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Thread: Do you wish to be a full transexual ?

  1. #226
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    Emily Latella responds:

    Oh, geez. Thank you so much Samantha! Seriously. Your response was considered and accurate. I would like to interject one 'however'. As one who knows: I cannot imagine anyone wanting to be transexual if they really thought about what was truly involved. I have strained or lost EVERY relationship I had in the world and had to begin again; some, I have yet to test.

    To paraphrase PaulaQ; At times, death would be a mercy. I still live this and I'm sorry anyone would have to experience that feeling. I see you sister.

    But we stand up, we persevere. Lorileah and I agree that we want to be respected for who we are, for what we have, and can achieve. She stated something to the effect that it would have been easy to not, but unpleasant. I cannot, not. I have to transition and cannot stop it for the life of me. Five years ago, the concept would have been inconceivable (and yes, that word DOES mean what I think it means), now surgery is in my future.

    Unless the entire OP was frivilous, then, never mind.

  2. #227
    Member SuzanneS's Avatar
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    If I understand the question correctly.....Good lord, yes, I would love to be a full fledged female.... Too much family and friends wayyy too close, though. If I could ever take it upon myself to just pick up, leave to a new part of the country, start completely over, where I wouldn't hurt anyone that knows me as a male, yes....I soooooo would.

    Suzanne

  3. #228
    Silver Member DebbieL's Avatar
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    No, since I first understood the concept of "Wish" I have wished I was a girl. Jiminy Cricket sang "When you wish upon a star" - I spent the next moth staying up so I could see a star and wish that I was a girl.
    Wishing on birthay candles "Wished I Was a girl". Wishbone of the turkey - wished I was a girl. Prayers for miracles - I'd pray for 4-5 hours every night - to be a girl. Every fairy tale was wishing I was a girl.
    Beauty and the beast - the evil witch had turned me into a boy - a beast. I'd look in the mirror and close my eyes and wish that I would open them and see a pretty little girl.

    Any TV show where a man and woman somehow switched bodies, I would try to find out everything I could about the fictional machines, hoping there was an element of H.G. Wells prophetic nature.

    I learned as much as I could about being a girl. I learned to cook when I was 6, to sew when I was 7, to help change my sister's diapers, to do laundry, to vacuum. I learned to crochet, then to knit, I'd help my mother line knitted coats. I'd read women's magazines. Most of my friends were girls, and those boys who were friends had to keep it a secret so they didn't get assaulted too.

    I searched the public library for anything related to sex changes, and found nothing.

    I didn't have testes. I didn't even realize that was unusual. When I was 10 my father tried to explain "the birds and bees", actually sexuality, in very technical terms. At one point, I asked why I didn't have what other boys had, and he drew a picture. He said mine were "up inside, like ovaries" - I lit up hoping that this meant that I really WAS a girl.

    For me, dressing up was the BOOBY PRIZE. When I dressed up, I would imagine myself in church or in school, as a girl. It was painful, lonely, and there were days that I would wear something to bed, hoping that my parents would see me in mom's slip, a nighty, or a teddy, and would want to have a serious conversation.

    When my testes dropped, I freaked out - because I knew that I would become a hideous beast - I'd grow hair everywhere, have a horrible low voice, and my willie would get bigger. I tried to shove them back inside, I pushed so hard I passed out in the bathtub. I tried to find books and periodicals about castration, how it was done. I tried some of the non-surgical approaches, including wrapping them with rubber bands, putting them in a vice, and puttting them under a 2x4 and hitting the board with a big hammer. I would pour hot, almost boiling water on them. I'd get the bathtub so hot it would blister my butt and legs, then sit down and hold them out so they would get the maximum heat. When the boys would beat me up and start kicking me, I would spread my legs, trying to get them to kick me down there so the doctors would have to remove them. I still don't know how I managed to be the father of 2 children.

