Are you "ashamed" of yourself?

[AllieSF]

This question has been asked here almost as many times as the what color are your panties has. I see a connection of this thread with your other thread about why not carry the flag for the betterment of all.

From what I have read here over the last year and the last 7+ years that I have been here, these are some of the reasons, and there are probably many more:

* Some are ashamed
* Some are not out to their wives and fear discovery
* Some are worried about being found out by others and fear about negative repercussions at work, church, among friends and family
* Some are worried about the potential risk to their continued employment, which let's them live and support their families
* Some consider it a dark side of themselves, which is not to be revealed
* Some like me never felt any shame
* Some are the background supporters, voting for our cause supporting candidates and rights protecting legislation
* Some just live their lives without a lot of involvement in social causes of any type
* Some are drawn to their dark side because it is in their jeans, Ooops! .... genes
* and so on

As you know, people make decisions many times during each day of their lives. They weigh the pros and cons for most of those decisions. So, regardless what we third parties may think or assume, they are doing the best they can with the tools and experiences that they have. We really have no reason to continually question their actions, lack of actions and decisions.

Rogina, I just read your second post and understand where you are coming from and that you would like more of us to support the "cause" for the betterment of all of us, which is good and I support that concept, but your choice of words sometimes leaves me wondering. Are you saying that someone who is into the fetish side of life is on the dark side? The way you use it to me makes me think that bit is bad and should be on the dark obscure side. Why? Hell, crossdressing is thought to be on the dark side by some and that is exactly what you are trying to brighten up, so to speak. Why classify a fetish as dark?

In my opinion you are also probably unwittingly promoting that false belief of extreme danger when going out and instilling more fear into those that may actually want to go out into the real world and become on the ground ambassadors for us when you use that worn out and not true phrase about "haters, or angry mobs with torches and forks". It sounds cute but to me sends the wrong message to those that are struggling with the idea of going out or staying in. They exist, but not as mobs. They are more rare than common and send the totally incorrect warning that "They are out there so be very careful, or better yet stay safe at home in your closet". I encourage people to go out more because there are no mobs with pitchforks out there. Yes, be careful and watch your back. Learn and improve your street smarts, and if you want to, go out because it is safe and the majority of the general public just don't really care.

[Tracii G]

Ashamed? Not at all.

[Gwinnie]

I'm ashamed and feel guilty. Sometimes to the point of feeling sick over it.

Gwendolyn

[Michelle V]

I'm beginning to feel comfortable on my skin, only took 42 years. I'm only ashamed of not being strong enough to be myself out in the world, but I feel I'm growing and heading towards full acceptance with no shame.

[bimini1]

It seems like at times, the majority of us have felt some shame over it. Some have worked hard to get over it but it seems that is just part of it. I just try to look at the thousands of members here and tell myself there are a lot of other men like me. Even so, I feel so alone at times with this, based on the people I deal with every day.

I keep telling myself as I read various posts on this forum, if others are dealing with it effectively, then so can I.

[Gwinnie]

Yeah at times it seems my wife is more comfortable with it than I am. She asks why I don't dress around her more. I don't have an answer other than I'm embarrassed about it.

[reb.femme]

Not read any of the other replies as I write, but my real worry is for my wife. She works in a male-dominated environment and I wouldn't want her suffering for my additional presentation predilection. Personally, I can handle the flak.

Rebecca

[Tina G]

I've read the question, and read others replies. For some reason i haven't really come up with a straight answer but many ideas of my answer. 42 years old as of Tuesday and this is still something i deal with at times, but i'm moving forward now...

[Vickie_CDTV]

There is a difference between feeling ashamed, and fearing consequences of being outed. While some may overexaggerate their fears of being outed, there can be very real consequences for being outed, and there really are some people should keep it a secret. People can lose jobs, friends, family (things we need to survive), it may not happen as often as it once did but it still happens. I can't fault anyone for wanting to protect what they need to survive.

[Adriana Moretti]

for me its my line of work, which is IN the public eye....somebody else in my line of work was caught ( publicly) dating a cd...and he has since resigned because this type of thing is frownded upon within this community...can you imagine if you WERE a cd and got caught? ...money makes the world go round so I have to tread lightly...you would NEVER guess it's me...but I still have to be carefull. Im not ashamed...but I have to be careful.

[mykell]

ive wasted my crossdressing life feeling ashamed and since joining and i am sometimes jealous of the youth here as they have this resource that many did not have at that age and think wow, how my life may have been different if it was that way. i do feel in the broad spectrum of life i am normal now as the numbers may not be counted but think for everyone here their are some that still have not come out for fear of shame and embarrassment.

but now since joining ive told the mrs. going to renew our vows and i feel comfortable with were im at, i dont do as much as i would like with it (DADT makes some things harder) but i am still living a fairly normal life, when i have time to indulge myself in girly things i do, when i stop in store i look at or for things and admit its for me and feel that helps the public in general as the SAs put a face to us and see us more often. has to help us some... so ive changed my views on things and do think of us as a group and try to do something. would like to see us raise cash and fund or sponsor some charitable events as it would generate positive media attention. but that would be a logistical challenge im sure, so its just a little word of mouth from me for now....just not shouting it from the rooftops....

