The Rose Coloured Glasses Experiment

[Sara Jessica]

You have done precisely what I have had in mind to do over the last few years. To go out shopping with my friend Diana following discretely in my wake to observe what really happens. Your social experiment proves what I have known to be true in my heart, that despite the pleasantries we experience when out & about, where we are seemingly treated as any other woman, when no one seems to even notice our presence, it can be a totally different story outside of our peripheral vision or earshot. Well done and very well written.

But I will also echo one of your points that despite what you encountered, the world failed to explode based upon the reactions of a few bad apples (and one very bad & unemployed one). Those people are outliers, exceptions, they are NOT the norm. True, most don't blink an eye at a TG person in their midst. Those who do can be a very obnoxious minority. Still, this is precisely the reason I scoff at those who claim to pass because things like this DO happen in our wake. Even when I convey being out and no one gave me a second look, I'm well aware of the reality of what may be happening behind the scenes. It helps not to be delusional about this subject but it also helps not to care in the least bit.

[ronny0]

What if the Victoria's Secret shop assistant's boyfriend is a closeted crossdresser and she came home steaming to him?

Isn't their a saying, "The Lady Doth Protest Too Much Methinks?"

For those that have no clue: It means that when someone denies something too much and too often, they're usually lying. They've done whatever it is they're accused of and trying too hard to cover their tracks.

[Shirley Anne]

Hi Isha

your observations dont surprise me, I think most people find crossdressing a bit odd but most just laugh it off or make fun off it, I think the extremists like the VS SA are in the minority. I used to have a woman around 50 years of age work for me who at the mention off CDs/TVs would go off on such a rant I quite expected her to spontaneously combust, I had a young apprentice work for me who used to have the same reaction at any mention of gays, while on any other subject they were both reasonably stable kind of people.

[NicoleScott]

At least two people commented about the judgement you encountered. Actually, you reported that your experience was generally positive, and the judgement was witnessed by your spy after you left, and not that you encountered it directly. It seems that your experiment confirmed to you what you already knew:
- some poeple are accepting of people who are different than themselves.
- some people aren't accepting.
- some people don't care one way or the other.
- some say one thing to your face and something different behind your back.
So what is more important to you, that people who disapprove of a CDers public presence tell you so to your face, or that you are treated as a customer should be?

[Jane G]

Interesting experiment. No great shocks. Plus one less Biggot, working in the Mall now. Working in a Naval dock yard, most of my life, I'm very aware that what people say in public, is very different from what they say in less public conversation, when it comes to gender discussions.

[Beverley Sims]

Nicole,
In regards to your question, I don't think Isha cares one way or the other.
It was just another of her nerdy experiments from a person who has an inquiring mind.
I am sure right about her realization of what people think but she wanted to confirm this.
When fault finding for a customer I ask all sorts of silly questions to establish where they went wrong, then I duplicate the steps that led to the fault.
It is all experimentation and you have to find out for yourself, not rely on others information.
I wasted five minutes engrossed in what Isha said, although I knew in my own mind how people act it was great to see confirmation og my thoughts.

Isha,
A great experiment, I applaud you for the detailed analysis and your friend for for supporting you.
It was a good ten minutes wasted as I went over it again.

[Bria]

Isha, as always I read your post word for word, and found it to be very informative. I don't go out to malls, only to a friendly TG nite out at Hamburger Mary's as I don't yet have the confidence to go out shopping (or maybe developed the requist thick skin?), so I will file this information for future reference.

I do agree with ronny about the ease with which some people discriminate against others who differ by appearence. I have a good friend that is only about 5' 2" tall, and it is ammazing how he developed a very thick skin as a youth in order to survive the abuse that he suffered. Trial by fire I guess, those who survive are str4onger, but what about those that do not survive?

BTW I noticed that the u is back in colour is it color??

Hugs Bria

[Jacky Aikou]

Isha, thank you for such an insightful post! Sadly, it just confirms what most of us have learned firsthand, but still, a very admirable sociology experiment. I've gotten a few "WTF looks" myself in my rare trips in public. I guess the best we can hope for at present is courteous tolerance. I like to think that outings by dignified people like you and others here will have an aggregate effect and eventually sway public sentiment more in our favor (or at least reduce the ignorant, unwarranted hate).
Hopefully that angry VS clerk isn't plotting some extravagant revenge against all CDers as we speak!
I imagine her opening a CD-friendly lingerie shop just to lure us in for the kill.
Coming soon to the Lifetime Movie Network!