    When I found out that I had a Bass voice, I become very self-destructive. I started hanging out with the druggies, got dangerously intoxicated on a combination of booze, pot, antihistimines, and after being misdiagnosed with epilepsy (actuall drug withdrawal) valium. In my rebellion, I learned about the hindu belief in reincarnation. I began to think "If I give this body up, I can come back as a girl", I became suicidal, playing "matador" with cars while walking on a 4 lane road that was poorly lit. I'd pick fights with short guys I knew would probably kill me if their friends would stop interfering.

    I wanted to die, so I could be a girl, but would I remember how much I wanted to be a girl? Would bad karma make a girl who wanted to be a boy? Would I end up in some country where women are treated horribly? How could I stack the Karma in my favor? The most horrible thought was that I would die and go to heaven (I was saved) and have to spend eternity as a boy! That would be like hell.

    What I didn't know, because my parents were afraid to tell me, is that they were trying to protect me from the "Cure" which involved frying my brains with electricity until I didn't care about my gender, and if that didn't work, they would do a lobotomy - this was the 1950s and 1960s. Even in the early 1970s, the media was torn. We had Myra Breckenridge and the Christine Jorgensen story - but we also had "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls", "Dressed to Kill", and "Freebie & the Bean" where beatiful transsexuals were psychotic killers or assisins.

    In high school I hung out with the gays and their women friends. I was hoping some of the girls were bi or lesbian. Of course, those who were had no interest in me. I enjoyed the protection of people thinking I was gay, but I also found it frustrating when guys would come on to me and try to seduce me as a guy, stroking my hairy arms or legs, loving my 5 oclock shadow, not realizing how much I hated these things about myself. A friend who had moved to a different school started inviting me on double dates with different girlfriends of his girlfriend. It was obvious that I liked girls, but it was also obvious that I didn't like anybody touching me "down there".

    When I went to college, I picked a school with 900 women and 25 men, so I could "be one of the girls" without having to worry about being hassled by men for being a sissy. At the end of my first semester, my dance class have me two magazines - one with bondage and fetish themes, and the other with guys dresssed as girls. The transvestite magazine almost made me sick. These guys didn't shave their legs, didn't shave their arms, a few even had 5 oclock shadows, and they were flat chested. She-male magazines weren't available back then (1974) and I thought they were making fun of me. The problem was that I also worked on the stage crew and even though I had "paid my dues" by cleaning out a paint well filled with sawdust, urine, a few dead cats, and things even more disgusting - then came back with a smile and said "What's next?". However, the boys on the stage crew took great pleasure in harassing the crap out of me. They would ask me to perform feats of strength that were actually dangerous. I got hurt several times. I wanted to work in the costume shop where I could sew, the school wanted me on Stage Crew.

    Sophomore year, I met a girl. She figured I'd be a fun "one night stand", but when I seduced her as a woman seduces a woman (something I'd learned watching adult movies and reading books and stories written by women about lesbian experiences), she decided I was a keeper. She was even more surprised when she tried to reciprocate and I winced in pain. She asked what was wrong and I told her I was a virgin. I became her lesbian lover for most of the rest of the year. She was very clear that I was more like a girl than anyone suspected. She kept my secret, because she didn't want any other girls stealing me away.

    I didn't want to be transsexual, I wanted to be a GIRL! A beautiful, sexy, bitchy, emotional, giggly, happy, GIRL! I wanted to be a WOMAN! I wanted my balls to be gone, along with the little vienna sausage hiding between them. for 30 years I sang a little song to myself "I have an itsy bitsy teeny weeny shriveled up and wrinkled peenee - and I wish it would just go away".

    I had no interest in hard drugs, and quit drinking and drugging in late 1977. However, if I had known where I could get estrogen and spirolactone (at that time I only knew them as "girl pills") i'd have done almost anything to get them. Probably a good thing I didn't since many of my closest friends had gotten AIDS and were among the first to die.
    Facebook - Debbie Lawrence
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  4. #229
    Curmudgeon Member donnalee's Avatar
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    If I were to (I have to admit the thought has crossed my mind more than once), I'd wait until a genetic solution is found. Surgery is for emergencies and conditions where there is no other viable option; I don't fall into that category (yet) and am precluded by both age and medical condition from doing so. I'm retired and my accepting SO passed 3 years ago, so nothing in that area would be a barrier, but at this point, I think not.
    ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!

