Two years on hormones. Two years this May living my life 24/7 as a woman. Two years, dressing, applying make-up (every morning) waxing and shaping my eyebrows, growing my hair, learning how to style it and doing the best I can, practicing walking, talking, sitting, standing, holding my hands, etc.., etc... etc... The cost, the money invested, the time, energy, psychological and emotional pain and suffering, gender therapy, the whole nine yards! All of that. All this I go through and have experienced over the last two years, the time, the energy. All of it!

Yet despite it all. Today, while sitting quietly waiting my turn at the pharmacist, not having uttered a single sylable (so it couldn't have been my voice tone) the girl at the counter says, "how can I help you, SIR!!!!!" That aweful word that makes me feel like I've just been shot with a gun or stabbed with a knife. That three lettered pronoun that insults me worse than if they had said, "f... you!"

I have a Masters Degree in Psychology, work as a gender therapist (I am not advertising here just stating a fact) and am as professional as they come. Yet I walked out of that place (having received my perscription for t-blockers) got into my car and blew up! I screamed, cried, yelled out at the Universe, "how much longer and how much more do I have to do before this stops?! What else do I have to do?!" I sat there filled with tears and emotionally distraught. It took several minutes for me to get myself together.

It's been a long time since I released that much negative energy. I guess the frustration and stressors of the last few days had their tole on me and I just gave in to the tears and emotions. I had to or I would have gone nuts!

Does this three letter pronoun cause an emotional reaction within you? Does anyone else or has anyone else had this kind of experience?

It's embarassing to write about and admit to you all; and yet I feel I have to. This is where I go to "vent." This is what I need to do for me. Hope you, my friends and aquaintances here on this forum don't mind. I sometimes need to explode and get things off my chest.

Transition is hard! Being Transsexual sucks sometimes! Gender Dysphoria bites the big one!!! That's reality. It's what we have to live with every day and sometimes there's nothing else that can be done except cry!

Paulette