[Dana M]

Thanks Isha for your informative experiment. Thanks also to your GG research assistant.

[~Joanne~]

I can't really add much that hasn't been said already but thank you Isha for such a great post.

[bimini1]

Folks will smile in your face and talk behind your back about everything you do at some point. Every time I read a post about some positive experience dealing with the public I have to wonder, was it really that positive? My own fairly rare excursions into the world en femme as well.

There was a story out of a Texas Macy's about an SA who was fired for refusing a TG entry into a dressing room after giving the poor girl a religious fueled tongue lashing about how evil she was. The news media interviewed said SA who said she'd do the same thing again.

[PaulaQ]

Isha, I have the same ability you have - the ability to largely ignore weird looks and other rudeness from people. I literally don't notice most of it. How do you suppose you developed this lack of situational awareness - handy though it is - with your military training?

In my case, I learned to ignore people staring at me because I've always been handicapped, I walk funny, and nearly everyone stares. It's unnerving for people who are with me, but I just don't even notice anymore.

It's an ability that serves you well as a CD, and were you to ever transition, not that you would, but if you did, it would serve you well there.

[LeslieSD]

That is such a wonderful experiment and report.

There are going to be people who are not comfortable with CDs in the society. It is a society thing and it has been that way for a long time. But I can see things are much better now, and people are educated enough to keep their opinion to themselves. Most people will treat you no different with respect. There are plenty of society pressure (PC or financial) to keep any discrimination at bay (e.g., the manager at VS), and I felt lucky to live in this time.

At the same time, it is wise to know that we are indeed read most of the time despite there is no negative reaction. Sometime it is easy to drink ourselves into the illusion that we are totally invisible while indeed it is not. I like to have such reality check once in a while.

Whether we care about what they say is a separate issue. I felt agree with most people here that we have lived long enough to not need to care about other people's opinion that much. I also like to see the reality as it is on whether I am totally passable or not (and other things as well).

Thanks for the nice reality check.

[julie w]

Isha you didn't say what you were wearing and how you presented yourself , were you trying to pass and dress to blend in
or dressed very nice for where you were as to attract attention

[Rachael Leigh]

Wonderful story and really a neat experiment, you know I have to say the SA at the VS store just doesn't surprised me. I think it helps me understand some of us gals who's SO don't understand. We are stepping into their territory a place we have no business in. As guys we have thought the same, we don't like women in our card games or interrupting our ballgames. It's a mans world in those places right? Look I wonder how it was when women first started wearing pants there had to be a lot of bad feelings from men. Now here we are invading territory women always thought only they had place in. So it helps me understand a bit. Thanks Isha

[mechamoose]

Isha, you are awesome

I think that in a lot of social situations, people say what is prudent, not what they really think. You tend to talk like your audience will accept. Your GG spy drew her out because she felt 'safe' talking.

'Safe'... what a funny word.

It is all relative, isn't it?

<3

- MM

[Marcelle]

. . . But I will also echo one of your points that despite what you encountered, the world failed to explode based upon the reactions of a few bad apples (and one very bad & unemployed one). Those people are outliers, exceptions, they are NOT the norm . . . It helps not to be delusional about this subject but it also helps not to care in the least bit.

Hi Sara . . . Exactly, the world did not come crashing down around me regardless of what happened in my wake. That is their baggage to deal with good or bad. Did they get a laugh at my expense? Probably but then again not really fussed as I already suspected people were.

. . . presence tell you so to your face, or that you are treated as a customer should be?

Hi Nicole . . . while I expect the decency of being treated as a customer from anyone regardless of their own beliefs, I will not get fussed if they seemed put off. If they are rude (as was the SA at VS) I would normally hold them to task. However that would have negated the experiment so, I did not. In the end, I am not fussed what people think about me so long as they are civil and pose no physical threat.

. . .In regards to your question, I don't think Isha cares one way or the other . . . It is all experimentation and you have to find out for yourself, not rely on others information.

Hi Beverley . . . You are correct I am not really fussed about what others think. The experiment was for me . . . kind of a personal growth moment.

. . . At the same time, it is wise to know that we are indeed read most of the time despite there is no negative reaction. Sometime it is easy to drink ourselves into the illusion that we are totally invisible while indeed it is not. I like to have such reality check once in a while.

