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Thread: Are you "ashamed" of yourself?

  1. #51
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Angry "The Dark Side is strong with this one!" So, yes and no.

    If my family and friends knew how I look and why I dress? I would find it extremely upsetting. Plus, I suffer my own inner shame from time to time. And, every time I go out unmasked. For an entirely different reason. I feel like a fraud!

    On the other hand? I'm not Sherry. I think of her as my fantasy, an illusion. Yet, when I'm out as her? The feeling of elation, power, and vanity can be overwhelming! With not a hint of guilt.

    Do I understand that? Maybe u can explain it, I can't!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  2. #52
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    Really interesting question, hard to answer for me. Depends on the environment I guess. I have come out to my wife, and we discuss in depth, so no shame there. it's just who I am and have been for most of my life. But what about our children...not coming out there for sure, or with co-workers, but is that shame, or just a healthy respect for cultural conditioning? Makes no sense to me to 'soapbox' my desires unless I know for sure that the result will make me a happier person. Short take is I am who I am, just careful about who I share it with.
    Hugs,
    Trisha

  3. #53
    Silver Member Joanne f's Avatar
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    Hello Rogina B
    There is no dark side to me as I am very happy with who or what I am but the a shame thing did hit me at one time when I exposed family to the backlash that you can get from other people although I have problems calling some of them people , I felt ashamed of myself for putting them through a selfish act which I lost control of and gave to many people to much information .
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne

  4. #54
    Member queenie's Avatar
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    A long time ago I used to be ashamed and afraid. I just count myself lucky that I got over that when I was relatively young.

  5. #55
    Junior Member Nadia Pinky's Avatar
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    I'm not ashamed of myself and proud for it also satisfied who I am but sometimes came to me some of fears if anyone from family and normal friends know my other side possible will take wrong conception about me also I afraid to someone from my family see my outfit for my crossdressers may will change their thoughts about me too even my wife.

  6. #56
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    I was once ashamed of my self mostly due to low esteem and no one to talk to about crossdresser but since I came out to family and friends I found my confidence and thought dam the world I will dress in what I like when I like

  7. #57
    Bitch, you ain't cute. Milou's Avatar
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    Yes, just kill me now.

  8. #58
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    If my family and friends knew how I look and why I dress? I would find it extremely upsetting. Plus, I suffer my own inner shame from time to time. And, every time I go out unmasked. For an entirely different reason. I feel like a fraud!

    On the other hand? I'm not Sherry. I think of her as my fantasy, an illusion. Yet, when I'm out as her? The feeling of elation, power, and vanity can be overwhelming! With not a hint of guilt.

    Do I understand that? Maybe u can explain it, I can't!
    Doc,As I have told you before,I consider you to be an "illusionist",and a great one at that!
    It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !

  9. #59
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    WOW! I have to dig deep in my soul to answer this one. I totally dress maybe two to three hours a month, but I underdress everyday. At work and with my family I am considered a person who has very little opinion, I care about others, but I don't care what other peoples beliefs are, I try to find a positive in everything and everyone and believe people should do what ever makes themselves happy. I am not the smartest person but I do have good common cents, a lot of co-workers or family will ask me for my opinion on things, and because I am a kind of jake of all trades I do help a lot of family and friends with there problems. I like to be looked at as the person with the positive attitude and only see good in people and a person who loves to help others, but that will all be washed away, and I will only be looked at as the person who wears women's clothing or he must be gay,etc etc. That is my only so called dark side, I will not be recognized for who i really am, I will only be known as the guy who wears women's cloth.
    Last edited by Maria 60; 04-18-2014 at 06:43 AM.