    "The important thing about the bear is not how well she dances, but that she dances at all." - Old Russian Proverb (with a gender change)

  5. #230
    Senior Member 5150 Girl's Avatar
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    I would transition fully if I had the money!

  6. #231
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    Sometimes I wonder.... and recently I came to a conclusion that I do not really care of what my gender is.
    As long as I am comfortable - so be it.
    Would I go through a full transition if some instant magic pill will become available? Definitely!
    Would I do a modern-medicine transition? Most likely no. To much hassle and no guarantee for a 100% result.

  7. #232
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    Quote Originally Posted by JuliaM View Post
    SRS...no way! HRT, would love too! I have not problem mixing parts
    I agree no problem mixing parts I tried HRT but only got big nipples and little breast growth, settled for implants, very pleased with results.

  8. #233
    50's Housewife Wannabe Madilyn A.'s Avatar
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    I have no doubt I would have transitioned decades ago knowing what I know now. I would never transition at this stage of my life, but that Million Dollar Challenge to dress for a year would be right up my alley.
    Believe in the impossible dream, dreams do come true !!!

    www.flickr.com/madilyna

    Madilyn

  9. #234
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    I think in my case I would definitely say yes. If I were very much younger I would defilitly explore fully transitioning. But when I was 20 or so it was taboo and mostly unheard of. My problem is that I'm sitting on the proverbial fence, caught in between. I can take some half measures to feel somewhat good about myself like getting breast implants, but I also realize I'd be living in between genders. I think that today a full transition is out of the question. I would however like to be able to either fully accept that I am male or female and not have the doubts running through my head driving me crazy. So yes, I do wish I was fully wired to be transexual and just get everything over with and live a normal life not questioning.

    Cheryl

  10. #235
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    no i am a man but i love crossdressing

  11. #236
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    I love all things femme, not only the clothes. I am a soft and sensitive man. i am envious and admiring of the female way as opposed to male. I love to observe how "fem" women look and act, and not just from a physical attraction to them.
    Won't happen but if I could, I would live as a woman.

    Lisa.

  12. #237
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    Oh, dear girls that... "Would, But!!!!"... I'm 63 years old, fat, butt ugly, have a few health issues, and am reaching the end of my first year on hrt. I plan to do the paper change and begin rle in December or January. I've alienated half my family. As for friends, that would pretty much be the guys I work with, no real outside friends. I may not make it all the way to srs, but I've lived long enough pretending to be a man. It's my time to live now, and to hell with the rest of the world if they don't like it!

    As the old song goes, "I gotta be me, I gotta be me! To stand there and try; To do it or die; I gotta be me!"

    Leah
    Be nice; It don't cost nothing.

  13. #238
    Pooh Bear Judith96a's Avatar
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    Nope, I don't wish to be TS. I love cross dressing. I have been known to fantasise about having real boobs (and if someone invents some method whereby I could appear to have realistic boobs "on demand" at reasonable cost then I'd be at the front of the queue). But most of the time I'm perfectly happy to be a man.
    Of course, I can only speak for lil ole me!

  14. #239
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    I am taking everything all in phases right now, very soon planning on going to Denver, CO to do a male to female makeover, I haven't been on here for awhile, finances is what was holding me back last year but now my finances are alot more better, probably the point where I am at right now is as far as crossdressing is I go through up and down phases, it all depends on if I want to transition, am undecided on that, also I have noticed something different mentally going on since I have accepted and became aware of my female side, I am alot more self aware, also I am alot more aware of my surroundings and am able to read people alot better, also my interactions with people have improved alot, its even amazing how other people have noticed I changed to one of my friends told me I seem more self aware.

  15. #240
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    Since about age 10, I have I wanted to be a girl. Recently, after much discussion with my SO, I decided to get breast implants as the next step in being the woman I have always wanted to be. However, we have agreed that I won't go for full transition. So this is as far as I will go. I initially wanted to go for the full monte, but after researching all that is involved and the risks, we are both content with the overall body hair removal and my new breasts. I only wish I had started this while I was much younger.

