State Of Euphoria

[Candice Mae]

This is a question for CDs that dress for sexual, fantasy, and fetish reasons. Are you dressing to present as a woman (not to be confused with wanting to be one) or is it just for the state of euphoria created by fulfilling your sexual, fantasy, or fetish desires. So in the end you don't need or have to dress, you just have to fulfill the desires.

[Lucy_Bella]

It's really not so much of a sexual thing but it's neither a gender issue .. Euphoria ? Yeah that sums it up for me..

[Michelle789]

I used to think my CDing was all just one big fantasy too. I got sexually aroused from CDing for years, from when I was 13 up until recently. Then something happened, my life came to a cross-roads. One where manning up was really starting to hit me in the face like it had never done so before. I have been single all my life, and this psychic that I used to consult was pressuring me into dating and getting married, and that's when the fantasy all collapsed. I started realizing that I not only hate being a man but I want to seriously be a woman and be treated as one, to the point of where I wanted to die and be reincarnated as one in my next life. I fired the psychic, and since then I'm discovering that this is no fantasy. That this is reality, that I might really be a woman trapped in a man's body, and that I might really need to transition. To go through with a scary life-altering transition, a fantasy that really sucks. I have taken baby steps by walking outside the door en femme, and am finding I really feel a lot better when I'm dressed as female, whether I'm in the house or out in public.

Now I'm just really scared. Maybe part of me wishes I could just go back to this all being a CD sexual fantasy. But part of me really desires to be seen and treated as a woman publicly, and although the sexual component still shows up sometimes, it's FAR less than it used to be and I don't seem to miss the sexual part.

[Beverley Sims]

Candice,
I have wanted to visit the state of Euphoria for years, they keep telling me it's somewhere east of New England and if you keep traveling it is just before you get to Washington State, on the other side of the world.

To answer the question, I don't wish to be a woman any more but I think it maybe a fetish desire I can not and do not want to shake off.

As I have said before, not too much deep thinking happens here.

[Zylia]

I think, in general, it's the presenting as a woman part that fulfils the desires. While your question doesn't necessarily imply it, these two things are not mutually exclusive. As for me personally, my textbook case fetishistic cross-dressing evolved along the predefined path into a more stable version of euphoric cross-dressing without too many sexual thrills. The simple act of wearing women's clothes or imagining myself as a woman does not arouse me like, say, actual physical stimulation or watching porn, it just makes me feel good, which probably still is some kind of physical reaction. I also enjoy the challenge of trying to look better every time. These things cannot be replaced by any other way to fulfil my sexual needs.

A few things I like to point out: I started early, I had my first experiences and urges before I was old enough to know what sexuality even meant. By the time I actually found out that there was a sexual component to it, it hit me like a brick wall. Suffice to say these are not the things they tell you in elementary school. It also comes to show that fetishistic cross-dressing (or non-dysphoric cross-dressing) is not one or even two dimensional: I like to think I have a pretty decent presentation, not overly sexualised, and the idea of involving cross-dressing in actual sexual acts does not appeal to me at all (and believe me, I get plenty requests).

As for gender identity, I believe I'm clearly on the man-side of things, but I don't want to be a woman as much as I don't want to be a burly macho man.

[sometimes_miss]

I'm not sure where I fit; but basically, when I'm dressed as a normal guy, I'm stuck with the underlying feeling like I'm really a girl who's just acting the part of a man; so it's the guy clothes which are the 'costume', and the girl clothes which feel appropriate, normal. All the feminine stuff, clothes, shoes, jewelry, wig, provide visual and tactile feedback which support the concept that I'm actually a female, and I feel normal that way. Sexual fantasies sort of flip flop; sometimes I'm the guy with a girl, sometimes I'm a girl with a girl. Either way, I'm the passive partner in the fantasy, which makes real life sexual encounters a bit of mental gymnastics, having to do one thing while actually thinking that something else is happening. It's made for a really screwed up life.

[Tami Monroe]

I am not going to lie and say that crossdresing has held no sexual pull on me. I feel that when I am dressed that I am a sexual being as well. When I get dressed, especially after a long period of time, I get seriously sexually aroused. I think it goes with the territory. If I am wrong, please correct me. I know that when I am dressed I feel like a woman who has desires.

[Katey888]

Candice,
I guess "sexual, fantasy, and fetish" must cover all of us non-TS CDs? Isn't the fantasy part tautological as we're not women or believe we are? It covers it for me...

Do I dress to present - yes, but not in public. Like Zylia the process of transformation and improving presentation is a real challenge and joy (unlike Zylia I've had zero requests of any nature so I obviously still have work to do... ) and to complete that with being dressed goes give me a feeling of calm and - yes - euphoria.

I'm not sure what you mean by your last point - but your question is another part of the "Why do we do this mad thing..." - I have no bloody idea other than those regularly posted platitudes: It feels good - so don't worry too much about it. But I do worry about it... More and more I think for me the fantasy element is an escapism route; the physical disguise is a way of emphasising that and the feeling of calm is what I feel because I've covered up male me, my feminine side can project, and that side of me has no responsibilities IRL...

As a metaphor - guys go paintballing to pretend they are who and what they are not... I believe some find it relaxing and fulfilling. This is similar but a feminine projection that I can undertake as an individual exercise. Perhaps when we get together for a girly event, that's feminine CD paintballing..

It's a metaphor, nothing more...

