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Thread: Are you "ashamed" of yourself?

  1. #1
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    Are you "ashamed" of yourself?

    By observation,it seems that many members are in a "top secret" mode to do with their interest in "Tness,femininity,transsexuality,etc"[You fill in your own word that suits]. Many people are concerned that someone "that has a different perception of them" could find out..Internet interests,signing petitions,writing letters,etc COULD expose them...So my question is what exactly is the negative that is being exposed? How do you honestly feel about this part of you that draws you "to your dark side"? Are you ashamed? Embarrassed?
    It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !

  2. #2
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
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    How I wish that it could be possible to wear whatever we wanted to, without other people making a judgment about us.
    The problem is not confined to cross dressers.
    Hijab wearers are stereotyped.
    Hoodie wearers are stereotyped.
    ...

    The real person can only be determined by getting to know them, and most of the time, we are just lovely, harmless, normal human beings. As such a person myself, why should I feel ashamed or embarrassed?

    The shame and emaberrassment lie with the one who judges me.
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 04-17-2014 at 09:12 AM. Reason: comment removed

  3. #3
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    From my point of view, I find nothing wrong with being exposed. It's just the primitive conclusions that others are instilled with and their prejudiced, superstitious assumptions about crossdressers in general. Let's face it, there are very few success and full acceptance stories for those of us who've gone full time. Personally, I'm in top secret mode everywhere except at home and out in the general public where I can just blend in or be a novelty story for some strangers conversation. When I retire though, everyone will meet Carla.

    An added note: I'm not at all ashamed of being Carla. I'm really proud of it.
    Last edited by CarlaWestin; 04-17-2014 at 07:11 AM.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  4. #4
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Not at all Rogina. I celebrate the fact that I'm a full spectrum person and embrace it.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  5. #5
    Gone to live my life
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    Hi Rogina,

    Before I embraced this part of me . . . you bet. I was guy, a dude, a man and dressing up in women's clothing seemed counter to that. Now, not a all. I have come to accept "girl clothes" or "guy clothes" I am still the same man I always was but in a way a bit better because I have ceased hating a wonderful part of me. Do I run around handing out "Hi my name is Isha and I am TG cards"? No, but I don't hide who I am from others either. I go out dressed, I have come out to several friends and all of my family.

    Hugs

    Isha

  6. #6
    Member Jenny Elwood's Avatar
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    I don't feel ashamed but guilty. Before I get lambasted please note that what I am about to say is my personal opinion:

    I am still a Christian believer and I can never get past the fact that my wife may be right in expecting me to quit.

  7. #7
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    I sometimes feel a bit ashamed, but that's down to the fact that it's not widely accepted what we do

    Maybe "ashamed" isn't the right word, but every now and then I'll stop and think "What the hell am I doing?!"

  8. #8
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Like many of us, I grew up within the context of a belief system and a society that at least implied that gender differences were an aberration and "sinful". (Why it didn't make the top ten, I don't know). I felt guilty for much of my life. A healthy and more open attitude only became possible after shedding that guilt and the instilled beliefs. Of course, there will be others who insist that its "wrong" and seek to impose shame, but they no longer get to decide how I think and feel about myself.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  9. #9
    Life is for having fun. suzy1's Avatar
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    If I was ‘found out’ by my family, friends and the people I work with my life would never be the same again.
    This has got nothing to do with being ashamed, its simply called........... 'common sense'

    The life of a realist has its advantages

  10. #10
    Lisa Allisa's Avatar
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    Dark side? I can only speak for myself but I have embraced my femme self but I can't fight nature and deny my true masc. self. I also believe that self sacrifice for the good of others is a more femme trait thus my not wanting to "embarrass" those that I love and care about. I also work in a very masc. field and why add more grief to my life, I still have to survive in this world as imperfect as it may be. I shop as Al and have no trepidation or shame in trying on clothes, shoes etc.. and letting any one know that I am a crossdresser, what would be the odds anyone I know would be there or see me and if so I guess the cat would be out of the bag and the sun would come up tomorrow (sounds like a song).Well enough thinking for in the morning, lost my coffee buzz now. I hoped I answered your question in some way.


