Inquiring Minds want to know / number 3

[FAB Forum Mods]

We once again have questions from our GGs.
We love all the input and we Thank You.
As always if a question does not apply just put n/a

Question
1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?


3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

[Jenniferathome]

1) Not regular enough to experience that. I always ask first so as not to infringe on her time. If she says "no" there is a reason, going out, friends, whatever...
2) The same. I'm the same guy.
3) NA
4) Never done that. Never will. Silly.
5) Beautiful? No. I see a remarkably changed guy who might pass a glance test as a woman. I do think the female me is attractive but I can't be objective about the male me. It's just me.
6) No. That's a ridiculous notion. Women can't feel threatened by a man posing as a woman unless they are super insecure. Just makes no sense. We are not women and not better looking than our women.
7) Chores are chores and not tied to gender roles. Share the load is the only reasonable thing. A guy can mow the lawn in a skirt if necessary. Or, he can mow the lawn, take out the trash, fix the car and THEN dress. How do you get a man to leave the pink fog? Kick his ass and tell him x, y, or z is his JOB, regardless of dressing. A conversation about chores before dressing can be a good route too.

[Caden Lane]

1) tomorrow is another day. Life is about balancing needs versus wants. And sometimes my needs can be out slanted by her needs and sometimes her wants.
2) I'd like to say the same, as I am the same person. But I do feel kinder and gentler when I'm dressed. So that's a tough one.
3) I stayed because I made the vow for better or worse. Even if she wasn't going to honor that, I was going to try. I also saw my marriages as obligations once it was clear Love had taken a back seat.
4) N/A - can't relate to that fantasy or fetish.
5)I see a mother version of me staring back. Let's be honest, look at my avatar. I'm not beautiful. But I am me. And I'm doing the things that my brain is wired to do. That in turn makes me happier and a better person.
6)preposterous notion. A woman would have to be über insecure to see me as more beautiful or as a threat to her femininity. Also, I refer you to the quote in my signature block.
7)communication shouldn't stop when the cross dressing topics stop. And gender roles don't define chore roles. Fair is still fair. Make concessions, make compromises. But do not compromise yourself. If it takes letting him do the yard work in sports bra and yoga pants, make that concession, if it's reasonable and neighbors won't notice. But it goes back to fair is fair.

[Judith96a]

1) Doesn't apply!
2) Doesn't apply either (don't dress around my wife)
3) As someone else said -"for better, for worse, in sickness and in health" - besides which it's NOT the end of the world
4) Doesn't apply either!
5) Beautiful? Depends on how you define beautiful ! Seriously, I see a woman and I like what I see.
6) No! That's just silly. Any CD who come out with that needs some head reduction!
7) doesn't really apply but... CD time = 'play' time!

[Nadine Spirit]

Ha, funny questions.

1 - Honestly, the couple of times it has come up, I do get a bit annoyed. I try to balance my desires, and while I dress regularly, that really means, generally 2-3 times per month, maybe a couple more if I am lucky. During vacation times it is generally more. But I have added these days up and it comes out to about, at most, 50 times per year. When I see 365.25 days per year, I don't see 50/365.25 as really balanced, it is far more in favor of days I dress as a man. For the record, this situation very rarely has come up, and if it has Jules generally has a reason behind her suggestion that I not dress, like we have to do something that day, and I follow her suggestion or discuss options with her.

2 - I treat her the same.

3 - NA

4 - I don't know. I don't know if we own anything that matches???? Hmm....????

5 - No. I see a guy. Unless I have been dressing for more than a few days. Then I kind of see a female. Beautiful though? Hardly.

6 - Gosh I really hope no GG feels threatened or is jealous of me. I don't see any reason why they should. Maybe I could see one area, that I work my little bootie off to stay in shape. I have one GG friend who has told me she is impressed with how hard I work to maintain my weight. But facial looks? I don't think I am anywhere near gorgeous. Really that thought is ridiculous.

