Do you ever wonder "What am I doing"

[Erica Marie]

Do you ever wonder what you are doing. Why you want to or have the need to dress in womens cloths. Why you feel like you are thrown into this world just to be confused.

I have been through so many stages in my life. From a young kid wearing panties to a teenager sneaking to the thrift shop to get women's cloths. To an adult trying to look as lady like as possible. After 30 yrs I still have no idea where I fit in.

Anyone else here feel this way. Or if you have, how did you ever really find the place where you feel comfortable with yourself? How many here realize after awhile thats its not even about the cloths anymore but finding out who you are.

[Adriana Moretti]

Yea..it happens to me too...I wonder if I took it to far, become paranoid, get worried my pic is on the net..I ask the question why..and why bother...the feeling passes though...for me anyway

[Maria in heels]

Erica....I think that many of us feel the way that you are describing. We wonder why we do it, but we also know that we must do it....It feels so natural, and I always find myself looking at catalogs or online sales just to "see what they got that I would like to buy". Life does have many stages, but for me, its never changed from as far back as I can remember..Maria is still Maria, just growing more graceful as the years go whizzing by

[Sallee]

All the time. It is worse than facebook as far as a waste of time but it sure is fun. Why do I want to adorn myself, not only to wear womens clothing but to pass my self off as one. At least for a little while. Are we, the genders, that different? Am I able to experience what being a woman is like by passing as one? probably not.
It sure is a strange hobby

[Caden Lane]

I've sort of given up on the whys. Those questions never brought me happiness. Doing it makes me happy. That's all I really need to know.

[ArleneRaquel]

Yes at times I wonder, but that thought leaves me in a few seconds and I go back to whatever it was that I was doing.

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

Not 'what am I doing', more like 'why can't society be more accepting of this?' Something this fun and exciting can't be all that bad, right?

It is hands down my most favorite thing to do. I simply can not fathom stopping. It really doesn't bother me that society has a negative view (and I'm not surprised by it either). But it does keep me from being brave enough to just, on a whim, get dressed up and go to the mall. So, while it's true that I don't really care what strangers think, I do care about possible confrontations that may happen as a result of my appearance. The chance of any negative outcome terrifies me.

I learned a LONG time ago that just because a majority of people say or think something, it does NOT make it valid or correct. Use your own judgement. I will not allow the close-minded societal views to dictate what I can do in my own house. Life is to damn short.

[TxCassie]

Oh yes, Erica, I wonder all the time. But, I do not wonder how right it is for me to dress en femme. As I was reading your post and others, I noticed we tend to say, I dress in "Women's" clothing. While, yes, I know we are male who dress in the clothing generally agreed is for the opposite gender, I want to say, these clothes are for ME! It's as natural, not significant that I connect with the feminine side of me better than the masculine side than any other man behaving naturally wearing gym shorts and tanks tops for the day. I know, this sounds rational but not practical, but as long as we subscribe to the general notion that males do not cross the gender line in any way, we'll wonder why we're not like the other men. We aren't cross the gender line, as there is no line in reality, and we have transcended above the line.

Cassie

[PretzelGirl]

There is a healthy part of the brain that should be double checking the decisions we make. This is what keeps us in control. I would be more worried if I never heard that voice.

[Princess Grandpa]

I wonder frequently. If I truly identified as a woman it would make sense. But I don't. Last year as I came to understand this was something I needed I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I wanted to dress in women's clothing. Like many I believed gender and sexuality were linked. "I can't be a cross dresser. I'm not gay and I'm not a woman trapped in a mans body. I began to think deep down I must be gay or at least bi.

I began exploring my sexuality and no matter how hard I tried I could find myself attracted to another man. I could see a man and understand he was attractive. But it didn't do a thing for me. When I joined these forums I had accepted that I need this even if I didn't know why. It was you all who taught me that dressing in women's clothes but being hetro were not mutually exclusive.