  10. #60
    AKA Lexi Read only sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    It's not being ashamed, it's avoiding potential problems. My life is difficult enough, I don't need to invite more problems, thank you. There are consequences to pushing the envelope of being different, whether anyone wants to admit it or not. Some are willing to swim against the tide, openly inviting more challenges, perhaps they believe that things are only worthwhile if you have to fight and work your ass off for them. Not me. I like things nice and easy. I've worked my ass off enough in life. I don't need anyone behind the scenes causing problems. That said, if I did invite more difficulty in my life, I'd feel like a complete idiot.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  11. #61
    New Member RayanneA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sometimes_miss View Post
    It's not being ashamed, it's avoiding potential problems. My life is difficult enough, I don't need to invite more problems, thank you. There are consequences to pushing the envelope of being different, whether anyone wants to admit it or not. Some are willing to swim against the tide, openly inviting more challenges, perhaps they believe that things are only worthwhile if you have to fight and work your ass off for them. Not me. I like things nice and easy. I've worked my ass off enough in life. I don't need anyone behind the scenes causing problems. That said, if I did invite more difficulty in my life, I'd feel like a complete idiot.
    That should have been posted in bright red in the biggest font you could find. We all do things that can't be easily explained to much of the world. It's hard to explain an interest in model trains or amateur radio so that most people can understand it. I can't imagine trying to explain to the general public that I like to dress up as a female. With today's social climate it is probably more acceptable to admit to being gay or bisexual than it is to admit to being a cross dresser.

  12. #62
    Silver Member gennee's Avatar
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    Smile Very Happy

    I'm happier now than I ever was before.
    I'm getting better with age. I may have started late, but better late than never!

    "Don't let anyone define who you are".

  13. #63
    New Member RayanneA's Avatar
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    Oh, and I forgot to answer the question that was the topic of the thread. I've never been ashamed of crossdressing. Not that I'm going to go out and tell the entire world about it, but at least to me it is not a bad thing at all. Now when I first got curious about having sex with another man, I had a feeling that I would be ashamed of myself if I ever did anything about it. (I wasn't but that's a story for another place and time). I have had enough year of life to discover that there is nothing wrong with being different and "everybody does it" or "nobody does that" are not reasons to judge my own life if I do the opposite. Like I say, I may not flaunt my lifestyle choices to the world at large, but I'm not ashamed of the ones I have made.

  14. #64
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    Discretion is the better part of valor. This has nothing to do with being ashamed.

  15. #65
    Senior Member samantha rogers's Avatar
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    Ashamed may be a word that applies to some, many, or even all if you count different stages they may once have inhabited, but I think you can honestly say that to one degree or another most are familiar with fear. The fear can be loss of loved ones, loss off work, fear of violence, loss of respect or simply fear of being laughed at or humiliated. There is a difference which is quite large between feeling ashamed of ourselves, and simply fearing real (even though sometimes overblown in our own minds) consequences of discovery in a real world that at best scorns, derides and laughs at us and at worst condemns us out of hand.
    Leaving aside those for whom fear of discovery is based only in knowledge of the difficulties it would bring to loved ones, among the rest not all are strong enough to weather such consequences. In my opinion, to judge or condemn those who are not strong enough to come out, would be to display exactly the same lack of understanding and compassion as is displayed by all those who mock, deride and hate all TG people.
    For me, one is either compassionate and supportive of others or one is not.
    I would hope everyone, at least within this community, is among the former.
    Hugs

  16. #66
    Junior Member Millie.Graham's Avatar
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    Yes, I am in top secret mode. Is it because I am ashamed or embarrassed by who I am? No, ai wrestled that dragon to the ground long ago. I have a wife and small childeren and unfortunately we live in a World that is not always filled with tolerance or understanding. If the world wants to judge me in a negative way that is fine, but that judgement doesn't need to be leveled against my family so I am in top secret mode only to protect them from people who may not have an open and understanding outlook on life.

    -Millie
    The glass is neither half full, nor half empty. It is twice as large as it needs to be.

  17. #67
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    I was very ashamed of myself for many, many years because of my feelings about my gender. My shame made me unwilling to examine these feelings, or even admit them until I realized I was contemplating suicide rather than face them. At that point, in February / March of last year, I knew I had to finally deal with this stuff, wherever it took me. I nearly let shame kill me.

