Why are "the clothes" so important to u?

[docrobbysherry]

I was just chatting with a closeted dresser. She sounds like she may be TS, but I don't know. I only say that because she's about 55 now and has fantasized about becoming female since a very young age.

She said something very interesting when I asked when she began dressing. She said, "The clothes aren't important. I'm just me whatever I'm wearing."

That got me thinking. I'm a CD and LOOKS r everything to me. My question is:

Do u identify as a CD or TS? And, r "THE CLOTHES" all that important to u? If so, why?

[AllieSF]

CD and the clothes are necessary for me to be happy when I CD.

[NathalieX66]

Clothes are tools that express who we are, or who want to be.

[ChristinaK]

Does it really matter if we are labeled? I identify myself as male yet love women's clothes and mannerisms. Does that make me CD or TS? I don't really care. If I could, I would make love to a woman dressed in a nightgown. Have even done so. What does that make me? Different.

[Erica Marie]

Its not the cloths. I still feel the same way en drab. I would consider myself more TS. The cloths are an outlet to correct the reflection we want to see when looking in the mirror. Besides for alot of us is it the cloths or all the extras that go along with it? Do alot of you feel different with just a piece of womens cloths on, or does it take the wig, padding, make-up and accesories to make you feel like you created a transformation. For me I can skip the padding, the wig and the heavy cover up. Actually for me that feels unnatural, almost like a costume.

[Barbara Dugan]

To be honest clothes for me are not that important as being totally smooth, nice make up, nail color, pretty hair and heels ....its all I need

[Wildaboutheels]

"so important"? I hope shoes qualify as clothes? And they are simply tools to me both at home or out.

As far as label? I'm a BIC dresser. Because I Can.

[GroovyChristy]

The clothes allow me to be myself, to express who I am. I'm not quite a CD, but something else. Trans? Non-binary? Gender-fluid? Still trying to figure that out.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Because clothes makes the girl...

[Taylor Ray]

If you grasp at labels,

You may become one.

Your profile pic seems to invoke "to conquer a label!".

Fortunately, many of us fine gals have no need to cling to labels.

[Princess Grandpa]

What an interesting question. I don't really know how to answer. As I typically have an opinion on most topics it feels odd to be at a loss for words. The clothes have rapidly become part of who I am. While I identify as male, the majority of my active wardrobe is women's wear. Most of its fairly androgynous but some is definately more feminine. My nails are always colored but I don't wear the wig and forms or a dress (I love wearing a dress) unless were going to the tgirl events.

The clothes are most definately part of who I am at this point. Today I found myself dressed in my old dude stuff. Yes pockets are better, and it's nice to be able to just wipe my hands on my pants, but I'm much more comfortable as the weird hybrid I have become.

Hug
Rita

[DebbieL]

I am TS, and secretly always have been. Publicly, I've had to present and "settle" for being a Transvestite (bedroom only) or Cross-Dresser.

I've wanted to be a girl since I was 5, before that I just was "one of the girls". When my testes dropped at 10 I tried to destroy them (details omitted).

When I found out I had a low bass voice (2 octaves below middle C to 1 octave above), I became self-destructive, suicidal, and turned to drugs and booze to numb the pain. For me it was like I had been sentenced to "Life in Solitary confinement without the possibility of parole".

I dressed in secret, keeping my "stash" between my mattresses, later hiding it in the back of my closet under a stack of old shoes and out of season clothes. My mother eventually found my stash when I was 10 and told me to stop stealing her clothes. She came up with ways to "hint" when I could take them - tying a loose knot in hose she didn't want, putting clothes she didn't want into the "goodwill pile", and throwing away underwear in a special Laundry trash basket. She also took me shopping with her and frequently bought what I picked out for her. After 2-3 wearings, she'd pass it on.

I hoped that once I started having "real sex" with a real woman, that I would lose interest in the dressing. It didn't happen. When she found out about my desire to dress, she dumped me like a hot potato - a note on the windshield of my car. It took about 6 months of therapy to recover.

When I moved in with my second partner, I told her after about 3 weeks. She seemed to be OK with it as long as it was only in the bedroom, but about a month after the wedding, she made it clear that she wasn't that into it. After she was pregnant with my son, she started being really abusive, emotionally and sexually.

When Leslie told the marriage counselor about me, he had a few private sessions with me, asked me a series of questions, and then told me and my wife (now ex) that I was "Type 6 transsexual", and pointed out that most transsexuals as severe as me either transitioned or killed themselves.

I started transition, then my ex threatened to have my visitation revoked unless I stopped transition. She wanted me gone, one way or the other, but she wanted my child support, so I finally moved east.