Today after almost a year of dressing and exploring this part of myself I am no closer to knowing why then I was when I first tried to figure it out. I'm considerably less concerned about the reasons than I was. I'm really just enjoying getting to know myself. Yes Mom and dad wanted me to be a girl. Yes the girls in our family were treated better than the boys. I have no recollections of mom dressing me in girls clothes. I suspect she must have. She wouldn't have known in advance I was a boy so would have had pretty dresses and such. Yes I have always been less masculine than my peers.

Was I born this way? Did I become this way because I wanted parental love and approval? I have no clue. The whys of it all sometimes drives me nuts. Mostly I have accepted that it is what it is regardless of the reasons. But every now and then...

Hug
Rita

[Alice Torn]

I tend to over think,or over analyze everything. You bring up a real issue many of us have. Why do i dress up, and try to present as an attractive fairly modest lady? I sometimes have come up with reasons, but really am not sure. I do know it really hurts, when a GG friend, drops me because of it. And, I really don't like being a paranoid loner, hiding this.

[Chari]

Had gone to a multitude of therapists and other medical professionals as I wondered for many years "why I was different?". None could give a positive answer to my needs to dress in feminine attire or the pleasure I derived from it. As years without resolve passed, and the frustration of my feminine side increased, I realized it is my life to accept all facets of myself completely. Upon doing that, I became peaceful with myself. IMO it is not just the clothes, makeup, hairstyles, etc. that says "woman", but how we accept and present our self to others. Enjoy.

[Marcelle]

Hi Erica,

I gave up trying to figure it out. I have finally reached a place in my life where I am at peace with me both "en boy" and "en femme".

Hugs

Isha

[Tracii G]

At first maybe but coming to an understanding thru this site I just embrace being different these days.
It all feels natural so I do what feels right to me.

[paulaprimo]

like some of the other girls, i have given up trying to figure out the why's...all i know is that
it is such a natural part of me and feels so good!!

[Tina_gm]

In the beginning when I 1st gave in to the CDing desire, I felt that way almost constantly. I still feel it from time to time, wondering what good will ever come of it, what is really the point etc etc... I don't feel that way as often these days.

[Jenniferathome]

Erica, ABSOLUTELY I wonder. When you see my smile in my pictures, I'm laughing internally. In my head I'm thinking, "What a weird thing this is that I am doing!" But that does not negate nor minimize the feeling I get when I can express that side of me. It makes no logical sense so I do not try to make it, make sense. It is and I accept that. I'm a cross dresser, nothing more than that.

Take care,

[Kate Simmons]

Yes I do Erica, especially if I end up wearing the wrong color eye shadow for my outfit. All in all I'm very comfortable with who I am and don't really care about "fitting in" with others in society. Who says they are right anyway?

[Cheryl T]

I felt that way for decades...going through the buy/purge cycles and the guilt. Then I just decided that this is me....it's who I am and it's the one constant in my life from day one. I stopped denying myself the comfort of being me and just gave up on the guilt. It's so much better now.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I am like a Civil War reenactor. only with modern women's clothes. Why do they do it? Don't know. Why do I do it? Don't know. I've stopped wording about it.

[alwayshave]

I am with Caden Lane, I have given up on asking why. I love wearing women's clothes. I love wearing makeup and high heels. It is who I am and I just don't ask why anymore.

[ophelia]

Yeah, today. I tried a beautiful dress on at a thrift shop. I wanted dressed or made up and I thought that thought. I should have bought that dress!

[Camilla]

Every time I wonder "what am I doing", but never found an answer. The only thing I know is that I like to dress and feel like a woman, is a part of me.
Why am I doing it ?
Because I like it, and feeling good doing it...

[Deanna11]

I feel the same Camilla, I'm not sure why I do it, although I get various answers in my head now and then,but I absolutely love to dress as a woman, that is when I am the happiest! I've purged, I've fought the desire, but I am now giving in and embracing it fully! I am a crossdresser !

[Wildaboutheels]

Actually no. They ARE just clothes to me and I simply wear them because I CHOOSE to.

On the other hand, I do fully understand why so many here are so tormented.

But I also find it very very strange that SO many here are so UNwilling to connect the obvious dots.

It's the ONLY way that those CDers who have no need or desire to transition will ever be free.