I have a few questions

[Katherine_meows]

I'm a 23 year old woman who is hoping to start transitional therapy this year (mtf)
I currently dress part time, whenever I'm not working and have the opportunity. I've told my family and friends what I plan on doing this year, and I just got in contact with a group of people who can point me in the right direction to start my journey. I was wondering if anyone had any advice regarding transition. How did you start your journey? How has it been? what do you do? My dream is to be a woman, without make-up, without people asking me if I am a guy, without the awkward questions. Just be treated like a lady without make-up and breast forms. Just wake up, in a long shirt, underwear, long hair, and be able to look into the mirror and smile because I'm honestly happy with myself. I spend 21 years Lying to myself and hating myself for feeling this way, I spent the last 2 years being criticized by family.I turned to drugs at a young age to drowned my feelings, I've grown up and know what I want know and who I am. I know that no one can hurt me if I don't allow them too. I know how I want to live my life and what regrets I don't want to have. I'm a woman, who loves dresses, stockings, heels, make-up, pink,blue,black,and grey. I know who I am, and who I want to be. I'm excited for this year, this is the year I change everything I was and start my journey to becoming everything I want to be. With everything in my heart, I know I am a woman, and with everything in my heart I know I will portray the image in my heart to the best of my ability and allow my happiness to flow. This may be a little too much information regarding myself.

[prene]

I have had the same feelings.
My thoughts are see a therapist. I have one and she is great.
I am a little sad she wants to go slow but I am a little confused and older.
I am envious you have found out earlier and you look great.
There are lots of things the therapist will ask.
I hid my feelings and desires for over 20 years, but I still love just dressing and wearing attached forms.
I am just N of seattle.
PM me if you like.
Prene

[Madie]

I concur with prene, at this point you should find a gender therapist. It might take a while to get an appointment depending on where you are. took me six months for me to get in to see one (and another 6 months for the endocrinologist that prescribes hormones) So better to start sooner then later! I'm 24 and started hormones about a week ago. The wait can be hard, especially for so long but it'll be worth it.

[Ariamythe]

Those are all big questions to answer, and I think no two answers will be the same. If your family is on your side, that's a good start. If you have an experienced professional helping you, that's a good start. If you're thinking beyond clothes and surface appearance and saying "this is what I want my identity to be regardless of how I dress," that's a good thought to have. Just know that you're not there yet and that you probably still have a LOT of self-discovery to do.

[Michelle789]

Ariamythe,

OP said that this is about her identity and aligning her body with the mind and is deeper than the clothes. Sometimes a woman just wants to dress up, it's a normal feeling.

Katherine, I agree seeing a gender specialist would help. I started seeing one in late Feb and she's really done an amazing job in helping me to accept myself, as well as in dealing with other issues too (such as the psychic, my family).

Michelle

[celeste26]

Getting rid of the beard is one of the most important items on the list of things to do and it is profoundly helpful in letting others see you as female. But it is costly. Like the others wrote find a gender therapist they are the "gatekeepers." There is no defined amount of time required before HRT, but there is a real life experience (RLE) which may be long or short depending on how well the therapy goes.

I sincerely hope it all goes well for you and that you are on your way soon.

[DebbieL]

So many really good suggestions here. Facial hair is a biggie - laser is a good start, you have the right coloring for it. You may have to switch to electrolysis later. I grew my beard out while I was in Saudi Arabia (talk about feeling like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs...), then when I was in Stockholm, I waxed it all off. It was bloody, it hurt like hell, and it was messy, but when my face healed, there was almost no facial hair at all. You might want to have someone help you with that.

I started using a Remington "Shaser" which is a very bright Xenon that is like laser, but covers larger portions of skin at a time. For my face, I usually numb it with a bit of ice before hitting it with full intensity, which has gotten rid of about 95% of the dark hair. The light hair (almost white) grows much more slowly - MUCH less electrolysis needed.

Meanwhile, you can also start doing a bunch of the feminine things to subtly out yourself at work. Pluck your eyebrows or have them waxed. Get a manicure and even a pedicure, with a neutral or frost polish - something that shows that you are wearing polish and you can't hide or deny, but doesn't scream out from across the room. Women will notice and ask you about it, which lets you slowly build a foundation of support for when you do transition at work.

Take a look at your company's diversity policy. Even in states where transsexuals have few legal rights, many employers doing business in many states that do have legal rights for transsexuals, you will often find that they are quite supportive of your transition. Often they will orchestrate a change such as a transfer, change of location, or temporary assignment where you can be a woman with people who don't know you as a man. They will just accept you as female and you will be quite surprised at how quickly you are just "one of the girls".

You know your clothing sizes, so this is a good time to complement women on their clothing, ask them where they got it, and ask if they have it in size x (your size). It won't take long for them to smile, catch on, and start to include you as one of the girls even before you start showing up at work in a dress.

Make sure that you know how to dress professionally. My wife kept telling me I had to wear longer skirts and jackets, and I balked for a while, but when I finally took her advice, she was right. The more conservatively I dressed, the more I was treated like a female executive (my actual rank) than a secretary or project manager. Women are your harsher critics there.

The good news is that you are young, healthy, not overweight, and have a soft and rounded face. An important trap to avoid is comparing yourself to the most beautiful women in the magazine or even the most beautiful women in the room. You want to blend, to look average or just slightly better than average, to look like most of the other women in the same time and place. You don't wear club wear to the shopping mall, and you don't wear leggings to work. Don't be afraid to wear pants with feminine blouses, or skirts with masculine jackets.

A good therapist, if you don't already have one, is a MUST. Transition can be an emotional roller coaster at times, and that's even more true when the hormones kick in. If you have built the proper foundation with the therapist, you will be able to cope with the upsets and changes, and the hormones will make you calmer most of the time and you will ENJOY a good cry during a movie or show.

Talk with friends and family when you can, and try to read some books written by those who have transitioned. These will help you plan for some of the ups and downs.

You may find that you have to change doctors, or shop for a doctor who will be willing to help you with the hormones. Often, a letter from the therapist will help. Depending on where you live, there are often LGBT community centers and there are doctors who want to treat patients who are transgendered. They may refer you to an endocrinologist initially, but since most endocrinologists seem to be chasing the big bucks of fertility clinics, they often don't want to deal with transsexuals. I had to go to Philadelphia to see a doctor who would make the initial diagnosis and recommend treatment, but then my general practitioner was fine with actually writing the prescriptions and checking the blood work.

It is possible to get hormones legally over the Internet, but there are also some risks. Too much Spiro can cause severely low blood pressure, too much estrogen can cause blood clots, even strokes, and if you are deemed to be at risk for these because you have taken too much, you may have to wait months to start over.

You are lucky that you are starting young. You can start to make the steps you need to take, and should be very feminine in a short period of time. You haven't lost your hair (I have to wear a wig any time I go out, but it's a really good one that blends with my real hair). Your weight is appropriate.

You also want to make sure that your job/career will support your transition. You don't look like a long-shoreman or a mechanic. Computer professions are great. Sales is also good. You might also want to consider temp work or consulting. This gives you a chance to make lots of subtle changes over time, getting a clean start with each new assignment.

[Ariamythe]

Michelle: I know, that's why I said she has a "good start."