For those interested in the complexities involved in calculating prevalence and incidence of transsexualism, see Lynn Conway's 2007 article:
http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conw...ssexualism.pdf
This was an update to her 2001 paper, and was presented at the WPATH Symposium that year. Fascinating read.
Lea
You would be right, I was tired & unwell and misremembered my figures. In short, I got it wrong.Originally Posted by Jenniferathome
Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.
This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any
Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist
Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity
So is it news to anybody that sometimes people regret big decisions?
You may regret your decision to transition. You may regret your transition.
It's really that simple. That's why its so important to understand yourself and that's why its so important to be smart and have a plan..
also,
Charles Kane, fetishists, liars... they get counted as TS regret when in fact they are nothing like a TS person...
I've often wondered, it seems to me personally that in many of the transition horror stories the transitioner was how do I put this politely, rather shallow. Also as has been already intimated many seem to be well outside what I understand the WPATH guidelines to be?? e.g. very young, have untreated psychological issues separate from GID, bypass RLE's. Essentially many seem to think life as their target gender will be all roses and chocolates and when it isn't the proverbial seems to hit the fan.
I'm not saying that for you ladies who NEED to transition that life must be or should be rowing a barbed wire canoe up shit creek, generally I think it is just life, it's just that now you can live with yourself.
Last edited by Rianna Humble; 03-31-2014 at 02:34 PM. Reason: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=main_rules#faq_content
Well, he obviously has books to sell (both his own book and the "Good Book") and an agenda to push, I wouldn't expect any fair and balanced reporting from him. He does seem to quote some trustworthy sources, but for every article about sex change regret there might be hundreds about sex change success stories, I honestly don't know. On the other hand, there are plenty of websites on the subject who have a "pro-transition bias" instead, so I can't really blame him.
Anyway, even if there are only a few who actually "detransition", suicide (attempt) rates are exceptionally high among transgender people. How many of those can we consider failed transition attempts?
He is trying to sell a book. The subject matter is irrelevant. Just another huckster trying to hussle.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
All of the transwomen I have ever met ended up much happier. Perhaps happy for the first time ever. In every facet of life there is going to be failures, that's why there are gatekeepers. Dwelling on what may happen could cause some poor woman to NOT get the help she desperately needs. Now THAT is a failure.
It's a bit like saying you shouldn't get fit, you may get hit by a car while running.
That’s a keen observation, and one that others should consider during pre-transition therapy. That alone would probably save the majority of regretters from transitioning unnecessarily. I remember reading one case of a regretter who retransitioned after becoming disillusioned with his transition because he thought the sex would be better as a woman. [What?!] If stuff like that comes up in therapy that's the time for the brakes to be applied so those issues can be worked out.
That’s why there’s therapy and RLE, so the transitioner can wrestle with the real life issues facing someone who’s now living in another gender.
I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.
Walt Heyer apparently had some issues which had nothing to do with being transgender
http://www.transchristians.org/people/walt-heyer
First rule be careful of any info. on the internet, even here. Look at the info, then do your own research, before one goes out and change there mind or there live direction.
Realistically, transgenderism (on any level) does not effect too many people. Even fewer will buy that book.
If this guy is going to write a book and try to hustle, why not write one about getting rich off the real estate market or a book about the end of the world?
EDIT - I read some of the stories about TS wanting to "go back". Most of the time it is cause their family was hurt. Well that is a problem - Even if they "go back", it is not like the family is going to forget.
Plus, it seems like they are blaming their life problems on being TS. What happens when they try to go back to living as a man and there are still problems in life?
Plus, the ones who are all stealthy and totally passable, just how easy do they think it will be to look like a man again? Are they going to mess up their endocrine systems some MORE by taking testosterone? The chin slappers are gone so those won't help with test.
Once your body is changed and your social circle is aware, "going back" just isn't the answer.
Last edited by Nicole Erin; 03-31-2014 at 02:35 PM.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
As with any life change as major as this, there are always going to be people who regret it. Thats why we have to go through so many barriers to access treatment.