    Bye-Bye (Al)Lisa
    "you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
    It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.

  11. #11
    Shoe shopping shrew natcrys's Avatar
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    Not ashamed at all.. but also not blind to reality and to the fact that I and others that I care about will be negatively affected because of this imperfect and unfair world.
    │ Fashion and science geek!

    │ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nat.crys.5

    │ My blog: http://natcrys.blogspot.com/

  12. #12
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    I have been ashamed (just last night I was ashamed for trying a song that I had no right to try). Yes, early on when I started I was ashamed because I was told that it wasn't right. But I have been told that a lot about a lot of things. Now, I am not only NOT ashamed I am proud of who I am
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
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    Nez Perce



    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  13. #13
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    I agree with Lorileah. I was ashamed at one point in my life, but now I am proud of who I am.

  14. #14
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Sure I feel shame and guilt every once in a while. Mostly because this is a fetish for me. If I were to come out to friends and family I still wouldn't want to tell them it's a fetish. But talking about sexual turn ons is taboo for most people, even on this forum.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  15. #15
    Silver Member Annaliese's Avatar
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    I used to be, ashamed of my self, but I have shed society view of me, that has freed me. To be my self.

  16. #16
    Silver Member Stephanie Julianna's Avatar
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    You have no idea how timely this question is for me. Last night I inadvertantly left this site up on the computer and my wife read many of my threads ands answers to others. I have been applauded for my honesty and advice here and, as I have said before, some of you are making me feel like the Yoda of crossdressers here. I just recently found out I even have a small fan club in England. I am proud of my contribution here as small as it is. All that being said, she was very distraught with what she read and saw, not having seen a picture of Step in more then 30 years. Today is our 43rd Anniversary so the timing was not good. One comment she read was my answer about SRS in which I said I would have done knowing what I know now. She did not read further to see the caviate that I could only have done that not knowing my love for her, my kids or grandchildren. I tried to explain that all the qualities that make up the person she thinks she has loved over all the years has always included me as Stephanie as well. I'm a sum total of all the parts that I am aware of at this time since I am a work in progress. Sometimes I feel that I am a thousand piece puzzle and I have not found all the straight pieces (no pun intended) that make up the frame. However, while we had this conversation I promised myself that I was not going to sound ashamed or sorry for who and what I am. I'm done with that feeling. I don't fault her for not understanding my need to dress and to feel pretty at times. I don't really undertand it either and I probably never will. It's just who I am. I surely don't want to hurt her or my family by doing this but in my own privacy I have to be true to myself as well. She is worried about what will happen when we retire and have more time together. I'm concerned as well since I don't dress much as it is and money will be tight. But I figured it out before and I'll work it out again. I can't convert her into someone she is not anymore than I can change myself. So in answer to your question, "Ashamed?" Never! Concerned? Always.

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member EllieOPKS's Avatar
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    Ressie I agree with you. For me this is a fetish as well. I love dressing up and being girly but it is more of a sexual thing. As far as being embarrassed - That would only happen if I got caught and I would be embarrassed. In my situation, if I were ever caught it would be devastating. I would lose friends and family so I will keep things locked tightly in the closet.

  18. #18
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I would be embarrassed for some others to find out.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  19. #19
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Rogina - I'm understanding that having "dark side" in quotations is either tongue-in-cheek or a reference to the way the muggles perceive these drives and passions we have... And I'm with you there...

    In fact, it's those perceptions that have caused me to maintain my top secret existence (well - perhaps just 'secret' as I'm out to you lot!) - I'm no longer ashamed or embarrassed for myself... I'm pleased to say the past 5 months reading the positive, affirming, educational and often poignant threads on this site have brought me to a better (although incomplete) understanding of who - or what - I am. I would not feel embarrassed at all about supporting any sort of TG/TS rights via petitions, letters - even to the extent that I'm now thinking of how I can spend some time on charitable work here for the community... no probs at all with any of that.