Hi Leslie . . . I agree. It is important for us who go out to have a healthy appraisal of reality. It is reasonable to expect others to accept us, other to tolerate us and still for some not to like us.

Hugs all

Isha

[GretchenJ]

Hey Isha,

An excellent post as usual. I am at odds with it, because although you want to know the truth, I don't really want to know the truth if you know what I mean.. Classic case of what I don't know can hurt me, Once you got the report, has your confidence varied any?

Thank you for all you do, and for the contributions you make here !

[Rachael Leigh]

I wanted to clarify my comment, while I understand the rude SA at VS it doesn't mean I agree with her it's just by me putting myself in her place I understand how one can feel that way. It's just a lack of understanding us and just trying to let it go instead of being ignorant much like people are when it comes to race or other such things.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I think it was a great experiment, and you were very brave to try the medicine out on yourself.

But I also think the result is no great surprise. Many here think that teenage girls have an uncanny ability to pick a CD out of a crowd. I think differently. I think teenage girls have the same inate ability as everyone else (at least of the female persuasion) to pick a CD out of crowd. However, teenage girls, especially in a group, have not yet developed the social filter to keep their mouths shut when they see a CD, and wait until the coast is clear to start laughing about it. Women above the teenage years are sufficiently socially aculturated to keep their mouths shut until the coast is clear, and then have their laughs.

So, if you want to run a simple experiement about how you are perceived by the public, just find a group of teenage geirls. Then you won't need a surrepticious accomplish for your experiment.

[Jenny Elwood]

Death of a crossdresser

"Last round!"

"Shbarman give me anotherrzz."

Sue threw the shot down her throat and plonked her head down on the bar.

"Are you okay my dear?"

Sue looked up and could hardly make out the silhouette of a middle-aged lady through the alcohol induced haze.

"No!"

"What's wrong sweetie, what happened?"

"SShad ze whorsst day of my slife."

"Please tell me about it, maybe I can help"

"Shh got fired becaush I gave shome spervert a peash of my mindd. Sshe was buyingh a bra from thsee store I wash working in..."

"So how did you loose your shoes?"

"Sho I deshided to go home earlish to shurprise my boyfriendsh. Shnuck in the backshdoor and founds him on the coucssh, in my bestsh dressh and shome heelsh. I threwsh him with my shoez and came herez."

Befuddled Sue looked up at her new friend.

"My namesh Shue, what'sh your'sh"

"I'm Joan, but most of the time, people call me John."

"Aaarghhhh!!!"

Sue got a harsh sentence for strangling Joan. The judge was an underdresser...

[trisha kobichenko]

Hi Isha,
This is a great post, and something we all should be aware of. What you think you see is not always what is really there. And while behaving in a certain way to please others is not a very satisfying existence, it's healthy to remember that you are only paranoid if they are NOT after you. Keep up the good work, 'geeky scientist girl', looking forward to the next experiment.
Hugs,
Trish

[Marcelle]

Hey Isha ... Once you got the report, has your confidence varied any?

Hi Gretchen . . . No it has not. I have always suspected this was taking place in my wake . . . this was just the confirmation. I don't let it bother me because that is their opinion and to some degree their right (misguided as it is) just as it is my right to be out and about.

I wanted to clarify my comment . . . It's just a lack of understanding us and just trying to let it go instead of being ignorant much like people are when it comes to race or other such things.

Hi Leigh ... Excellent point. She may have been an intolerant but that could just be ignorance talking. As much as I don't agree with people who put others down (regardless of the situation) I do pity them because their life is small and hate fuelled by ignorance will only damage them in the end.

... So, if you want to run a simple experiement about how you are perceived by the public, just find a group of teenage geirls. Then you won't need a surrepticious accomplish for your experiment.

Easy enough . . . the teen girls/boy giggles, guffaws and rib nudging happens every time I enter a venue where they are. You are right . . . no social filters. But then again they laugh at everything and everyone who they think is funny. I don't begrudge them that . . . they are young and someday they will be the one in the coffee shop being laughed at by a group of teen girls/boys for whatever seems funny.

Hugs all

Isha

[mmdallas]

Thanks for sharing Isha, and putting yourself out there and reporting back. This was extremely interesting but not really surprising. I've never ventured out in public dressed up, but I can see how there would be many different reactions from all sorts of people. Thanks again!