7 - I have read of CDs like this, and I find it amusing. They wont do "guy" work, cause they are dressed as a girl, but then they don't like doing "girl" work either. Oh, okay, I get it, it is vacay time! Ha-Ha. Look honey, I am going on vacay, I am putting on a bra. Tres funny! Suggestions? Oddly enough... encourage them to dress more. At one time I looked at dressing as vacay, because I would dress and then only do fun or relaxing things. It made it so that dressing was my little escape time, and I longed for it. But then the more I dressed the more I realized I can't spend all of my time this way, and besides I am romanticizing CDing. I then began to force myself to dress and do regular things. Like shopping, or getting the car fixed, or yard work, or dishes, or laundry, or ????? And as well, I also forced myself to go do fun things while dressed as a guy. I think that so many guys stay closeted because it forces them into an escapism mode. They have to only dress, in the bedroom, by themselves, and no one can ever know. They exclude themselves from the world and create a "time out" for themselves. Then they think, oh well, I deserve this time off, and expect somebody else to pick up the slack. So, encourage them to get out, regardless of what they wearing, leave their work for them to do, and under no circumstances should you pick up the slack, that will only enable them. Okay, I am babbling now, sorry.

Thanks ladies, fun as usual. I love being encouraged to really think about things.

[Marcelle]

Hi there,

1. I only spend about 25% of my time en femme so it is not really an issue. My wife and I have discussed this aspect and she told me to dress when I feel like it. We normally discuss our social calendars ahead of time so if she is planning something for the two of us to do, I treat those as Isha no fly days as I prefer to do things with her "en boy".

2. I treat her the same as I am no different "en femme" or "en boy" with the exception of clothes and make-up that is.

3. N/A

4. We don't buy matching clothes period. We do share tops and shoes but never buy the same thing unless it is by accident. If that happens we just laugh and agree not to wear it at the same time.

5. Umm . . . no. One look in the mirror and it is glaringly obvious I am a guy to me and anyone around me. The closest I get to that feeling is "okay still a dude but from a distance you should blend".

6. With my mug . . . not a chance. I'll be the first to admit there are some stunningly gorgeous TG gals out there but this gal is not one of them.

7. My wife and I share everything outside and inside. Some things she won't do outside which normally involves the chain saw but then again I don't mind. Indoors I prefer to vacuum (love my Dyson) and cook. However I do all my chores "en boy" as doing them in gal clothing does not appeal to me. My suggestion would be to have a discussion as your SO is being completely unfair. Relationships are about shared responsibility in all things. If your SO won't listen to reason then I recommend you let him/her know that chores are done "en boy" vice "en femme" since girlie weekend precludes him/her doing anything whereas when he/she was "en boy" at least the outdoor chores were covered off.

Hope this helps.

Hugs

Isha

[Lorileah]

another walk down memory lane for me. As usual this is how I used to be when I had a wife/SO and considered myself a CD

1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.

I was annoyed usually

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

b- different and how? I was very withdrawn and sullen and would avoid talking to her

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?
Sometimes. Usually yes but only when I smile

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

No, why should they? I am not threatened by them. Well tere was this one time in a bar which I didn't know was a womyn's bar and ....

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

Suggest someone gets a timeout. In my life, nothing was gender specific as far as work went. Both my Wife and GF would roll up their sleeves and crawl in dirt and muck to help. I had less fear then so if I thought something was dangerous I would strongly suggest they didn't help (let me tell you sometime about falling off the roof on top of my wife...) Let's see what would my wife do if I acted that way...um...well there would be no food, my clothes would pile up, the lawn would be deep and we would get little notes from the HOA. As we aged though a lot of the mechanical and technical things were farmed out to outside sources. She grew tired of four letter words as I was doing the work. Funny though, I used to be the one doing the dusting and vacuuming but now that I am alone neither get done very often...just proves that two hands make lighter work

[Cindy J Angel]

3. That is a big one I stay because I got hurt at work and can not work. I am ret from navy and ehin I get my ss then maybe I can. I love my wife
She did not sign up for this so you can't blame her for not liking it.

7.when we both work we split the loan inside and out with me cutting the grass and doing a car worth but now I do all the housework the card work.

[ColleenA]

1) NA - she doesn't care much how I dress any time, since it doesn't interfere much with what else I do.
2) I treat her the same, although I ask her to treat me differently, i.e. appropriate to my gender presentation.
3) NA
4) Wearing women's clothes helps me feel womanly. Wearing the same item I know a real woman is wearing enhances my connection with women by a level, just as wearing a used bra I bought off eBay gives me an extra connection to real womanhood.
5) I try to minimize looking in the mirror when dressed. The only place I exist as a beautiful woman is in my head.