Katey x

[Kate Simmons]

Many of us dress and assume the mantle of another person for the same reason Bruce Wayne becomes Bat Man--we're driven to. Somehow the personification of Bat Man gives him power to accomplish what he needs to do. Seeing as how the need to CD is part and parcel of many of us that is what drives us as well to our own personal "standards of excellence" in presenting as a woman. I've take it a step further myself in that I've taken that drive and converted it into a personal choice which releases zero point (unlimited) energy to accomplish amazing feats.

[Dana does shopping]

Is not crossdressing by definition and deed fulfilling a very strong and primal fantasy? To what end it serves each individual is and can only be conditioned by that individuals circumstance?

[Candice Mae]

Another thing I've been wondering about that is related to my initial question, is that what is the reason or purpose of your dressing? What is it that makes you stop from you regular routine and dress as the opposite sex?

[Zylia]

Another thing I've been wondering about that is related to my initial question, is that what is the reason or purpose of your dressing? What is it that makes you stop from you regular routine and dress as the opposite sex?

Your question kind of belittles 'our' form of cross-gender expression in my opinion, but I guess it's alright. Cross-dressing is part of my my regular routine. It's not in my daily routine, but it's part of me. If fulfils emotional needs and wishes, it's an expression of my identity or how I want to be perceived at that moment and I simply enjoy doing it. It sounds like you're wondering whether or not your reasons for cross-gender expression are wildly different than that of the 'run of the mill' cross-dresser (if there's such a thing), but I think you might be in for a surprise.

[carhill2mn]

At this time in my life I "dress" to present the best image of a woman as I can.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Candice, It is the excitement of seeing that lady in the mirror smiling back at me.

[NathalieX66]

Candice, for me, not these days. I am just simply me being me.

Sure I love to doll up and look sexy.

All I can say is with me, I wanted the ability to express both genders, and now I love it, I live it.

If I had to fill out a form that has a box for male and female, I'd write in another box below it and say "whatever I feel like".

If you get turned on by dressing up, then knock yourself out and have fun. We only live once....make the best of the life you have.

[Diane Edwards]

For me it generates a sense of relief. I do enjoy seeing the lady that is me in the mirror.

[mechamoose]

From what I'm reading, some of us want to present as girls, some of us *are* girls and aren't sure how to get our identity to align with what we feel.

<3

- MM

[Amanda Briegh]

For me I was first sexually aroused when I was younger but now, well I just feel comfortable, at peace with myself, and enjoy every minute I can be that woman I want to be deep down in my soul.

[Confucius]

I believe my cross-dressing is a form of synesthesia. This means my brain is hard wired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. So when I cross-dress my brain releases dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and a host of other neurotransmitters which produce sensations of well-being, pleasure, sexual gratification and bonding. It affects the reward centers of the brain, and thus mimics the addiction response.

During preadolescence my cross-dressing was not sexual at all. It just seemed to make me happy, like I had just won a prize, or made some great accomplishment. Once puberty started then it became sexual. I guess that was the effect of testosterone. In later life it was much more about comfort - the oxytocin was kicking in.

[marsha leanne]

Originally, way back when, there was a tremendous sexual element involved. Coupled with the idea i was doing something taboo. Later, i began to realize it was not just a game, but there was something very real going on that i did not understand.

A lot of confusion for several years as i dressed when i could, stealing time here and there, and trying to figure out what was going on.

Once I accepted this part of me, I was intriged and frustrated at trying to understand how this fit, where it belonged and what part of me was in control/

Once I determined that this and everything else WAS me, I became much more at ease, and comfortable,... and the sexual issue faded away.

To echo others. to dress, when I can, is now the norm. That is the routine and It is not out of the way.

[Marcelle]

Candice,

I guess at first there was a sexual component . . . at least before I came out to my wife. Now there is nothing . . . it is just clothing for me. I take on the mantle of Isha the same way I take on my guy side. Isha just has a better sense of style than boy me.

Hugs

Isha

[Teresa]

Hi Candice,
I mostly agree with Zylia but early dressing resulted in an unexpected sexual event that hard wired CDing with dressing and sex, that feeling has never gone away. I am enjoying Cding now to get me passed the point of just being a guy in a skirt, why we want to pass as a GG is a bit of a mystery but I do enjoy it. To be realistic it can't and won't happen full time, the husband and father are still needed but I sense I'm changing, since joining the forum the acceptance of another side and whatever the desires that drive it need time as well.

[Nikki A.]

I dressed when I was young before I knew of the sexual component. Later there was a sexual element to it. As I have gotten a better grasp of who and what I am I have times when it does offer some kind of charge, but there are times when it is just a feeling of it being just the right thing to do. There have been times when I've gotten dressed and decided to go back to drab because I just couldn't get into the right mindset. I don't hate my male side but there are just some times that my Nikki side needs to be her.
When I do get dressed up now, I try to present as a woman and that I should be treated as such. I no longer have the feeling as a man in a dress. Maybe that's why I am so comfortable going out, in that I feel like I am who as I present.

[RayanneA]

When I first tried on women's clothing, there was an immediate sexual component. Back then I think part of it was that it was "naughty", part of it was the feel that was so distinctly different than male clothing and part who knows. It was quite a while before I went from just enjoying the feeling to wanting to try to be more and more like a woman when I was dressed. And as time went by, even though I am attracted to women and don't find men at all attractive, I came to want to be attractive as a woman when I got dressed up--and it was men that I wanted to find me attractive. As time went by, the sexual component increased. I really wanted to be treated as a woman when I dressed, and if that included sex, so much the better.

[Claire Cook]

Umm ... maybe some of all of the above???