Dr Curtis explained it to me that a very small percentage of people regret transition, but qualified this statement by saying that it was more accurate to say that they were dissappointed with the outcome of their transition, eg they hoped that it would solve all of their problems in one fell swoop. Whilst many become happier, and go on to life more fulfilling lives, there are some that continue to experience the same issues eg if you had a gambling problem, it's easy to blame this on the GD, explaining it away as an 'escape', but you would most likely find that after transition you still had a weakness for gambling.
I think a lot of the most successful transitions are ones where the individual doesn't define themselves solely by their transition, and has other aspects to their personality that they identify themselves with. Basically those that have a life, and a healthy range of interests, ambitions and goals outside of just being transexual and transitioning.
Having said all that, at the beginning of my transition I was very much consumed by the process. It was once I went fulltime and then got onto hormones that my enthusiasm for life started to come back.
EDIT: Just to keep my post on topic, like others have said, if you take everything you read on the internet at face value you'll end up with a pretty confusing view of life. It's always best to do as much research as you can. If something on this site (which to my mind was written by someone who isn't TS) resonates with you then it's worth exploring why, just make sure it's with a good therapist and not someone feeding you an agenda.
Last edited by Amy A; 03-31-2014 at 02:55 PM.
Some of the disappointment with transition just has to be about the way society views us, treats us. Many who transition face real discrimination. I know girls who used to run companies, who, post transition, were happy to find work as clerks. Many don't find work at all.
Many of us lose EVERYTHING and EVERYONE to transition. It's remarkable to me that as few people regret transition as do.
Of course that website doesn't really point the finger at society, does it?
This is probably the only medical condition I'm aware of where:
1. The patient largely has to self-diagnose
2. The patient faces huge social pressure against seeking medical treatment
3. If the treatment is unsuccessful, the patient is blamed - "she shouldn't have done it!!!!"
Hearing stuff like "fundamental Christian" and "Focus on the Family" cue red flags for me. Reading more about the site's founder (thanks for the links!) gives a bad impression here as well. This is definitely not someone who I'd trust in gender related areas. I was surprised to read he wasn't even diagnosed as transgender and am left wondering how the heck he even transitioned without knowing that detail.
Thanks for everyone's input, as always it's appreciated.
1) This is a common line, but a misstatement. The diagnosis involves self identification, but that's not the same thing. Nor does a layperson ever provide an actual diagnosis. The medical provider always has the role of confirming the self identification as well as diagnosing other aspects that are not self identified.
2) Yes and no. Pressure within one's close circle (e.g., family) can be unrelenting. Beyond that, not so much. The pressure that comes from internalized social norms is internal. In fact, it's common to hear about the positive reactions people have to transition. Alternatively, how few negative reactions people encounter.
3) This is largely true. I'm tempted to say it's often deserved, but that ignores a few important things, not the least of which is the lack of coordinated care including psychological support. We also still live (in the US) in a legal atmosphere that regards treatment as cosmetic and permits discrimination. On the other hand, the appalling lack of preparation by many really does leave a lot of the blame on their shoulders. And those bypassing guidelines and standards of care are on their own anyway and have no one to blame but themselves.
Lea
It seems to me people are being very harsh on those who 'fail' and decide to de-transition. If they truly believe they need to transition and then later realise it was a mistake then that is not failure. It is them finding the best way to live their lives. People de-transition for all sorts of reasons. I wonder how many people commenting on this thread have either only recently gone full time or have not even started. Perhaps you should wait until you have experienced it more fully, or actually started, before you condemn others.
I have been post-op for a three years, and transitioned socially a long time ago. There is nothing wrong with stopping transition, but I have an issue with people who lie all the way to SRS and then make it their business to "warn" people. I may or may not be qualified, but I condemn those people, whatever that means.
FYI, Dr. Bowers is now in San Mateo CA believe some said she is Colorado
Frances is 100% right...I condemn them too....
...these "ts regret" men are fiends. They build up some crazy fantasy in their heads... they transition, then they hate their lives...and they call it "TS" regret.."Sex change" regret!!! Yes they stupidly tried to change their sex!!!! You can't change your sex!! that's the fricking problem.....try explaining that to a cisperson..