  16. #241
    Texas gal sherri's Avatar
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    Do I wish to be a full transsexual? In an ideal world, yes (except for SRS). But in a less than ideal world do I have any intention of being fully TS? In a word, no.

  17. #242
    Transdrogynous Pïnk Lipton's Avatar
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    Not at this moment, no. I crossdress & am androgynous because I feel that my sex is an incomplete description of myself.
    I don't necessarily feel as if I was born in the wrong body, more so than just being restricted by my assigned-at-birth sex.
    The situation might change in the future, but at the moment I somewhat consider myself, more or less, a male.

  18. #243
    Junior Member LesliePinky's Avatar
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    Yessa verry but theres a catch i want to be a male too lol i still love women so my wish would
    Be like i wish i have 2 bodies one is 3 inches shorter , got a history of hormones before 13, and a b cup and a butt to die for, and the other one is currently my body hehehe

  19. #244
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    The other day when asked by wife I wanted to transition, I said I was not sure but didn't think so. That said, I have taken some bold steps lately. I played with a bit of herbal enhancement for a short while but without my wife's knowledge but I have fessed up now and we're mostly on the same page. I took enough to get the tingling and I think a bit of growth but most likely it just spurred on my existing moobs. I have been doing massage and am pretty pleased and I'm almost a 38 B now. My breasts seem prominent to me but that me because I'm pretty slim (lowest weight in 20+ years). I recently ordered my first bras online for use without forms (Barely There) and underdressed for most of yesterday and today. This is new for me. I have also been sleeping in soft things off and on with my wife's ok. I have a couple of dresses but have never been dressed outside of the house and a large collection of lingerie and stockings that wife has bought me from thrift shops or for valentines and birthday presents.

    Up to this point I have been more of a fetish dresser and my sessions with or without my wife usually ended in an O. But in these cases while thrilling, no release happened and I was ok with it. As I have mentioned in other posts, I had lengthy post vasectomy pain syndrome and I only have one testicle now. When I was in constant pain, I thought heavily of getting rid of the other one, however a vasectomy reversal ended the pain I'm the one I still have. Had the remaining one been removed it may have made the decision to transition a little more clear. Mostly since I have been hanging here and listening and learning about other's situations, I think I'm more confused than ever. Not sure where my journey is going and that is causing a lot of anxiety. I try not to be bummed about it but it does weigh heavily on my mind.
    Last edited by athena23; 09-11-2014 at 03:29 PM.

  20. #245
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Aren't we sort of missing the point here? Do you wish to be? Then the ideas of surgery and or whatever else. That is not what decides who is TS and who is not. Being TS is an internal thing. Not all will transition for whatever reasons. I assume most would want to. I would assume that if someone really wants to be the opposite sex they were born in, that would lead to being close if not fully on the TS scale.

    Personally, I don't want to be a CDer. That is challenging enough. I am just getting to a point in my life where I accept myself being somewhere in the middle of male and female. Give me the option to get rid of that, and become a solid cisgendered male, I would not hesitate.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  21. #246
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    Gendermutt, my H would say the same I'm sure. Being without the crossdressing would be his choice, too. No one with a right mind would actively choose to have a difficult life!

    I think maybe this thread is one of the fantasy threads common here, for I sincerely hope no one would WANT to be TS. For a start, these are women born in the wrong body - not men wishing they can have the best of both worlds. Trust me, we all want that, but I don't see many cisgendered women marching into surgery to have penises attached. We can tap into our masculine energy without one, thank you very much!

    If you're a woman in a man's body then transition is your only option as they haven't figured out DNA swap yet. But this difficult road isn't for those who think being a girl is fun! We're just people like you, and those who are one of us know this and they also know they have to transition or die. Having never been anything but in sync with my gender, I can't even imagine the feelings that women and men born in the wrong body feel. I'm just glad there are surgical and hormonal options available.

    But it's not a fantasy and being a woman isn't just boobs and pretty clothes. It's as tough over this side as it is for men. The reality would be incredibly disappointing, and while it's fun to wonder, sometimes you also have to accept your limits and make the best of what you have.

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