sure that's a man, lets get another look type. How often you encounter each type will depend to a great extent on just how well you pass.

But yes in general they mostly don't really care but that's not to say we should all be on guard for the low life's who have nothing better to offer than hurled insults

[Nadine Spirit]

In my years going out and about, exclusively among the muggles, you are correct, the general public does not care.

Occasionally I have had a few rude comments, but I have encountered far more rude people while dressed as a guy and in fact I have encountered far more polite people, who go out of their way to be nice, while dressed as a girl. It is almost as if just about everyone wants to prove to me that they are totally fine with being around a cross dresser.

Really going out and about has changed my entire perception of humanity. I thought I would encounter the worst in people and instead I have encountered exceptional niceness.

[Krisi]

What are "muggles"?

[Dianne S]

Really going out and about has changed my entire perception of humanity. I thought I would encounter the worst in people and instead I have encountered exceptional niceness.

I agree. I've only been going out a few weeks, but have had nothing but exceptionally polite service despite not being terribly passable. One waitress even spent some time chatting with me and my friend about a local store having a sale on beauty products.

I'm sure there are a few people who would cause trouble, but I stay away from potentially-dangerous places and have yet to encounter anyone who has said anything rude.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Shelby, what you are saying is very true. The typical "man on the street" hardly notices us, and even if he was aware of us he would have no opinion because we're strangers.

Now, the difficulty comes with people who already know you in boy mode, particularly those who are associated with your employment. They might have strong opinions based upon their own prejudices, the fact that you "weren't honest with them," and the fact that they have to see and deal with you often.

For this reason, I have no worries as long as I'm some distance away from my male world. Even if I were to run into someone I know from my male life they wouldn't recognize me out of context. Once I figured this out it definitely helped my confidence and therefore my presentation.

Of course, this leads to other issues. There are some places that I'm not comfortable being in boy mode since I don't want Eryn's friends to see her male self. Luckily, they are easy to avoid.

Eryn has hit on a few good points. I do dress locally but find (so far) that when I see people I know they are immersed in their world or my disguise is sufficient.

I do try to keep my male and female worlds apart but remembering who knows me as male or female occasionally can cause me a dilemma and a friendly hello to someone can be greeted by surprise.

[franlee]

This has been a fact for a very long time. The exceptions are of course in small towns and certain ventures that call for personal interactions. The biggest critic and obstacle is in our head and lack of a little pre-though/planning.

[ShelbyDawn]

It is always wise to consider the relative safety of your surroundings regardless of how you are dressed. For a lot of us who are not completely "out," it is even more so for all the reasons mentioned. In my particular instance, I went to the same bar I went to my first time out dressed and therefor, knew it was safe. As for the doughnuts, that is why I chose the drive through, I figured there might be a chance that at 10:30 PM., someone I knew might be inside the Krispy Kreme, but the chances of them working the drive through were pretty slim.

>> Krissie
Muggles, according to J.K.Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter books, are non-magical folks.
It never occurred to me just how appropriate that metaphor is in relation to those of who know the "magic" of crossdressing.



Shelby

[ChristinaK]

I have had conversations about crossdressing with family, friends and co-workers, just to pick their brains. I am firmly convinced most people DO care. The general consensus seems to be one where people don't want blurred lines. They are sick of the LGBT community getting press and ramming their views down the publics throat. They don't have any understanding of us at all. Actually, we represent, what, 1-2% of society I read somewhere. There are more gays than cross dressers (or so it seems. How many are in the closet? Me, for one!). So, most of the people I have talked to feel pretty strongly that we are simply strange and an oddity they don't want to deal with. And, I live in a pretty liberal state (CA).

However, most people DON'T pay much attention. I have gone out many times in complete makeup, women's clothes and shoes, albeit androgenous (spelling) to an extent, and people don't seem to notice. If they have an opportunity to dwell, such as a line, then mostly the women notice. I have been stared at by a few macho men, but they just keep on truckin'. Why? Because most people don't want to become involved. I have been in several situations where people needed help, yet John Q Public walks on past and tries not to look. Generally, I think people don't see us, but when they do, just shake their collective heads and continue on their day. When they get home, they say, " Wendy, I saw this dude dressed up like a woman, what a freak! What's this world coming to?" And, they have a good laugh and eat their McDonalds and life goes on.

I personally think that there are few men out there that have NOT tried on their women's panties, or maybe a nightie, or maybe a dress, or maybe some pantyhose. How many have wanked into some garment or other in a state of fantasy of their own making? Many, I suspect. How many would deny it to their death? Most.

So, we do what we do in peril of public scrutiny, hoping that people accept us as we are, but expecting that most will not approve, yet not willing to publicly ridicule us as they are polite enough to keep their views to themselves, or at least their inner circle?

I have no delusions that most disapprove of us, but have confidence that most will not expose us for being different unless they know us by name....

[kimdl93]

that's been my experience. If anyone noticed, cared, and objected, they apparently kept it to themselves, which is just fine with me.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Shelby, It seams that most people are so wrapped up in their own little world that they really don't care what someone else is doing.

[devida]

I dress in a genderqueer or non binary way all the time. In other words I almost always wear light make up (lipstick, mascara, foundation, powder) and stockings, women's short shorts or knickers or three quarter pants and blouses. All I get is compliments if, in fact, anyone pays any attention at all. Because I am over 50, actually over 60, but I look younger than I am, I have reached the point where I am am disappearing. Less so perhaps than most older people because I am so weird but if you are in my age group you know what I mean. Even so I am constantly amazed at other people's non reaction to my non conformity. When I was younger I got far, far more social disapproval for the way I dressed and looked and I certainly had no idea back then that I was testing social norms on gender (tho I obviously was). The world, at least the Western world, has become far, far more accepting and tolerant. Back then every single day it seemed I got some kind of flack, now, almost never.

[Taylor Ray]

"John Q Public" only applies if you are traveling out of town. If you are in a community where you work and live, everything matters.

[sherri]

If "people" didn't care we'd all be out of the closet. I think any well conducted poll would indicate that a few people are openly supportive, quite a few don't care, the majority disapprove and a few disapprove vehemently. Those who disapprove and a goodly number of those who don't care will avoid you if possible, effectively ostracizing you.


That is not to say, however, that you're likely to have adversarial experiences when you're out -- as long as you manage the situational context. Out yourself in the small town I live in and you're gonna be treated like a leper -- make that leper pervert. How do I know? Cuz we used to have an "out" CDer or two living here. Leper, tellin' ya. But plant yourself anonymously, or even not so anonymously, in the big city and conduct yourself rationally and you're quite likely to be ignored by those who don't have to interact with you and treated with civility by those who do. And you know what? I'm pretty much the same way toward them.