It's infuriating that these men can go on the television and say what they say... they TAKE ADVANTAGE of us... they promote themselves on the back of our medical treatment...they lash out at us (esp Charles kane) and mock the idea that we are women...
They are like a boogeyman...don't end up like me!!! they say.....argghh...
And to a cisperson, it takes a great deal of effort on their part to understand how these men are different than us.
It's like a supercharged double shot of the BS we all face
I read those "regret" web sites during my "latency" phase, in which I came out to myself but it was too scary (2010).
I was still married... well, I can say that for me both are scary, either transition either stay as male. During the months
the second fear is bigger, and I think that I may most probably regret of NOT being truly myself than to follow my true self.
Fear is inevitable in a life changing decision...
...What I would not do is blame others of one's decisions, even if I turn back.
There may be people who regret SRS, but they should do blame themselves, not the "system"... when I read somebody
that blame another there is always something hidden he-she does not want to look at.
When somebody transitions with out ever doing the work of self discovery they are basically setting themselves up for a spectacular failure. I've seen it on this board, somebody who has never even been out in the world "dressed" deciding that they must be transsexual because the urge to dress is so strong. When those of us who have an inkling about what kind of world is waiting for them say something, we are roundly chastised for being "trannier than thou" and out comes the support brigade of equally naive people who pile on with encouragement and validation even though they have no idea how well this person is prepared for such a thing.
Next thing you know, they have come out to the wife and found a therapist to sign off on HRT even though they have yet to make a public appearance outside of a late night drive to a rest stop.
Clearly the beginnings of a successful transition. One of the worst traits of our community is this obsessive tendency to encourage and pander to anyone with a passing thought of being transgender. Transition is a brutal process and it should never be encouraged, only supported.
I agree. I see train wrecks waiting to happen on here all the time.
All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?
One of the most beneficial things that has happened while dealing with my GI therapist was her comment that "Oh I think mentally you transitioned a long time ago, and it would take a lot now to convince me you aren't transgendered. I also think you have a lot of issues to resolve that aren't going to be solved by transitioning"
So that's what I'm working on these days.
I work at not being actively predjudiced, but I have picked up something of a distaste for fundimentalist anythings these days - The "Me and Doctor Jesus are going to pray the gay right out of you" is probably one of the roots of some massive self loathing issues that I'm working out.
Melissa great post , but do you really think this?
" One of the worst traits of our community is this obsessive tendency to encourage and pander to anyone with a passing thought of being transgender."
I haven't seen that.
I am speaking from the perspective of a transsexual person, and I have found the opposite to the case
... I know I have hounded people that are not realistic about the views about themselves and transition, and I would say 4 of 5 times transsexual women give the advice don't transition unless you have to just about anybody that brings it up..
I would agree that there is another community of cd's and others that look at transition as some sort of achievement to aspire to..
I posted this in another thread but it belongs here too.
The failure rate is very low for TS women that transition and that is well documented. There are many post-op women on this site that are living happy lives as their true selves. TG/TS people are news fodder right now and people are trying to cash in on that ( Dreamer's link). When TG/TS people fight for their rights you'll see other groups and haters push back. The regretter in this case was one of the failures for whatever reason.
I did find truth about the suicide rates on his website though for TG people but not for those that have transitioned.
I can't be bothered to read about what went wrong with the regretter but it does raise questions about him. What was his motivation to transition? Did he have fantasies or was it it a great escape? Did he report severe GD? Was his life as a man so bad that he thought becoming a woman would be better? Was he after the attention of becoming a female? Did he lie his way through the gatekeepers (is that even possible?) If the WPATH SOC are followed mistakes like this should be minimal. Did he not notice how difficult this is during his RLE? Finally, he mentions people feeling suicidal after starting HRT and that should be a red flag to any gender therapist treating a patient. I think we all have seen people taking shortcuts during transition, not following the WPATH guidelines and rushing to SRS and that would be their own fault.
I see a lot of real suffering here on this board and it saddens me but we do urge caution. This regretter obviously caused his own mess and is now lashing out.
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