connection between bullying and crossdressing?

[adrienner99]

I was born skinny, grew up in a brutal neighborhood, and endured a lot of bullying as a youth. Such an environment makes some young men tough and aggressive. It did not with me. Even today, I am not "tough," confrontational or aggressive. And I hate the pressure I have always felt from other men (and GGs) to have such characteristics.

So I have always wondered if my crossdressing, which started in my early teens, was some sort of reaction, or escape from the pressures of being male.

Has anyone else endured serious bullying as a child, and do you think it connects with your dressing at all?

[Jackie7]

Yes, skinny kid here, bullied in a rough neighborhood. Combined with my mother often telling me she had been expecting a girl when I was born, plus the easy access I had to her things - she used an alcove off the family bathroom as her closet and dressing room. Easy to run home after a bully encounter, lock the bathroom door, and escape into the girl side I was meant to be anyway.

But unlike you, as a young man I emerged very confrontational and aggressive as the best way to head off the bullies in the first place, and it took a long time to unlearn those reflexes and become the gentle soul I hope to be all the time now.

[Marcelle]

Hi Adrienne,

I was very small as a young boy and hence an easy target. Unlike some who all of a sudden get their growth spurt and take on the bullies . . . never happened . . . indeed still waiting for that growth spurt. So I first learned to avoid/run then I learned self defence. Bullying stopped once I hit high school. I don't believe I can draw a connection between bullying and CDing for me.

Hugs

Isha

[Milou]

Could be, I have a large history when it comes to being bullied. It might also explain my masochistic fantasies. So yeah, maybe.

[kimdl93]

The problem is in assuming cause and effect. Bullying happens to people who later cross dress but also to people who never consider it. And I would bet there are a fair number of people among us who bullied other kids or continue to be bullies today.

I was thrown off a horse...more than once..as a child. I cross dress. Are cowboys more likely to cross dress?

[Steph_CD_62]

I would have thought that being bullied might get someone to crossdress.

I was/am a skinny guy that does not like confrontation. I didn't think I was bullied a lot, but I know I was a little in grade school. As I grew older, I stayed away from all the jocks & jerks that might bully me.

I always assumed the reason I got into crossdressing was because as a teenager, I would look at women wearing lingerie and I would pleasure myself with different types of nylon.

But I guess it is possible that both bullying and pleasuring myself looking at women in lingerie started my crossdressing.

[mikiSJ]

I am like Jackie. When I started high school I was 4'10" and about 100#. I took my licks and eventually developed a reputation as someone who doesn't appreciate bullying and the bullying stopped. Fighting back worked for me, but I would not recommend it for every boy or girl who is bullied. Do what works out best for yourself.

I also agree with Kim that being bullied and later cross dressing are probably not linked

Remember, many drivers who has been in auto accident have had a hamburger for lunch and drove off afterwards.The hamburger did not cause the crash - running the stop sign did!

[Gillian Gigs]

As the expression goes, "which came first the chicken, or the egg?". As a child I was not very big for my age, and to add to that my parents started me in school early. So that made me the youngest in my class, as well as one of the smaller ones also. Between how I started off on this trail (age 4, abuse,etc), and the fantasies which lead up to my "borrowing" lingerie, the two are so inseparable that I can not really tell which had the most impact. Abuse, bullying, can either make you quick to run, or fight, I guess that depends on your inner nature. I was a runner until the last year of high school when I finally realized that the bullies would never stop until they were stood up too. It is not easy to understand what gets you started in CDing, it is easier to see what keeps you going. In my case it was being a loner, (maybe because of bullying), who found the pleasure of wearing lingerie, dressing up, and then later came the fun of playing with myself while wearing the clothes. Now here I am many years later, I stand up for myself and I have found my niche in what I like to wear...bullys be dammed!

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Sorry Adrienner , I was never bullied ; hence I cannot answer your question. Whatever your reason(s) for cding, please enjoy who you are & what you have come to be. I hope Adrienner finds her peace, mel

[5150 Girl]

I was skinny, smaller than most, non athletic (except for cycling)... I was a lone gear head in a high school ruled by jocks. I spent most of my HS career hiding form the jocks in the band room! (I played trumpet) Therefore, I was quite the target when I needed to pull my head out of the band room sand.....
However...... I really don't believe bullying is what created this side to me. I've always known I was different. There is a pic of me around here somewhere of me (about the age of 3) playing with a set of Grandma's peals, and a wig, I may have even has a dress on...