[Wanna be Heather]

Never ashamed. Just avoid people i know so they dont judge me. I am proud to be able to exptess myself

[Madilyn A.]

I had been ashamed for most of my life. Since joining this site in about 2009, I began to realize who I truly am. This site and the friendships I have gained here, have opened my eyes. I am content and no longer ashamed.

[JennyLynn]

I guess I'm not so much "ashamed" as I am confident I would be perceived as a "freak". I live in a small town and my proclivity to dressing would not be accepted around here if I were to be found out. If I am, well, I am. But, I don't take chances....mostly! If my wife found out, I do think she would still stay with me, but be a bit freaked out. If my neighbors found out, it would be supremely disruptive.
I would be the joke of the neighborhood.

[kendra_gurl]

The dark side of crossdressing for me as not considering myself to be anything other than a str8 heterosexual part time cd is not really being able to explain it to those who can't comprehend it. It's easy to accept it as a desire to justify to myself for doing it but like so many have already stated, it also affects anyone who finds out.

[darla_g]

If I was ‘found out’ by my family, friends and the people I work with my life would never be the same again.
This has got nothing to do with being ashamed, its simply called........... 'common sense'

The life of a realist has its advantages

this is how i feel too. Were i very open with my dressing it WOULD have negative consequences. But i am not ashamed, i am not doing anything wrong or hurting anyone.

[Richelle]

No, I am not ashamed of who I am or how I dress. When not at the office (I telecommute most days) or at a clients office, I mix items of clothing from both men's and woman's departments. And I proudly go out in my neighborhood with colorful nails and earrings when everyone knows that am a guy.

Richelle

[Launa]

I used to be ashamed, I hated this part of myself but not anymore. Now I love my dark side and don't want to be in any kind of a top secret mode any more.

Embarrassed about anything? Only if I trip in front of a bunch of people wearing a sequins dress.

[sanderlay]

For many years I was ashamed of myself because I believed it was wrong. This negatively affected my self esteem because I had a hard time loving myself. But like many beliefs, I had in the past, I did not take the time to read for myself. I just took a person's or group's word for it. But after much study and reading about others like me my beliefs changed. I accepted who I am and embraced it. I am proud of who I am and I'm out to my friends and family.

I currently do not advertize who I am on the web because I don't want the negatives. My friends and family know and that is enough for me. I drive my car, shop at stores, buy groceries, fuel and live my life. That exposes lots of people to a mixed dressing TG/CD. So I'm a walking example of what a person might look like and perhaps someone else might have the courage to go out and be themselves.

I'm not under any illusion of what might happen. I know what kids were like at school when I presented as male. I was still beaten up. But I want no regrets when I leave this life. I won't live in fear. I will dress to be who I am for those I see along my path.

[devida]

I don't remember ever being ashamed of the way I looked or dressed. Oh wait, when I was 16 and i quit going to a school with uniforms and allowed my parents to buy my clothes to my next school, then I was ashamed at my deplorable fashion sense. But ashamed because I don't dress, look, think or act like other people? That would be a full time job and I really don't have the time. I guess if I was kinky enough I could get a charge out of it. It could be kind of bdsm, maybe, but I was never really wired that way. But if you are, why more power to you, and I hope you're enjoying it. Cause if you aren't you really should stop it, dontcha think?

[MissTee]

Not embarrassed, but careful. Very careful.

[Lucy_Bella]

Do I feel ashamed? Yes !!

Cross Dressing is something I do it's not what I am or who I am ,it's a fetish.

I am ashamed because I dress not because I want to be that gender but because it makes me feel good.. I am ashamed because if caught some would think I was dressing because I was ,gay, or have GID or have a desire to become a female.. That shames me because I do not want them to think that of me because it's not the real reason why partly and it dis respects this community that I think that way..

I am ashamed that when I see others out and about I do not approach them and tell them I admire their courage ,I show no support unless they are in harms way ..

Yes I am very ashamed ..Honest I am..

[CynthiaD]

Nope, not ashamed.

Quite the contrary. I'm proud of who I am.

As for what others think, let them think what they want. I don't care.

That's one of the benefits of getting old. You cease to care what others think of you.

[mechamoose]

Is 'ashamed' and 'comfortable' the same thing?

I'm not ashamed, but I'm not comfortable.

<3

- MM

[Dani0948]

It's not really shame or guilt, but just plain fear. Katy hit the nail on the head.fear is a much more powerful motivator.