    The secrecy is a barrier against my fear of what others who are not understanding, or worse, MISunderstanding of what this means to us, will think..
    Specifically, my dear wife, sons, family... I'm less worried about friends, strangely. And you've captured why already - because most folk do perceive this as a dark side - clearly there would be something wrong with me; I have a screw loose; not playing with a full deck.. or worse - I'm a pervert; a deviant...

    Fear - for me - is there to be overcome sometime - but not shame...

    Katey x
    Last edited by Katey888; 04-17-2014 at 12:16 PM.
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  20. #20
    Silver Member
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    I was terribly ashamed of myself. It was not acceptable, in my mind, to be one of those people. It went so far as to be very anti lgbt at times in my life (which was stupid since when I was younger everyone already thought I was gay!) - it was a lot of dishonesty with myself driven by fear of being rejected.

    When I was finally outed it was a huge shock for me and I really considered killing myself. But It ended up being the best thing that could have happened to me.

    When I look back at how wrapped up in fear I was it amazes me that I lived like that. Today I am very happy, free to be myself with no fear or shame about who or what I am.

  21. #21
    Senior Member Amanda M's Avatar
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    I'm not ashamed of myself at all. Why on Earth should I be? Look, I like to wear a dress. I like to wear my kilt too. I like to wear my jeans (a bit girly, mind) and a T and chill with my two best male buddies.

    However, there is a downside to being completely open, depending on your geographical and social situation.

    In my specific case, it could be the loss of some erstwhile friends.
    Loss of my income, such as it is, because clients are scarce!

    Other than that, what people might think, I don't really care. I have no other living relatives, except for my wife, who is fine with it.

    Now, that's OK for me. However, if I had a couple of young kids, depending on my job to pay a mortgage and keep food on the table, and was afraid that if my wife found out, my marriage would be over, I ratther suspect I would be singing to a different tune!
    If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!

  22. #22
    Junior Member Terraforming's Avatar
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    When I was younger, all I felt was shame. All I knew about transgender people was what I saw from the media, which was at best a laughing stock and at worst signs that I was a serial killer. Discovering online information and message boards really helped me in my mid teens, that and a growing acceptance from the general public. I still feel some shame when I get misgendered in public, but I've still got a long way to go, so it's okay.

  23. #23
    Junior Member sara lahna's Avatar
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    Ashamed, no. I my girl side between me and the SO because i have 4 young kids (8 and younger) and we live in a small town (not even big enough to be called a town) that there grandparent also live in and the are Jehovah's witness, that 2 of my girls are a part of. I don't tell people to keep there relationship safe. Some times it's a matter of putting others first then it is because of being ashamed.

  24. #24
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    I purposely used the term"dark side" to cover the fetish dressers. It sure seems like only those that have shed the shame and fear can be expected to "see the bigger picture" and hopefully support the "T" movement as best they can. If some of us can further this "T"cause,then the "haters,or angry mobs with torches and forks" will just have to find someone new to pick on. Many here fear the "perception" of their "T" ness by the main stream,so advocating for protections via education should be an easy one for forum members to support.
    It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !

  25. #25
    Member KittyD's Avatar
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    Nop not ashamed by having the best of both worlds! In fact I post myself up on YouTube for the whole world to see "The hoRRor" The way I see it, Its my life and my time and I can do what the hell I like when I like!
    I totally understand its hard for some to open up about it and for a time it was for me as well, but there has to come a point when you say "If I don't go for it now, I'll never feel whole or happiness."
    The video is called "Crossdressing behind closed doors." There you will see not only me in my MAN suit, again "The hoRRor" but an open and quite frank man making his/her way through life...
    What I do is pretty much unlike anyone else in the CD world and push boundaries... I wont put my channel link here because I'm not here to plug my channel, I don't make what I love to make money.
    I make them because it actually helps others out and gives them a boost to see another CD take the bull by the horns... My life, my time...my rules... :a

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