6) I honestly laugh when I hear any CD or drag queen state that they are more woman than (name any GG). To me, they are measuring themselves on one level only - and a very superficial one at that - how much they have glammed themselves up. I understand there is so much that is mundane in a woman's daily life that I have no desire in mimicking or "experiencing" - an unfulfilling marriage, crying children, rebellious teenagers, being unappreciated and underpaid at work, monthly periods and other hormonal swings, unrealistic societal (and hubby) standards of beauty, shopping, cooking, bills, shouldering the greater burden of aging parents, etc., etc. Forty years ago, when I started dressing, I asked myself if I might be transgender. I realized then, and have never wavered, that I am not cut out to be all that a woman is. What I say is that I would want to be a woman only if I could have just the good parts.

7) I concur with Nadine. It's so easy to let dress up time be vacay time or play time. But that doesn't cut it when you're dressing for anything more than an hour. If you don't get to sit around and eat bonbons, why should hubby's alter ego get to? "Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option." Hmm, look at what I said in #6 about wanting only the good/fun parts of being a woman.

[mechamoose]

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

I don't have room to answer the other ones, but I can say that my wife and I try to not even be wearing the same colors when we go out. If we find we match too much, one of us goes and changes.

Now, will she *borrow* a top from me? Sure.. but have matching ones? *shudder*

- MM

[Stephanie47]

(3) DADT means exactly that, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." I am assuming my wife knows I dress when she is at work. I do nothing to rub her face into something she is find confusing or objectionable. Since we have not had a long conversation about cross dressing in decades, I don't know what she really thinks now. Has she evolved? I'm sure she does not know of my extensive wardrobe, but, that's DADT.

Why stay? I really don't have any desire to live my entire life en femme. I enjoy being en femee on occasion. It is relaxing. I also enjoy being all male the majority of time. If I ever find the reason what started my journey, maybe I'd unfemme myself. My wife is a good girl. She has her own faults and past experiences that she is not proud of. I would deem myself very selfish to force my desires upon her.

Yes, my wife did not sign on for a girlfriend. She does not have lesbian tendencies.

(5) I see a woman my age. I do my best to avoid closeup mirrors. I prefer the full length mirror and the image at about ten to twenty feet. I know I look like a man in a dress. I remember not liking to receive a kiss from my 82 years old grandmother because she had whiskers. I'm not fair behind, although I do take a close shave when getting en femme.

[Laura912]

1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do feel? That has never happened but I would say sure and then make certain that I had not done anything with the dressing to disturb her.

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

Generally about the same but maybe I am a little less volatile and more kinder.

3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?
NA

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO?

NA

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

No. I see a well groomed woman who looks OK for her age.

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

It is not my opinion. My wife and I have joked that I do heels better than she does and there are some clothes that fit me better because of being slender and taller.

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

Get an arbitrator for both of you. He is manipulating you with the purge threat. Also, you are in a partnership and he needs to do his share. Of course, my response is based on the data you have provided.

[kendra_gurl]

1. I dress on average twice a week and my wife always knows in advance of those times. What few times she has mentioned any reason why it might not be a good time I'm okay with that.

2. While we are both the same people we were before I dressed I'd say that we try to do things slightly differently while I am dressed. That alone makes this answer we both treat each other differently


3. A really long time ago this applied and it's very simple. Love, commitment and family are way more important

4. I don't have anything matching to my wife. As for your husband perhaps if its just panties you could see it as a form of flattery and appreciation of how you look to him in them that he wants to feel as sexy as he thinks you are

5. While I know exactly what I see is an illusion, most of the time I am very satisfied with the appearance of a female looking back at me. I do believe for a lot of cd's they only see the clothing and the wigs rather than the whole package.

6. Not threatened or jealous of the whole look but yes there are times when my wife or other females have said they wished they had my legs or my hair or could fit into a dress like that. Not all at the same time mind you. but it does happen.

7. Sorry but this is more about your lack of self esteem. You are partners and its time you stand up and tell him if he wants a girlie weekend its got to be a fully girlie weekend and if he is not willing to accept that you will show him where giant size trash bags are.