I can't think of any time in my life when, if a "fairy godmother" said "I have a magic wand and if you wish, I can turn you into a young and beautiful girl - but it's for the rest of your life - I would have said "Yes DO IT" without hesitation.

For me - being a cross-dresser or transvestite was just a way to vent some of the frustration at being trapped in a boy's body without turning to drugs, booze, poison, ground class, or a dozen other ways to die. Some more subtle, such as obesity, a heart attack, and a stroke.

My second wife knew even before we met that I was "transgendered", but I fudged about wanting to transition. I didn't think it was practical or possible at my age, and assumed that I would just have to settle for being a cross-dresser. Fortunately, she actually LIKED my feminine nature, not just in the bedroom, but also around the house and in public. She could even distinguish "Rex" from "Debbie" and realized that she liked Debbie better.

Right after my father died (my mother had died about 10 years earlier), I finally decided to transition. My wife wasn't thrilled with that prospect and I ended up contemplating suicide again. When I mentioned it to my doctor, she ORDERED me to a psychiatric intake. There, I agreed to get back into Gender therapy, do other positive things to address the situation. It only took about 4 weeks for my therapist who had experience with transsexuals to point out "You seem so much happier as Debbie", to which I responded "I AM much happier as Debbie". Her response was simple and blunt "So BE DEBBIE".

I started hormones, transitioned, and now have a pair of real breasts, and am living as a girl full time. Not a panacea, I still have to deal with real life, but I am enjoying real life, even the disappointments, much better as Debbie than I ever did as Rex.

A key distinction is that I never really LOVED being a boy/guy/man. I didn't play games with other boys because I wanted to, but because I was forced to do so at school. My dreaded subjects were recess, gym, and lunch, which usually involved physical assaults by 10-20 other boys, or staying as far away from everybody as possible. I fixed a car, because I knew my dad wouldn't buy me one (I fixed a car he was about to sell to the junk man - and drove it another 100,000 miles). I wanted girls to like me, but mostly because I wanted to BE one of the girls. I was sexually attracted to girls, but not particularly keen on being a "man" with a girl.

For so many years, the clothes were the one way to experience my feminine side. I liked to dress up in sexy lingerie and hose and get aroused, but my fantasies were usually of being a woman who was seduced by a woman - with her in control. Any curiosity I had about men was pretty much soured by all of the violence I had experienced from 5 years old to 25 years old, and other horrible experiences I'd had with men socially. I could work with them, but I didn't want to have sex with them.

Ironically, now that I'm living full-time as a woman, I am experiencing the nicer side of men. They hold the doors for me, help me with my luggage, help me lift things, and generally treat me nicer. They LIKE when I speak softly, shake hands softly, and have a little wiggle in my walk, and a higher pitched voice. I have made very few changes, and just occur as a nice old lady to most people, even coworkers. Many think I'm in my late 40s, which is nice since I'm actually in my late 50s.

I still hope that I will be able to come back and live a life as a woman, or go to heaven as a woman.

CD or TS? If you had to spend every moment of the rest of your life in one gender or the other, which would you choose? CDs usually choose to be men, transsexuals usually choose to be women. Most CDs would want to have a little "switch" and would only flip to female for a small portion of time, such as "date night" or weekends, but would want to be men the rest of the week.

[Anna H]

I could write a thousand answers to that question, and they'd
all be different.

One thing, though, is that they're Not mens clothes. It may be
that I prefer to distance myself from anything to do with being a guy.
I don't relate very well to guys. I have very few men friends. I'm just not
into guy things and never have been.

I'm not competitive. I don't see the world as a dog-eat-dog kind of
existence. I don't like bullies or pressuring others. I can't take
advantage of someones ignorance. I can't walk over someone to get
myself to a higher place.

Of course, there are plenty of women who do the same things that
guys get all the bad raps for, but I have first hand experience with
men who will give me the shaft at every opportunity....and take
whatever they can get. And have fun at my expense.

What women are, to me, is only what I can perceive them to be.
The often mentioned traits of caring, compassion, sensitivity, concern
for others, being loving, and all that good stuff are traits that most
everyone possesses....else no family would have ever survived.

But men are pushed into being domineering and controlling to make their
way through the world. Many of us feel bad about having to be that way.
It's a huge pressure on us, but for better or worse, it's the way life is.
Hell, I've even lost the ability to cry. It doesn't work anymore.

At the end of the day, the clothes are little more than a type of uniform.
An identifier to others as to who one thinks they are....or wants to be.

Many of us are attracted to the clothes for reasons nobody will understand.
It very often changes with time as well. It may begin for certain reasons,
but it'll change over time....which is one reason it's so hard to ever pin-point
any sense to it. It's different next week, month , year. Explaining it is
nearly impossible.

So, for me anyway...(and we're all different)...it's Not being the guy for
at least some period of time. I'm going and sitting with the girls, and be
nice and good and kind like I've always perceived them to be.