[samantha rogers]

Interesting...though I agree that making a cross the board assumption would be foolish - we are all unique, despite what we share - I do believe that there can be a connection, and have even discussed this with my therapist.
In my case, My parents divorced when I was young, and to survive financially ( long story) my mother moved us from a safe, wealthier area into a tougher neighborhood far away (a different country entirely, actually), where street fighting and bullying was rampant. She worked and so I was left most afternoons with a choice between being on the street, where being softer and foreign made me an easy target, or retreating to our apartment, which I usually chose. There, I found myself often venturing into my mothers room, and first began to try on her clothing. I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to make the connection that my GID, at least in some form, involves a search for a return to safety and comfort in the form of my mother.
Sigh...it always, in one form or another and to one degree or another, comes back to our parents, doesn't it. Maybe not. IDK.
For me, I am sure of it.
Though I doubt that is all.
Research I have seen has shown that mothers of babies during the fifties and earlier were given drugs filled with estrogen when at risk of miscarriage. My mother had a miscarriage between the birth of myself and my older brother (would have been a girl...tee hee), and so is likely to have taken these drugs. If I remember correctly, research has shown that high levels of E in the bloodstream of an expectant mother can interrupt the development of a fetal male brain at the point when "normal" gender identity characteristics are forming. Sigh...
But knowing this, though it really matters little at this point, was, along with other things, very helpful to me, at least, in coming to terms with who I am, and learning to accept, value and love that person.
I guess whatever helps is good, right?

[Sometimes Steffi]

I was bullied in school for a while in 8th grade. There were 2 guys who enjoyed bullyimg me, but one was the leader. These two were only in my electives: music, art and shop, and shop was the best place because the teacher often stepped out of the classroom, probably to get a smoke. One of my biggest fears was getting expelled for fighting in school.

Anyhow, one day in metal shop, I was in a really bad mood, because my shop project was all messed up. The teacher was gone. The leader guy came up from behind, put his hand on my shoulder, and said something to me. Without even thinking about it, I turned around and took a swing at this guy, and we got into a fight in the middle of shop class. I'd say the fight was a draw. I got a few licks in and came out relatively unscathed.

These guys never bothered me again. I guess they weren't interested in someone who would fight back. And for me, this was empowering. I learned that I could and should fend for myself.

BTW. I was already CDing before this happened.

[Jenniferathome]

Nope. I think you are reaching for "cause." You were born with cross dressing. Life influenced you somewhat but your predisposition was there.

[Amanda M]

I'm with Jenn here. I was bullied - because I was the "fat guy". It hurt - a lot. I just was not tough enough or brave enough, and tried to avoid confrontaion. As you can imagine, that never worked. Later on, when I had slimmed down, the problem seemed to go away. Still, though, I'd love to be able to tell you that I turned on a bully and thrashed him, but that would be a lie. Even now, I hate bullying. It is the resort of those who lack the intellect to understand that someday, they will meet someone stonger/more brutal/ better armed than themselves. Sadly, that is a trait that we might never breed out from the "macho" male. Or macho politicians.

Hugs, Jenn!

[samantha rogers]

Don't mistake me, Jennifer... I accept and am quite good with the "you were born with it, just accept it" thing... but I find that whatever helps is also... good. Being able to look at things and try to understand them is part of me,and who I am, too. Just the way my mind works... I enjoy solving problems, and puzzling over them for solutions. So, at least in my case, it does help.
I can't speak for others..of course....as I said, we are all unique (and all beautiful in our own way)... but if trying to find answers helps, how is it any different from anything else that helps?
It is all about trying to find whatever it is that brings us to peace and understanding with who we are, isn't it?
Some people spend their lives searching for spiritual truth, while others never give it a thought. Whatever works, I guess.
When I was in drama school (I am an actor by training), I used to run across teachers who were really expert in just one form of actor training. That was great... if it worked for you. If it didn't then you flailed around, gaining nothing. But others knew many ways to approach acting. They were capable of discerning that a particular approach was not working with a student, and then trying something different, until finally an approach was found that did work. In the end, all that mattered was creating a good actor. The approach did not matter, only the result.
I am really happy to support whatever helps any of us find our way to that goal of really being happy with who we are.
For that matter, even disagreeing about approaches is good, tee hee, if, in the end, it helps someone find that place.
Hugs