[Katey888]

Fab questions, folks - gave me a chuckle reading them again... OK, here goes...

1) N/A
2) N/A
3) N/A
4) N/A - do think this is a little odd - but hey, whatever floats your boat...
5) Nope - I see me, looking somewhat feminine and maybe not bad looking, but not a beautiful woman... that would be insane..
6) I can imagine that uninformed GGs would be more concerned over the sexuality of their SO rather than the look... Why would a GG be jealous of a guy in makeup and a dress..? And not even a camp guy at that...
7) My suggestion: Tell him to grow up, man up and get a dose of responsibility - doing what we do does not preclude any of those things. Admittedly my circumstances are unusual, but I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, gardening, car and building maintenance, etc. - sounds to me like a big, fat, lazy excuse....

Sorry I couldn't have answered more - hope that helps - Katey x

[sanderlay]

Question
1) n/a

2) n/a

3) n/a

4) n/a

5) No. I see myself, not a man not a woman. If I look deep, beyond the mirror, I see my True self. The clothing helps me to feel and reflect into myself and show the world. Without the clothing, on my male body, without my jewelry, I don't feel my feminine side. My feminine is not acknowledged and she feels hidden, covered over. It's like I'm ashamed to reflect my feminine side to others because of some stupid social rules.

(FYI: I do not wear makeup. I'm not trying to present as a woman, but neither am I trying to present as a man. I'm trying to be myself.)

6) No. I'm not trying to be you, I'm trying to be me.

7) Chores go on no mater how you present or see yourself. No tasks is man's or woman's work. Tasks are not gendered. You may be more talented with certain tasks but that does not excuse you from them. Also be respectful of time, yourself and your partners. Work hard. That may mean wearing more practical clothes to speed along a task when time is limited. But don't use that as an excuse to not have some fun. Life is not about toil and misery. Put love into what you do. It will reflect back at you, your partner and your guests to your home.

[reb.femme]

1) If she asked me not to dress that day, I would do as requested. Would ask why though?

2) She doesn’t do physical contact when I’m dressed. She is hetero female so I can see her point.

3) Not applicable.

4) We don’t do matching clothes, as she always says it makes us look more like twins.

5) I don’t know about a beautiful woman but it’s not that bad either. I like my female appearance.

6) She definitely feels threatened…..NOT! Wife is 100% gorgeous in my eyes and I don’t hold a candle to her.

7) We share, although she does more of the housework than me. Either way though, I’m fully domesticated from hovering, washing, ironing and cooking. We grew up together (from mid teens), so we developed together. Sounds like your SO is from the Cretaceous period .

[Zylia]

1/4: No SO (by choice), so N/A.

5: Kinda depends on how much work I put into it and/or how dark it is. With the same effort, the average 'genetic girl' will look infinitely better. I think I look alright for a dude who's trying to look like a lady though, but feel free to rip me a new one the next time I post a picture.

Edit: after reading a few other reactions and giving the question some more thought, I'm not sure if I should feel offended by this question. "Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?" What do you mean, "really"? I'm a guy so I'm an ugly woman? Do YOU (GG) really see a beautiful woman looking back in the mirror? Not everyone is a fashion model and I do my best regardless of my genetic 'handicap'.

6: Genetic girls in general? That's not what I think. Most genetic girls look better anyway, so it wouldn't make sense in the first place. However, the feminine beauty ideal is not the exclusive domain of those born with the right genes, ultimately some cross-dressers and/or transwomen will look better than some genetic girls by some standards.

7: Don't blame it on cross-dressing, blame it on him being a lazy bum. Some ass whooping is in order. If he can't dress and do his chores, maybe he shouldn't dress so much.

[samantha rogers]

1/ - Unsure. So far it hasn't happened.
2/ - NA I don't dress in front of her.
3/ - Its complicated...thats why I have a therapist...let me get back to you.
4/ - NA Seems silly to me, but then, I don't understand maid costumes either. LOL To each their own I guess.
5/ - Absolutely...though I probably need glasses...lol
6/ - Idk
7/ - Huh? I don't unerstand this question.