I may be just distancing myself from the world of men. I may be just fooling
myself....I'm not a girl and can never truly understand their world. But from
my perception of it, it's a nicer place to be and makes me feel better.

Like every one of us, I very often wonder "why". And "how". I see this
question often and I know it very often means...."has anyone figured it out
yet?"

Why do I need the girly things? For me, may be that they're Not mens things.
I don't really fit in anywhere. I do not know why that is.

Tomorrow, the answer would likely be different. I'm still trying to understand
it myself after +50 years of experience with it...

[ErinP]

For most of my confusing life, it SEEMED to be about the clothes. But, at forty something it is way more than that. The more I learn where I am on the gender scale, I'm understanding "it is what it is". Less about what I wear, more about who I am. Like almost any GG will tell you, my other half included, flats over heels. Good bra over a sexy one. Less makeup over more..... Nothing wrong with it being about the clothes. That's why we all are who we are. Because we are different. Don't get me wrong. I still like to get dressed up and click my heels sometimes.

I think I am at a crossroad these days. Being true to myself and realizing that I've been hiding who I really am. The clothes are only a reflection of inner self for me.

[Jenniferathome]

Without the clothes, I'd be a cross dresser in my mind only. I don't want to be a cross dresser in my mind only. It's really hard to be a MtF cross dresser with just my normal male clothes.

[franlee]

I am definitely a CD and the clothes are the most important part. To the why question, they are the catalyst to feed my imagination.

[jennCD]

I don't believe the clothes themselves are that important to me, although back in the beginning it was easy to think they were. Of course, I can say that now having not dressed in a few years and not feeling that it's something that I must do to get through the day.

Over the years, there have been times that I felt that dressing was something of a requirement in order to feel a little closer to being a 'whole' person (if that makes sense), but the reality is I am who I am regardless of the clothes I wear. I think over time, I've come to realize I have quite a number of outlets to more easily express who I am inside my head and they don't really have a gender bias or require hours or prep time or take effort to squeeze my body into a shape it's not currently suited for naturally.

Of course, I do come here periodically to keep updated on y'all and I do enjoy the notion of having enough free time to dress again if I take the time to consider it, but the truth is I have so much else going on that deserves my attention that I don't really need the added responsibility of maintaining such an active lifestyle as most of you get to enjoy.

I am who I am regardless of what I wear, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate a comfy pair of jeans as much as stockings and panties.


jenn

[freeindress]

I always feel male whatever the clothes, so choosing the clothes on my thin frame (as tall as the men's average, taller than the women's average), I can present as an almost normal man or an androgynous fairy.

[Talisker]

Clothes are tools that express who we are, or who want to be.

From the way you wrote that i guess your a TS.
For many CD its not who you want to be but rather who you want to be with i.e. the fantasy woman in the mirror.

[Marcelle]

Hi Sherry,

I am CD. I would have to say clothes are important to me as a means to an end in presenting "en femme". I suppose, never tried it that I could don my boy cloths, wig and make-up and still present "en femme". However, I think clothes complete the picture for me. As well, I often look at what women are wearing and say to myself . . . "Hmm, I like that look and would like to wear something like that in public" So important yes . . . necessary . . . not sure. You have me curious now, I think I might try a little experiment with my boy clothes and "en femme" presentation.

Hugs

Isha

[Georgina]

For me it's all about the clothes. I love how the clothes feel and look especially clothes of the fifties and sixties. I collect vintage lingerie along with dresses and skirts, but have more vintage slips and open bottom girdles than any other items. For some reason panties are very low on my list. I am a man and have no wish to be a woman, but I adore women's clothes and believe that men have the same rights, as women, to wear them.

[Debra Sparks]

The clothes help me become who I want to be the prettier and more feminin the better . Lace, embroidery, Georgeous patterns amazing fabrics. It all ads to the persona of what or who we are or trying to become .

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sherry, That is what it's all about for me.

[Donnagirl]

For me it is all about the fantasy, the short term escape from the mundane. I haven't really analysed where I fit in the spectrum and don't think it really matters at this time. As I am far from 'passing' it is really all about how I feel and not the impression I make. I know that sounds a little selfish, but it has been many years of secrecy and it has always been only me.

Kinda wish the times I can dress were not so limited...

Cheers,

[Zylia]

Cross-dresser and transsexual are not meaningless labels, but this board and the TG community at large is very good at turning everything in a vague spectrum, meaning that nothing is ultimately true. I believe that my biological sex matches my personal sense of gender identity just fine, so I don't think I'm transsexual in any sense of the word. I'm not a burly macho man, but I don't have to be in 2014 to be considered (and to consider myself) a 'man'.