[Jenniferathome]

...I hate bullying. It is the resort of those who lack the intellect to understand that someday, they will meet someone stonger/more brutal/ better armed than themselves. ...

You got this this right. Karma baby. and thanks....

[CarlaWestin]

Yes, I too grew up as a skinny lightweight ..................... little Irish person. To this day, my wife has to be the negotiator because, I have no issue with taking out a moron.

[Katey888]

Grew up quite early as a teenager so wasn't bullied... Wasn't a bully either... but it's fair to say I wasn't massively confident as a youth...

No Adrienner - I don't think it's related to bullying.

I think it's cosmic rays...

Any new pics for me and I'll be swathed in cooking foil... but I suppose it's too late now - oh well...

Katey x

[Avrial]

I was bullied frequently. Everyone knew I was more quiet and passive, so I was an easy target. Though the insults were empty because I tried to not give them a reason. I have a very short temper, so push me a couple times, and I'm going to fight back... it got rough a couple times. They would back down, and the cycle would repeat every year with someone new. As for a connection to CD, I don't see it as direct.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I was bulled most of my life until I was out of high school. I wasn't the skinny kid like most here... I was the fattest kid in my grade, K-12 (though in later years there were some almost as large as I was.) I wasn't socialized properly at a very young age and by the time I was in school I was very socially awkward and was an easy target (I was also a target due to my weight.) I grew up clinging to my mother for comfort and security, I don't think it is any wonder I grew up to emulate her. I was also bullied by my own father, which sure could not have helped things.

It is ironic. I have always said I was a man ahead of my time, and today there are plenty of obese children, in some places they are the majority. Today, I'd fit right in, at least in terms of appearance.

[Tracii G]

I'm short so yeah I got bullied a lot in elementary, middle school and in the "hood".
Got into martial arts about 13 years old and studied hard and earned my belts.
Started high school and took care of business when the bullying started.After a few fights the bullying stopped.
I always hung with girls mostly because I felt more in tune with them.

[JamieTG]

I starting trying on girls clothes at age 5, well before the teasing and bullying which was during junior high and high school. Because I was the youngest in my class and very late in physical development, I was afraid to fight back or even speak up for myself. Its caused me to go through life in a timid manner which I always regret.

[sometimes_miss]

connection between bullying and crossdressing?

Sure; seeing that girls often escape the physical fighting could easily influence our desire to be a girl as a way out if we are the perpetual loser of all physical fights. I lived through that as a young kid, and saw a girl's life as much less painful physically. But that didn't make me want to be a girl, or think that I was supposed to be one, until other outside influences made me question what other things could have been interpreted to be as something that 'meant that I was really a girl'. You can find out more about this phenomenon in my bio in the writers forum, link is in my sig. Any questions, please write to me, because I don't always come back to re-read threads.

[Lucy Lou]

I understand what you are saying completely. I was always a bit effeminate, and was bullied from the first few days at school. I am artistic and I have written poetry from the age of about 15 and like romantic films and novels rather than action movies with macho men killing people and fighting.

I never liked football and was always into music which has been my profession for many years, with a couple of career changes to make ends meet.

Because I was what I am I never really fitted in and was bullied throughout my school times as I wasn't into fighting and being 'a man'.

So, then we come onto the cross dressing, which I first did in my teens. I think I was destined to do this anyway and I think that the dressing is not a result of it but maybe it could have added to it but not the result of it.

Big hugs Lucy Lou xx

[KimberlyJean]

I was a big kid and have been an alpha male and anti bully my whole life. No bullying happened. I am also pretty quick witted and good with verbal confrontations as well. I think my crossdressing is life's way of keeping me open and grounded.