Replies.

[Alice Joyce]

Goodness me, You folk are Beautiful girls. I frequent this Forum as often as I can, I have to do this when I am alone. Have been thinking a lot about whether or not to expose myself to friends/family. Obviously I do not find anything bad, wrong, silly or weird about being Alice. I am most comfortable, happy when I am. After all I believe being Alice is not hurting anyone. Friends & family might be shocked if I told about my female side, or in fact showed them me as Alice. I think I have to put a lot more thought into this. I do get quite sad at times having to hide who I truly want to be. Again I do not want to hurt anyone. Warm Thoughts. Alice

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Alice, I share the same feelings as you, I have struggled with wether or not to make the big reveal.
I've tried to search the forum for help, advice, and answers. There is a lot of sorting out to do, what's to gain, what's to lose.
can you live with the losses. In the end it still boils down to you, it's your life, only you can decide what's best for you.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Jilmac]

Hi Alice and welcome to the forum. I think all of us have hidden our true selves at one time or another. Some of us are out, others are still hiding and may never come out. Whatever you choose, I hope your journey is filled with more joy than anxiety. You are in a safe place and with friends as long as you choose to be here.

[Alice Joyce]

Thank you Kristyn, I will keep thinking although I am not happy being unable to come out. Warm Thoughts. Alice

[Jenniferathome]

.... I do not find anything bad, wrong, silly or weird about being Alice. ...

Maybe not bad or wrong, but I sure think it's both silly and weird to be a cross dresser but I am one so what can I do?

Regarding coming out to friends and family, I would counsel caution and ask you what I always ask when I read this: are you telling for you or for them? With the exception of your wife, why does friend or family member need to know you are a cross dresser? How will it help them? Do you plan on dressing 24/7? Now, if you are planning on transitioning, that's a different story.

[Alice Joyce]

Jennifer, I think I would be doing it for me. I guess friends or family don`t need to know, that's true. As for my wife, who I love dearly......I`m not sure if I could tell her for fear of upsetting her. If I was able, I would dress 24/7 but I can not see that happening any time soon. Warm Thoughts. Alice

[Oilpainter35]

If you cannot tell the one you are intimate with ...Let me be the first to tell you DON'T TELL SOMEONE,ANYONE, ANYTHING that you wouldn't tell your closest loved one. As Jennifer said, why are you telling them ? So you feel better? Most people here have struggled over this for a few days to 70 years. Your insides will tell you when and whom to reveal anything to. I also think since you are married, (after you tell your wife,) she can help with the who and what you tell to whom and when, because what you tell others may effect her self image as well. So, her input and feelings should be considered as much as yours.

[PaulaQ]

The main advantage of coming out - especially all the way out - is that you never need fear discovery again, and no longer need to live terrified in the closet. This is marvelously freeing. You really have no idea until you've tried it.

Of course the downside is that when I came out as trans to the world, I pretty well dropped an atomic bomb on my former life. Some of what remains is definitely recognizable, but lots of it isn't.

So yeah, being free of fear really has to be worth it before this pays off well...

[Tracii G]

Don't come out if you don't want to.
There will be changes some good some bad just be ready to handle them.

[sherri]

There are a handful of people I would luv to come out to for several reasons, not the least of which is I would luv to be able to interact with them as a femme person. However -- and for me this is a huge however -- I had already established a straight life long before I discovered all this and the minus column far outweighs the plus column of coming all the way out. I actually don't know anyone in my guy life whom I'm confident could handle the revelation, but even if I could selectively come out to one or more, once the cat is out of the bag, who knows what the ripple effect would be.


In other words, think it over long and hard before doing it, then think it over again. There's no putting the toothpaste back in the tube.

[Jorja]

Just remember my dear, when you let that genie out of the bottle, you cannot but it back in. Be absolutely positive you want to come out before allowing those words to pass your lips.

[Rachel292]

This is never easy and the other girls have provided you with wise words.
I'm not married or with a partner so it was different for me. But I told my mother and my daughter about a week ago that i CD. One of the reasons was my young grandson was banging on the door, and I had to change in a panic, this and some other personal changes finally tipped me over into telling. I've only kept it secret for about 50 years so in general i'd become quite adept at hiding it. But there comes a time when it's right to do so.
Only you know yourself, your situation, your relationships, etc.
I would say be very cautious and only reveal what you have to (maybe only part of the situation initially) to those who are closest to you (i.e. your wife) when you have to, and not before. Be prepared for the fallout. Be prepared to have to continue your relationship with who you tell / or that it may end it.
I feel it's much better to discuss it (e.g. on here), that just keep it bottled up. You have at least done this, by posting this thread, which i believe will help you in what you decide to do.
in the end it's down to you.

All the best wishes , hoping you make the right choices.

[Beverley Sims]

Alice,
You are moving in a circle of friends that are understanding of what your feelings are.
We all give encouragement and pat you on the back.
This gives you a false sense of security, the real world out there is not as forgiving and you should not rush headlong into anything foolish.
Share your secrets and thoughts with us for a while, evaluate the replies and maybe some day you can make a decision that will benefit you.
I just don't think the time is now.

[MsVal]

My opinion, Alice, is that the most important and most urgent disclosure is also the most difficult and most dangerous.

Your wife must absolutely be the first person to be told of your crossdressing. There is a risk that your wife will be quite upset with your disclosure. In some cases it has led to divorce. However there is also a different, greater risk from keeping it a secret. Your wife could be much more upset about the secret, the lack of trust, and the lying, particularly if she discovers your secret on her own.

It seems to me that the best disclosure is one that is done when you are prepared, at a time and place of your choosing, rather than being blindsided by a bedroom floor covered with your recently discovered girly things and a wife demanding an explanation.

Once your wife is aware, you can reevaluate whether you want to divulge it to other family members, then to friends, and then to anyone that has a need to know.

It's a tough, REALLY tough thing to do, and procrastination is VERY easy.

Best wishes
MsVal

[CynthiaD]

You need to think this over carefully, and take your time at it. I'm out to a lot of people, but there are others I will never come out to, because they don't deserve to know this side of me.

[Alice Joyce]

I am pretty sure my wife is unaware of my cding, however she does know that I am "In Touch" with my Femme side. I will wait for the right time and place if at all. Divorce......Scary thought, I had not thought of that one. So many things to consider. Thank you. WT Alice

[Alice Joyce]

Hello Beverly, Firstly, Thank you for your kind and helpful words, I sincerely do appreciate them. It is a wonderful thought knowing that I am communicating with understanding folk. Not so wonderful trying to decide what to do re coming out to my loved one. Maybe I never will? I have thought.....What if I pass away first and then she finds my ladies things hidden away.........that I think would be rather mean of me. Maybe if I do pass first I could have prearranged for my best male friend ( who also does not know of my Femme side....I don1t think so anyway) To collect my girly items from home without anyone knowing. Oh, I Don`t Know. For now Beverly I am going to take your advice.......I too just don`t think the time is now. You have been so nice to me.............getting a little emotional now. Thank you. WT. Alice

[Alice B]

The time will come that you have to let it out and your wife must be the first to know. She will find out and like most wife most likely already has questions. The sooner the better because she will be pissed if you keep it a secret too long.

[Alice Joyce]

Thank you Rachel, your friendly words and advice have been gratefully taken on board. I have two daughters, don`t think I could ever tell them? At times this whole situation drives me nuts. Still, being Alice is what I enjoy most and is when I am the happiest. I do have a lot of thinking to do. Warm Thoughts to you. Alice