[Hell on Heels]

Question

1- N/A
2-N/A
3-N/a
4-N/a
5-No woman for sure, beautiful person maybe, but mostly I'm just surprised at the transformation.
I don't think anyone could possibly recognize me at a glance, and certainly not from a distance.
6-No, I'm more concerned that the GG's would think I'm foolish for wearing a dress and makeup.
7-This one is probably slightly N/A, we both do work, although I do work from home, she has the better wages, always has.
being the"closeted" house husband, if you will, there are no girlie weekends. However, I do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, house repairs, auto repairs, and yard work. Among a few other chores that need not be discussed. Doesn't sound so bad, right? Now add a second home to the list, guest house, and garden.
How do you get your "guy" to keep his duties up? I'm not sure, Put the toilet brush in his hand, point at the toilet, and say don't forget the second bathroom!
Then go change the oil in the car!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[ReneeTX]

Question
1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.

No problem at all. As much as I need my girl time, she also needs time with her man, and the children need time with Dad. Above all else, my family is top priority. I would be lost without them.

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?

I'm still praying and waiting for the opportunity to dress in front of my wife. Baby steps...

3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay? n/a

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

I wouldn't know, that has never appealed to me. How about asking IF that appeals to me instead of assuming that it does? I don't think the thought of that has ever crossed my mind. I'd likely catch hell for even thinking that was a good idea to begin with.

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

No, I see me, and I am NOT a woman. Really.

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

I think that if a GG is jealous or feels threatened by how I look, then that GG has issues of her own that she needs to deal with. My wife had self confidence issues and self worth issues that were caused by the alcoholic b_stard she calls her first husband. He did the world a favor and drank himself right into the ground. Together, we have both worked on those feelings, and it has brought us much closer. There is only one woman in our marriage, and I strive every day I can to make my wife feel special.

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

I don't give marriage advice, as I'm still figuring it out myself. All I can say is that my life and duties as a man have not changed. I fix the vehicles, I mow the lawn, the garage is MINE. And when my wife is working nights, I cook the kids dinner, I bathe them, I make sure they have clean clothes for school the next day. As a family, we are a TEAM. That is what I teach my kids. Everyone has a role to play. We all pick up the slack if someone's priorities have to shift temporarily, like when my wife is on a night shift, or if I'm volunteering at the fire station for the night. If I start to slip, trust me, she let's me know. The same goes both ways, as she is just as far from perfection as I am.

It's plainly obvious that you have built up a decent level of anger and resentment, mainly because of the way you word your questions, assuming that my answers are going to fit within your preconceived conclusion. I'm also not saying you have no right to be angry, because if I behaved the way I've seen some of the other husbands on here behave, well...I would not be anyone's husband anymore. I hope, with everyone's contribution, that you find the answers you're looking for. Good for you for having the courage to get on here and ask the hard questions.

[PaulaQ]

Once again, I'll reply from the perspective of a transitioning transsexual, even though it pains much of the TS forum when I say that!

1. By the end, before my transition started, I was *at best* morose and withdrawn when presenting as a male, which I frequently did to accommodate my wife and family, and to insure our safety in the tiny rural community where we lived.

2. The short amount of time my wife saw me dressed I treated her differently - she didn't want me to touch her. So I didn't.

3. N/A - we separated and are divorcing.

4. N/A - my wife would've absolutely freaked out about this, no way that would've flown with her.

5. I saw my real face - that of a woman - when I was dressed. I didn't always see it. I see it almost all the time now, after 7 months of transition - just myself, naked, coming out of the shower. There's still plenty of evidence I'm male - but when I look at my face, I see myself now, and like the woman who looks back at me. This is a real first, I always hated my image in a mirror, and hated myself. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Am I beautiful? I can't say - but I mostly like what I see now finally.

6. I think my wife felt threatened because my dressing brought up issues within herself about her own gender and sexual orientation that she simply wasn't prepared to deal with, as well as unresolved issues about her parents. I think it's possible that some of us might trigger some body image issue of their wife - a petite and very slender CD with a larger woman, for example, if she was uncomfortable with her size. In my case, I know that my wife is a beautiful woman, and that I'll never compete with her in terms of looks.

7. N/A for me. The situation seems quite unfair, and I don't really have a suggestion, except to perhaps try to communicate with your spouse to tell them that you are trying to find a compromise between "all or nothing", and that you are fine with their dressing - but that you need help, and that they need to pick up their share of the load - just as in ANY relationship where you share a home.