  18. #68
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    I agree with Suzy1 completely. I'm really proud of Tina. I'm proud that when the moment came to acknowledge that Tina existed, we did so. I'm proud of the fact that I was able to be completely open to my wife as we uncovered Tina, and continue to do so. I'm proud of the fact that I understand just how important Tina is to me. I'm proud of the fact that my wife likes Tina, and has helped her immensely in her growth.

    But I'm not about to put all of that in an ad in the New York Times! LOL...and there are a number of such ads that I won't take out in the Times, because they are personal topics that are no one else's business

  19. #69
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    Been thinking about this since I posted; reading the replies and mulling it over in my mind...

    I guess I do feel shame because of all this.

    But it's only because I know there are a few people, who are very important to me, who wouldn't accept me being me.

    Not so much my usual cheery self...but I'm just being honest. I'm nothing if I'm not an honest woman.

  20. #70
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    I was never Ashamed of who I was becoming. Growing up and going through the changes I was experiencing was exciting and nerve racking. My parents were a little ashamed and my mother thought she went wrong somewhere down the track in her upbringing (of me). I think that was just due to not being able to understand her child and what they were going through. She didn't help herself when she told me that as the second child, I was supposed to be a girl, lol. Adding to that, I have Klinefelters. Giving me many Feminine traits.
    I AM a Crossdresser and I'm proud of the fact. I've never really wanted to be anything else. I don't go to work or to the shops dressed up because of shame, I don't do it, because not everyone can understand. Some people don't deal well with change and I respect that by not exposing them to something they candle handle.
    I'm happy and my wife loves me to bits and accepts me 100%. That's all that matters to me.

  21. #71
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    Thank you to all that answered! I tend to think a lot of fear is caused from the anxiety that the outed person will be painted and labeled by a broad,heavy brush!
    It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !

  22. #72
    Junior Member franny lin's Avatar
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    My wife can' t even excepted me so I don't think I'll ever be alright.

  23. #73
    Member KaceyR's Avatar
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    I've kind of thought similarly that what issues I have is more of fear of a few specific people and work. In a way, if I could dress while at work without derogatory effects and have job protections of not losing the job I probably would. Then the same goes with family/friends effects down in my mom's city. I don't want anything from the intolerant down there affecting her. Between her age, and the small town it is, it's hard enough for her to exist with the relative few friends. So I hide from the one direct family member and I don't dress when outside down there. ( I get some time over late nights as long as no visitors,etc. )

    I've gotten a bit of an attitude of just not caring much. Between depression over the decades of my life and no relationships, or marriages, etc), I just feel whatever happens happens. There's actually a good chance that I'll be out to the more intolerant friends over the next month or 2 and I'll just let whatever happen. They can't stand Kacey, then their loss.

    I do wish I had my own house rather than apt complex... Neighbors are kind of white trashy/urban more and more and since I really don't interact with them, I don't know what's their impressions. But again, that's kind of a fear of repercussions rather than shame.
    (As well...had wondered if I should discuss it with my apts management...again it's something I think there's no real protections if they would want to evict unfortunately. )

    One thing I do feel shame for... Is my laziness to learn better makeup
    Kacey Rhiannon - (FB Page) (Twitter)
    Bliss is your birthright! Feel Sexy Every Day!

  24. #74
    Aspiring Member Babbs's Avatar
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    ashamed, no way. proud? Pride cometh before a fall...pride is a tool of the devil...nope not that either...I'm happy, clap along if you feel happiness is the truth

  25. #75
    Member Kevyn53's Avatar
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    Having my other half confront me several months ago about comments I made about her not accepting me, it turns out she's 100% behind me. That being said, we live in a very small community (less than 100 people) and it would be very uncomfortable to try dealing with the locals if they knew about my CDing. In fact everyone around here travels up to 100 miles away just for groceries, so my wife and I have a discussion about where I dress and when. around the house is ok with both of us (in fact she's surprised sometimes to come around a corner and find me en femme). and we talk about where we're traveling and should I dress. We went to a classical concert a couple of months ago about 3 hours away and I spent the whole day en femme. Only it was about -20 degrees and we were bundled up in anything warm. Next concert, it's a skirt or dress.

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