[mechamoose]

Apparently I missed some things I was able to respond to. That is what I get for sneaking in post checks at work!

1)N/A

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?

A: Kind of both. The 'role swap' thing happens a little more intensely, but its the same role swap. I guess my being more girly helps her be more male and if anything, she treats *me* more gently.


3)N/A

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

A; As previously mentioned. Ick. We aren't a person and their pet puppy.

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

A: Nope. But I like what I see.

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

A: I think that GGs are not really sure what to make of me, but as I have presented more femme at work, I have had more "Hello"s and chit chat from the ladies at work. Subtle, but I notice it.

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

A: Roles are parts to play. Each person in a relationship has things they do well and things they don't. Gender has nothing to do with it.

<3

- MM

[julia marie]

Questions 1-4 don't apply. Divorced and living alone, so no SO.
5. No way that I see a beautiful woman. Happy to look decent and hope that I still pass at 20 feet
6. If a woman is jealous of my looks she really needs help or a bag over her head
7. Being single, all chores are my chores, no matter what I'm wearing. However, it was that way before I got married and (split chores as needed) while I was married (without the en femme dressing). Haven't we outgrown the 1950s concept of women cooking and cleaning (and raising kids) while men work, mow the lawn and take out the trash? Note, if I don't don't cook I'm going to be awfully hungry, but at least I won't have to do dishes.

[Cheryl T]

Question
1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.
My Spouse has never done that but if she did then I would just accept her wish. There have been times when we have been out and I've asked her what else she would like to do, but she didn't feel well and wished to go home but didn't want to end "my time". I just told her there will be other days and we went home without either feeling cheated or hurt.

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?
A. I treat her the same. The same love, the same consideration.

3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?
Not applicable.

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".
I don't see the appeal of matching any of our clothing. Our tastes are different and we are individuals. We help each other to look our best and make suggestions but would never go out wearing matching anything. I just don't get it.

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?
No, there is no "beautiful" woman looking back, just an average looking woman and I'm happy presenting that way.

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?
I don't think any woman would be jealous of how I look or threatened in the least. My wife told me that she feels that way at times because I am slimmer and she feels I look better in some outfits but she's never felt threatened.

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?
I don't know about suggestions, but I do take care of all the "outside" items, car, lawn, pool, etc and actually when dressed I do more of the inside chores as well. I help with the cleaning, laundry, etc and she's always telling me that's her job, but I love to help.

Perhaps I'm unique...I sure hope so and I think she feels I am as well. I certainly know she is and I love that.

[Eryn]

1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.

This hasn't really come up because I don't usually dress unless we are going out. If she did ask this she would have a good reason and I would naturally go along with it.

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?

Differently. In male mode I'm her husband and a gentleman. I act accordingly. When dressed, I'm a female and her friend so I don't do the chivalrous things that I would do in male mode. These would be out of place for a woman to do.

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

There's a certain symmetry involved and perhaps the idea of sharing a common experience making it more authentic. I've not done this outside of a couple of items of sleepwear. We have different tastes and needs in other items. Occasionally we will share a clothing or jewelry item, but we don't have duplicates of those!

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

No, I see a 50something woman with a rather craggy face looking back. The fact that my initial impression upon seeing my reflection says "woman" is enough for me.

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

Very few GGs would be threatened by my looks! Some strangers have said that they admired my height or slimness, but that really falls into the category of polite conversation. They would say the same to any tall, thin GG in the same situation.

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

Not much of a suggestion from me. It's a fact of guy life that we're supposed to rise to every "mechanical" challenge that comes along. Stopped up drain? Guy job. Car won't start? Hubby will deal with it. Tree needs trimmed? It's the man's job. Broken computer/dvd/microwave/dishwasher/etc.? Same thing. Who drives when driving conditions are challenging? If a man can't handle these occasions he is looked down upon and not stepping up to the challenge is not really conceivable. There is a lot of stress being the "person who can handle any eventuality" and part of CDing for me is escaping from that responsibility for a time, at least in part.

In male mode I do these tasks because that is my skill set, not because they give me any pleasure which is probably exactly the same situation as women and their stereotypical tasks.